//------------------------------// // Chapter One: Hello Neighbour // Story: The Alicorn Next Door // by deadpansnarker //------------------------------// “...How the friendship ggrroowwss!” So a fully-grown Princess Twilight Sparkle sung the final refrain, as she and her now older friends left us in the final episode of the show.  “No, don’t go…” I blubbed feebly, already in hysterical tears from the previous 22 minutes of devastating emotional trauma. Why must good things come to an end? Well, not Teen Titans Go!. (Remember, I said good things). But there was nothing I could do, short of a pointless online petition. The Main Six together with a buffed-up Spike and Twilight’s new pupil Luster Dawn strolled off into the sunset together, and the same book which opened the show closed it forever.  I might’ve appreciated that clever detail a bit more, if I wasn’t already inconsolable with grief. But what I mourned was far worse than the loss of any meagre pet or beloved family member. This amazing show… that had been a regular part of my life for nearly ten years... which had even saved me when I was at my lowest ebb... was now gone for good. No more of Applejack’s homespun wisdom… Fluttershy’s sweet shyness… Rarity’s fabulous stylings… Rainbow Dash's unparalleled coolness… Pinkie Pie’s hilarious humour… Spike’s epic sass… And Twilight. Dear, dear Twilight. What would I do without her invaluable advice to help me through the endless abyss that is my wretched life? Forget the Bible, Torah or any lame self-help guide. All of life’s answers can be found in a garishly day-glo flash-animated children’s television show...  ...From the mouths of talking ungulates. Who’d have thunk it? “I-It’s not fair. It’s just not fair…” I cried into my extra-large Celestia plushie. “Why did you have to retire? If you and Luna hadn’t left your jobs, Twilight wouldn’t have taken over, the show wouldn’t have been cancelled and… I’m kinda acting like a crazy person aren’t I?” I didn’t expect her to answer that. Acting like fictional characters were somehow responsible for taking MLP off the air might’ve seemed mad, but right now I was looking to something, anything to blame for this gaping hole left in my heart (and viewing schedule). The fans for making it less popular than it used to be? The writers for ditching this modern classic for whatever the heck ‘Pony Life’ was? Hasbro for choosing to end it now to start preparing for G5 in a few years? “Ugh, my head hurts…” I threw down my now drenched giant cuddly toy to switch off the monitor, and clear up the assorted snack wrappers from around the area. “First, I’m gonna take a couple of aspirin. Then, it’s straight online for me to comment on what I thought of the series finale. Verdict: ‘An emotional roller coaster which had me crying with sadness and weeping for joy.’ I swear, if my quotes were put on movie posters, I could make a living from it! Then, I wouldn’t be the sad, unemployed sad-sack still living in his parents house that reality reminds me I am every second of the day… hello?” My pathetic expositioning had to be suspended for now, as a large lorry pulled up next door. I glanced outside with interest, knowing even before I looked what the reason for its presence might be. Ah, I see the new neighbours have finally arrived with their moving-in van. Well, whoever they are, they’re bound to be an improvement on old Mrs Miggins and her pet rat… sorry, I meant ‘dog’. She was always accusing me of stealing her newspaper or drinking her milk; and I’m pretty sure Towser didn’t like me much either. It’s a good job that little hairy mosquito was usually tied up, or my entire set of chinos would’ve chewed up long ago. Memories, ‘sigh’...  Still with a raging headache, my mind continued to speculate their identity as I made my way to the bathroom cabinet where the painkillers were kept. Maybe a family? Hopefully not, too noisy. Perhaps a single guy? No, he’d provide too much competition for all the babes ‘round here. Single girl? Nah, I’m not ready to make that level of commitment… wait, did I just contradict myself? I argued internally whilst getting a glass of water, before wandering back to the window to see a few big burly lads unloading the stuff inside. Wow, that sure is a lot of books! Maybe they’re planning on opening their own private library? I don’t know what’s under that cloth, but it seems familiar somehow. Like, an enormous table? H-Hang on a sec. Is that a crown? Are we having royalty move in? To this street?! Someone at Google Maps is sure getting fired tomorrow. I just can’t wait to see the look on His or Her Lordship’s face when they emerge from their carriage to f-find… Then, it happened. The following events took place (roughly) in the following order. Brace yourselves: Jaw… hit the floor. Glass of water… spilled everywhere. Aspirin… fell right out of mouth. (though, later on I’d check if I hadn’t taken a hallucinogenic by mistake). Yes, dear reader: what you are about to hear straight from the horses’s (or pony’s) mouth is no word of a lie. For no other than my four-legged equine idol, everyone’s favourite nerdish bookworm and Princess of Friendship herself Twilight bloomin’ Sparkle was the next sentient being to emerge from the overstuffed vehicle, fussing and fuming as she instructed the delivery men to take out her personal items with the due care and consideration they were worth. “Watch out with that cutlery! It’s solid, polished silver I’ll have you know! And that Starswirl The Bearded costume has just been laundered. Please try not to crease it!  Also, leave that Friendship Journal with me! The contents are far too valuable for me to entrust it to total strangers… oh, hi!”  Too taken aback to hide away, too astonished to proffer a proper greeting back, I numbly waved at the alicorn as she spotted me while doing her inventory. It’s good to see her back to her old size. She did look rather odd in the last episode. I mean, I appreciate we all have to ‘grow up’ at some point, but that was too much, and… wait, what the heck am I thinking?! I almost slapped myself, normalising this rampant insanity as if it were actually happening. Characters from TV shows do not just crawl out of the screen and move in next door to you! I must be having some sort of seizure brought on by the effects of the show I adore coming to an end. Yes, that’s it! This is some kind of undiagnosed PTSD. My parents will find me soon in a gibbering pool of drool and take me to hospital, hopefully before I swallow my own tongue… “Shh now. Don’t fret, My Little Human. Your problems are over. I’m here to help you, and as soon as my friends have finished with their business back home they’ll be arriving too. Just tell me what’s troubling you, and I’ll do my best to provide an acceptable solution. After all, I have nine seasons worth of experience to rely on…!” What the… why do I feel so warm and cozy all of a sudden? Where did Tara Strong’s voice come from? Where did Twilight disappear to outside? Just what on Earth is going on around here?!   To cut a long story short, the upshot of it was: Good ol’ Twily must’ve seen me looking justifiably stunned from her vantage point on the ground floor. Being a Princess who could never ignore a creature in distress, even a skinny hairless ape, she blinked herself to my side in an instant… Hence the warm wing-hug. And the soothing tones in my ear. And the lack of personal space (remember folks: magical ponies can’t catch Covid). A million different thoughts bubbled through my head at this crucial moment. I wanted to run away screaming. I wanted to hug tighter. I wanted to boop her snoop, tousle her mane, feel her horn. I wanted to ask her if this was really happening, and why everyone outside seemed quite comfortable with the existence of a talking four-foot winged lavender equine trotting about. But of course, that would be acknowledging any of this was real. Which I wasn’t ready to do just yet. Because therein lies the path to madness. So instead, I said the first thing that popped into my utterly overwhelmed cranium. “W-What a-are y-you d-doing h-here?!” Hardly Shakespeare, but I think you can forgive me for being slightly tongue-tied considering the surreality of the situation. Twilight took a step back, and observed me with a radiant smile. “Why, to answer your wish of course, silly!. When I heard such a heartbreaking plea of pure innocence, I just had to come down as soon as I could. Even though it meant suspending my reign, forsaking my full power temporarily, relocating to another dimension and persuading all my closest confidantes to come with me. Which took a lot of work and preparation, let me tell you. But it’s no sacrifice, for somecreature so desperately in need. We’re all here for you, Freddie…” I have no idea why, and considering what’d just happened the last few minutes it didn’t mean much in the great scheme of things, but Twilight’s faux pas brought an instant correction from me. “Freddie? Who’s Freddie?” “Why, you are of course, Freddie! Four-year-old Freddie White! You don’t have to pretend with me: I’m only here to help you as best I can, and…” Twilight seemed so happy and carefree it seemed almost a crime to have to correct her: but the fact remained… ...She was wrong. “A-Actually, it’s Eddie Wright. And I’m twenty-four. And a half.” “Are..are you sure…?” Twilight’s luminescent mood seemed to fade for a second, as she levitated a nearby notebook to quickly flick through. “Positive. After all, it’s the name I was born with. I even have a birth certificate that proves it and everything. I-I think it’s in the filing cabinet downstairs...” “S-So that means…” Twilight’s face was an unreadable mixture of a menagerie of expressions, none of them good. In the end though, they all seemed to settle on just one word to show their mutual fury… “SPIKE!!!!”