The Marvelous Misadventures of Oddball Scruffington the third, twice removed

by Twisted Brew


3-H34d3d Sch1z0phr3n1c L1z4rd

The Summer Sun Celebration; A day of history, war and triumph at the hooves of the former Princess of Equestria. It is a day of celebration, relishing in the defeat of Nightmare Moon, who once tried to bring darkness upon the land. This, the week before the celebration, seemed the most appropriate time to- not only educate- but to challenge students to seek out information and use creative thinking to figure out how such events could have been avoided. An exercise like this challenges one's mind and leads them to come up with their own ideas and theories using nothing but their imagination and problem-solving skills. In theory, this is a very apt way to promote creative thinking in order to resolve conflict for any creature willing to do so. However, sometimes creative thinking comes with a price.

"She who promises grace and warmth is the harbinger of scales and cold-bloodedness!"

And sometimes that price is actually quite hefty.

"The tyrant desires to roast us under her blazing ball of fire and plasma!" The hairless creature announces from his chair-made-pedestal at the front of the class, the sheer volume of his voice being enough to make most of his fellow students recoil in their seats. "She has handed us the bowl of punch and you're all lining up with your little red cups; eager to drink the precious, red marefluid bestowed upon you by the very one who is commencing with the turning of the age! Soon ends the rein of ponykind! The reptilians will enforce their will upon us!"

Celestia, former ruler of Equestria, is loved by all to this day. Even by the elderly mare who has been teaching at this school for so long. The graying, pink coated mare stands from her desk to reprimand the outrageous student, refusing to allow any further ill-speaking of their now retired princess. "Now you hold your saddles, young-"

Oddball's neck cracks as his head quickly swivels so that his eyes may meet hers, his gaze alone being enough to silence the mare and cause her body to tense as he raises an arm to level one of his wigglies in her direction. "You have been blinded, drugged by the radiance of your false-"

Clearing his throat loud enough to garner the attention of the whole class, including both the teacher and the monster slandering their princess, is none other than Nylon. The one pony who does not quake in fear of the singular biped among them holds his hoof up high. "If I may, for just a second?" All eyes are on the young colt, making him feel out of place and uncomfortable. Alas, he cannot back down now, less Oddball begins to sense weakness from him. "I would like to ask Oddball a question about his theory."

Still a bit shaken, Cheerilee takes a moment to calm her nerves and retake her seat before allowing Nylon to speak up, in hopes that he may be able to quell the beast standing before them all. "Yes you may."

Nylon focuses his attention on Oddball, who stands in place with his eyes glued to the colt. The biped is as relaxed as he can be, having lost most of the tension in his own muscles and returned to his natural, jittery state. Now seems like the best time to begin bucking holes into the furless creature's stories and, with any luck, derailing this whole thing so that they can get on with class. "If you really believe that Celestia wanted to become this great, reptilian overlord of Equestria, then why do we have Twilight Sparkle?"

The entire student body hones in on the colt as he asks this; less out of genuine fascination with the topic and more out of wonder if Nylon can actually get Oddball to submit. "It goes without saying at this point that she's been working up to her new position for a very long time and that Celestia was a driving force in helping her get there. That being said, if she was actually trying to do what you claim her to be doing, why so easily hand off her position to another pony when she already had the seat of power? If you ask me, it seems counterproductive to this whole 'plan' you're so aggressively suggesting she has in place."

Nylon's words successfully poke a few holes in Oddball's theory. At least, to anyone with sense. To Oddball, this matter of questioning is trivial at best. "The answer to that is more plain than you may believe, young slave."

Nylon's breath hitches in his throat and he goes to make a retort. "I'm not a-!"

"Silence!" Oddball screams out. "I have spoken!"

When the deranged human is granted said silence, he continues on with his explanation. "For you see! The reason why your false god has the hatchling known as Twilight on the throne, is to take attention off of herself so she may continue her work in secret." Nylon's head drops. He thought for sure that his question would at least stump Oddball. "Not to mention that Twilight still services Celestia's sexu-"

"That's quite enough!" Cherilee announces with wide eyes, moving from her seat to usher the human back into his own. "That was a very...in depth and...detailed thesis, Oddball. You may take your seat." Oddball reluctantly complies with the mare and silently takes his seat, if only to look back on the day she dared to not heed his warnings and laugh in the coming days.

She would learn soon enough...

"Moving on-'' Cherilee continues on with her lessons as previously scheduled. Most of her lessons now are fairly routine, with the exception of some more recent developments on the changing times. With their society growing steadily and becoming more inclusive, it's become imperative to share knowledge of the other creatures that now frequent Ponyville and make it so much more unique. Knowing more about other species has proven to help every creature to be more understanding as well as welcoming. New and exciting friendships are blossoming around the globe and the mare is personally thankful to be able to experience all of the new changes and the wonders that have come with them.

The bell soon rings, signaling the end of the school day. As per usual, her students were all too eager to charge the door. "Remember your homework, everyone!" She calls out hurriedly. "I want a one hundred word essay expressing your thoughts on how you feel about-" Her face sinks a bit as the final student departs. However, she simply shrugs it off and goes about cleaning up the whiteboard.

Upon exiting the small building, Nylon levitates his notebook into his saddle bag with practiced ease. He looks back to make sure the clasp on his bag is securely fastened. In his moment of blindness, the young unicorn bumps into something and falls back onto his flank with a soft 'umph'. Upon making contact, he hears a yelp and another soft thud. Giving his head a short shake, he looked forward to see what it was he had bumped into. In front of him, laying on their stomach, is a young diamond dog pup. She slowly picks herself up and brushes the dirt off of her tan colored fur and long brown hair. The pup turns back to look at Nylon with baby blue eyes, seeming nervous to be facing him.

It takes Nylon about twelve seconds before he finally registers what's happening and gets back onto his hooves. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to bump into you!" He nearly yells, the volume of his voice causing the pup to flinch a bit. It's strange to him how a creature that stands nearly two heads taller than him is afraid of somepony like himself. Even so, he lowers his voice as he continues to try and defend himself. "I was just trying to put my notebook away and I wasn't looking where I was going. Are you okay?"

It takes the pup a few seconds to respond, but she eventually nods and forces a reply. "I'm f-fine."

Nylon can see how uncomfortable she is just being in his vicinity, a feeling he sympathizes with all too well. He feels a little put off himself, but his curious young mind keeps him holding his ground. He's gotten used to seeing creatures of all kinds. Many species have started coming to Ponyville since before he was born, but diamond dogs are still something of a rarity, seeing how many of them prefer to remain underground. Forcing a small smile, he presses on in hopes that becoming more acquainted will help alleviate some of her nerves. "I'm Nylon." He says plainly, if also just a touch forced before motioning to the building behind him. "I attend Ponyville Elementary."

Looking back at the school in the distance, the pup seems to crumble internally. Turning her attention back to the colt in front of her, she takes a breath and keeps her attention on Nylon. "I'm Opal. I'm...kind of new."

"I figured you were." Nylon states openly, "Diamond dogs aren't very common yet, so I'm sure I would have recognized you otherwise."

Steeling herself, Opal begins making an effort to contribute to the conversation. An opportunity to make a friend is presenting itself and the last thing she wants is to squander it so soon. "We only just moved in nearby..." The pup reaches up and begins to scratch at the back of her neck with her head lowered. "Today was supposed to be my first day. I'm still too young for the school of friendship, so I'm supposed to go here."

Nylon tilts his head for a second before realizing what exactly is going on. "I'm guessing you got scared, huh?" The colt gets his response in the form of a slow nod from Opal. "I know that feeling all too well."

Opal looks up at him, her eyes wide with shock. "You do?"

Nylon offers his own nod in her direction. "It's hard going to new places, especially when you don't know anypony." He pauses for a second, noticing his mistake and taking quick action to correct himself. "Or, anyone, in this case. Sorry, it's still mostly ponies in there."

"It's fine..." Opal's eyes dart back and forth between Nylon and the ground. His kind words helped her some, but this whole situation is still very new and uncomfortable.

"Would-" Nylon gulps, doing his best to push out the words he wants to say. He struggled very hard at first, but everything changed when he made his first and- admittedly only- friend. Whether it was for the best or not is up for debate, but at the very least he can try to help give her a better start than he had. "Would you like me to help you?"

Opal's eyes finally rest on Nylon; he can practically see them twinkling as her body seems to swell and a small smile grows on her face. "Y-you...you would...help me?"

Feeling a certain amount of determination, Nylon nods. "O-of course!" He says excitedly, forgetting for a moment who he is and just how much of an outcast he continues to be. "It's Friday, so we have the whole weekend to help you get adjusted."

Opal's smile grows and her arms raise, her paws coming together and pressing into her own chest. "Thank you...thank you so much!"

Nylon can practically feel the heat coming off of her. The sight alone was enough to make his heart melt, but her joy almost seems to permeate his entire being. He feels like a pegasus, flying through the skys; care-free, daring and alive. "There's no need to thank me. I know it can be hard and-"

Opal flinches as a wad of mud hits the side of Nylon's face,cutting off his sentence as his head lightly lurches to the side. Letting out a sigh, the colt is reminded of his place and the euphoria from before steadily fades into the background. He reaches up and wipes off a majority of the offending material from the side of his face with a hoof. There's an all too familiar laughter far to his left. Paying them no mind, he refocuses his attention onto the pup. "It's even more difficult when nopony likes you..."

The concern that fills Opal overtakes any of her previous feelings of fear as she practically lunges forward to assist the colt, dragging her paw down his face over and over again, being careful not to scratch him with her claws. Her eyes are filled with worry as she tries to clean him, occasionally glancing at the small group of young ponies still cackling several yards away. "Why isn't anyone doing anything?"

"Just wait." Nylon answers plainly, knowing all too well what would be coming next.

Opal tilts her head in confusion, her bewilderment only increasing as an odd sound reaches her ears in the distance. She can't make out what it is at first; it almost sounds like something ripping or tearing. Not long after, screaming. Her heart races at the noise, her head jolting to the side to meet a rather bizarre sight. There was a creature she could not identify, a roll of duct tape gripped in its...claws? It was wrapping, whom she assumes is the ringleader of the group. The pony's accomplices had all but vanished, leaving the poor soul to the oncoming torment. Once the colt was properly restrained, the creature grabbed them by their mane and began dragging them toward a nearby flagpole- singing all the while.

"Oh, say can you seeeee~" The hairless creature, similar to her in height, then wrapped more tape around the pony's legs, this time wrapping it around the rope as well. "Your pain fills me with glee~" Tossing the roll aside, it moves to the other side of the pole and grabs hold of the rope. As it begins pulling, the flag descends, the pony attached to the other side rising as a result. "-and so proudly I pull!~" With a few more quick heaves, the flag that once flapped in the breeze now rests on the soft grass, while the pony that had assaulted Nylon was now left suspended at the top, whining and begging to be let down. "While you continue to scream!~"

"That's Oddball..." Nylon says all of a sudden, earning the pup's attention once more. His tone sounds defeated and weak to her, which comes as a shock. She wonders why he doesn't seem more excited that the bully is being punished. "He's...kind of my only friend."

The look Opal shoots at the colt tells him all he needs to know about what she is thinking. "He's...well, an odd one."

This statement is quickly proven as the feeling of warmth air pushes through the hairs on the back of her neck. A deep breath against the area causes her to nearly jump out of her skin and, in the blink of an eye, Opal has taken refuge behind Nylon. Peeking out from behind the colt, she spies the strange creature who is standing not even an inch away from where she had been previously, his body trembling as his crazed eyes refuse to leave her. There's a cancerous silence that feels as though its been dragging on for hours. Fear grips her heart as she continues her stare down with Oddball, who slowly tilts his head to the side.

"You smell of fear and ebony." Oddball says with no sign of continuing.

Nylon finds his own gaze locking onto Oddball's. There's something in the human's eyes, something he recognizes, but cannot pinpoint. He knows he's seen it before, but he finds himself at a loss. He wonders when he's seen that look before. It almost seems like he's trying to take in every last detail, absorbing every little piece of information he can just by looking at her. Unsure of what to do, he figures the next best move would be to introduce the two. "Oddball, this is Opal. She's new here."

Oddball's line of sight doesn't budge and, before long, he makes his approach. Steadily, he steps past Nylon before coming to a stop by the pony's side, eyeing the cowering pup who has now taken to using the end of the colt's tail to hide her face. Nothing happens for nearly a full minute, then Opal peeks out. The human reaches into his pocket. He rummages before removing the appendage from his pants, his fist closed. Slowly, he reaches out, his fingers still clenched. The pup can only watch with anticipation, Nylon doing the same with a craned neck. Not knowing what else to do, Opal very cautiously extends her paw, equally as closed as Oddball's. The human's free hand shoots out, grabbing the pup by her wrist. She lets out a squeak, Nylon tenses. The boy lightly twists her wrist until her whole paw is turned over. Sheer terror pilots her next movement, opening her closed paw. The hand hovers over before opening. Several clean, practically brand new, screws fall from his hand and into her paw. The pup's eyes follow the small building materials as they pile in. Seven little screws have been dumped into her hand for reasons unknown to her. Flabbergasted, she turns her attention back to Oddball, who's gaze seems to have never left her.

"Take these." Realization dawns on Nylon's face as Oddball says this to her. "Keep them. Hold them tight. They keep coming loose."

Just as Nylon is about to say something, Oddball's mouth becomes pressed against his ear. The colt jumps back, but to no avail. Oddball has his arms coiled around the colt's head. Nylon can feel the human sucking at the hole in his ear. He struggles to break free, only prevailing when the arms wrapped around him release. "Eww!" The colt grimaces, rubbing his ear with a hoof to get remnants of gooey saliva out of his ear canal. "Why did you do that?"

Oddball works his mouth around for a moment before turning his head and spitting out a small glob of mud. His tongue rolls around in his mouth briefly, as if examining the flavor. "There be gophers here."

With her meat shield now gone, Opal picks herself up and swiftly inches her way to Nylon. She is careful not to drop the screws that have been bestowed to her as she closes the distance between herself and the first pony she's spoken to. "Is this normal?"

"For Oddball," Nylon begins, examining the ooze that he had extracted from his ear now residing on the tip of his hoof. Lowering his leg, he wipes the slobber off in the grass. "this is actually pretty tame."

Nylon's eyes wander back to the small pile of metal bits that Opal is openly cradling. He offers her a quick glance before turning back to Oddball, who appears to be busying himself scanning the ground in an offensive stance. The significance of the short moment Oddball had with Opal is not lost to him; that is, if his recently constructed running theory is to be believed. With his eyes still glued to the now crouched human that's begun digging at the dirt with his wigglies, he begins speaking to Opal once more in a hushed tone. "Try not to drop those screws."

Opal looks back and forth between Nylon and her paw, clearly not understanding what has just happened. "Why?"

"I haven't lost my marbles yet." This earns Nylon a raised brow from the pup, to which he can only shrug in return. "To be honest, I'm kind of scared of what he'd do if I ever did."