//------------------------------//
// A Brief Trip To Chaosville 
// Story: The Human Incident 
// by Boopy Doopy 
//------------------------------//

Eventually, the five ponies were in the zebra’s cottage, taking much longer than they expected given the circumstances. Twilight muttered to herself the whole walk there as her whoopie cushion hooves farted every step of the way. Pinkie Pie couldn’t help but giggle at the sound, one that the purple mare couldn’t stop from happening no matter how carefully she walked. The fact that her friend had to giggle next to her made it even more annoying.
“Could you please cut that out, Pinkie?” she asked. “Poison joke is no laughing matter. I mean, look at you! You’re a balloon!”
“I know! It’s amazing, right?” she asked excitedly as she floated just above the ground next to her. “It’s so cool!” 
“It’s so cool, you say? How do you plan on eating like that, Pinkie?”
“Eh, I’m sure I’ll figure it out! Besides, since when does a balloon need to eat? That would be silly! Oh! I wonder if Discord could come up with something like that at my next party! Edible balloons! It would be sooooo much fun!”
“That sounds cool and all,” Rainbow Dash broke in, “but I wish we would do a little less talking and a little more walking. I don’t want to be on the ground a second longer than I have to be because of this poison joke.”
“Well, at least ya weren’t turned into sand, Rainbow,” AJ commented. “Ah mean, look at me! What am Ah supposed ta do like this? Ah can’t buck apples or nothin’!”
“At least your hooves are these- ugh!- terrible whoopie cushions!” Twilight angrily said as she farted her way forward. “This is so undignified! I’m the princess’s student! I shouldn’t have to deal with this!
“I still think you’re lucky. At least you can still fly. How am I supposed to fly with my head like this?”
“Yeah, well, Ah think both of y’all are lucky,” Applejack told her. “The more Ah think about it, the more Ah realize that it did this on purpose.”
“Of course it did this on purpose! It’s poison joke!”
“Or maybe she means the human went into the Everfree on purpose,” Twilight suggested. “I mean, it said it was going into the Everfree, and Lyra said it was psychic, so it probably knew this would happen and wanted to mess with us. Given how it acted before, it wouldn’t surprise me at all.”
“That’s a good theory,” Lyra agreed. “Maybe it’s doing this as revenge for you tying it up and trying to take its blood.”
“That wasn’t my fault! I was doing that for science!”
“It said it would run if you did that, and I told you you shouldn’t, so it kind of is.”
“Why, when I get my hooves on that thing, it’s gonna wish it didn’t run off!" Rainbow growled.
“Well, at least we made a new friend along the way!” Pinkie Pie cheered happily. “Where would we be if we hadn’t met Snowy Bumblebees?”
“Snowy Bumb- who? What are y’all on about?”
“Snowy Bumblebees! That’s what I named the manticore! Isn’t that right, Snowy?” As she said it, the beast bent down to accept Pinkie Pie’s petting, purring happily despite only being rubbed by balloon limbs. 
“You’re such a good boy, Snowy,” Pinkie cooed. “I’ll throw you the biggest party of all time, and make sure all the snacks and drinks are mayo. Doesn’t that sound fun?” It nodded at her in response, not really understanding much beyond the word mayo.
“Is Pinkie Pie secretly Fluttershy?” Twilight asked. “I can’t believe that thing is still following us. Are you sure you should be petting it, Pinkie?”
“Oh, Twilight, it’s just a nice creature that wants to eat mayonnaise slightly more than it wants to eat ponies. It’s not so bad!”
“It is bad, Pinkie. That thing can’t follow us.” With that, she turned around and waved her whoopie cushion hooves at the manticore, demanding, “Shoo! Go away!”
“Aww, come on Twilight! Just look at that face!” As she said it, both Pinkie Pie and Snowy Bumblebees made the saddest eyes they could possibly muster.
“Twilight, please, do not fret. Would a manticore not make a good pet? Before it into the forest you send, consider that against a human it could help defend.”
Twilight turned back to it to see it hadn’t changed its expression, and after a moment, rolled her eyes and declared, “Fiiiiine, it can stay with us, but only until we find that human.”
“Hurray! This is gonna be so much fun! I better start planning that party for when we get back to Ponyville! We can have two parties and combine them into one! A “Welcome to Equestria Strange Creature” slash “I Got a Pet Manticore” party! It’s gonna be great!”
“Sure, Pinkie, whatever you say,” Twilight told her sarcastically. “Now can you stop jabbering and keep an eye out for this thing? We’re gonna be so far behind in finding this thing by the time Zecora cures us.”
“I don’t know, Twilight,” Lyra started. “I’m kinda liking this whole having hands thing, even though they’re bigger than I imagined. I mean, I’m getting them all dirty, but I bet my grip on something will be super strong. They really only need to be smaller, and then they’ll be perfect!”
“Yeah, and I can stay as a balloon and float around and throw surprise parties for all kinds of ponies and strange creatures! I thought poison joke was supposed to be bad! This is the best!”
“Yeah, and what are you gonna do if you accidentally poke something sharp, Pinkie? Or what do you think Bon Bon would think, Lyra? You’re getting changed back to normal, whether you two like it or not.”
“Fine, be angry,” Lyra mumbled, rolling her eyes. “This is your fault anyway.”
“Yeah, well, at least I didn’t-”
“No need for anger, let me be clear,” Zecora interrupted. “You’ll get your cure soon, for we are here.”



“But yeah, it was nice meeting you all,” Archard told the group of three politely. “But it’s off to greener pastures for me now.”
“Wait, what? You’re leaving?” Fluttershy asked, confused. “Where are you going to go? I mean, not that it’s any of my business. I’m sorry.”
“Oh, you don’t need to be sorry,” the human told her happily, giving her a kind smile and moving up to pet her face and mane, feeling her purr softly as he did. “You’re so cute and shy, you’re even more adorable than Spike is!”
“Hey!”
“But I need to get going. There’s so much of Equestria out there for me to see, and I’m not gonna be able to see it all in this tiny cottage. Especially since I don’t know how long I’m gonna be here. I mean, after all, this could be a very vivid and lifelike dream. And if it’s not, then Twilight’s probably thinking of a way to send me back, which wouldn’t be cool until I saw everything. Like the Cutie Mark Crusaders! I mean, no trip to Equestria would be complete without them.”
“Oh, well, um, not to be rude, but I think you should stay here. I mean, my friends are looking for you after all, and I don’t want them to be worried about you. I mean, I’m not trying to be mean, but-”
“Of course, you’re not mean, Fluttershy!” he assured her, petting her more and watching as she purred. “I understand that you’re looking out for your friends. But it’s something I must do. I don’t know how long I’ll have this opportunity, and I certainly don’t want to waste it.”
“Oh, but Archard my man,” Discord started cooly, wearing a pair of sunglasses now and putting a paw on his shoulder. “Wouldn’t you rather hang out with me, your Uncle Discord? I’m sure we’d have a splendid time together! You could show me more of that wonderfully chaotic music, and tell me more about the creatures you call your friends. Plus, I could teach you about how to prank Twilight! Wouldn’t you like to know how?”
“Hmmmm… well… while that does sound like a lot of fun, I do want to meet other ponies first, soo…”
“Humph. I see. I guess I was wrong about you. Here I thought you were an interesting creature worthy of the title of “friend” that I was prepared to bestow upon you, but I’ve clearly had an error in judgment.”
“Oh, I’ll be back tomorrow Discord. You won’t need to wait long for me.”
“No, no. It’s quite alright. You clearly have things more important than I to attend to. I’ll just see if somecreature else wants to hang with good ol’ Discord here. It’s not like I need you in particular as a friend.”
“Of course you will! You’re the Lord of Chaos! Who wouldn’t want to be your friend?” The human gave Fluttershy a look, but the pegasus only looked back with confusion, not knowing where he was going.
“E-everypony would! As you said, I’m the Lord of Chaos! There’s not a pony in Ponyville who wouldn’t accept friendship from me!”
“I’m sure there’s not! Oh! I have an idea! What if you and I both tried to go out and meet other ponies?  We can have a competition to see how many ponies you can meet versus me if you want?”
“Yes, well… just because I can doesn’t mean I want to. I’m in the middle of tea with Fluttershy, which, as you remember, you interrupted. So if you’re a decent fellow and a good friend, you’ll make it up to me by spending time with m- I mean, helping me plan to cause chaos in Ponyville.”
“Okay, but only if you make more friends than me. I bet you can’t, even someone like you, Discord.”
“I see what you’re doing, and it won’t work,” Discord told him, crossing his arms and turning his head. “Although I must say, your methods of manipulation are quite effective, if not brutal. You almost had me for a second. Honestly, I expect better from you.”
“Oh, he just wants your company while he makes friends, Discord,” the yellow pegasus told him gently. “I’m sure you two would have a lot of fun together making friends with other ponies.”
“I see. You clearly don’t want me here, Fluttershy. Obviously, you’d much rather have tea with Spike than with me, because you’re obviously trying to drive me away.”
“Now Discord-”
“What if all four of us went together?” Archard asked. “I’m sure you and Spike could introduce us to some of these ponies, and then you’d be able to hang out with me Discord!”
"Hmmm... well... perhaps we can- Ah ha! I see what you're doing!"
"What am I doing?" the human asked without concern, wearing a dopey smile.
"You're trying to steal Fluttershy away from me! That's what's going on here! I see your plan, little human!"
"What? No, I'm not. Although I have to admit, she's probably the cutest and most adorable pony of all time and I kind of just want to snuggle her and pet her until the end of time, but I'm not trying to steal her from you. I just wanna go out and meet other ponies and see if you can make more friends than me. I still think you can't."
“I have a much better idea! What if I sent you to see Chaosville, little human? Doesn’t that sound like a wonderful idea? Seeing as you must not think I'm chaotic enough to hang out with, seeing how crazy you are.”
“Ooooo that’s a much better idea! Yes, yes, yes! I wanna go!”
“And go you will, since you’re such a chaotic little creature! You deserve it. I’ll see you again soon!” With that, Discord snapped his figures and crossed his arms, smiling smugly as Archard suddenly disappeared.
“Discord! What did you do to him?”
“As I told him, I sent him to Chaosville. Seeing how chaotic he is, he should fit in just nicely, I believe.”
“Bring him back this instant!” the pegasus demanded, putting her hoof down on the table angrily.
“Oh, all right,” Discord responded, rolling his eyes. “You’re lucky every second here is over an hour there, otherwise I’d leave him there longer.”
Once again, the draconequus snapped his fingers, returning the human to Equestria. However, gone was the excited smiling look he wore just a second ago, and replaced with it was an expressionless thousand-yard stare.
“So how was it, Arching?” Discord asked. “Chaotic enough for a chaotic being such as yourself?”
“Never again,” he answered simply. “I’m never going again. That was the longest day of my life, dealing with those bats. And that ice cream. Sweet Celestia, that ice cream. I never would’ve imagined mint ice cream could scream so loudly.”
“It is Chaosville, nowhere in the universe can compare to it, although Las Pegasus might be a close second. Let this be a lesson to you thinking you could decline my invitation to hang out and try to trick me into leaving Fluttershy so you could steal her from me.”
“Um, maybe you should sit down for a while and, um, rest…  is he going to be okay, Discord?”
“I’m sure he’ll be just fine. Chaosville isn’t that bad.”
“God, that ice cream,” Archard repeated, looking dazed as he stood up and slowly made his way to the door. “I’m just gonna go now. You two… have fun with your tea…”