Bucket of Apples (Speedwriting Anthology)

by applejackofalltrades


mmmmmmmmmmmmm lentils yummy. now:

It was quite an easy task. Grow beans. Grow beans. That's all she heard. Grow beans.

"Motherfucking beans!" Applejack yelled. "Damn it! Beans! Legumes!"

She kicked a pile of beans (definitely not magical) and huffed. No matter how many times she tried to grow the beans, Applejack just couldn't get it to work. No amount of dirt, soil, manure (which totally wasn't... homemade) or water would make these funky legumes grow. Nothing. At all.

Applejack bared her teeth and trotted in circles around the beans, singing the magic bean song. I don't know what the words are, so don't ask for them. Even that didn't help. Stupid beans. Applejack shook her head and threw her hat down on the floor on top of the beans. Suddenly, the ground shook, causing her to tip over and fall right on her tail. Silly Applejack. Get that vertigo checked.

"What the..." Applejack muttered as her hat rocketed sky high. The beans flew up, encased in fire. Applejack gawked, slightly afraid of what she was looking at but mostly... in awe....

"These are the most beautiful beans I've ever seen in my gol darn life!"

The beans responded with an ethereal whisper. Something about the dark lord and blood of her enemies. Applejack smiled and nodded. Yes, this was fine. A being made of beans materialized right in front of her. It looked just like her, only made of bean-y goodness. It even sported her hat.

Applejack had never felt such lust before. She stared at her beanself and smiled goofily. She just looked so.... delicious. Yes, delicious is the word I'm going with. Beanjack looked... delicious. Applejack panted, suddenly overcome with the urge to try Beanjack. Not in a weird, sexual way. Jesus fucking Christ.

Beanjack sauntered forward in a completely normal way that beanhorses do, and opened her mouth. "You know you want it," she whispered.

Applejack gulped. "Want what?"

"The beans."

"AWOOGA!" Applejack explained.

Beans shot right out of Beanjack's entire being and rocketed into Applejack's mouth. They slid down her throat like water, and hot damn did it taste good.

But at what cost?

Before Applejack even knew what was happening, Beanjack let out a stifled scream and then disappeared as one last bean sadly bounced off of Applejack's full mouth and onto the floor. Applejack frowned and swallowed all the beans in her mouth. She stared at the last bean on the floor. The ethereal whisper came back.

Applejack looked down. Her hooves became... tingly. Tingly, like pins and needles. No, those were beans, her hooves were beans. Applejack's world caved in around her as her entire body became beans and the voice chanted. "Grow beans. Grow beans.”