It had been just over a week since the defeat of the Pony of Shadows, and things were settling back to normal.
*BOOM!*
Well, a new normal. For Ponyville.
Ponies only briefly glanced up at the dull and distant boom, before continuing on with their day as if it was nothing to worry about. After three days, they had come to accept that as reality.
"You know, if he did this at a routine time, we'd probably be using him as an alarm clock," Starlight mused idly.
"If he did, he wouldn't be Discord," Spike reminded as they stared out from one of the balconies of the Friendship Castle. "I'm just glad he doesn't train at night."
"Here at least," Starlight added on. "I mean, it's not like we ever got out of him where he was training while he was gone."
"Nobody really ponied up and tried asking him," Spike said, eyeing the hills just beyond Ponyville, seeing some sort of mirage-like effect going on as the distant area rippled and waved. "So, I guess we should go and see how he's doing?"
"You just want to see what Chaos training looks like," Starlight remarked in amusement.
"And you don't?" Spike countered knowingly.
"Point taken," Starlight agreed, her horn glowing with magic, teleporting them both-
-and slamming right into something. Literally and painfully.
"Ow, okay, what?" Spike said, rubbing his head as they landed on the grass just outside of town.
"A barrier?" Starlight groaned, waving a hoof in front of her as she creeped forward, but found no resistance. Scowling, she tried teleporting again, only for her spell to spark out with a zap of magic around her horn. Starlight hissed at the sensation. "Okay, no, it's just a very nasty anti-teleportation field. The Buck, Discord?"
"Ask him yourself in a moment,," Spike said, waving her on as they headed towards the crest of the hill. "Now what is...he...up...to?"
Spike fell silent as he and Starlight stared in bewilderment at Discord. Or rather, the aftermath of his training.
The lack thereof, to be precise.
"Okay, I was expect something between a localized apocalypse and Pinkie Pie with Alicorn magic," Spike remarked, almost disappointed at the pristine and clear field.
Save for Discord, who was standing in the middle and staring down...something. "Is that a ballista or a pitching machine?" Starlight scrutinized. "And is it made of gold or am I imagi-"
*BOOM!*
Both of them froze as...something launched from the device. But that wasn't the source of the boom.
That was from the object making impact with Discord. It was a glowing mass of pure white, silver, and gold energy. The Chaos Lord caught it with both talons, grunting as the orb appeared to struggle against him, its light burning with such intensity that Spike and Starlight had to look away for a moment.
When the light dimmed, they looked back- and nearly fell over. They were now directly beside Discord, standing across from the device.
The draconequus ignored them for a moment, looking down as steam rose from his scorching but uninjured hands. His gaze drifted to the gouges in the ground, showing where he had been pushed back, if only by mere inches. He growled low in displeasure, the air about his head briefly igniting with blue fire, before giving his audience a glance. "What are you two doing here?"
"We, uh, thought we'd come to see how you were doing?" Spike answered sheepishly.
"And we wanted to ask what in Tartarus that was just now?" Starlight added in curiously while looking at the magic item in question.
"Wrong afterlife," Discord stated, nodding to the object. "It's a weapon designed to hurl highly concentrated, condensed shots of sanctified mana with enough force to stun a titan," he explained, as if it was nothing special.
Spike blinked, looking to Starlight, who was very owlish. "You get any of that?"
"Yeeees? I think?" Starlight said in concern. "If I'm hearing him right, he just caught and negated a cannonball of pure, HOLY magic."
"Yeah, pretty much," Discord confirmed with a shrug, leaving Spike gaping.
"Where the buck did you get that?!" Spike asked in disbelief before looking at him flatly. "Wait, you're Discord. You just made it, didn't you?"
"No," he answered with a small smirk to their surprised. "I nicked it off some gods."
"...You nicked it...off...SOME gods?" Starlight repeated slowly.
"In my defense, they mainly had it as an emergency "Kill All/Most of the Mortals" button," Discord stated uncaringly.
"Don't say that so casually! Why would gods need that?! Why would they want that?!" Starlight asked in alarm.
"Hm? Oh, right, you don't know. I meant gods from another universe," Discord elaborated. "And to be honest, most pantheons have something like that."
"That is...interesting. Somewhat concerning, but it's nice to know it's not from this universe," Spike accepted, trying to find the silver lining.
"Still, let me guess, it could destroy Equestria if you didn't stop the shot?" Starlight guessed dryly.
"Well, no, not Equestria. It'd probably just keep on flying from here, even if it dug through the earth and created a new canyon or river until it detonated," Discord mused, glancing in the direction the holy weapon was aimed. "Might make Spike one of the last dragons though."
The hatchling paled at the implications. "Yeah, Discord? We get that you're training and everything, but have you considered doing more..."light" training while around Ponyville?" Spike suggested delicately.
"This is my light training," Discord corrected bluntly.
"R-right, good to know," Spike said with a nervous smile, looking to Starlight in alarmed. "This is light?!" he hissed in disbelief.
Twilight's student shook off her own stupor. "As...horrifyingly uncomfortable as that makes me to know-"
"You're the ones that asked," Discord reminded with a flat voice.
"-I'm going to trust that you won't let this end horribly if it missed," Starlight finished. "But what is the goal, here, exactly?"
Discord shrugged. "Holy Magic is about the most orderly magic I can get without getting actual, literal Order Magic. So, eventually, I want to be able to deal with a blast from this thing one handed, without getting pushed back," he remarked, glaring down at his claw marks in the ground. "As you can see, I have some work do to."
"Riiiiight," Spike acknowledged dryly. "Since when are you are a perfectionist?"
"Always have been," Discord stated offclawedly. "Now, is there anything I can help you too with?"
"...You want to grab some lunch?" Starlight offered, gesturing to Ponyville.
Discord stared at her for a moment before shrugging, the weapon-of-mass-destruction-turned-exercise-equipment warping out of existence. "Sure, why not."
"Really?" Starlight asked in surprise, expecting to be turned down.
"Wait for it," Spike said knowingly.
"I should give my public a chance to bask in my presence," Discord finished as he began to walk by them.
"There we go," Spike said with a snort, glancing to Starlight as she watched Discord go. "...You okay, Starlight?"
"What? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, "Starlight said, shaking her head, trotting after the chaos lord.
Spike remained skeptical, but followed along as well.
Everypony stared as the notably taller draconequus passed through town, but ultimately went about their lives as he did so without making a scene.
It didn't take long for them to arrive at Sugar Cube Corner. Spike glanced warily between Discord and the door. "You might want to shrink down for this."
Discord rolled his eyes at the suggestion, magically opening the door before placing his lion paw on the top of the doorframe, casually pulling it up and making the structure stretch like it was made of rubber before walking inside.
"Or do that, whichever," Starlight added cautiously as they followed him in.
"Welcome to Sugar Cube Co- Oh, Hi Discord! Starlight! Spike!" Pinkie Pie greeted cheerfully from over the counter. "This a friend visit or a food visit?"
"Food. I'll take three muffins. Surprise me on the flavor," Starlight requested.
"I'll take a half dozen donuts with those crunchy sprinkles," Spike added in.
"Make it a dozen, my half with mustard and mayonnaise," Discord answered without missing a beat. "And just put the whole thing on my tab."
"Okey-Dokey! Coming right up!" Pinkie Pie said, heading off to gather the requested treats, along with some things from the kitchen.
Starlight and Spike gave Discord a long, confused stare that he refused to acknowledge. "...You have a tab here?" Spike asked in surprise.
"Yep," Discord answered without commenting.
"...Not going to elaborate on that?" Starlight prompted awkwardly.
To answer her question, a clipboard hit Spike in the face.
"Oh come on!" Spike complained, rubbing his face as he held the item, glaring at it as he read it over, Starlight looking over his shoulder.
"Tab of Discord the Draconequus. Current amount owed...213954 bits!?" Starlight exclaimed. "Why are they still giving you stuff?"
Discord smirked.
"Wait, I get it," Spike said, tapping the paper. "There's a minus sign. Negative 213954 bits," Spike corrected.
Starlight blinked, processing that. "Wait, so, they owe you money? How does that work?"
"I paid once so I wouldn't have to do it ever again," Discord said with a shrug.
"Discord, I think I speak for the Princesses, Rarity, Applejack, and every business-pony in Equestria," Starlight stated flatly. "Please, do not crash our economy out of laziness."
"No promises are made," Discord answered as Pinkie returned with a box of sweets.
"Here you are! A dozen donuts, half customized to your chaotic delights, and three cheese-tastic muffins!" Pinkie Pie said as Discord took the box.
"Cheese? Really?" Starlight asked with a raised eyebrow.
"You said surprise you," Pinkie reminded, before leaning in to whisper. "Just don't let Twilight have one! She'll go super bananas!"
"And kick you out of the castle," Spike said, turning to leave with Discord.
Starlight chuckled before stopping. "Wait, you're joking, right?"
"Oh no, she'll toss you straight to the curb and make you bunk with someone else for weeks," Spike answered casually. "Wasn't too bad for me. Me and Shining just had a Bro-kend."
"A what?" Starlight questioned.
"A bro-weekend. Try to keep up, Starlamp," Discord mocked as he munched on a donut, tossing one hard-sprinkled one down to Spike and a muffin down to Starlight.
"Come on, can't you be nice?" Starlight asked with a pout.
"He is being nice," Spike informed her with a smirk. "If he was being mean, he'd have a lot worse nicknames."
"Like w-" Spike quickly shoved the muffin into Starlight's mouth to prevent her from speaking.
The dragon glanced to Discord, glad to see he wasn't reacting to the unspoken question, and gave Starlight a deadpan look. "Like a filly, Starlight?" he reminded pointedly.
Starlight winced and decided that, yes, tempting Discord's power to verbally mind-buck someone was a very stupid idea on her part in hindsight. Especially given her past.
"So, how's time with your colt-friend going, O Student of Twilight?" Discord asked, ignoring the conversation that had just happened.
"Wait, who?" Starlight asked with a blush.
"Sunbite or whatever his name is," Discord answered with a wave of his claws.
"His name is Sunburst and he's not my colt-friend," Starlight denied with a scowl.
"If you say so," Discord said uncaringly. "He head back north?"
Starlight rolled her eyes. "Yes, though, I'm sure you knew that. I'm sure Flurry Heart's parents will appreciate having him back."
"Oh, is that how Shining and Cadence spice up the bedroom?" Discord asked with a smirk. "I wonder whose in the middle."
"I-that-what?!" Starlight yelled with red cheeks.
"Discord, I did not need some of those mental images," Spike said with a groan, pinching his brow.
"Oh please, it's better than the rumors about Twilight's sex life," Discord assured.
"What about Twilight?" Starlight asked in shock.
"Yes, what about me?"
Discord smirked as the unicorn and dragon realized they were in front of the Palace of Friendship, the owner of which was standing outside and giving them curious looks.
"Starlight was just asking about what you and me do in the bedroom," Discord answered bluntly before Starlight could answer. "I told her I don't kiss and tell."
"Ohhh, thank you so much. What a gentlequus you are," Twilight said in playful sarcasm before giving Starlight a flat look. "And are you still on that joke?"
"Ummm...?" Starlight said with a blank expression.
"Ignore her, here's a muffin," Discord said, floating one down to Twilight.
"Oh! Thanks, I could use a snack," Twilight said, missing how Discord's tail instantly slammed into Spike's mouth, stopping the hatchling from warning her as she took a bite of the muffin. "Mmmm, sweet honey. Yum, thanks guys," Twilight said, glancing up at Discord. "So, still training?"
"Stop by sometime and you might see me break a sweet," Discord teased.
"Joking aside, that would be interesting to see," Twilight admitted as they headed inside.
"...What just happened?" Starlight asked in confusion.
Spike groaned, slapping his head. "Oh scales, I think his mind games are improving too. Note to self, trust nothing the next time Discord is the DM," he said to himself as he headed in.
"...I may have been evil but me being a tyrant of a small cult-ish village was somehow...simpler than this," Starlight stated warily.
Meanwhile, Discord and Twilight wandered into her throne room, the Draconequus's eyes instantly drifting to the damage he had inflicted on the castle.
Or, where it had been. It was fairly easy to tell where the cracks had been, a yellow tinge offsetting where the repairs had taken place.
"That should fade away, eventually," Discord commented idly.
"I won't mind if it doesn't," Twilight admitted with a shrug. "But I appreciate the effort."
"I wrecked your home," Discord pointed out. "I try to clean up after myself these days."
"And you do a pretty good job," Twilight admitted. "So, are you coming?"
"Ignoring the dirty jokes I could make of that," Discord stated in amusement. "Coming where?"
"To the Friendship Festival of course!" Twilight said with a smile.
"..." Discord stared at her blankly for a second. "As much as I detest the unoriginal name, it's nice to hear you got your own holiday, finally."
Twilight blushed. "Well, I wouldn't call it my holiday. It's just a day to celebrate friendship, not me" she trailed off, knowing where this was going.
"And you are princess of what, again?" Discord reminded wryly. "Face it Twilight. In a decade, Equestria will be full of these yearly festivals, with ponies giving thanks to their nerdy, savior of a Princess."
"Oh, now you're just trying to give me an ego," Twilight said with an eyeroll.
"You've saved Equestria more than once and got ascended into an Alicorn," Discord said before smirking. "Wait, no, you're right! You're overqualified for the title of savior."
Twilight rolled her eyes. "You can stop now. No one is here to see you pretend to flirt with me," Twilight reminded, ignoring Discord's amused look. "Now, seriously, are you coming?"
"Eh, probably not," Discord said casually as he took a seat in Rainbow's throne.
"What?" Twilight asked in surprise. "Why not?"
"Because I'm Discord," he reminded with a snort. "And this day is important to you."
"That's...yes, I know?" Twilight answered with a confused frown. "That's why I want you to come! I mean, I think you could have fun there."
Discord gave her a knowing look. "Twilight, let's both be honest for a moment. If I go, I'm going to steal the show even if I don't ruin your plans. It's just in my nature. So, as a friend, it'd be irresponsible for me to go and ruin this day for you."
Twilight blinked. "I can't tell if you're being honest and sweet or just bucking with me so you can go out and train someplace remote while the festival goes on."
"They're hardly exclusive choices," Discord answered without answering. "Besides, even if I didn't steal your thunder, I'm sure Celestia will still be raw with me for the whole Luna thing."
"...Don't you mean you'd be raw with her," Twilight stated with a head tilt.
Discord blinked before staring at the Alicorn before him, scrutinizing her. "Did you just...make a bucking joke...about Celestia?"
Twilight made a valiant effort to keep a straight face. "A-am I suppose to n-not notice you st-staring at where her sun doesn't shine?"
Discord 's lips quirked before he facepalmed and chuckled. "Oh, sweet oblivion, I've created a monster."
Twilight giggled and snickered. "I-I'm sorry, I've known those jokes for years and never had the guts to say them. Oh, the things the palace staff say when Celestia isn't listening."
Discord raised an eyebrow. "How much blackmail do you have in that pretty head of yours?"
Twilight stopped, giving him a strange look. "Discord, it's me. Do you really think I would blackmail somepony?" Twilight asked with a frown.
Discord scrutinized her. "Did you get Shining into the royal guard?" he asked in surprise.
"No, of course not!" Twilight said indignantly before glancing away impishly. "...But I may or may not have had something to do with him getting put with the group that patrolled near Cadence's room."
"You were a wing-sister before you had wings. Nice," Discord praised with a smirk. "Well, I should probably be at Fluttershy's. Tea got upgraded to dinner this week."
"Why does anyone think you're flirting with me when you and Fluttershy are...that?" Twilight asked in amusement.
"Because embarrassing you is hilarious. Embarrassing Fluttershy is, at best, adorable and at worst, heart-roasting," Discord stated bluntly.
"Don't you mean heart-wrenching? Or heart-warming, maybe?" Twilight suggested with a confused look.
"I know what I said," Discord said in amusement. "I'd call it heartburning but you mortals brilliantly decided to give that lovely combination of words to a form of indigestion. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll leave you to the eavesdroppers."
Discord vanished in an instant, the throne room doors swinging open to reveal a rather owlish pair of Spike and Starlight.
"Ummm, we just got here?" Starlight offered sheepishly.
Twilight raised an unamused brow at them. "So, who wants to join me on a mini book-sort-cation?" she asked dryly.
"A book-sort-what?" Starlight asked in confusion.
"The funeral music of, at least, the next twenty-four hours of our lives," Spike answered knowingly.
Meanwhile
A few years ago, Fluttershy would have jumped in alarm, either in concern or fear, from the loud roar outside her home.
As it was, she was mostly curious at first as she opened her door, and a smile came to her face as she saw Discord standing outside.
Along with Harry the bear laying on the ground, panting from momentary fright. "Okay, Flutters? Honest question? Why is me appearing in more terrifying than teleporting?" Discord asked, eyeing the ursine creature with some disappointment.
"I think the flash was a good warning that you were coming," Fluttershy answered calmly, flying over to stroke Harry on the head. "There, there, it's okay. Discord didn't mean to scare you, he's just...practicing," Fluttershy assured.
"Not a lie," Discord admitted, using his magic to help the bear back onto his feet. "Though, I guess I could switch back to teleporting when I come here. Anyway, what's for lunch?"
"About that," Fluttershy said cautiously. "I have a surprise visitor inside. That's not a problem, is it?"
"No- wait, is it your brother?" Discord asked with a scowl.
"No," Fluttershy answered with a smile.
"Then sure. I'm past the jealous, clinging stage," Discord said. "So, who is it? Rainbow, Zecora? Some veterinarian I have never heard of?"
"Actually..."
"Hey, Dude! Nice to meet you!"
Discord smirked idly at the green pony sitting at the table. "We've already met. Twice," he reminded.
"Really?" Treehugger asked, tapping her chin. "That's so weird! I was just about to say, I think I met your kid. Or little brother. I think his name was Discard?"
Fluttershy giggled. "Treehugger, this is Discord."
"He is?" Treehugger asked with relaxed curiosity, eyeing Discord again. "Dude, have you been hitting the gym?"
Discord opened to answer that before pausing with a shrug. "Yes, actually."
"Righteous. Though, you feel like you got some nasty vibes. You feelin chill?" Tree Hugger asked in concern.
"Oh, just working out some issues," Discord mused. "Though, that might be the Pony of Shadows I ate."
"Yeah, that would give you some gnarly indigestion," Tree Hugger agreed with a chuckle.
"Riiiiiight," Discord accepted warily. "Oh, right. Smooze says hello."
"Ah, Smoozie! I haven't seen him since that awesome party," Tree Hugger recalled fondly. "You should have been there, Dude."
"I was there," Discord reminded again, torn between amusement and annoyance. "Remember, I threated to throw you into another dimension?"
"Ha, right on," Tree Hugger said in amused agreement.
Discord turned to Fluttershy with a raised eyebrow. "Flutters, I ask you this with no judgement because, it's bucking me, but I've been meaning to ask: Does this messmane sell you some calming "herbal" remedy involving mushrooms?" Discord asked curiously.
"Oh yes, she even taught me how to make it myself," Fluttershy answered with a casual smile. "It's been very helpful, but I make sure to never take it too much or too often."
"The path of enlightenment is not one for all," Tree Hugger said in what sounded like a sage tone.
Discord filed away that for future references. "So, what are we eating?"