The cameras saw the glass doors open, and then they stepped forward, and the lobby dripped like a watercolor painting, warping and pooling as Twilight gasped behind me.
“No,” she hissed, her pills hitting the floor with a clatter as the cameras blinked off one by one, tears in the corners of my eyes.
It hadn’t mattered, my help didn’t do anything.
Then, a new image appeared on my screen, and chills ran down the back of my neck.
It was a third person view of Raritony, Markus Dash, and Rae Jay in cartoon style, with a cartoon Stephanie behind them, gun drawn and at the ready.
“Is this accurate?” Twilight asked me, but I could only shrug, looking helplessly between the cartoon I was watching and my friend in her bed.
“Well yeah it is,” Pinkie mumbled as she watched with one eye open, from where she was laying on the linoleum. “It’s what I see sometimes. It’s…”
“The fourth wall,” I finished.
Pinkie smiled a little and nodded before slowly and carefully getting up, rubbing her head.
“Hey Shy?” she asked, as our cartoon friends confronted a cartoon discord, the scene occasionally cutting to a cartoon scene of us, reacting in a less aware way.
I could hear my own voice saying “Be careful.”
“Yeah, Pinkie?” I asked, biting my lip as I tried not to look at the screen to see what was happening.
“It really… It hurts, to know and see too much, but… but at the same time… Not enough.”
I paused, trying to parse what she was saying, before giving her my full attention and stepping a little closer.
“I don’t understand,” I admitted.
“It’s alright,” she sighed, closing one eye and rubbing at it with a hoof before pulling her mane back. “I… I was really really scared that I’d break me. Both… It’s like dropping a hot glass into ice water.”
“Did you… You only just now merged?” I asked, wide eyed and confused.
“I’ll never stop. I’ll never get that far,” she said firmly. “Because I read the script, and… and now that I know how this ends, I figured it out. But I can’t say it all. I can’t, it’s the rules. Right now, we’ve got to do this, together.”
She took my hoof firmly and my heart skipped a beat.
“We’ll be okay, Shy,” she said firmly before looking up to Twilight. “We’ve got this, right Twi?”
Twilight looked at her, expression conflicted, and oddly jealous as she nodded.
I looked back to the image on my laptop.
“Can’t you see that I’m busy?” Discord said, hunched over a table. “Come back later. The receptionist will take your names.”
“You’re busy?” Dash growled.
“Of course I’m busy,” Discord scoffed. “Why, I’ve been watching these little ponies try to get to me. It’s been endlessly fun. They keep doing the most fascinating tricks. It’s like my own little Japanese game show!”
“Excuse me, but you called us here,” Raritony said, through gritted teeth.
“I did?” he said, sitting up straight. He turned back to us with an expression like we’d just run into him at a party and he was trying to place our faces.
“Yes, you fucking did!” Raritony snapped.
“Oh! Oh my,” he said. He glanced back at his table, then smiled at us apologetically as he pressed a paw to his face. “Well, this is embarrassing. I really do apologize. I was just so caught up in my little maze I completely forgot about you. You know how it is. New world, new rules, so many ponies running around- work, work, work. So easy to get distracted.”
With a snap of his claw, the table and whatever was on it disappeared.
“But right! To business!” He snapped a claw.
The lights dimmed and his chair spun to face the ponies, Bond villain style. AJ slid the shield off her back, holding it at ready. Dash hovered in the air. Raritony’s horn crackled with primed magic. Stephanie raised her gun, just below being centered on Discord.
Discord slouched and waved a bored hand at us. “So, little ponies. What is up?” he said.
Everypony shared a look, AJ looking to the others there, me looking to Pinkie. Dash shrugged. Pinkie giggled before trying to look serious.
“Uh… we beat your game,” AJ said, stepping forward. “We found you.”
“Yes you did! Bravo on the detective work. Do you want a treat?” he asked, and a dog biscuit appeared in AJ’s mouth.
She spit it out. “We want you to clear out,” she said.
“Hm,” he said, putting a claw to his chin. “No, I don’t think so. Like I said before, this world is just too too fascinating. Brimming with chaos- how could I turn away? It’s like dangling candy in front of me and saying no!”
A pony piñata appeared just above his head, and he tried snatching at it. It grew a pair of helicopter blades and flew out of reach, then out a window.
“See?! Isn’t that just heartbreaking?” he said, wiping at the tears pooling in his eyes.
“Discord,” Stephanie said, stepping forward. “As a duly-designated representative of the City, County, and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin, or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension.” She leveled her gun on his center of mass with a grin. “Now.”
Discord smirked. “Pointing guns? At moi. How… predictable.” He snapped his claws, and the image went grainy and melted again, switching from My Little Pony style animation to a still image of an Applejack toy half run over by a truck tire.
“There, that’s much better. It even lights up and makes sounds!” Discord’s voice continued.
“I lost visual!” Twilight shrieked, making me wince at the sudden volume.
“Dammit, Discord, you leave her out of this!” AJ snapped.
“But, Racheeeeeel! She started it! Quoting movies at me, in a bid for authority, makes me break out in hives,” Discord whined. “Besides, it’s not as if you three will provide me with any entertainment, before I take over the city.”
“You aren’t taking over the city,” Dash said. “We found you. And you said it yourself- we find you? Game. Over.”
“Yes, you found me,” Discord said as I frantically tried to get the cameras working again. “But if you recall, I used the inclusive you when I set the challenge. So…”
I gasped and looked to Pinkie, then to Twilight, tears gathering in my eyes.
“If only half of you show up, and not the entire you I intended, that’s hardly my fault. I mean, I know I wasn’t big on specifics...” He continued. “But I figured you ponies would be able to parse a little English, hmmm?”
“We’re here! We’re here!” I shouted into the microphone. “We’re just remote! That should count!”
Sam barked next to me, he could tell something was wrong and he wanted to help. Just like I wanted to help. But I didn’t think it was going to work.
“You... lousy, no-good-” RJ growled.
“Temper, temper, Rachel,” Discord said, his tone nasty and cruel. “You already messed up by keeping your friends ‘safe.’ Don’t want to make it any worse, do you?”
We heard the snapping of a finger, and a thumping sound, then nothing for a moment.
“What did you…” Discord said incredulously. “You didn’t.”
“Did,” AJ said with renewed confidence. “Wanna try that again? You lousy, no-good sidewinder.”
“Oh please. You have but one shield. And I have four targets.” He snapped again.
Four more thumps came through the audio, and I grinned through my tears. At least we stood a fighting chance.
“Unofficial dodgeball champ at Northridge Middle School,” RJ said. “And that was before Rachel teamed up with AJ’s body. We’re in a lot better shape than Rachel ever was.”
A whoosh, a bong, then a meaty thunk could be heard before RJ yelled “Now!”
“What’s happening?!” Twilight asked frantically, still staring at the still image on the monitor.
“I don’t know!” I admitted. “I think… I think they’re beating him up maybe!”
Then a roaring whistling crash came through the audio, and the picture on the laptop flickered back to life, revealing everyone laying on the floor, just standing up from being knocked down, Discord standing in the middle of the room, panting.
“Visual’s back!” Twilight cheered. “Oh no… are you girls okay?”
“You know…” Discord panted. “I don’t think I like what this human world’s done to you ponies. It makes you so-”
CRACK!
Discord wobbled, then fell over.
“Violent?” Rarity suggested, sweetly, a chair leg held in her magical grip.
“That is so hot,” Dash said. She jerked upright and looked quickly around. “Wait. Was that out loud?”
Discord groaned. “Ah, so we’re playing that game are we…” he grumbled.
“Get him!” RJ shouted.
The floor rumbled, making Dash launch into the air while the rest of the group tried to steady themselves. As Stephanie grabbed at a pillar, Discord slowly sank into the carpet. Dark red fuzz rolled up and over his body, absorbing him, while he grinned and waved at everyone. In a second, he was gone, and so was the quaking.
“Look out girls,” RJ said. “He’s on the move. Don’t-”
Upholstered, clawed hands burst from the carpet, grabbing them by their throats, then shoved them up, up through a blur of concrete, piping, other rooms, and then all we saw through the cameras was sky.
The building’s roof zipped away below them.
“They’re going to fall! We need pegusi to fly there to catch them!” Twilight shouted.
Then RJ’s camera showed a flash of red, white, and blue before she fell and tossed the shield, cutting Markus Dash free, who flew to Raritony to try and free her as RJ landed on the rooftop with incredible grace. I couldn’t imagine falling so far and not breaking at least a couple bones.
“RJ!” Dash shouted, still struggling to free Raritony.
“On it!” she replied, flinging the shield and we watched as it arced through the air and cut the arm of carpet-Discord free, before gliding back to RJ, just for her to throw it one more time to free Stephanie, who fell and landed on RJ’s back.
“You know, I have to give Twilight credit. That little shield is all kinds of problematic. Ten for ten, would use against me again. However, it’s really slowing down my scheme for tri-state area domination, so it’s gotta go,” Discord said as he un-melted from the concrete, rising to stand amidst our friends.
“Like to see you… try,” RJ wheezed at him.
He popped his eyebrows at RJ. “Don’t mind if I doooo!” He snapped his claws, and wicked, black, thorny vines burst out of the cement, wrapping tightly around all of them. Discord clenched his fist, and the vines tightened around RJ more.
I covered my mouth with my hoof, horrified as I watched the shield falter, and then fall with a ringing thud onto the rooftop.
Discord bent over and picked it up delicately.
“My, my, my. Such fine craftsmanship,” he said, turning it over in his claws. He buffed the surface with an elbow, and grinned at his own reflection. Then the reflection turned it’s head and addressed Stephanie, as Discord continued to gaze into the shield. “Where did you get this, Agent Chase?”
“Bite me, Q,” Stephanie spat, struggling against her bonds.
Discord looked up, and his reflection waved before it vanished. “Really, why is everyone so hostile in this place?” Discord said, rolling his eyes. “What happened to banter? What happened to ‘You’ll never get away with this?’ I mean, if we’re just going to be brutal about everything….”
He held the shield in both claws. Strange, blue-plaid magic crackled along his arms and with a resounding SNAP, the shield broke in two.
I gasped, and Pinkie put an arm around me, as Twilight cursed up a storm, struggling as she stood and started taking her IV off the hanger.
“Duct tape!” Twilight roared, and I was shaken out of my horror.
“Then, really,” Discord said, dropping the broken pieces of the shield. “Let’s be brutal.”
I dropped the laptop and ran outside, finding medical tape in abundance and leading a nurse back to our room.
“She. Can’t. Go,” the Nurse said firmly, looking at Twilight with wide eyes.
“If she doesn’t we’ll all die,” I lied to her, hoof on her arm. “Please, help her. Tape it to her.
“Fuck,” the nurse whispered, before taking Twilight’s arm and frantically wrapping the bag’s top and bottom in tape, securing the bag around her left foreleg firmly.
“Hello Rachel,” the Discord in front of RJ purred. “Enjoying your newfound equinity?”
“Sonava-!” Discord hissed over the mic, several echoed curses from his voice coming through.
“You can’t do that! I broke your shield!” he protested.
“But you didn’t break us,” RJ said.
“But how…?” he asked.
“You can thank Pinkie Pie,” Raritony said, as Pinkie beamed from next to me. “She’s the one who had the idea.”
“What idea?” Discord spat. “A new cupcake recipe to throw at me?”
I turned to take in the scene, he’d tried to break them like he’d done before, clearly, and they’d rebutted him, they stood strong though tired on the rooftop, in a semicircle around him.
“Nope!” Dash said. “Just a little spell we like to call: No Discords Allowed.”
“No Discords Allowed,” Discord mocked, miming Dash with a sock puppet. He set it on fire, and folded his arms in disgust. “Pshaw! I’m always allowed!”
“Not when you’re up against the same spell Twi used to get you out of our heads, the first time,” RJ said. “And a little of Earth’s own magic to make sure you didn’t notice it was tied to our Elements.”
Dash grinned. “Just like Enterprise,” she said, puffing out her chest. “Shields. Up.”
“Go team!” Pinkie cheered. Grinning as her own element shimmered blue.
Discord glared, pointing at Stephanie. “Well, your pet hyoooman is under my thrall, so nyah!” He stuck his tongue out and raspberried at us, sounding like a party noisemaker.
“Actually, I’m not,” Stephanie said. She reached under her shirt, and lifted my Element into view with one thumb. Like the rest, it glowed softly. “An act of kindness. From a friend.”
Discord’s eyes turned blood red and steam shot out from his ears. He took a huge breath and then slumped back, looking peevish. “I hate all of you very much,” he said, flatly. “And I’m so bored of this little game. So, you’re all going away. NOW. Ta!”
He dropped open his maw, and a torrent of blue-plaid-octarine magic shot across the roof. Straight at them.
But the nurse had finished wrapping the IV, and for the last few seconds, the hospital room had been glowing purple, brighter and brighter as Twilight fixed her gaze on the image on the TV screen, before finally she vanished in a flash, and appeared right in front of the group, a purple shield blooming into place to protect everypony.
Discord’s magic slammed into it, flaring around the sides. Twilight groaned. Her horn sparked and the shield flickered. Raritony ran over, leaning against her. Her horn’s light joined Twilight’s, but Twilight still looked pale and shaky. She couldn’t do this long.
“Help. She needs help!” Dash said. She looked at RJ. “We have our magic, too!”
“But that ain’t unicorn magic!” RJ yelled back.
“But it’s still magic. Pour it into Twi! She needs the help!” And Dash zipped to Twilight’s other side, pressing her hoof against her barrel.
To everyone’s surprise but Dash’s, Twilight’s color improved. The shield actually shone brighter too. Shaking her head, AJ joined in, hooves on Twilight’s cutie marks.
After what felt like an eternity, the light show stopped. Twilight’s shield flickered away, and the ponies clustered around her caught their breath. Twilight panted too, looking a bit grey beneath her coat, but she grinned fiercely.
“That… the best… you got?” she gasped.