Rainbow Dash wasn’t bored on her day off. Being bored was for ponies that weren’t awesome. Rainbow Dash was awesome, so she was on an adventure to find fun. Not the same thing. She’d tried asking Twilight, since Twilight Sparkle and Adventure usually went together like peanut butter and jelly; once a week between the hours of ten and two.
Despite what was probably a new record for flying from the Wonderbolts Academy to Canterlot, Princess Twilight Sparkle, sole ruler of Equestria, was visiting her former mentor according to Pinkie Pie. Also according to Pinkie, it was a terrible idea to chase after the princess, and no, Pinkie could not engage in a prank war and keep her promise to keep Equestria safe. Something about an acting princess shouldn’t declare war or something. Whatever.
Rainbow was halfway to Ponyville and she wasn’t sure where to go. Normally, she’d try to see if Applejack was available, but that was a bad idea. Things with Applejack were awkward, and awkward was noticeably not awesome.
There wasn’t even something to fix, which was lame. If Rainbow Dash had a problem that could be fixed, it would have been fixed already, but Rainbow just felt this kinda queasy feeling whenever the two of them tried to spend time together. Queasy wasn’t the right word, probably, but it was good enough, so Rainbow would just spend a bit of time away from Applejack. That was fine; they’d still see each other when the friendship council got together.
The point was, Rainbow wasn’t going to go see Applejack, which left her a few options: Fluttershy, Rarity, Scootaloo, or her house was probably the best bet.
Rarity could be a lot of fun, but there wasn’t an investigation so they’d probably go to the spa or something, and Rarity would want to talk about their friends, and Rainbow would have to explain why she’s been avoiding Applejack, which she couldn’t do, so she couldn’t really hang out with Rarity.
Scootaloo was a ton of fun to spend time with. They could each working with the other to create radical new tricks and challenges for each other, but it was hard to get Scootaloo away from the rest of the Cutie Mark Crusaders or her tutoring at the School of Friendship.
Rainbow could spend her day off at her own place reading the newest Daring Do book, but Daring Dos and Don’ts: An Adventure in Cooking was just so boring. At least Tank was there, and he was a great listener, but Rainbow didn’t want to talk, really.
Fluttershy probably had something for Rainbow to do at the animal sanctuary, so that could be fun. Actually, that did sound pretty cool. Decision made, Rainbow sped on.
Unfortunately, Fluttershy did not seem to have anything for Dash to do when she got to Sweet Feather Sanctuary, because Fluttershy was not there. Ugh. Fine, whatever. Fluttershy probably had an injured panda or something that needed special care at her cottage. Rainbow could just go over, knock on her door, and ask what she wanted done at the sanctuary while she was busy.
In no time at all, Rainbow was knocking on Fluttershy’s door. “Yo Flutters, you there?”
When Rainbow heard movement on the other side of the door, she got a bit excited. Finally, her day off would begin to be cool. To her horror, it was not her best friend since Flight School, or even the spirit of chaos and disharmony. Worse, it was her friends little brother. “Zephyr!? What are you doing answering Fluttershy’s door?”
“Oh, hey Rainbows. I’m guessing you aren’t who Flutterbutter just left to get,” he said, sedately. Which was weird, honestly. Zephyr Breeze was obnoxious, not sedate. Especially when Rainbow Dash was around.
“Uh, no, I came to find Fluttershy on my day off. Seriously, what are you doing here? I thought you were still living in Cloudsdale with your folks.”
“That is… true, but I came to ask for my big sister’s help with something, since she did such a good job helping me get through mane therapy training,” explained Zephyr.
“Hey, I helped, too!”
“Ha! Your ‘help’ was zapping me with a lightning bolt! Do you know how hard it was to not bring that up that time Luna asked me to be a guard for a day!?”
“I thought some tough love would help you take that first step, buckle down, and work! When it didn’t I was right there with Fluttershy getting you back to her cottage and helping you practice those different manestyles!”
“Well that may be true, but it still hurt, and you never apologized.” Zephyr harrumphed and turned his head away from Rainbow. “In fact, if you don’t apologize I’m going to go back inside, because we have nothing else to talk about.”
“Ugh, fine, but only because Fluttershy would think it was weird if you started to avoid me. I’m sorry I hurt you when I tried to help, Zeph, and if I had known how it would turn out I wouldn’t have done it. Okay?”
“Fine, apology accepted. Although, that was the lamest apology I ever heard from the ‘awesome’ Rainbow Dash.”
“Pfft, that’s because it’s the only apology you’ve heard from me because you’re a jerk.” The two held their composure for about a second before they both burst out laughing. “Ok, ok, seriously Zephyr, I’m going to try to help. The quicker I get you outta here the quicker I can hang with Flutters.”
“Well, how can I say no to reasoning like that?”
“You’re right, you can’t, so c’mon, spill!”
Zephyr rolled his eyes and said “Fine, but you have to promise no lightning this time, Rainbows.”
“Yeah, yeah, fine. So what’s up?”
“Well, you know that fake crush I had on you?”
“WHAT!?” shouted Rainbow Dash, fastest flyer in the history of Equestria.
“I said ‘you know that fake crush I had on you’,” repeated Zephyr Breeze, the most annoying stallion in the history of Equestria.
“Zephyr, you were obsessed with me for like, five years! Your parents still think I’m pining for you! What do you mean fake!?” shouted Rainbow, starting to hover in annoyance.
“Well, you know I can get out of almost anything because I’m so charming, right?” said Zephyr, putting a hoof on his chest.
Rainbow narrowed her eyes and landed again. “I would never call you charming, but I guess?”
“Well, I thought I was using that power for good, convincing my parents you were coming over to get closer to me, so they wouldn’t worry about what my sister and her marefriend were doing together.”
Rainbow reeled and said, “Wait, marefriend? Zephyr, Fluttershy has never had a marefriend.”
“Well, I know that now, Rainbows, but at the time...” Zephyr said, letting the sentence hang.
“Why would you even think we were dating? And why did you keep hitting on me, when I hated it so much!?”
“I thought I was doing you a favor and being a beard, excuse me.”
“No wonder you keep that stubble on your muzzle, you have no idea what a good beard is!” Rainbow said, poking his chin.
Zephyr swatted her hoof away. “Well that’s just hurtful. And it’s not my fault that a rainbow-maned mare kept spending time alone with my sister. What was I supposed to think?”
“UGH! This is genetic! My father has a rainbow mane, too! And Fluttershy is my best friend, of course we spent time together! That’s what friends do! Besides, she doesn’t even like mares! She’s asexual you dork!”
“I know that now, but I thought she just didn’t feel comfortable coming out! Which, I would like to point out, she didn’t before today!” Zephyr sat and crossed his fore hooves in a huff.
“Uh, probably because every time the two of you get together, you always have some new drama!” accused Rainbow, poking him in the chest.
Zephyr threw his hooves into the air. “That hasn’t stopped her from sharing stories about how the super friends have saved Equestrian again! Seriously, how has Equestria even gotten in danger so many times?”
“I have no idea, but you seriously never asked either of us if we liked what you were doing for five years?”
“Really it was your fault for never telling me you weren’t dating, if you think about it.” Said Zephyr, crossing his hooves again.
“Zephyr!”
“Ok, I get it! I messed up! But this is just the background info! Can I tell you why I was asking Flutters for help now?”
“Fine, but I will be mad at you for like, five years for that,” said Rainbow rolling her eyes.
“I guess I deserve that,” said Zephyr, narrowing his eyes.
“You totally do.”
“Fine. I already knew you were crazy.” Before Rainbow was able to respond Zephyr put a hoof over her mouth. “If you don’t let me tell you why I’m here I won’t ever get to leave.”
“ffnnn” said Rainbow rolling her eyes and sitting down.
“Anyway, fake crush, well, I brought it up because I actually think I have a crush now. And I know I’ve got looks like this and this” he said, striking poses, “but I just keep thinking about what could happen if it goes wrong. I know Fluttershy is the best pony in the family at taking that first step even when you’re afraid.”
“Fluttershy is great at that, but Zephyr, what could happen?” Rainbow started to gesture with her hooves and said, “You ask this mare out for lunch or something, she says ‘no, you were a huge jerk to my friend Rainbow Dash,’ she doesn’t date you, and you both move on.”
“Wellll, the thing about that is, he’s not a mare. I’m interested in a stallion. And that’s where the problems start. What if he isn’t interested in stallions, and then he gossips about me, and I stop getting clients because who would go to a gay mane stylist. And what if it makes it back to my parents! Fluttershy never came out, maybe they would kick me out, and you know I can’t make it on my own, Rainbows, you saw me try! I would be jobless and homeless all over again! I’d barely make it a day!” Zephyr’s eyes were had developed the tell-tale shine of tears waiting to fall.
“Uh, wow. Ok. Um. First, I guess, congrats on coming out? Do you, uh, want a coming out party? Because we could totally throw you one, Pinkie’s thrown a few in Ponyville. Actually, that totally means that the salon and ponies that go to it should have no issue with you being gay, so you can totally keep your job.
“And as for your parent, there’s no way they’d ever kick you for that. And even if they did, Fluttershy would definitely put you up again. And, like, I’m still mad at you, but even I would offer you a couch or something if you really needed it after this. Which, again, I can’t think you ever would. But just in case, you could crash with me.” Rainbow tentatively put a wing around Zephyr. It was super weird, but it looked like it helped.
“Thanks Rainbows. I appreciate it. And I know all that, I just don’t *know* all that, y'know? Hey, since you apparently weren’t secretly dating my sister, have you ever been in a situation like this? Were you ever afraid to ask out a mare?”
“Nngh, not really. I was so focused on becoming a Wonderbolt I didn’t ever really think about romance or anything. I never really payed attention? Like, I don’t even know if I’m interested in stallions or mares. But I know the girls will be supportive, and my parents will be super supportive whoever I decide to date, and the ‘bolts won’t care. So really, I’ve never needed to worry? And like, ponies have assumed I was interested in mares since flight school because of my mane, so it’s not like it would be a big deal.” Rainbow took her wing from around Zephyr and used it to smack him in the back of the head “Of course, you know all about that, huh?”
“Hey, I said I was sorry, you crazy mare,” said Zephyr, scrambling back into the cottage.
“Did you really, because I don’t remember it,” said Rainbow as she stood up again.
“That’s because of all the head trauma over all those years, clearly,” muttered Zephyr. “Oh, hey, it looks like Flutters is coming back,” he said, pointing.
Rainbow looked over her shoulder, and sure enough, Fluttershy was walking back from the town, with Applejack in tow. Rainbow's insides took flight, and she seriously considered following their example. Instead, all this talk of romance had her consider another idea.
“Hey, do you know why Fluttershy is bringing Applejack?” she asked Zephyr.
“When I came out to her, she said she couldn’t relate, but she knew someone who could. I guess Applejack likes mares?”
“That’s what I thought. You know how I said I wasn’t sure if I liked mares or stallions?”
“You changed your mind, didn’t you?” asked Zephyr, deadpan.
“Not exactly,” Rainbow turned around to watch the two mares approach the cottage and continued over her shoulder, “but I’m going to take that first step. I’ve had a rivalry with Applejack for forever. I bet I could be a better marefriend than her.”
“Rainbows, that is the worst justification I have ever heard to ask out a pony, and I have heard some crazy things doing mane therapy.”
“Maybe, but you should totally ask out that stallion so we can double date. Maybe lunch or something. Talking with you hasn’t been awful for the first time in like, forever. And think about how funny it would be to tell Fluttershy you and I went on a date together and not be lying.”
“I’ve changed my mind, that’s the worst reason I have ever heard to ask out a pony.”
“But it’s a funny prank, and I’m asking out Applejack either way.”
Zephyr sighted. “Fine, if you ask out Applejack before you leave, I’ll ask out Bulk.”
Rainbow actually turned her head back to look at Zephyr, “Wait, you’re into Bulk Biceps?”
Zephyr was caught off guard by the sudden movement, “Um, yes, why, do you know him?”
Rainbow nodded, which looked a bit weird when her body was still facing away from her, “Oh yeah, we were part of the Ponyville team for the Equestria games together.” Rainbow’s head turned away from Zephyr again. “You’ve totally got a shot, he’s totally single at the moment, and he used to date Thunderlane. And he’s pretty cool. Double date sounds even better, now.”
“Wait, he’s interested in stallions? So I’ve really been worried about nothing?”
“Oh yeah. But we both knew that already.”
“Good luck with Applejack, then, I guess.”
“Oh, I totally don’t need luck. I’d wish you luck with Bulk, but you don’t need luck either, I’ll bet. This has been weird, but also cool. Now watch me get a marefriend.”