Fifty-two...fifty-three...fifty-four…
Do you know what's worse than a bad thing happening? Knowing a bad thing is going to happen, and just sitting there waiting for it.
Sixty-seven…sixty-eight...sixty-nine…
The garden in the courtyard was pretty and peaceful. I should be enjoying it. Instead, I was waiting in dread for some terror, and that anticipation sucked all joy out of what I was seeing. Phobia Remedy liked to teach lessons about fear—this was a lesson. Fear made you not appreciate what was right in front of your face. Self-preservation made you cease to care about other important things. I could imagine it getting to the point that all that mattered was an insane need to defend yourself against everything and forgetting what you were defending and why. You could lose yourself to fear.
One hundred thirty-nine...one hundred forty...one hundred forty-one…
Moses was doing pretty good. It was coming up on three minutes, and nothing had happened yet.
One hundred seventy…one hundred seventy-one… one hundred sev—
Blanche let out a gasp. "One hundred sixty-four! That's what I reached. That was terrible!"
"I lost count now," Sunflower whimpered. "Nothing yet. What did you see?"
"Me, Phobia Remedy, and the Warden of Order crucified," Blanche said shakily.
"I lost count, too," I said as I shook my head. "Nothing y—"
"Aaawww!" I jerked my head up to see me running towards me. I was on fire. I shut my eyes.
"Nevermind! I'm burning to death!" I yelped.
Sunflower was whimpering loudly now, knowing it was only a matter of time before her vision came. The whimpering abruptly stopped. "Huh?" Sunflower said in confusion.
I still had my eyes closed but turned towards her. "What do you see?"
"I was old and had a bunch of ponies around me, watching me," she said slowly. "Old me was sitting in the grass, staring up at the sky, then I just… fell asleep… I think?"
"Lucky you," Blanche muttered.
"You can all focus your attention back on Moses now," Phobia said. "Moses, you did a good job. You are getting much better."
About three minutes, he couldn't go out in public if he would lose control after just three minutes. Still, it was better than nothing, I supposed. She said he had only been like this for a few months. I guessed that when he started, he couldn't stop it for any period of time. Three minutes seemed like a lot when I used to be immediate, no matter what.
I turned and opened my eyes. Moses looked at us with big eyes, like he was begging us not to be mad at him. I smiled at him, trying to reassure him.
"See, not so bad," I said with some extra pep in my tone. "If I wanted to see something terrifying, I would go to the grocery store and stare at the two-percent milk. Now that's scary." I did an exaggerated shiver.
"Mine was nice," Sunflower said with a mix of relief and happiness, and I could hear the smile in her voice. "I wouldn't mind dying that way—old, surrounded by loved ones, and just peacefully pass away while gazing at the sky."
"Mine wasn't nice, but I know it was not real," Blanche said. "I am not mad at you for it."
"You closed your eyes right away. That protected you from being hit with vision after vision," Ulga reminded us. "The others, they can often endure one, sometimes two, but as they see the never-ending river of horror, they break down."
I didn't argue that point. Even now, I could see things happening on the edges of my vision, and they seemed to shift where they were constantly. His power was still in full effect, and if I turned to look, I knew I would see one thing after another. Could I become numb to it? I didn't know.
"Now we can discuss the doll," Phobia said. "Moses, I am guessing one of the staff saw a doll with you on the camera. Did you see an old doll yesterday?"
Moses nodded quickly. "Old toy. Mine. Toy went away. You bring back?"
Phobia sat silent for a moment. "You claim the doll is yours?"
"Mine," Moses asserted.
"When did you have the doll before yesterday?" Phobia asked slowly.
Moses frowned and seemed to think about that. "Don't know. My toy. Promise. Friend, Chaaya."
I jumped as I heard Phobia gasp loudly and saw Moses jump too. "W-what was that last thing you said?" she asked in a trembling voice. Was she afraid? Did I need to be frightened?
"Chaaya," Moses repeated. "Chaaya is my friend. Chaaya's dress is old. Chaaya miss me."
"Who is Chaaya, Dreamwarden?" Blanche asked. "You seem to know the name."
Phobia took time to answer. "Who Chaaya was, I won't discuss here. It is the name written on the back of the doll. I doubt anyone here could read the script; it is written in Devanagari script."
"I feel stupid again," Sunflower said. "What is dena… whatever that word is script?"
"It is the common script used in the Indian subcontinent; it is used for several different languages," Blanche informed her—well, informed us since I didn't know either. I got the impression Blanche was more knowledgeable about many random weird things than Sunflower and me.
"You have met Chaaya before?" Phobia asked slowly.
Moses seemed to think about it. "Think so. Don't remember."
"Is reincarnation a thing? Did the Story let her go?" I heard Phobia whisper under her breath. I only heard her because I was standing closest to her. I wasn't sure if anyone else would have heard her.
I may not have been the brightest pony, but I wasn't a stupid one either. I only knew one pony held by the Story, and that pony also had strong ties to that doll. I examined Moses closely. Could he really be her, spun out by the Story to live again and have a fresh start? Could Moses be the reincarnation of Sha'am Maut? She supposedly didn't have powers of her own, but everything about Moses had death involved. He showed you visions of death. An honest-to-goodness dead man had protected him. He claimed the doll was his and knew what the name on the doll was even though he was too young to read English, much less Indian writing. He might not remember being her, but the soul might have memories. Enough of a memory to remember a doll from another life.
I didn't see anything about him that made him seem like anything but a little kid. One that wanted to be loved and had no more knowledge of the world than any other little kid. This was not the evil Dreamwarden; this was an innocent foal even if it were true. Even if he was her risen again and given a new life, he carried none of the blame for what had happened before.
The world had been unfair to Sha'am Maut last time around and created a monster out of her, and now the world was being unjust to Moses. Sha'am needed someone to care and never got it. Now Moses was here, and he needed people to care. We couldn't let history repeat itself. We couldn't let Moses get bitter and angry at a world that never gave him a chance. He shouldn't have to be punished with a cruel life for what happened in another.
I walked up to Moses and sat down, stretching out my forelegs and wings towards him. He immediately recognized me offering to hug him, and jumped into me. He couldn't get his legs all the way around my chubby body, but he latched on well enough.
"You're a sweet little kid, and you deserve to be loved," I whispered to him. "You're different from lots of other people, but there's nothing wrong with that. We're all different too. We're a bunch of weirdos, but being weird just means you have something extra special to give the world. I bet that when you get full control of your magic, you'll figure out how to do wonderful things with it."
I wasn't exactly sure how that last thing would work with his particular magic, but I still believed it.
"I will let you take care of the doll," Phobia said; she sounded like she was trying not to cry. "You have to promise to take good care of it."
I let go of him and watched him nod. "I promise. New dress? Chaaya needs a new dress. Dress is old."
"Yes, I can have someone make her a new dress," Phobia confirmed. "I think it is time she has something nice. A new dress for a new owner, and I'll save the old one. I'll have her for you next week—if she is good and stays put till then."
"Chaaya will be good," Moses assured her.
"And...how do you know that?" Phobia asked.
Moses looked confused. "Don't know. Just know."
I heard Phobia sigh. "Very well. I'll bring her on my visit next week. I'll make sure no one takes her from you."
"Thank you, Dreamwarden," Ulga said. "It might be strange to give a colt a doll, but it will mean a lot to him."
"It brings up so many other questions, but I know I won't be getting those answers today," Phobia replied. "I think we are done for today. Everyone, say your goodbyes to Moses and Ulga, and don't speak of this visit with anyone until I have fully investigated some things."