Anon Buys the Everfree Forest

by nameundetermined


Anon Once More Engages in Advanced Diplomatic Tactics: Part Two

Let me check real quick….yeah, you are indeed still Aufpasser Anonymous, Leader of the Federation of the Ever Free, and you are currently waiting at the front gate of the Greenfeather Wall for some very important guests to arrive. Not important to you, mind. More just important in the general sense. Honestly, you’d be happy if they decided to just leave you the fuck alone for a while. You almost have everything the way you want it around here. You can practically hear the river pattering softly as you enjoy some well-earned peace and quiet. Or that might just be the actual river not too far from here.

But it seems that your lazy riverside afternoon will have to wait for just a bit longer, as it always does since you moved out here. For now, you are stationed outside of the gates, Gallus standing by beside you as you wait for your guests to arrive.

And arrive they do. You hear the sounds of hoofsteps before you see them, approximately ten guards in formation surrounding an ornate carriage coming up the way, five lunar and five solar by the looks of them, each unit having two pegasi (or thestrals for the nightguards), two earth ponies and a single unicorn. One of which is assisting the other to pull the vehicle, the other two seeming to be patrolling from above as best they can in the heavy tree cover. The Earth ponies are taking point, leading up the procession, with the unicorns behind.

You sigh softly and give a small smile. It seemed the sisters had at least taken your advice on proper teamcomp into consideration after the guard got curb-stomped at the changeling invasion. Now if only they had paid attention when you pointed out that cadence’s aura isn't supposed to be fucking green.

But that is enough reminiscing, you have some business to attend to. You stand a bit straighter, and gently elbow Gallus, who had been nonchalantly inspecting his claws for dirt, causing him to give a small squawk and straighten up a bit as well, glaring softly at you before putting his attention forwards.

The lot of them stop about fifty feet away from you, the unicorns each drawing a horn of silver and gold respectively from their sides and blowing a short tune as the Pegasi land, giving what seems to be an all-clear signal as the Earth Ponies ring out in announcement.

“Announcing the arrival of Princess Regnant Celestia Morningstar, The Dawnbringer, Arbiter of Justice, First of Her Name.

Princess Regnant Luna Moonshadow, Herald of the Night Mistress of Dreams, First of Her Name.

Princess Twilight Sparkle, Keeper of the Fire of Friendship, Order of Starswirl: Second Class, Bearer of the Element of Magic.”

As each name is listed, each princess extrudes herself from the carriage. Celestis steps out smiling softly at you in that seemingly eternally patient, kind way of hers, giving a small nod of recognition. Luna follows, looking somewhat less pleased to be here, eyeing you down cooly as she slowly struts to stand next to her sister.

Twilight is….not here it seems, nowhere to be found. You shrug and look to Gallus, nodding. “Go on man, do the fuckin uh...introduction thing. Can’t be caught lacking in front of the guests.”

Gallus shrugs and clears his throat as he steps forward, mustering an intro with all of the enthusiasm of a waiting room minder in a dentist's office. “Presenting, the First Aufpasser of the Federation of the Ever Free, Aufpasser Anonymous, Tamer of the Woodland, Master of the Nameless Castle, and Chooser of Paper.”

Luna audibly sucks air at this last title, glaring a bit more intently from beside her sister, who shoots her a quick stern look before stepping forward to come closer to you. “Ah yes. Greetings, Aufpasser Anonymous. I am glad to see your new home is thriving already. Thank you very much for returning most of our old regalia, by the by. That was admittedly an unexpected outcome, but not an unwelcome one.”

You smile and wave your hand, shaking your head. “Please, Anon will suffice for me if Celestia will suffice for you, Princess. My title basically translates to chaperone for a reason, I’m just here to make sure no one burns down the place trying to make a hot pocket or something.” You half-joke as you look the princess in the eye.

Luna decides to cut in here, walking forward now as well with a haughty look in her eyes. “We would say that informality does seem to be the appropriate name for the contest this day, Aufpasser. We arrived with a proper Royal procession, however small, yet you greet us alone without even a token force for your defense. Do you consider us so unworthy of consideration as to find us harmless?”

You tilt your head for a moment, seeming confused before a look of realization crosses your face. “Ah! Oh, no, we have guys everywhere. Sorry for the confusion. Here, lemme just…”

You reach into one of your pockets and pull out a small wooden whistle, putting it to your lips and blowing, a sound strongly resembling one of the local songbirds emitting from the device in three puffs.

Luna seems….less than impressed by this, and opens her mouth to speak again when suddenly, every other within about thirty meters of you begins to softly rustle, a multitude of similar whistles sounding out in unison. Afterwards, about two dozen griffins sporting green berets and vests, wearing camp paint on their faces drop from the branches as if by magic, standing at attention.

Luna’s mouth clicks shut again as she sees this, her eyes widening slightly. Celestia seems slightly unsettled by this as well, but she's sure doing her damnedest not to show it. “I see, well it is certainly impressive that you have managed to get a fighting force into shape this quickly, I will hand you that, Anonymous.”

A rough female voice cuts through and interrupts. “You can thank me for that, actually,” it says proudly as a final griffin drops from a nearby tree, her beret sporting the Golden Boughs. “At ease losers.” She says, waving at the troops, who relax slightly in their posture.

You smile as the female walks over to join you at the side opposite of Gallus, slapping her on the back gently. “Ayyy, Gilda. Good going, you totally fucking nailed that whole “Coming out of the trees, welcome to ‘Nam” Aesthetic.” You say jovially.

She tries to scowl at you, but is not terribly convincing, her tail high in the air, the fluffy tip twitching slightly in an obvious feline sign of contentment. “Can it, loser. I don’t care what you think…” she says as she looks away from you with a small huff.

You smile wider and cross your arms, gesturing at her with your head as you look over at the princesses. “God, these griffins are so fucking great huh? Got that whole tsundere thing going for em.”

Celestia raises an eyebrow, giving you a questioning look. “I...see.”

The awkward moment is broken by a flash of light. A very frazzled Sparklebutt emerging from the epicenter and trotting over to meet the other princesses. “I'm so, so sorry I’m late! I had to help the girls with another bugbe-”

Twilight stops mid apology as she sees she is surrounded by griffins in military outfits, seeming a bit worried for a moment until Cakeflanks reassures her. “Twilight, thank you for joining us. Anonymous was just playing a little joke on us, it seems. You know better than anypony how he can be.”

Twilight relaxes, rolling her eyes, eyeing up Gilda slowly, not even seeming surprised that she is somehow involved in all of this. “Oh, definitely…

You clear your throat and decide to move things along. “In any case, I think we can move things along. Gilda, please dismiss most of them back to their posts, We only need a few for this.”

She nods and snaps at her troops. “Alright, dipshits, you heard the monkey, fuck back off to your posts, except for you lot there,” she says, pointing a claw at about five of the griffons, the rest of them saluting with a claw crossed over their chest before disappearing quickly back into the foliage with barely a trace in mere moments.

The remaining griffins move quickly into formation around you with Gilda, and you give a small, satisfied nod.

"Excellent. Now how about we head back to the castle hm? Gustav has been working all afternoon, you remember him from the National Dessert Competition, yes?” You say as you turn and walk, beckoning for the rest to follow with a shit-eating grin barely kept off of your face. You can hardly wait until you whip that out during the negotiations. But that will have to wait. First, you let them eat cake.