//------------------------------// // Unexpected Pit Stop // Story: Running Off the Rails // by daOtterGuy //------------------------------// Beep. Beep. Beep. Flash woke up on his back in bed. He let the alarm continue blaring for a moment before smashing it with a hoof.  Once the noise had been silenced, Flash took a deep breath and let himself relax. He dozed off into a half awake, half asleep state. All he could feel was the chugging of the train underneath him and the steady rise and fall of his chest.   He was content.  Flash couldn’t think of the last time he had felt like that.  After a few more moments of bliss, he flipped himself over with a grunt, stretched out the muscles of his back and neck then dropped to the floor of the train compartment.  He looked out the nearby window and saw crystalline tunnel walls.  Still in the time loop. Flash released a weary sigh and began the trek back to the lounge car. He had thought with how the last loop had ended he had managed to finally escape, but clearly the train hadn’t felt he’d done enough. Oh, well. For once, he wasn’t too worried about the loop. Even though he would need to retread the same initial conversation, at least he could speak with Vibrato some more.   Flash arrived at the door to the lounge car, slid it open and was greeted by the passenger car.  He closed the door.  He opened it again.  Still the passenger car.  After closing and opening the door several times to confirm that yes, the lounge car had disappeared, Flash threw the door open and left it as such. The lounge car had completely disappeared.  Flash really hoped that was a good thing.  He also pointedly ignored any of the potential implications of its disappearance if that was a bad thing. Deciding to take an optimistic outlook for once, he concluded that he must have cleared some form of goal post in his last loop. That meant he was now closer to reaching the goal line and finally escaping the train.  If one of the goals had been to speak with Vibrato that would mean that he needed to speak with the others still present.  That meant the stallion in the passenger car, Next Track, and- Point Guard.  He mulled over his options and decided he would tackle the stallion in the passenger car first.  That option hadn’t irritated him previously with the shenaniganry in the engine compartment and he was in a good mood after speaking with Vibrato last loop.  He didn’t need to go out of his way to ruin it.    Flash trotted through the passenger car hallway and arrived shortly at the open compartment he knew the pink stallion had been staying in.  Just as he had prior, the stallion was going through various pink paged letters and giggling to himself.  Flash found him irritating. He glanced askance at the luggage compartment door.  But he was at least a more manageable irritating.  “What are you doing?” Flash announced gruffly.  The stallion jumped with a yelp and looked up at Flash. His ears were perked up and his eyes were wide open. He had let go of the page in his hooves allowing the paper to fall to the wooden floors of the compartment.  “Oh, Mr. Guard, sir,” the Stallion stuttered, “Just reading over letters from my marefriend back in the Crystal Empire.” He snorted and giggled. “She’s quite the romantic.”  “Marefriend, huh?” Flash grumbled, “Those are a lot of love letters from one mare.” The stallion’s ears flattened against his head and he turned away from Flash, “Oh, um, yes, they are.” He immediately perked up again. “But we’re absolutely crazy in love together. I send back just as many as she sends to me. Each just as heartfelt as the last.” He sighed wistfully.  “What’s she like?” “Pardon?” The stallion tilted his head in confusion. “Your marefriend,” Flash elaborated, “What’s she like?” The stallion seemed to burst with happiness. His tail wagged behind him, he had a wide toothy grin on display, and Flash could have sworn his eyes were sparkling in excitement.  “Oh! I’ve never had anypony interested in hearing about her before.” The stallion gestured with his right hoof to an open spot on the floor. “Come on in, make yourself comfortable.” Flash took the invitation and settled himself with his hooves underneath him and his wings resting at his sides. He was met by an outstretched hoof.  “My name is Love Letter,” The stallion said. Flash shook the offered hoof. “Flash Sentry. I prefer just Flash though.” “Well, great to meet you, Flash!” Love Letter grinned. “So, you want to hear about my amazing marefriend?” Flash repressed an eye roll. “Yeah, I do.” He pondered for a moment. “What does she do for a living?” “Bureaucrat,” Love answered, “Works in the crystal palace as a high ranking minister of finance.” Flash could see the sparkles in Love Letter’s eyes again. “She balances the budgets for various social organizations in Equestria and ensures that all of them get their fair share to continue functioning.” “That does seem incredible,” Flash agreed. “It is!” Love gushed, “I’ve actually been studying some texts from the public library so I can understand what she does.” Love cleared his throat. “Did you know that there are all sorts of algorithms to determine the median range of what an organization needs financially based on the number of employees and scope of the organization? I could actually go into-” “No, please don’t.” Flash had heard enough of that kind of boring talk from his ex marefriend. “It’s great that you’re trying to learn what she does so you can better understand her, but I really could do without the nitty gritty.” Love giggled. “Sorry, I get carried away sometimes. She does such an important job and it really is so important to me that I can keep up with her.” Flash tensed. “I mean, I wouldn’t want to embarrass her.”   “Embarrass her?” Flash stated dryly as he felt mounting dread build up inside himself. “Yeah, I mean I’m just a common pony.” Love dug at the floorboards with his front hooves. “She’s part of the castle staff, a noble amongst the crystal ponies. I’m not used to that kind of life and, well, she’s more important than me.” Love grinned with a stability consistent with melting ice. “So, I have to put in the work, right?” Flash stared at Love Letter. He felt a complex mixture of emotions rage inside of him and he wasn’t sure where he wanted to start unpacking them. “Put in the work?” Flash said, “What do you mean by that?” “Well, I don’t have the social nuance down or the knowledge to be able to present myself properly when my marefriend is out and about. I can’t just hope for the best, I have to be better,” Love said with shaky conviction, “I have to be better for her.” Love Letter was startled as Flash stood up abruptly glaring down at him.  “No,” Flash growled, “You don’t.” “But I have to!” Love exclaimed, “I don’t know what I’m doing when I’m around her.” Love’s ears flattened against his head. “I need to study up, so I can be beside her without making a fool out of myself.” Love frowned. “Out of her.” “Need.” “Pardon?” “Need.” Flash could feel anger begin to take hold of him and, for once, it felt justified. “Not want. Need.” Flash spat the word. “You don’t want to be better for her, you just feel a need to be. The worst kind of need.” “I,” Love flustered, “I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying.” “You feel obligated to be better for her,” Flash said gruffly, “That you have to be better for her.” He snorted. “Well, here’s a spoiler for how that goes: you’ll fail.” Love shot to his hooves. “I won’t!” “You will!” Flash roared in Love’s face, “You’re studying up on things you will never really understand. You’re trying to fit into a place you don’t belong. You will fail because you shouldn’t have been there in the first place.” Tears rolled down Love’s face. “I-” Love took a ragged breath. “Look, I’m trying, okay? I know I probably can’t, but I love her. I-” “Will fail,” Flash interrupted, “Love won’t get you through a fundamental difference that can’t be resolved by just talking through it over and over again.” Flash stomped his hoof. “All it does is keep you past the expiration date.” “No, you’re wrong,” Love blubbered, “We love each other, and that’s all that matters.” He glared at Flash. “How would you know anyway? You barely know me. You haven’t met her. You-” “Because I lived it!” Flash screamed. Love dropped to his back legs and scrambled backwards into the wall. “You will just keep screwing up, over and over and over.” Flash slammed his front hoof on the ground to punctuate each use of ‘over’. “Until eventually, she realizes that you weren’t good enough and she leaves you.” Love tried to interject, but Flash cornered him against the wall. “You think you can just keep studying and trying and hoping that everything will just work itself out if you keep going, but it won’t.” “Your efforts are pointless!” Flash yelled.  Love collapsed to the floor and covered his face with his front hooves. Flash stood over him breathing raggedly. As his mind caught up to what his anger had already said, he felt an overwhelming sense of shame overtake him. He went too far.  Much too far.  “Love, I,” Flash fumbled for words that would make this situation okay, “I didn’t mean-” His apology was interrupted by the telltale screech of the train wheels signifying an end to the loop. The last thing he heard as the train once more derailed was Love crying out how much he hated how right he was as tears freely rolled down his face.  Flash stopped in the hallway just before the door to Love Letter’s train compartment. He took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down from his emotional high. He needed to keep a grip on himself. He winced as he recalled what he had said in the last loop and knew that he had been out of line. He was really having no luck in keeping his emotions in check. He had gotten angry and punched Point Guard. He had a complete breakdown when he talked to Vibrato. Now, he got to add ‘reduce a stallion to tears by implying their relationship was fake’. He was certainly showing the world what a swell guy he was.  Flash dropped onto his backside, turned to face the wall, and slammed his head against it. Then he did it a second time. And a third. And a fourth. Once he was sure his self hatred and anger were replaced with throbbing head pain, Flash trotted into Love Letter’s room.  “Hello,” Flash greeted, “How are you?” Love Letter was startled as he looked up from the letter he was reading. He blinked and, after confirming who Flash was, grinned. “Oh, hello. I’m doing wonderfully,” Love Letter said amicably, “How are you, Mr. Guard?” “Fine,” Flash lied. A thought occurred to him. “How do you know I’m one of the train guards?” Love Letter tilted his head to one side in confusion. “Well, I suppose I know because of how you carry yourself.” Flash frowned. “Carry myself? What do you mean?” “I don’t really know how to explain it exactly, but I guess it’s like-,” Love Letter waved his hooves as he searched for the right words. “You walk as if you always have a purpose and have this air of sternness about you?” “Huh. Well, guess I’ll be self conscious about that later,” Flash said, “Anyways, my name is Flash Sentry, but I prefer just Flash.” “Love Letter. Pleasure to meet you, Flash. How can I help you?” “Well, I was on patrol and was curious about what you were doing with all of these letters.” “They’re from my marefriend,” Love answered, “I was feeling lonely, so I pulled them out and started reading them.” “Huh, I guess that’s one way to fill the gap.” Flash cursed internally at hitting a dead end in the conversation and decided to go in a different direction. “So, what do you do for fun?” “Well, I write romance novels professionally and I do love to play buckball.” Love Letter chuckled. “Well, play may be a strong word for how well I play on the field.” Flash laughed. “Can’t say I’m any better. I can keep up physically, but my coordination could definitely use some work.” Flash snorted. “Doesn’t help that a certain white unicorn stallion I can name cheats.” Love Letter laughed. “Ah, yeah that would make it pretty hard to play.” “Pretty much. Any time we try to get a goal, a shield just appears out of nowhere to stop the ball from going in the bucket.” They both shared a laugh. “So, you write professionally?” Love Letter nodded. “That’s pretty amazing, I heard making a living writing is really hard.” “Yeah, breaking into the industry was difficult, but I managed to gain a close knit following of readers, which helped me get my hooves on the ground.” Love Letter smiled sadly. “Well, I guess that will be in the past soon enough. Glad I could at least manage that much.” “Why would it be in the past?” Flash asked, “It’s your career isn’t it?” “Well, it’s really just for fun at this point.” Love Letter’s ears pinned against his head. “My job only really earns enough to make a stable living and my marefriend makes significantly more money than me. Besides, my time could be better spent learning to be able to keep up with my marefriend and supporting her.” Flash felt his anger return in full force. “I mean, income isn’t really a problem anymore, so there isn’t much of a point in continuing.” “No point-” Flash clamped down on his anger before he started another one-sided screaming match and changed his approach. “Do you enjoy writing romance stories?” Love Letter looked at Flash quizzically. “I wrote stories for money.” “That’s not what I asked,” Flash said, “I asked if you enjoy it?” Love Letter started to retort, but instead bit his lip seemingly thinking over his response. “Yes, I did,” Love Letter answered, “Do, but there’s no point if-” “You enjoy it, Love.” Flash laid down on the floor. “It doesn’t matter that you don’t need the bits, you shouldn’t give up doing what you love.” “But it gets in the way,” Love exclaimed, “It takes time away that I need to spend focused on caring for my marefriend. She needs support more than I need a hobby.” “Did she tell you to stop writing?” Flash asked gently, already knowing the answer.  “Well, I mean,” Love Letter flustered, “She never directly said anything.” Flash felt his anger once again rear its ugly head. Though more difficult than before, he fought it back again before responding.  “So, she pressured you into stopping?” “No!” Love Letter waved his hooves. “She didn’t tell me to stop, she just said that there were better things I could be doing than just writing sappy tales. I mean she isn’t wrong.” Love fidgeted as his eyes darted about the room refusing to focus on Flash. “There really are better things to do than write dumb love stories.” “They aren’t dumb,” Flash retorted, “If you were telling the truth when you said you enjoyed writing them, then it’s wrong for her to pressure you into stopping.” “But if it interferes with my relationship, it’s not worth pursuing any further. I don’t want to lose my marefriend over a hobby.” Flash felt his tail flick behind him in agitation. “Love, you can’t give up everything about yourself for one mare.” “I have to!” Love exclaimed. “Love, no. You’re not thinking about this clearly. You’re-” “She’ll leave me,” Love Letter interrupted. Flash was dumbfounded. “If I don’t do everything I can, she’ll leave me and I’ll be alone.” Love Letter sniffled. “I don’t want to be alone.” Flash felt the tidal wave of emotions he had been holding in finally break through. “Being alone is not worse than losing everything about yourself.” Love Letter sniffled and held himself with both hooves crossed over the front of his body. “I can’t,” Love choked out. “I, this is, ugh!” Flash grabbed his head with both wings in frustration. “This is stupid! You’re being stupid!” “I’m not stupid,” Love Letter blubbered as tears gathered in the corners of his eyes. “You’re willing to give up everything about yourself for a mare who clearly cannot even be bothered to care about you. That is the definition of stupid,” Flash felt himself get worked back into a frothing rage. He didn’t care. “There is compromise and then there is one sided sacrifice. All you’re doing is caving into everything she wants and not even bothering to fight back. You’re being an idiot. A lovestruck stupid IDIOT.” Love Letter was losing it. Flash was losing it. He had lost control. Again. He knew he needed to stop but he couldn’t. Love Letter was making so many mistakes, so many blunders, and he just. Didn’t. Get it. Flash growled and slammed his hooves on the ground as he heard the screech of tires. He screamed out his frustrations as the train derailed once more.  Bang. He was an idiot. Bang.  A complete moron. Bang. He should be expelled from the guard for what an absolute complete idiotic moron he was.   Flash released a growl of frustration as he banged his head again on the train car walls just outside of Love Letter’s compartment. He’d gone too far again. He’d let his anger overcome him and then proceeded to rip into Love Letter and said such hurtful words that he had no right to say to him.  Flash didn’t even get it. Despite his track record aboard this Tarturus cursed train, he’s normally level headed. He had not been a guard for over a decade to completely lose it over talking to some colt about his stupid marefriend. Flash punched the wall. Then a second time while punctuating the impact with another growl.  Why was he losing his composure? Why was he so Tartarus bent on ruining this stallion’s life? He didn’t lose his cool with Vibrato, not like this. He’d even argue this was worse than Point Guard. At least she could fight back.   Love Letter was just some dumb random stallion that was with a marefriend that was clearly using him, and all he was doing was making the exact same mistakes as- Flash went rigid. He felt a prickling of tears in the corners of his eyes as finally, finally he understood why he couldn’t keep it together.  Love Letter was him.  He was mad because Love Letter was doing the same thing he did and now  he was seeing what others saw of him. He was trying to get Love Letter to realize what all of his past friends had been trying to get Flash to realize.  How he threw everything away for a mare that didn’t care about him. How he was completely blind to what he was doing to himself until it was far too late to change anything.  How he had allowed himself to be strung along and forced into a box he didn’t fit in because he couldn’t handle being alone. He had put up with that toxic relationship for so long because he was scared about the possibility of never getting another chance at being together with somepony else. Vibrato had opened him up to seeing how his mentality regarding his past relationship had been harmful. Love Letter was ripping open the wound and showing him exactly who he had been. Had. Past Tense.  He leaned away from the wall. He took a deep ragged breath. He knew what he needed to tell Love. Because it would be what he needed to have been told himself.  “I really do love her a lot.” Love Letter smiled affectionately. Flash and Love Letter were seated in Love Letter’s train compartment across from each other on the floor.   Flash had waited patiently listening to the same information as previous loops. Despite having been unable to control himself before, he found this time around he was able to reign in his temper and focus on hearing what Love was telling him. It was time to make his move.  “Love, can I ask a personal question?” Flash asked. Love Letter tilted his head to one side. “Sure, I suppose. You have put up with listening to me talk this entire time. What do you want to ask?” “Are you in love with your marefriend, or the idea of your marefriend?” Love Letter went rigid. “I don’t understand the question.” “Are you in love with her as a pony?” Flash asked evenly, “Or are you in love with the idea of having a marefriend to be there for you so you’re not alone.” Love Letter stared at Flash with wide eyes and a confused expression on his face. “Those,” He stuttered, “Those are the same thing.” Flash shook his head. “They aren’t, Love.” “Yes, they are,” Love exclaimed, “You can’t have one without the other.” “You can, Love.” Flash stared at Love Letter with a stern expression on his face, “What you’re describing: the sacrifices, the never ending support, becoming her ideal match; It’s not a relationship. It’s a partnership of convenience.” “No.” Tears formed in the corner of Love’s eyes. “I love her. I want to be there for her because I want to support her even though-” Love stopped. “Even though she doesn’t care about your writing?” Flash said, “Even though you feel pressure to change everything about yourself to better suit her and only her?” “Yes!” Love yelled, “No! I mean, ponies in a relationship together always have to make some compromises.” Love’s voice became softer. “Even if I’m the only one doing it.” Silence filled the train compartment as Flash allowed Love to process the information Flash had given him. It was important to give him time. Flash could wait.  “What do I do if you’re right?” Love Letter whispered. “Then you’re on your own again,” Flash replied morosely, “But at least you don’t have to give up everything about yourself to get there.” “What if I’m always alone?” Tears were flowing freely down Love’s cheeks. “What if I never get another chance?” Flash felt tears well up in the corners of his own eyes. “If you keep trying to connect with others, you will get a second chance. It’s going to suck in the short term, but the other option is far worse.” Flash smiled. “Trust me. I know what I’m talking about when it comes to this.” Love Letter sniffled. He turned to look at the pile of letters stacked next to him and grinned through the messy tears. “Do you wanna know why I believe you?” Love Letter said. “Yeah, I do actually,” Flash replied with his own grin, “I’m actually surprised you’re just taking the words of a stranger at face value.” Love Letter giggled. “Well, it’s difficult to deny somepony when they tell you nothing but information you already knew.” Love Letter glanced over the letters once more then back to Flash. “They’re all addressed to me.” “I know,” Flash replied, “From your marefriend, right?” Love Letter shook his head.  “No, they’re from me.” Flash scooted forward and enveloped Love Letter in a tight hug with his wings. Love Letter hugged him back. The train whistle rang out its shrill cry. As the room was consumed by enveloping white light, they held onto each other as tight as they could. They hoped maybe it would stave off the loneliness even if only temporarily.