Flash dropped himself onto the cushion across from the mare in the lounge car. He cracked his neck left then right before leaning forward with his hooves on the table.
“So,” Flash started, “See anything interesting out the window?”
Without turning towards him, the mare replied in a raspy voice, “Not particularly, unless you count what I see that isn’t there.”
Flash scrunched up his muzzle. “And what’s that? Ghosts?”
The mare smirked. “Of a sort,” She sighed, “A concert. The Grand Canterlot Symphony Orchestra playing in the Eastern Public Gardens.”
“You see an entire orchestra out the window?”
“No, I remember seeing the orchestra,” The mare replied with a smirk, “I’m just visualizing it.”
“You saw the Grand Canterlot Symphony Orchestra? Live?” Flash said excitedly, “That’s amazing. They haven’t played a public showing in over a decade, which is a real shame since I never got to hear them.”
The mare finally turned her head to look at Flash with an unreadable expression on her face. “Yes, it is rather unfortunate that they stopped playing public venues for the general populace. If I recall it was due to a mixture of lessening popularity and monopolization from the nobles.” She seemed pensive as she looked at Flash before finally turning to face him full on. “I used to play actually. Even got an audition in the far long past.”
“Oh, wow, that’s incredible.” Flash’s ears perked up and he felt his tail wag behind him excitedly. “It is notoriously difficult to even get to that stage in the process. What instrument did you play?”
“Viola,” She replied, “Not a violin. It-”
“-Is the middle child to its siblings the Violin and Cello,” Flash finished as the mare gave him a perplexed expression, “I have a passing interest in music.”
“Passing?” the mare asked with some measure of disbelief, “Did you play anything?”
“Not really. I just have an interest in the theory.”
“Well, I suppose I haven’t had a chance to ‘talk shop’ with another pony for several years now. I could do with a familiar topic even if you only have a ‘passing’ interest as you say.” She held out her right hoof. “Vibrato.”
Flash returned the gesture. “Flash Sentry, but Flash is fine.”
She smiled. “A Pleasure, Flash.”
Vibrato grabbed her wine glass from the table and took a swig from the glass.
She grimaced. “Ugh, brandy. Why did I even pour this for myself?”
Flash tilted his head to the side in confusion. “You don’t like it?”
“No, I abhor it.” Vibrato frowned. “Along with most things of an alcoholic nature. If I was to have a choice I would destroy any trace of this monstrosity that ponykind has deemed a beverage.”
“Then why are you drinking it?”
Vibrato frowned and swirled the glass in her hoof. “Habit. My husband.” She snorted. “Sorry, ex husband was obsessed with the stuff. Favourite drink. He demanded it be served for every occasion regardless of my say in the matter.”
Flash gulped feeling discomfort at the topic. “So, you just drank it because your ex did?” Vibrato nodded. “Then why don't you drink what you like now since he’s your, well, ex?”
Vibrato seemed confused a moment before releasing a bark of laughter. It was a sharp sound and not at all joyful. Flash flattened his ears against his head.
“Well, you see, Flash.” Vibrato gave a strained smile. “I don't even know what I like anymore.”
“You don’t?” Flash felt his wings give a tentative flap.
“No, I don’t. It’s been.” Vibrato trailed off. “Enough. It’s been enough time that I genuinely can’t remember if I’ve even tried other types of drinks. I wonder now what I do like. Cider? Wine? Dare I say beer?” She gave another bark of laughter.
“I mean, it’s just drinks.” Flash chuckled nervously. “It’s not that big of a deal.”
Vibrato was quiet as she stared into the middle distance. Flash couldn’t be sure what she was staring at, but he felt unnerved by it.
After another moment of silence, she gave her glass another idle swirl and focused back on Flash.
“Isn’t it though?” She said wistfully, “A big deal?”
Flash shuffled in place. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know what drinks I like,” Vibrato started, “But that’s not even where it stops. I can’t remember my past hobbies, the kind of music I enjoy listening to, or even what foods that I prefer. I’m a slate that’s been wiped clean.”
She took a swig of her brandy, grimaced, then poured the rest onto the floor of the train car with a scowl on her face.
“Everytime I try to think of something I like, I just remember what he likes,” Vibrato stated bitterly, “I’ve gone so long doing whatever he wanted that I’ve forgotten what I wanted.”
“I mean.” Flash looked askance. “That’s what you’re supposed to do, right?”
Vibrato looked at him with wide eyed surprise. “Supposed to? Flash, I dedicated my entire life to a stallion that left me with nothing. I have clearly done something wrong.”
“Well, sometimes it doesn’t work out, but adapting to your special somepony is what you’re supposed to do,” Flash stated, “If the other pony was more important then it just makes sense that you, as the less important one, need to adapt more to them.”
Vibrato stared at Flash in what he thought was pity. “Flash, I don’t think-”
“It makes sense,” Flash interrupted, “That’s how it goes. In the end your interests are secondary to their’s. A relationship is about making sacrifices and sometimes you end up being the pony that makes more of them.”
Vibrato looked horrified. “Flash, take it from somepony who’s been there. That’s not a healthy-”
“It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t work out because if it didn’t work out then you just didn’t adapt enough,” Flash yelled.
“Flash, no.” Vibrato stood up and stretched out a hoof towards him. “That mentality is wrong. You were used-”
“It’s what you’re supposed to do!” Flash stood up abruptly and slammed his hooves on the table as he screamed out his response.
Vibrato flinched back.
Flash breathed raggedly as he felt the adrenaline surge fade. Vibrato looked ready to say something, but was interrupted by the screech of tires.
Flash closed his eyes as he waited to wake up once more in his room.
“Okay, let’s try this again,” Flash said as he dropped into the seat across from Vibrato.
Vibrato looked startled as she swung herself to face Flash and almost bumped her glass off the table. “Try what again? Actually, who even are you?”
“Hi.” Flash shoved one of his right hoof forward. “My name is Flash Sentry.”
Vibrato looked down at Flash’s extended hoof then back at his face with a wide eyed look of confusion. She eventually, with some measure of apprehension, extended her hoof to Flash and shook it.
“Vibrato,” She said.
Flash grinned. “Say, I’ve seen you looking out the window for a while now and you seem kind of lost. Why’s that?”
“Lost?” Vibrato asked in confusion before seeming thoughtful. “Well, I suppose that is the case, though I was unaware that I came across as that.”
“You do.” Flash readily agreed.
Vibrato scrunched up her face. “Rather forward aren’t you?”
“I’ve been told that,” Flash replied, “Anyways, I figured you might want somepony to talk to about it.”
Vibrato opened and closed her mouth soundlessly. She tilted her head to the side with her eyes closed, mulled over her thoughts, and finally sighed.
“I suppose, I do,” She said, “Do you think one can lose themselves?”
“Lose themselves?” Flash tilted his head to one side. “What do you mean?”
“Well.” Vibrato waved a hoof in the air as she searched for the right words. “Like forgetting who you are or how you used to be.”
She looked directly at Flash with a hopeful look. “Does that make any sense?”
Flash was quiet as he stared back at Vibrato and fought to keep his face in a neutral expression. Eventually, he turned away.
“So, you play Viola?” He said, “I noticed your mark.”
Vibrato was startled by the sudden change of topic. “Yes, or at least I did. I had played well enough to receive an audition with the Grand Canterlot Symphony Orchestra.”
“Wow, that’s impressive,” Flash said with genuine admiration despite hearing this information for the second time, “They are notoriously difficult to join.”
“Indeed they are, but due to circumstances I had to pass on the invitation.” Vibrato took a sip of brandy from her glass and grimaced. “Ugh, wretched.”
“Not a fan of brandy?” Flash asked despite knowing the answer.
“No, I’m not. The stuff is awful.” Vibrato gave a disgusted look. “Though, I am curious. Do you play an instrument?”
Another quiet moment passed before Flash replied, “Guitar. I played guitar.”
“Ah, a fellow comrade of the strings.” Vibrato grinned. “Always a delight to meet another player of the best instrumental group. Played anything recently?”
Flash started to reply then stopped to think about when he had last picked up his guitar. He recalled vaguely of a dust covered five string acoustic sitting in a corner of his room back in the Crystal Empire.
“No,” Flash replied with a hint of remorse, “I don’t remember when I had last played something.”
“Ah, then we can relate even more,” Vibrato said, “I can’t remember when I last played either.”
Vibrato sighed and went to take another sip of her drink before frowning and dumping the rest on the floor of the train car. She placed her empty glass back on the table.
“I used to love to play, still do.” Vibrato frowned. “At least, I think so.”
“You think so?”
“Yes, I haven’t played since.” Vibrato reached for a date. “before I was together with my ex husband.”
Flash felt that familiar uncomfortableness well up inside of him.
“Since that long ago, huh?”
Vibrato looked peeved as she replied, “Yes, that long ago or really anything now that I think about it. I haven’t spoken with my own friends or done anything I used to enjoy since I had been together with him.” Vibrato spit out the last word.
“I mean, he must have been important then.” Vibrato stared at Flash. “If you gave up so much it must have been because he needed your support.”
Vibrato laughed. “Support? Oh, Flash. He never needed that.” She gave an indignant snort. “All he had was money, and the money more than took care of itself. No, I was a prize. An exemplary musician that looked nice as arm candy for when he strutted around at his stupid parties.”
Flash felt his insides turn cold as Vibrato released another bark of laughter.
“I mean, I don’t even know why I agreed to marry him.” Vibrato threw her hooves in the air. “He was a complete bore. We had nothing in common and no interest in learning each other’s hobbies. Somewhere along the line I decided I needed to make things work between us and dropped everything that caused problems for our relationship.”
Flash could feel the urge to gallop away take over his thoughts. It was a constant background urgency that screamed at him that he needed to leave.
“I gave up playing Viola,” Vibrato continued, “I gave up my friends, I gave up what I enjoyed, I gave up myself.”
Flash felt his breath become ragged. He felt hot. Sweat was rolling down his face.
“I-” Flash started.
“And what am I left with?” Vibrato slammed her hooves on the table, her wine glass tipped and rolled onto the floor shattering on the ground. “Nothing! No partner! No joy! No prospects!”
The compartment felt smaller. Like it was closing in. Like he was trapped. He felt his wings begin to flap at his side with a need to be in the air.
“I, I need-”
“What was the point in giving up everything about myself, when all I’m left with-”
He couldn’t handle this. It was too much.
“Please,” Flash pleaded, “Stop.”
“-Is NOTHING!” Vibrato yelled.
Flash reared up onto his back legs as he planted his front hooves on the table in front of a startled Vibrato. He felt hot tears run down his face and his breathing came out closer to sobs.
Vibrato looked concerned as she reached a hoof towards him. “Flash, are you-”
“I can’t do this.” Flash ducked his head under and folded his wings over top to keep out the rest of the train. “It’s too much. I can’t. I’m not ready for this. I just-”
He stopped when the train crashed and threw him across the train car.
Flash sighed heavily as he took his seat across from Vibrato once again. He took a deep breath as he let his head hang over the table. It had taken several loops before he had been ready to come back to this conversation and they had been rough.
Rough being a massive understatement.
“Are you alright?”
Flash lifted his head to face the concerned expression of Vibrato.
“No,” Flash replied, “Just deciding on my approach this time around.”
“Approach to what?” Vibrato asked.
“Getting over my own baggage.” Flash snorted at his own personal joke. “You play music?”
“I- Yes, I do,” Vibrato stumbled over her words from the abrupt shift in conversation, “I’m sorry, but you’re not making a lot of sense to me.”
“That makes two of us.” Flash smiled.
He mulled over his thoughts on where to steer the conversation. He had tried to talk out Vibrato’s issues, but they were too close to his own. Far too close. He knew he couldn’t handle it, his previous meltdown attested to that, but he had to confront his issues eventually if he had any chance of escaping this loop.
Maybe this time he should start with something lighter before going straight to the heavy topics.
“What instrument do you play?” Flash asked.
“Viola,” Vibrato said, “Or at least I did.”
“Cool, I play guitar,” Flash said, “Or at least I did.”
Vibrato smiled. “Oh? Always wonderful to find a fellow string instrument lover. It’s unfortunate that we couldn’t be playing now.”
“It is, isn't it?” Flash grinned.
As she said that, a thought occurred to him or rather a question. It was meaningless, as to get any form of an answer would be pointless due to the loop, but, regardless of the result, he still wanted to ask.
“Do you live in the Empire?”
“Yes,” Vibrato replied, “Since two springs prior.”
Flash took a deep breath to brace himself. “Do you want to play together some time?”
Vibrato looked surprised. “That’s rather out of the blue.”
“It is, but I was just thinking about how I haven’t played in a long time and having somepony else to play with would be good motivation.”
“Somepony else for motivation, huh?” Vibrato mulled over her thoughts. “Sure. You know where the public concert hall is in Amethyst Park?”
“You want to do this?” Flash asked incredulously.
“Yes, I do.”
“Why? I know I asked the question, but I’m surprised you so willingly agreed to play with a complete stranger.”
Vibrato stirred her brandy filled glass with a hoof. “I guess I’m just done with being stuck in place.”
Flash was stunned silent. Vibrato went to take a sip from her glass, but Flash grabbed the glass from her hoof and tipped the contents on the floor.
“Well, that was rude.” Vibrato frowned.
“Brandy is garbage,” Flash stated, “How about cider? I saw a bottle behind the bar on my way in.”
“I’m not sure I’ve ever had it.”
“Well, why not now?”
Vibrato was silent for a moment. “You know what? Cider sounds delightful, let’s try it.”
Flash trotted to the bar, grabbed two new glasses, a bottle of apple cider from the back shelf, and poured out enough for both him and Vibrato.
He brought both glasses back and then they talked.
They talked about music.
They made plans to meet and rediscover the joy of it together.
They started to move on.
As minutes turned into hours, Flash could feel himself smile naturally in what had felt like months, and could feel some weight he couldn’t place slide off of him.
He felt lighter.
He felt like he was moving forward.
He found that the chugging of the train didn’t bother him as much as it did.
As his conversation with Vibrato began to wind down, he heard the shrill cry of the train whistle.
He watched as the room began to glow brighter and brighter with white light. It felt warm. Comforting.
As first Vibrato then himself became engulfed in that light, Flash closed his eyes.