Professor Rarity and I entered Professor Dash's gym to see Professor Dash and Professor Fluttershy. Next to them was one of those old school music players.
"Professors Dash and Fluttershy?" I questioned to which Professor Rarity nodded, "To be honest, when you said you knew someponies that could help me with dancing, I thought you were talking about DJ Pon-3 or Octavia Melody. I didn't know they were good at dancing," I gestured to the two pegasi professors.
"God damnit. I really wanted to listen to some of Dj Pone-3's awesome...well...dj music. Her music is lit!"
"Don't be so surprised," Professor Dash said as she flew up too me, "I'm awesome at everything. Except for baking."
"Sooo...that must mean she's also good at...guitar? What about video games? Rapping? Art? What about-"
I think we get the idea. She's got an ego the size of Jrod's appetite for Taco Bell.
"Why do you keep saying the Jrod loves Taco Bell as if it's his lover?"
We like to make racist jokes towards each other, and since he's Mexican, I like to crack that he loves Taco Bell.
"I thought he was Puerto Rican."
Mexican. Puerto Rican. Tomato. Tomoto. Same fucking thing.
"I'm pretty sure it isn't."
"There are two traditional dances that everypony does at the Fet. After a few days of practicing of us, you'll learn them both," Professor Fluttershy said to which I nodded.
I'm gonna be dancing like someone who has two left feet.
"We'll start with the slow dance, the Pony Cotillion. That's Fluttershy's specialty," Professor Rarity said to which Professor Fluttershy blushed and hid behind her mane.
"Oh heh heh. I wouldn't say specialty. It's just fun," she said before leading me to a bunny with a rolled up piece of paper, "Here Legion, I made you a chart."
The bunny unrolled the paper, showing me...what the fuck is this shit? There were many hoofprints and dotted lines consisting of red, blue, green, and black, all tangled up in a total mess.
"The fuck is this supposed to be? Twister?"
"Umm..." I mumbled.
"All you have to do is follow these dance steps," she said nonchalantly as I stared at the chart in total confusion that screamed 'what the fuck', "You'll learn them in no time."
She nodded to the bunny, who then kicked the music player which began to play eloquent music.
"Now just start walking and follow my lead," she said to which we stepped onto the chart, "Step on whatever color I name. Let's begin."
"Please don't be as complicated as Dance Dance Revolution."
That game's not even...what?
"Blue, red, step ahead. Green, black, now step back," she said as she shifted her footing to step on the colors, "Now you try."
"Okay. Um...blue, red, step ahead. Green, black, now step back?" I said as I did exactly what she did.
"Good," she said.
Huh...that was easy.
"Maybe this slow dance won't as hard as I thought."
"Now, black, green, red, and blue. Red, black, hold one and two..."
What the fuck?
"...Red, green, red once more..."
Oh god. Slow down!
"...Green, black, blue, red, three and four," she said in total complication as she did the moves, while I struggled like the survivors from Dead By Daylight.
I can't...I can't pay attention when you're going that fast dude!
"C-can you slow down?! I feel like I have four left feet!" I said before I tripped on my hooves and fell to the ground.
"O-okay...maybe I was wrong."
Motherfu-YOU JINXED IT!
"I'M SORRY!"
"Oh...um...maybe we should try this again later," Professor Fluttershy said as she and Professor Rarity sighed.
"Yep, that's probably a good idea," I said as I got up, "Maybe I don't learn the complicated stuff so early."
Or I can just you know...not do it at all. I can...I can just take it slow.
"Don't worry Legion," Professor Dash said as she flew up to me, "That was the hard one. Mine's way easier."
She winked and nodded to the bunny, whom flipped over the music disk and the music player started a more...fast paced music.
Hey. This is probably more my style.
"A little dance called the Pony Prance," Professor Dash said.
"How many fucking horse puns does this world have?!"
"The key to this one is speed!" she said before she started flying around and doing some moves that are more freestyle, like hopping in place, rearing her hind hooves up into the air, and pumping her hoof into the air.
"Come on Legion, try it! I know you're agile, so just get with the flow and let yourself go!" she said as she continued dancing.
I don't know how being agile makes me a good dancer, but okay.
Well, I didn't know how to dance like a pony, so I just did what Professor Dash did. In addition, I added a little head banging here and there. It was...quite exhilarating actually. I didn't even realize that I was starting to fly around a bit and doing some flips here and there. I think I'm actually starting to get into it. Unfortunately, I was so into it that I wasn't paying attention to my movements. I ended up backflipping into a pole and hitting my head on it.
"OW!" I screamed as I made impact and fell to the ground. The professors gasped and ran over to me as all I saw were stars.
"Oh my goodness, Legion. Are you alright?" Professor Rarity asked.
"Groan. I think I got with flow and let myself go...too much," I groaned as I rubbed my aching head.
Professor Rarity and I walked to Sweet Apple Acres. She told me that she was gonna get some more help to you know...help me. We entered the farm and saw Professors Applejack and Pinkie Pie in front of the Apple house.
"Howdy there Legion. Rarity tells us that ya need some help getting ready for the big dance," Professor Applejack said.
"Indeed. And we only have a few more days," Professor Rarity said.
"Well, you've come to the right place. Because if you ask me what my favorite part of the dance is, I'd say everything about the dance," Professor Pinkie said as she hopped and spun around me.
"Of course it is. Why am I not surprised?"
I wonder if there's alcohol in this world. If she really wants to get wild, she should have a party filled with booze and loud music. And maybe have drunken...actually nevermind.
"Actually, I think there is alcohol here, only it's pretty light. Didn't Professor Applejack mention something about apple cider?"
I've had apple cider before. Not bad. Not bad at all.
"But especially...this," she said as she took out a pot shaped like a cupcake and carrying it with...the tip of her curly mane...you know what, never mind, "The Fetlock Lucky Pot Dinner."
"It's part of the Ponyville dance tradition. Everypony brings out a dish to share," Professor Applejack said as she took out a pot with an apple on it and apple marks all over it, "And we swap em without knowing whose is whose. Although my lucky pot probably gives it away."
"You can cook anything you want, but can I suggest, oh I don't know...cupcakes?!" Professor Pinkie asked excitedly as she pressed her muzzle against mine, making me smile nervously.
Please don't get so close to me.
"Um...I know how to make a grilled cheese and quesadillas," I said as a back away a bit.
"Oh! Those sound delicious Legion," Professor Pinkie said excitedly, "Buuut, I don't think the quesadillas are a good idea to bring to the dance."
"Why?" I asked with confusion.
"Well you see darling," Professor Rarity said, "Twilight is um...afraid of quesadillas."
...
"What?" I asked with a face that screamed 'what the fuck did you just say?'
"Yep, got it on file right here," Professor Pinkie said as she pulled a file folder from out of nowhere, "Twilight Sparkle likes vanilla ice cream, red balloons, dancing, but she's afraid of quesadillas."
...
"B-b-but...h-how..."
"I'm sorry, but how can you be afraid of food?!" I said with a look of utter disbelief, "And what's wrong with quesadillas?! There soooo good!"
"I believe Twilight's exact words were 'there just so cheesy,'" Professor Rarity said.
"What. The. FUCK?!"
"But what does that even mean?!" I asked, "That like me saying 'oh, I'm afraid to eat apples because there so juicy.' It doesn't make any sense!"
"Hmm. I'm not sure why Twilight's afraid of them. But back on track, let's get baking!" Professor Pinkie said before hopping inside the house, to which Professors Rarity, Applejack, and I followed.
"A lot of things don't make sense on this world."
Really? When did it start to get weird for you exactly? When we turned into a pony, when we met Professor Pinkie, or when we started fighting shadows? Actually, that last one is pretty awesome, but you get the idea. Anyways, time learn the ways of baking sweets from Professor Pinkie.
"Flour, milk, sugar, butter, icing! Then we mix, and we beef, and we pour into pan, we bake! And now you try it!" Professor Pinkie said as she managed to make cupcakes in just a few seconds, leaving me with my jaw dropped.
...
"WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK WE HAVE THE PROCESSING OF A COMPUTER?!"
"O-okay...let's see um...flour," I said as I opened a bag of flour and dumped it into a bowl. Unfortunately, a lot of it got into my nose. I sneezed loudly, spreading flour everywhere and covering Professor Pinkie completely in flour, making her as white as a ghost.
"Well, that's one way to do it," she said.
Sigh. I got a long way to go.
"You know what this calls for? MONTAGE!"
CUE THE MUSIC!
"Blue, red, green...whoa!" I said as I almost tripped again. Thankfully, Professor Fluttershy caught me just in time. Meanwhile, Professor Rarity was busy stitching up my suit.
Professor Rarity kept using a brush to try to get my mane to look nice, but no matter how much force she put into each stroke, much to my dismay, my mane would just remain unkempt. Guess this is what happens when I don't take care of my hair.
"Ah your mane doesn't look that bad."
Professor Pinkie was a baking machine, as she kept mixing bowls of cupcake batter. Meanwhile, I was still mixing my first one. I felt good about the mix, so I looked away from the professor gave it a quick lick to taste it. I then heard the dinging sound of an oven. I looked back, and my eyes widened and my jaw dropped as I saw two shelves filled with cooked cupcakes. Professor Pinkie just looked back at me and smiled.
Professor Rarity was washing my mane in...whatever those things are called. You know, those things you see in spas where you lean back in a chair and someone washes your hair over a bowl. After the washing, Professor Rarity dried my mane with a towel and saw...that it was exactly the same.
I managed to perform Professor Fluttershy's complicated dance almost perfectly, with a little bit of stumbles. I turned around and started doing the Pony Prance in front of Professor Dash, making sure to pay attention to my movements. Both of the professors had proud smiles on their faces.
Professor Rarity tried everything. From head bands, hair sprays, she even tried a curling iron, but my mane just kept its spiky, unkempt look. It was starting to get amusing as she started to get frustrated, if my small smile and chuckle of amusement were any indications. But those immediately dropped and instead turned into a smile and chuckle of nervousness when she looked at me with total determination with a pair of shears in her aura.
"Welp, you're fucked."
If anybody was around Carousel Boutique at the time, they would just see a grey teenage pegasus colt bursting through the doors to the building and flying away and screaming. Almost immediately afterwards, a white adult unicorn mare would be running after the colt while levitating a pair of shears.
"Blue, red, step ahead. Green, black, now step back," I kept repeating myself as I did the Pony Cotillion, this time without the chart, "Black, green, red and blue. Red, black, hold one and two. Red, green, red once more. Green, black, blue, red, three and four."
"Guys look. He's dancing," I heard Professor Dash say proudly.
"How about that. And he's good," Professor Applejack said.
"By Celestia! I think he's got it!" Professor Rarity said.
"He's really got it!" Professor Pinkie said.
"You'll be the hit of the ball," Professor Fluttershy said.
I honestly don't know whether to be excited or not about that last one.
"Yeah...yeah...I got this! I can do this! And it's all thanks to you five," I said as I turned to them, "So...thank you, professors."
"Oh darling, it was nothing. And we're just in time too. The dance is tomorrow," Professor Rarity said, "I just need to put the finishing touches on your suit. You can come pick it up after school before the dance."
"Okay professor," I nodded, "Well, I should get started on my homework. See you tomorrow professor, and again...thanks for helping me."
"Bye Legion," they all said.
I flew out of Carousel Boutique and, with some newfound determination, I headed towards the school, thinking about the Amity Ball tomorrow. I no longer have any fear or any sense of nervousness. Tomorrow, I've got a dance. A date. An opportunity. To get together with Shimmy Shake, the most beautiful and kindest girl I've ever met. And I'm not gonna let anything get in the way with that.