//------------------------------// // Chapter 3: Help Me, Help You // Story: Dark as Chitin: Soul Theory // by LostBox //------------------------------// Chapter Music Cozy Glow "What the buck are you doing?" I said in a low enough tone to be heard only by the absurdly naive colt sitting across from me. He sat there with a dumbfounded expression as he stuffed his face with a slice of cake, my slice of cake. His cheeks swelled as he suddenly began beating his chest with a hoof, presumably choking on the cake. Good. Unfortunately, he found it in himself to swallow the knot in his throat before turning his attention back at me. "I was helping." I felt my right eye twitch at that. "I didn't ask for your help, I had it under control." If this stupid colt didn't get in the way, I could have wiggled my way into their little gang, solidifying myself as a higher up in the social hierarchy of the school. It would have been smooth sailing from there. "Didn't seem that way to me," he countered, stuffing his face with one of my hay fries, "your food almost ended up on the floor." To Tartarus with the food! "That's it! What's the deal with you!? You keep appearing out of nowhere, you follow me around like some lost puppy, and now you get in the way of my plans! Spill it, what do you want from me?!" Pry's ears folded back as he wore an expression of shame. As he should. Sighing, he levitated the book out of his bag and onto the table, opening it to a specific page. Rotating the book the face me, he pushed it forward. That specific page held an oddly specific list, a bucket list. "I want to be your friend, Cozy." Buck-It List Raid Twilight's Royal Pantry (Again) Prank Celestia With Luna (Never Again) Buy Shining Armor A New Ponies & Dragons Set (Again) Finish Tech Blueprints Apologize to Pinkie Pie For Teaching Li'l Cheese The B-Word (Too Dangerous) Beat Rainbow In A Race (Not Cheating If She Can't Prove It) Get Discord Laid (W.I.P.) Model For Rarity (It Makes Me Feel Pretty) Become Friends With Cozy Glow Seranade Luna What is this? Is this some kind of joke? Why does a colt have a buck-it list? Why is that what I'm questioning? I smacked the book off the table, standing up in my seat as I planted my hooves on the tabletop, causing Pry to lean back. "Read my lips. I do not want to be your friend." He looked down, the gears in his head grinding the cobwebs as he came to terms with what he had just been told. "Understandable, have a nice day," he formally stated, sliding out his seat while simultaneously slipping on a deer-stalker hat from his bag. He trotted over to the book on the floor, tossing it into his bag with his magic before turning to face me. "If you change your-" I cut him off. "I won't." He simply nodded, "I see," trotting off to Faust knows where. Once he was gone, I allowed myself to calm down, becoming aware of what I had just done and where I was. Everyone in the Cafeteria was now staring at me. Sometime later... Today's been a massive pain in my flank. Luckily, it's the last class of the day, Stinkie Pie's lesson in laughter. "As all of you know, it feels good to laugh. Laughter is an essential part of every friendship. So, for today's friendship exercise, your goal is to make your partner laugh. However, there's a catch. Your partners will be," she paused as a drum roll sounded from nowhere, "random!" On queue, confetti shot out from the ceiling, leaving many students both astonished and annoyed. Take a guess on which side I fell into. Ms. Pie began drawing straws from a tin can in pairs, calling out the various names of students. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time, praying to Faust that I didn't get paired with Pry. That would be awkward, to say the least. "And the final pair is...Cozy Glow and Private Eye! Also, as an added rule, you aren't allowed to leave until you get at least a giggle. I'll be watching, go!" Gosh, darn it! Can't anything go my way? I looked around the comically messy classroom only to see that many of my peers were already finding success. What I didn't see, however, was Pry. Now's an awful time to finally buzz off. My desperation grew by the second, realizing that I might have to stay after school just because I couldn't complete some stupid assignment. Maybe Mera could bail me out...fat chance. I continued looking around until I finally spotted him sitting just behind me. How had I not noticed him again? He sat at his desk looking down at the open pages of his book, wearing an indifferent expression, tired eyes darting from word to word. I began trotting over to him, but the closer I got, the more nervous I became. I couldn't explain why. It was like something was eating away at me inside. I'm probably just fed up is all. Many of the smaller individuals of the class had appropriately sized desks, so I was now standing at eye level with Pry. Only, his eyes didn't meet mine; he didn't acknowledge my presence at all. Calling his name bore no fruit either. I knew what this was, it was the silent treatment. I didn't take Pry for the petty type. This is bad. Still, even if he pretended not to notice me, he should be able to hear me. "I have a joke about trickle-down economics. But you won't get 99% of it." No reaction. Okay, so that one didn't work. He's gonna be a tough nut to crack. "When does a joke become a dad joke?" I paused, knowing he wouldn't respond, "When it leaves and never comes back." He smirked, flipping a page in his book. Still not good enough. Come on! Everypony loves that one! The following few minutes consisted of me executing every possible joke and act I could think of to get his attention, but nothing worked. Ugh, you're the most stubborn colt I've ever met. I had exhausted all of my other options. It was time to take a more physical approach. Nopony could stand being tickled, it was just a matter of fact. Maneuvering behind him, I began targeting his obliques, prepared to end his lifetime career of breathing. It's payback time. Throwing my hooves out, I was shocked to find that they stopped short, suspended in some sort of matrix. There was like some kind of invisible force field in the way. The harder I pushed, the more resistance I was met with. A barrier? No, that wasn't it. The farther I reached, the slower I went. At this rate, I would never reach him. Darn Colt, cheating with magic. I can't even dispel it, I don't even know what spell this is. Suddenly, I fell on my face, the resistance abruptly vanishing. As for my momentum...not so much. "Sorry Cozy, didn't notice-," he paused before chuckling, "What in Equestria are you doing, Cozy? You look ridiculous." Against my own expectations, I began laughing as well. Not because I found the situation humorous but because I was glad I had finally accomplished my goal. I can't stand this colt. Chimera Right then, should be about that time. Pinpointing Cozy's location with my magic, I activated my teleportation spell, appearing just outside the School of Friendship. Students were filing out of the building, happily greeting their family members in various ways. I searched the sea of heads, looking for a particular pink filly when I finally spotted her. She trudged through the front doors, head hanging low as she let out an exasperated sigh. I trotted over to her, meeting her halfway. "Rough day?" "I wanna go home," she muttered without looking at me. No snark? It must've been really bad then. "Say no more." My magic shimmered to life, enveloping Cozy as I retraced my previous coordinates. In a flash, we were back at the Castle just outside her room. Well, it was once my room, but I moved in with Dawn as her personal cuddle buddy, but I digress. Cozy stumbled onto her bed, throwing herself down face first, unmoving. Whatever happened, it clearly had taken its toll on her. When this happens to me, I find that talking about it helps ease the stress. Mom's a surprisingly good listener. I sat beside her on the bed, not too close, but also not too far. "You wanna talk about it?" Through pillows and bedsheets, I heard a muffled, "no," in response. Maybe I should give her some time to herself. I shifted my weight on the bed, prepared to get off when I suddenly heard something else more clearly. "Why are colts so dumb?" Colts? I'm not really sure how to respond to that. I haven't really interacted with many colts, and I kind of skipped that stage in development. I stayed silent for a moment, unsure of what to say. Looking over my shoulders, I saw that Cozy was now laying on her back, limbs laid out as she blankly stared up at the ceiling. Think, Chimera, think! This is one of the rare moments when Cozy is actually seeking guidance from you! What will she think of you when you have absolutely nothing to offer! Folding my forehooves over each other, I cleared my throat. "Colts are...complicated, yet incredibly simple at the same time. When you talk to a colt, you have to be as direct as possible without coming off as rude. It's a tight balance to maintain, and difficult for almost anypony to figure out. Luckily, you're not just anypony," I unreadily stated. Cozy slowly moved her hooves up to her face, rubbing her eyes in slow circles. "Neither is he," she muttered. He? Is she talking about who I think she's talking about? Oh, Faust, what did he do? "He? It's one colt?" "Some blank flank named Private Eye. He keeps popping up out of nowhere and following me around. Not to mention that weird magic he uses. I can't wrap my head around him, but I want to wrap my hooves around his throat," Cozy snapped as she violently mimed the action in the air. Yup, it's him. I'll be sure to have a chat with Soul later. "While I'm sure your feelings are...justified, I don't think it has to come to that." She moaned in frustration, allowing her hooves to plop to her sides once more. "Hey, chin up. Tell you what, I'll talk to the school about it. I'll also make you a deal. If you can go at least a week without strangling this colt, I'll take you shopping wherever you want." At this, Cozy's head slowly tilted toward me. "Really?" "Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." Sitting up slowly, she stretched out her wings. "Fine. It's a deal." Honestly, I might come to regret this later, but I think she deserves it. She's actually been pretty well behaved lately, and I'd hate for Soul to tip her over the edge. Cozy rolled out of bed, making way to the door before opening it with her magic. "Where are you going?" I asked curiously. "I'm hungry." "In that case, Dawn made dinner. She should still be in the kitchen actually." "'kay." Luster Dawn I tried my hoof at making Spaghetti and Wheat Balls, one of my dad's recipes. I normally don't cook, but dad said it would help take my mind off things. Almost everypony said it was good, but I'm just not so sure if that's the case. It feels like it's missing something. Oh well, everypony's already eaten, I'll just throw it out. As I levitated the pot to the trash, I was surprised to see the small figure of Cozy Glow coming through the kitchen doorway. She looked...out of it. "Oh, e-evening Cozy, I made Spaghetti and Wheat Balls. Care to try some?" "Yes, please," she tiredly responded. Manners? That's rare. I canceled my actions, setting the pot down and scooping out a spoonful onto a plate. I levitated the plate over to her just as she climbed up onto one of the high chairs using her stubby little legs. Adorable. I waited with bated breath as she lazily took a bite, levitating the fork in her magic, something I didn't know she could do. It must have something to do with that necklace she's wearing. I'll ask Mera about it later. She chewed on the food for a while before swallowing with an unchanging expression. "What do you think?" "I mean, it's good, a bit bland though," she then stuck the fork in a wheat ball before levitating it a bit off the plate. I watched as the wheat ball fell apart with ease. "And the wheat balls are a bit soggy, don'tcha think?" I knew it was something. "Bland? How so?" She placed a hoof to her chin before pointing it just behind me. "Pass me those." I had left the spices I used on the counter. Intrigued, I floated the spices to the table, placing them in front of her. She picked up each bottle, inspecting the labels closely before she began adding a blend of her own spices to the food. Afterward, she mixed the pasta up before taking another bite, giving a content nod. Unconsciously, I tilted my head curiously as I watched her. Cozy took notice of this and pushed the plate over to me. "Try it." Grabbing the fork in my magic, I twirled it in the center of the pasta before lifting it to my mouth to take a bite. It was...better. Perfect, actually. "Cozy, this is... this is amazing," I stammered out in bewilderment. "Yeah, I can't do anything for the wheat balls though." This gives me an idea. "Cozy, are you free right now?" "I guess." "Good, I'll be needing your help." Sometime Later Starlight Glimmer After a long night of research, I was fully intent on indulging in a bottle of Apple Cider. Emphasis on "was." As I entered the kitchen, it was now an unrecognizable mess, a diverse array of food dishes strewn all over the place. "No, no, two tablespoons of black pepper, now we have to start over," Cozy Glow yelled as she reprimanded Luster Dawn who was frantically sifting through various assorted spices while Cozy flew above her. "What's going on?"