//------------------------------// // Elements of harmony were guns? // Story: What If... // by TheMajorTechie //------------------------------// "Oh? Ponies?" the large, unnamed monster grumbled. "Just try to stop me." "Oh, we will stop you!" Twilight Sparkle shouted back. "With what? Your puny pony pastries?" Pinkie Pie stopped mid-throw and hid her stash of cupcakes behind a rock. The monster laughed a long, booming laugh. "I will remember this day as the one where you ponies are wiped from this world once and for all!" "I said, we will stop you." "And I said with what?" The monster yawned. A glowing light enveloped Twilight and her friends as they collectively floated upward. "With the power of friendship." "Oh, that's neat. I bet you're gonna use your friendship bracelets as slingshots now or somethi--" "And these guns we found!" Rainbow Dash pulled out the Gun of Loyalty. "This one shoots only what I want it to shoot, when I want it to!" Nothing happened for a moment. A Super Mario-style Banzai Bill somehow proceeded to fire from the comparatively tiny weapon. "Gun of honesty!" Applejack whipped out her own. "It don't shoot, but it's gonna hit you hard enough to make you spill the beans!" The monster rolled his eyes as he sidestepped the giant bullet. "You can't possibly mean--" Appul pone proceeded to chuck the Gun of Honesty at the monster. It hit bounced off of him. Once again, awkward silence took hold for a moment while the effects worked their way through the shattered remains of the author's thought process. "I'm scared of street signs." The monster suddenly blurted. He swat his claws over his mouth. "Um... okay. Lil' weird, but it ain't all that--" "Because one time I stuck one between my teeth as a toothpick and it hasn't come out since and I don't want to get tetanus." "Oh. Er..." Applejack turned to Fluttershy, who was floating mid-air beside her in the friendship hover formation thingy. "Ah suppose you should go next." "Kindness... BEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMM!" Fluttershy screeched, heaving up the Kindness laser cannon MKII. The beam hit the monster square in the face. "Y'know, that really didn't seem to do mu--gahh!" A surging migraine flooded into the monster's head as every moment in memory where he acted unkind surfaced at once. "Make it stop, make it stop!" "Have you learnt your lesson, mister?" Fluttershy scolded. "Your rampaging is scaring all the small animals in the Everfree Forest!" "Okay, okay! Just make it stop!" "I suppose it's time I use the Gun of Generosity for its intended purpose." Rarity lit her horn and fired. The monster's migraine proceeded to subside just as quickly as it came thanks to the monster-sized™ magical Tylenol pill it fired this time, straight into the monster's conveniently open mouth. "Me next!" Pinkie Pie inserted a canister of laughing gas into the Gun of Laughter, which was, in reality, a pressure washer hooked up to a regular hose nozzle set to "mist". Still, the amount of pressure it had was enough to justify its name. And by that, I mean that with the hydraulic power of the pressure washer, the entire canister of laughing gas was launched once again, straight into the monster's open mouth. Thankfully for the monster, the canister was to it what a mini-marshmallow is to us. The six mares stared at the hysterically-laughing monster, now unsure of what to do. Another portion of the Everfree Forest was flattened by its thrashing tail. "Maybe I used a little too much laughing gas." Pinkie mumbled. "Pl...ease--heheh... stop... let--" the monster gasped its words between fits of giggles. "--me... *snrk* go..." Twilight, at last, used her own Gun of Harmony, the Magic Gun. It straight-up just shoots spells. A few moments later, the monster woke up on the moon. "First time?" Princess Luna didn't bother turning to face the monster. "I knew I should've taken treasury money instead of Celly's piggy bank for the Summer Steam Sale."