You awake to, what a surprise, the sun in your face. You grumble as you rise from your slumber. That sun has ruined your fun for far too long.
Gentleman? How do we kill the sun? You know the sun personally. You probably have a sexual assault case on the sun. You guess you could travel to Canterlot, fight off all her guards, no doubt have to fight her sister, and then actually kill her to remove the sun.
... That sounds like a crazy amount of work. You look at your clock; 12:15. That sounds like way too much work for this hour on your day off. Why the fuck were you up anyway? You weren't scheduled to come in today. You lay your head back on your pillow and begin to drift off to sleep again...
You are interrupted by a trio of bangs on your door.
"Yo! Mous! Wake up man!"
You throw yourself out of bed and make for the door. You consider caving Anon's head in with a nearby model before you open the door.
No...Learn what he wants first, then bash his brains in with a Scout Titan.
You swing open the door and give him your best glare.
"WHAT!?" you shout.
He jumps back at your sudden outburst, but a smile is quick to form on his face.
"Good morning to you too, dude." he says with a giggle.
If your glare could kill someone, it would be doing it now. You bring yourself back from the simmering rage you were at.
"What. Do you want. Anon." you spit out.
You've known him for almost two decades, he better fucking know you hate waking up by now. He leans against the wall and grins at you.
"I was wondering if you wanted to go to town with me today, we're both off and I have some shit to do." he says.
"Get Rainbow to go."
Maybe that pegasus could finally come out and fucking say it and these two would leave you to sleep all day in peace.
"Rainbow is in Cloudsdale till tomorrow, just you and me." he retorts.
Silence falls in the hallway as you bury your face in your hand.
Anon eventually speaks up again. "C'mon bro, please?" he begs.
Damn his eyes. He knew you were gonna fold. You really wanted to sleep in. But hanging out with Anon would be cool.
"The last time we hung out together, I got mauled."
"So think of how easy it will be to do better than that!" he says spreading his arms wide.
You peek through your hand to glare at him. His smile is still wide as a mile.
"...Give me a half hour."
Anon crosses his arms and rolls his eyes. "Slowpoke."
You'd punch him or something, but you were already on your way to the kitchen.
You pick through your cupboards, what was there to eat here? Fruit? No. Applejacks are still not proven safe. Gorilla Munch isn't fit for dogs. You knew what you needed to get you through this.
Some mother bucking pancakes.
You were amazed that the ponies here had pancakes. You were even more amazed that they had pancakes that came in a box, you had expected them to only have batter. You throw them in your microwave and head to the bathroom while you wait.
This was the last day you needed these Antitoxins, your pain had nearly faded away. You pop one in your mouth and pocket the bottle for later, not bothering with the painkillers. Your food is done and you sit down to eat, Anon already sitting across from you as he held his head up with his hands.
"Are you just gonna sit there and watch me eat until we go?" you ask.
"Yep." was his response.
You sit down and start eating your delectable prize for being up at this hour. You only saved pancakes for important days. You finish your meal and start to head to the shower.
"You think they can fix Rainbow at the hospital?" Anon asks.
That took you by surprise.
"What's wrong with her?"
You were concerned. Rainbow was a friend.
"Lately, I've been seeing her wings get real stiff all of a sudden. I think she may have some sort of paralysis." he says.
You bang your head against the wall in frustration. Dammit. Anon was the smartest guy you knew, he's not allowed to be this dumb. You walk into your room and grab your anatomy book.
School was in session, bitch.
You flip to the section on pegusi wings.
"Read."
You don't wait for a response.
-Anon PoV-
Damn, what jittered his critters? You turn to the book and flip through some of the pages. You had no idea what this had to do with Dash, but you'd humor Mous. Pegusi wings can carry up to 200 pounds...blah blah blah...feathers molt every summer.
This was stupid.
You were worried about your friend, why learn about basic statistics?
You skip ahead a few pages. Hollow bones, protected by innate magic.
Main bones run along the outer edge with smaller ones inside, muscle and skin stretched over them.
Bones are hollow. They have primary blood vessels the same way that you had in your legs.
What did this have to do with anything?!
You're worrying about your friend's health and your bro hands you a book of useless facts? What is this?
You're about to close the book when you get to a section that catches your eye "Wing Phenomena" Your interest re-ignited, you dive back into the text. Genetic deformities where wings grow in backwards...horrible, but no...wings locking up in flight.
You come to one phrase that causes you to stop.
"Optera Tumesence"
You go through your knowledge of scientific phrasing to try and decipher this thing.
"Swollen Wing" That sounded promising.
"Pegusi wings can become swollen for a variety of reasons, be they from injury, or poor diet." the book read.
Rainbow didn't look hurt and apart from booze, her diet was phenomenal.
"While pegusi wings are sensitive normally, they become doubly so in this state." it continued.
So her wings were hurting? You continued reading.
"While pegusi wings can become swollen for many reasons, the most common is seems to be due to arousal."
Okay, so it looks like Rainbow's wings were always stiff because she was really turned on, that's a relief.
Whoawaitwhat?
-Mous PoV-
You step into your room and toss on some clothes. You weren't dressing to impress here; tee shirt and cargo pants it is. You walk out into the living room and take a quick glance at Anon.
He looked like his brain just imploded.
"I take it you figured it out." you say.
He looks up at you, his eyes were still wide.
"Hehe...yeah. "Arousal" huh? Nuts. Who do you think is causing it?" he says.
"Huh?"
"Who do you think is getting Rainbow so turned on?" he asks again.
Oohhh...No. Dammit, no. You showed him the book, why can't he put two and two together?
Whatever, baby steps here.
"I dunno dude, let's get going."
You hate lying to Anon, but you'd rather not have to explain this situation to him. You both step outside into the Equestrian sun. You try not to glare at the object that constantly wakes you up as you head to the path.
"So what are we headed to town for?" you ask.
"Groceries, mostly. I could also do with a new notepad for work." Anon says.
"You went through that big ass notebook that fast?"
Anon shrugs. "Hey, I'm a research assistant."
The both of you continue walking until you see a floating mass of grey and yellow a bit further down.
There she is.
"Hey! Derpy!" you shout.
The mailmare spins around at the sound of her name, a letter in her mouth and a smile on her face as she flutters towards you.
Her smile is infectious.
"Hey, Anon and Mous!" she shouts.
"Hey Derpy."
"Hi Derpy."
"Why are you two headed into town?" she asked as she fell in line with the two of you.
"Groceries, we're low." you say.
"How about you, Derpy?" Anon asks.
"Oh, you know, gotta get these letters out. Especially with tomorrow being what it is." she explains.
Tomorrow? What's special about it? You think, it was mid February, and you know these ponies had an analogue for Valentines.
Wasn't it called...
"Heart's and Hooves day?"
"That's one thing!" Derpy beams.
You're about to ask her about that when Anon jumps in.
"You have any letters there from you Derpy? Maybe to someone you have your eye on?" he chides.
Derpy blushes and turns away. "Hehe. No, no special stallions in my life."
"That doesn't mean squat, don't think I haven't seen the looks you give that stallion at the clock store."
Derpy blushes harder at your teasing.
Derpy parts company with you two as you enter town. You even get a hug goodbye this time. That's new...
-Music-
It was a nice day out, not too cold. You and Anon were walked into town together, already on another argument.
"I told you, they are not 'dolls' they are 'models'." you explain.
"I'm sure that's exactly what someone who owned dolls would say." he says.
"My models take hours of time to craft, paint, and position."
"And then you go and put six hundred of them around your room like some ridiculously old Barbie fan-mom."
"Because I'm proud of the work I did! Some of those models have over a thousand piec-"
You spin head over feet and land on your back. Shit. You must have tripped over somepony.
"Sorry. Sorr-"
"No it's quite alright, I had my-"
His accent sounded Scottish.
"I was arguing with my friend and not looking where I was goin-"
"Only an accident."
The awkwardness of the scene makes the both of you not care that you're interrupting one another. Shit. Pick up these papers he dropped.
"Here's your paper's, sorry about...that..."
You get a good look at the pony you tripped over. Brown mane. Brown coat. Blue eyes. Cutie Mark? Hourglass.
... No fuckin' way.
You turn to look at Anon. He has the same bug eyed expression you have. You turn back to the stallion and blink.
Nope. Not going crazy.
He must have seen the look you had.
"Uhh...problem?" he says.
You look at your bro one last time before you turn back to him. Be cool, don't be an ass an- "Chameleon Circuit broken?"
You have never seen a pony run away so fast.
Shit. Today was weird enough already.
As the two of you make your way to the market, you're stopped by someone else calling your name.
"Mous!"
Goddammit, who noWHOASHIT. FUCK. LYRA.
ABORTABORTABORT.
You panic as the mint green mare canters up to you both with a cream coated earth pony following her.
"Mous! Hey! I didn't expect to see you in town!" she calls.
The earth pony looked pissed.
"Oh. Hi Lyra. Who's your friend?" you say through gritted teeth.
Gotta keep this conversation short. This mare looks pissed.
"I'm Bon Bon." she says.
"Bon Bon is my-" Lyra starts.
"We're together." Bon Bon finishes.
Holy shit. Did her voice just change? A glance to Anon shows that he saw it too.
TIMETOGO.
"WELLLYRAITWASNICETALKINGTOYOUWEHAVETOGONOW!" you say as you grab Anon and leg it.
"Mous! Wait up!" you hear her call.
You're around the corner before she finishes.
"Did you hear her voice!?" Anon shouts as you walk.
"Yeah, dude." you say.
"What's the deal with that!?"
"I have no idea, but being around Lyra is rarely a good thing."
You both continue walking.
"So...what's Lyra's deal?" Anon asks.
"I don't know, she's obsessed with humans, apparently. Something about our hands." you explain.
You wiggle your fingers as you say that.
"Does she always find you like that?" he asks.
"She comes into the spa at least ten times a week."
Anon is silent for a minute. "What are you gonna do?" he asks.
He's right. You had to do something. Seeing Lyra a dozen times a week wasn't fucking working.
"I dunno, man." you say.
You'll think of something later, you had shit to do. The Ponyville market had everything, you just had to know where to look. You grab Anon by the shoulder and turn him to you.
"Split up, grab your shit, meet back here in twenty." you say with accompanying hand movements.
"Gotcha." Anon says as he heads off.
You make your way around the stalls. Some bread here, grapes there. You pay the mare behind the counter. Next is your delicious pancakes. You grab as many boxes as will fit and pay the...mare.
You soon have everything you need and start to head back. On your way, you begin to notice something off...
You meet back with Anon in the center of the market.
"Book store next?" you ask.
He smiles. "Nah, they had some notepads on the other end of the plaza. I picked up a few."
The two of you share a fist bump at your good fortune and head for home.
Anon speaks up when you're out of town. "Hey...about the market...did you notice..."
"...All the mares? you ask.
"And there being NO stallions?
"And how the market was way less crowded then usual?"
It was a bit rare for the two of you to get on this wavelength, usually one of you had to explain it to the other.
"What was the deal with that?" you ask.
"I have no clue dude, I've never heard of anything like that." Anon says.
Maybe it was some weird pony thing. Like Penguin migrations or something.
You arrive back at the house. Check the clock; 2:15. You were too wired now, can't get back to sleep. Your perfect day of absolute sloth has been ruined.
You turn to Anon.
"...Day drinking?" you ask.
He smiles. "You're on."
Anon heads to the kitchen to grab the booze as you hit the lights and start a movie. 'Lady in the Water'? Why did you even own this? You and Anon take your places on the couch as the movie starts.
"So, lesbian ponies."
"I know right?!" he cries.
After a marathon run of movies, booze, and whatever conversation you could grasp at, the both of you are so far gone they need a map to find you. Sleepin on the couch tonight. Anon is passed out on the couch, drooling again. That fucker could never handle his alcohol.
You grab the remote in your mentally disheveled state and mash buttons until the room is pitch black. You settle in as you drift off to sleep Anon had woken your ass up on your fucking day off so that you could help him get groceries.
Still...This was good.