//------------------------------//
// 0-1 Toasterphobia 
// Story: Mercenary Tales 
// by Slendy 
//------------------------------//

The oak plaque on the front of the small local cafe was stained with the words, 'Boxy Cafe'. The establishment was closed for the afternoon, giving those inside the privacy they needed to be as vocal as they desired. Within the cafe, a boy with warm black hair and light blue eyes stared curiously across the table at the docile, thousand-yard stare the whitette continued to project toward the window, sipping from her teacup. 

"So... the toaster phobia?" Sora broke the ice, seeing Aoi recoil, coughing up her drink when her focus returned. "Ah, s-sorry."

"It's... *cough* fine, side-tracked again - Christ that was a day..." Aoi shook her head, clearing the rest of her tea from her throat. "Ahem, y-yeah. that, so I kinda realized why half 'that' fandom is creeped out by that chick, she's freakin' psychotic."

"Thank you!" From the bar a few feet across the cafe, a young woman with wild raven hair and green eyes threw her arm up briefly in exclamation, causing the infant in her left arm to giggle in reaction. Then she met the whitette behind the bar giving her a deadpan stare. "What? Between Sparkle jabbing us with needles, that pink chick gave me creepypasta vibes."

"You sound like Zen..." The employee, Summer, shook her head, glancing over at Aoi while polishing glasses. "Sorry, continue, Miles."

Aoi waved her hand, pointing toward her boyfriend, "Sure-sure, so, about the toaster incident..."





Trekking through the Everfree, a blue blur shot through the bushes into a clearing, panting due to the exertion of her body, and the many bruises dotting her brightly colored fur. "Drat, where'd it go now!?" Her magenta eyes scanned the forest frantically, only for an apple core to bop her on the snout.

"You really suck at this whole... 'capturing' thing," Above, a black tail wrapped itself to pick at the bits of apple between W's teeth, the Sarkaz displaying next to no sense of aggression in her tone, practically coming off bored at Dash's attempts to tackle her only to meet the barrel of a grenade launcher, holding the pegasus's frightened gaze mid-air. "Ah-p-p-p, let's be reasonable here."

"Really?" Rainbow half asked slash speculated until the sharp smack of the weapon cut across her cheek, flinging her into the dirt and leaves below while W swung herself onto a higher branch, t-posing to keep her balance as she ran across the trees.

"Pfft, yeah right, like you can be civil!" W snickered mockingly. "You're like a pie that has no filling,"

"Hey, take that back, you freak!" Dash took the bait hook, line, and sinker. Once her hooves came within range, W yawned, then slipped, catching the tops of her boots around the thick branch while her tail snaked upward to snag the stumped pegasus by the tail. Jerking the cyan mare down, the tree shook with an audible 'thunk', leaves falling as W landed on her feet. 

"And she sticks the landing folks, eight points!" W gave herself a clap. From above, Rainbow's spectrum afterimage spun around the trunk, striking W's against the forearm as she wrapped her tail around the cyan mare's hooves to yank them above her rainbow mane, leaving her wide open to W's elbow as it creased into her fur, enjoying how the pegasus' face contorted in pain. "Boop." With a slap to the face, Rainbow found herself tumbling across the dirt, meeting the boot now pressing her muzzle into the mud. "There you are, in the mud where a horse belongs."

"Get off me!" Rainbow threshed her wings, throwing W's foot off to strike the Sarkaz across the cheek, only for her shaken magenta eyes to see her hoof did little to phase the woman, in fact, W's fanged smile grew wider, clamping her fingers around Dash's muzzle. Then, like a bowling ball, she was spun across the Everfree, landing upside down against a tree, eyes spinning. 

"Strike!" W whistled, turning toward the thicket only to freeze with a curse. "Holy crap!"

"Nope, I'm Pinkie Pie!" The bubbly pink mare materialized before the Sarkaz, not once phased when the muzzle of the launcher was pressed to her snout, giggling. "Hehehe, that tickles!"

"Y'know you're a trigger away from turning this show M-Rated, right?" W cocked her head, drawing a knife slowly from her jacket.

"Oh, I know that, meanie! But I'm nothing if not prepared for every situation, be it E for Everyone, T for Teen, or M for Mature, or even the spicier stuff, I aim to please!" She saluted, tugging a cord hanging in the air once. W fired her grenade, burning the bush and tear up dirt but no pink monster lay in a pile of gore. "Surprise!" The mare was bouncing behind W's shoulder, the knife striking air as the pink pony simply wasn't there anymore. 

By now, W was backed up against the tree, unable to pinpoint the mare that could break reality. She thought it was just some gimmick of the show, but the mare referenced it, that was a red flag. "Damn crimson too..." She breathed. 

"I know right, reality's often disappointing," Pinkie hummed in thought above W. 

"Wha--"

*Bam!*

"Son of a whore!" W recoiled as her antenna were slammed into her head by what appeared to be a silver box of plastic and metal. Her ember eyes squinted. "Is that a freakin' toaster?" To W's shock, another embedded itself into the dirt beside her, courtesy of Rainbow Dash who held two more in her hooves. "Uh, what?" To say the human turned merc was beyond baffled would be the biggest understatement since the US dropped the sun on her country Twice. 

"Whadda say, Pinkie? Extra burnt?" The demon mare with wings grinned, that's when W paled more than usual. Everywhere, they were literally all around her. On the ground, clouds, leaves, and even the trees were lined with the kitchen equipment. That's when that girly giggle sent an icy chill straight to the Sarkaz's tail. 

"Oh, Dashie, that's the final boss phase, we're still on phase two," Pinkie grinned ear to ear, eyes closed but that smile held a malevolent aura that would strike fear into the coldest of hearts. "You can start playing Slave Knight Gael now, we'll wait, mean demon creature thing, hehe!"

Rainbow shivered, then stared at W with the rarest spike of sympathy, "I'd start runnin' if I were you,"





"Nope, nope, I'm done, screw that day it never happened, ever!" Aoi shook with terror, a cold sweat running down her cheek. "Every day, every single Goddamn day that maniac hurdled toaster day after day after day at me!"

"Hey-hey, you're okay, she's a literal reality away now," Quickly, Sora rubbed his girlfriend's back to soothe her worries. It was a joke at first, but now he saw it, how deathly afraid she was. "Huh, guess there is a phobia for everything."

"Wow, and I thought I had problems," Taka grimaced, holding her kid closer. "Damn Egghead turned me into her little science project after I had her," Her head dipped to the infant she carried. 

Just as the conversation was beginning to change, behind the counter, a toaster popped behind Summer, and Aoi's face lost all color, throwing her arms up. "I SURRENDER!!" Then she ducked under Sora's arms, glaring over at Summer smiling anxiously.

"Uh, sorry about that, Miles."

"I swear, if I ever end up in Equestria again, I'm ending that bitch," Aoi glowered akin to W. 


End