A chilly wind blew across the balcony of the tallest tower of Princess Luna’s castle, though the Mare of the Night hardly felt it due to her natural acclimate to the cold. Fall was soon coming to an end and preparing to make way for the winter season. With her magical Far-sight, she could see the pegasi of Cloudsdale working meticulously on the fabrication of snow clouds. Luna had to admire the mares and stallions working tirelessly to make each individual flake as unique as the next.
But there would be time to think of the winter season later. Today was an important day, after all.
Princess Luna walked back inside and closed the doors behind her. A small smile crossed her muzzle when she saw her elder sister fussing with her new dress. She remembered how much Celestia loathed fancy parties when they were children and it seemed she hadn’t grown out of it in one thousand years. Fortunately, Luna had the foresight to enlist Celestia’s closest friends to make sure she behaved.
Lemon Hearts was flattening out all the creases in Celestia’s new dress (a very expensive dress made exclusively by the Canterlot Carousel’s mysterious owner.) Twinkleshine was running a brush through Celestia’s wavy rainbow mane, but appeared to be pulling harder than necessary if the alicorn’s constant wincing was anything to go by. Lyra was in charge of Celestia’s makeup, but the minty unicorn was rather indecisive, slathering copious amounts of product on the princess, only to wipe it away and try something else. And Minuette was…tangled up in the curtains for reasons that escaped Luna.
“You are looking quite lovely, sister,” Luna complimented.
“Is all this – gah – really necessary, Luna,” asked Celestia, grimacing when Twinkleshine pulled her mane again.
“Of course it’s necessary, Tia!” said Lemon Hearts firmly. “You have to look your absolute best for your official coronation! Now stop fidgeting – I need to press your lapels.”
“But why do I need a coronation?” Celestia moaned like a whiny child. “I’m already a princess.”
“In name, certainly,” said Luna. “But it has been a thousand years since your imprisonment, before the establishment of Canterlot and the kingdom. Though you are an alicorn, you are not properly recognized as a princess. That is why we are undertaking this coronation for you.”
“But can’t we do that without all the prissy dresses and face paint,” Celestia complained.
“If you fought as hard as you whine, Daybreaker might’ve actually beat the Mane 6,” Lemon Hearts sniffed.
“I thought you were supposed to be my friends,” Celestia pouted.
“And friends tell their friends when they’re being dumb,” Lyra remarked playfully with a final swish of eyeliner. “There, that oughta be good. Then again, I don’t know a lick about makeup. I’m au naturel.”
“Mane’s done,” Twinkleshine announced.
“And your dress is prim and proper,” said Lemon Hearts in a self-satisfied tone.
“Thank you all for aiding my sister in the most important of days,” said Luna, bowing her head gratefully while smacking her sister to stop her from fidgeting. She turned back to Minuette, who now dangling by her hoof from the curtain rope. “And, uh, you too, Minuette. For er…moral support.”
“It was no-o-o-o-o problem,” said Minuette proudly. “Anything to help my best friend, Tia!” She started going red-faced, looking woozy. “Hey…can you guys stop…spinning the room like that.” Celestia magically cut the rope, dropping Minuette on the floor. “Thank you….”
“That’s the dress and makeup done,” Luna muttered, summoning a Twilight ChecklistTM, and checked off a couple of the boxes. “Twilight Sparkle and her friends are organizing the seating in the throne room. I tasked Bon-Bon and the others with the reception: a DJ-PON3 concert with a Wonderbolts show. Shining Armor should be handling security (if I can ever find that stallion.) All that’s left is…your crown!”
“My…crown?” Celestia parroted.
“Yes, your crown,” said Luna proudly. “Every princess needs her own crown. I was thinking about a large gold one to match your stature. I’ve requisitioned the Royal Gem Keeper to obtain the greatest gemstone they can find.”
“You really didn’t have to,” said Celestia embarrassingly.
“Nonsense! Nothing is too good for my sister,” said Luna happily. Just then, somepony knocked on the door. “Oh, speak of the draconequus.” The princess magically opened the door with her horn and Sunset came pacing into the room with a notable urgency. “Sunset Shimmer, we were just talking about – “
“We have a problem, your majesty,” Sunset interrupted hurriedly, startling the princess. “We don’t have the gemstone for Princess Celestia’s crown. I’m afraid something terrible has happened.”
“Sunset Shimmer, I’m sure you’re overreacting – which is what I would expect from Twilight Sparkle,” said Luna nonchalantly. “I’m sure the Royal Gem Keeper is just running late – “
“You placed the order for the gemstone a week ago, remember?” said Sunset matter-of-factly. “You know they’re reputation. They should’ve been able to find something within two days. I started getting worried, so I sent a to them a letter asking what’s taking so long. This was their response.”
She levitated a tiny flashcard from behind her back and passed it over to Luna. The Night Mare looked it over, but there were only four words written in a scratchy font:
Gems are gone. Sorry.
“What?” said Luna, bewildered. “The gems are gone? What is that supposed to mean?”
“It’s seems rather self-explanatory,” Sunset commented. “Without those gemstones, I’m afraid we won’t be able to complete Princess Celestia’s crown in time for the ceremony.”
“What?! No crown?!” Lemon Hearts screamed, making Luna and Sunset jump. They had forgotten Celestia and her friends were still there. “You can’t have a princess without a crown! That’s like…like…a unicorn without their horn! Or a pegasus without wings.”
“Those are called Earth Ponies, Lemon,” said Lyra.
“I’m afraid we have more pressing concerns than mere jewelry,” said Luna gravely. “If all the gemstones have suddenly gone missing, then Canterlot could be facing a financial crisis.”
“Whaddya mean?” asked Twinkleshine.
“Canterlot was built on top of a large system of underground tunnels called the Crystal Caves,” Luna explained. “Inside those caverns is the largest depository of precious gemstones in Equestria and the source of Canterlot’s vast wealth. But if the caverns have been cleared of gems, Canterlot’s economy could plummet. Everypony in the capital will find themselves homeless and destitute. Most ponies here won’t know how to survive without their money.”
“That’s what you get for coddling them,” Sunset remarked.
“If situation is dire, then we should investigate,” said Celestia resolutely. “I will head down to the caves and – “
“Oh, no you don’t!” Lemon Hearts forcefully, pushing the taller alicorn back. “We literally spent hours making you look all pretty. I am not going to let you ruin all our hard work by running around in a dark and dirty cave.”
“But – “
“If the princess went missing during the ceremony, it would arouse suspicion,” Luna stated factually. “Until we can figure out what is happening in the caverns, we need to go about as if everything is normal. We don’t want to cause a panic.”
“Then who will go down to the caverns?” asked Celestia.
“Ooh, ooh, we can do it!” Minuette suddenly popped in from out of nowhere, pulling Lemon Hearts, Twinkleshine, and Lyra into an abrupt group hug. “We can go down to those cave thingys and find Tia’s sparkly rocks! We’re her best friends after all!”
“Ew, do we have to?” Lemon Hearts grimaced. “They’re so…dank and grimy.”
“Suck it up, you big foal,” Twinkleshine scoffed, rolling her eyes at her twin. “It’s for Tia, so no complaining.”
“I think it could be fun,” said Lyra, clapping her hooves excitedly. “We’ll be going on our own little adventure. Just like the Mane Six.”
“I’ll come along, too,” Sunset offered. “I’ve been down in those caverns a few times myself."
“I think the public will notice if the princess’s student is missing just as well,” Luna shut the idea down, tapping her muzzle thoughtfully. “But I would hate to send my sister's friends down there without providing them with a guide. Somepony who could navigate the caverns. Somepony who has experience working underground for lengthy periods of time. Somepony who knows how work with rocks like…a rock farmer.”
“That is an oddity specific requirement,” said Celestia dryly. “But this is Canterlot. Where are we going to find a rock farmer in Canterlot?”
Just then, the door flew open and Trixie appeared at the threshold, bouncing on her hooves and biting her lip with a sense of urgency as she scanned the room.
“Darn it, this isn’t the bathroom either!” Trixie complained. “Why is this castle so big?!”
“…Don’t you just love unrealistically convenient timing?” said Sunset, smirking playfully.
“Remind Trixie again,” Trixie complained for the hundredth time, “why Trixie is running around in a dark and smelly cave instead of sneaking nibbles in the kitchen when Twilight Sparkle isn’t looking?”
“Stop whining, it’s for the princess,” said Twinkleshine.
Trixie made a big huff, but said nothing else as she led the Celestia Squad by the light of her horn.
With Luna’s assistance (and a quick trip to the nearest bathroom), the team of unicorns discovered the entrance to the Crystal Caves underneath the rug in royal library. A spiraling staircase led them a mile underneath Canterlot, into the heart of the mountain. The brick walls subtly shifted to dull quartz crystal the further they went. What awaited them at the bottom was a long, gloomy tunnel packed with sharp-looking crystals that could poke a pony’s eye out if they weren’t careful.
Lemon Hearts and Lyra lit up their horns to join Trixie’s and flashed them around the cavern. Everywhere they looked, all they could see was quartz crystals, quartz crystals, quartz crystals – oh, wait! Is that – no, it’s just more quartz crystal. Trixie frowned and moved inward with the Celestia Squad right on her flank, swinging her light back and forth. But there was not a single sparkle of a precious gemstone to be found.
“They weren’t kidding,” Twinkleshine commented. “This place has been picked clean.”
“Maybe they finally exhausted their entire supply,” Lyra suggested. “I mean, Canterlot was built over hundreds of years ago. They had to have run out out at some point.”
“Hmm, Trixie doesn’t think so,” Trixie hummed thoughtfully. She flashed her light over an indentation in the crystal, running her hoof of the space and examining it. “Gemstones are like plants. They can grow within a month or two in the right conditions. Feel the dampness in the air and the solidity of the soil. Perfect for gemstone growing. And Princess Luna couldn’t clear out this entire cave system in under a month.”
“How do you know that?” asked Minuette.
“Just a little knowledge Trixie picked up from her days as a rock farmer,” said Trixie proudly.
“And why were you a rock farmer to begin with?” asked Twinkleshine curiously.
“Trixie had to earn her bits somehow until Trixie’s magic career took off,” said Trixie, shrugging nonchalantly. “Trixie learned a few nifty tricks during her time there. Like how to get rid of parasprites and how to identify various types of rocks and gemstones.”
“So if Canterlot hasn’t exhausted its supply of gemstones,” Lyra hummed. “Then the only explanation is – “
“They were stolen.”
The unicorn quintet jumped about a hoof in the air, shrieking, at the new voice that came from behind them. Lemon Hearts flashed her horn light around. A grey Earth Pony with a dead-fish eyes blinked slowly at the party, her purple mane unusually straight and garbed in a plain frock. The Celestia Squad backed up, pondering why an Earth Pony would be lurking in the underground tunnels, but Trixie stepped forward with a flicker of recognition in her eyes.
“Maud?” said Trixie, astonished. “Maud Pie, is that you?”
“Hello, Trixie,” the pony known as Maud Pie greeted tonelessly, her entire demeanor devoid of emotion. “It’s been a while.”
“Too long!” said Trixie brightly. “How’ve you been? Did you get your degree in geology?”
“Graduated valedictorian,” Maud answered monotonously. “I was so happy.”
“Aw, good for you!” said Minuette cheerfully, clapping her hooves.
“Wait, wait, wait, back up for a minute,” Lemon Hearts interjected, shaking her head furiously, then pointed at Trixie. “Who is she and how do you know her?”
“Allow Trixie to introduce a good friend of Trixie’s,” said Trixie with a happy smile, gesturing to the apathetic pony dramatically. “This is Maud Pie. Her family owns the rock farm that Trixie worked at. Maud was Trixie’s rock mentor and one of the nicest ponies Trixie ever had the pleasure of meeting.”
“Please, stop, Trixie, you’re embarrassing me,” said Maud, her expression eternally neutral
“You’re the Royal Gem Keeper?” asked Twinkleshine strangely.
“I guess,” said Maud, shrugging. “I was just searching for a new deposit of corundum minerals consisting of aluminum oxide with trace amounts of iron, titanium, chromium, vanadium, or magnesium. But instead, I found a hidden cache of metastable allotrope carbon. The princess found out and gave me a job working in theses caves.”
“…Uh, translation?” Lyra asked Trixie.
“She was looking for sapphires, but found diamonds instead,” Trixie simplified. The Celestia Squad made a unified ‘Oooh!’ noise. “What kind of backwards world is it where Trixie is the smart one?”
“What kind of dental plan do you get?” Minuette asked randomly.
“Can we get back to the topic at hoof!” Lemon Hearts snapped then turned on Maud. “What did you mean by ‘they were stolen’?”
“The gems were stolen,” Maud answered plainly.
“By who?” asked Lyra.
“Don’t know,” Maud shrugged uncaringly.
“Could you at least explain how it happened,” Twinkleshine requested.
“I guess,” said Maud. “It started about a week ago when Princess Luna sent me a letter asking for a gem for Princess Celestia’s crown. My first thought was a violet variety off silicate mineral quartz – “
“She means an amethyst,” Trixie translated.
“To compliment the gold in the crown,” Maud continued uninterrupted. “But when I went to go grab one from the silicate mineral section, everything was gone. The zirconium silicate, the calcium aluminum iron sorosilicate, the crystalline boron silicate, and even the iron magnesium manganese alumino-silicate hydroxide.”
“That’s terrible!” Trixie gasped.
“…Did anypony catch a word of that?” Twinkleshine whispered back to the group. Minuette, Lemon Hearts, and Lyra shook their heads dimly.
“And more started disappearing over time,” said Maud. “First it was the beryllium aluminum cyclosilicate, then it was the corundum, then the aluminum fluorine silicate, and the hydrated amorphous silica. Before I knew it, the whole cave had been cleared out.”
“And you never found out who did it?” asked Lemon Hearts.
“Was I supposed to?” asked Maud. Lemon Hearts face-hoofed irritably.
“Okay, we’ve got maybe a half an hour before Tia’s coronation starts,” said Lyra seriously. “They’re not going crown Tia in the beginning, are they?”
“No, according to Twilight Sparkle,” said Trixie, “Princess Luna will be making a speech, followed by several ponies vouching for Princess Celestia’s redemption from the whole Daybreaker incident and her worthiness as royalty. If Twilight Sparkle’s schedule goes smoothing, it should be about forty minutes until the official crowning.”
“Then that gives us over an hour to find the thieves and bring back a gemstone for Tia’s crown,” said Lyra.
“And how’re we gonna catch them?” asked Twinkleshine. “It could take us all day to search the whole mountain.”
“Let’s set a trap!” Minuette offered cheerfully. “We could set some bait and follow the thieves back to their hideout!”
“That’s…actually a pretty good idea,” said Lemon Hearts, sounding impressed.
“But what are we going to use as bait?” asked Trixie. “They’ve already taken all the gemstones in the caves.”
Minuette, Maud, and the others offered no reply, but started pointedly at the stagemare. At first, Trixie thought they were looking somewhere behind her, only to realize there was nothing of interest there. That’s when she realized they were all looking down at her cape. Or more specifically, the big and shiny sapphire pinned on the front….
Princess Luna paced nervously back and forth in the throne room, which was a jarring contrast to her cool and collected sister considering it was her coronation.
Everything had been set up for the main event: two hundred chairs lined up in twenty rows on either side of the red carpet, the stain glass windows polished extra thoroughly, the second throne added beside Luna’s, and the balloons and streams provided by the Cheese-Pie Party Company were all strung up. Princess Celestia’s elegant golden crown was propped on a fluffy cushion…with a gaping hole where the gemstone should be.
Luna stopped pacing and ran a hoof down her face.
“Something has gone wrong,” said Luna pessimistically. “They should’ve been back by now.”
“Well, the Crystal Caves are huge network of tunnels underneath the mountain,” said Celestia. “I’m sure they just took a wrong turn. Or Minuette got herself stick in a hole in the wall…again.”
“The ceremony will be starting any minute,” said Luna, biting her hoof nervously. “If they don’t get back soon, we’ll have to present you with an incomplete crown. Do you know how embarrassing that will look?”
“I don’t particularly mind,” said Celestia nonchalantly. Luna shot her with an evil look; Celestia raised her hooves in surrender. “Okay, okay, reel in the death glares, your majesty. If it’s really that big of a deal, why don’t we just…postpone it.”
“But hundreds of important ponies from around the kingdom have come to attend, including…Daring Do,” Luna swooned. She noticed her sister’s smug grin and coughed embarrassingly in her hoof. “A-anyway, we can’t call It off this late into the event.”
“I didn’t say call it off,” said Celestia. “I meant…delay it for a while. You know, come up with some excuse to give Minuette and the others some extra time. For example…tell them that the throne room has been infested with jiggly frogs.”
“What in the name of me are jiggly frogs?” asked Luna strangely.
“Whatever you want them to be,” said Celestia.
“That…could actually work,” said Luna, nodding appreciatively. “All right, we’ll try to push the event back as long as we can. Just as long as nopony let everyone into the throne room – “
“Right this way, everypony!” Twilight announced excitedly, throwing the double doors wide open. She led a massive herd of ponies of all types into the throne room. “Please don’t crowd! There’s plenty of seating for everypony! Government officials and dignitaries on the left! Locals and celebrities on the right!”
“Well, so much for that,” Celestia commented dryly.
“Curse you, Twilight Sparkle!” Luna shouted, shaking her hoof.
“What did I do?!” yelped Twilight.
The Great and Powerful Trixie was not a happy pony.
Here she was, hiding around the corner with Maud and The Celestia Squad while her precious and valuable sapphire was sitting on the dirty cave floor like a discard piece of rubbish. They had just left it lying in the middle of the tunnel with a beam of light made by Lyra shining down on it from the ceiling so that it sparkled like a beacon in the night. Even if it was for the sake of catching the thieves, Trixie didn’t like using her gemstone as bait. Not only was in a gift from her mentor, but it really complimented her outfit.
“Is Minuette certain this is going to work?” asked Trixie irritably.
“Yep!” Minuette answered brightly. “I’m about twenty-six percent sure!”
“That’s not high at all!” shouted Trixie.
“Would you keep it down, big-mouth?” said Twinkleshine, slapping a hoof over the stagemare’s muzzle.
“It’s not a guaranteed plan, but it’s the best one we have,” said Lyra. “Whoever’s been taking the gems won’t be able to resist Trixie’s jewelry. Once they snatch it up, we can follow them back to their hideout. And with luck, we’ll find the rest of the missing gemstones as well.”
“How long do you think this is going to take?” asked Trixie. “Because Trixie have a spa treatment with Starlight Glimmer at noon.”
“You booked a spa treatment on the same day as the princess’s coronation?” said Lemon Hearts, brow quirked
“It was the best available time since everypony is gonna be at the ceremony,” said Trixie flippantly.
“That seems kinda rude, don’t you think?” Twinkleshine commented.
“We’ll still be around long enough to see Princess Celestia crowned,” said Trixie. “We’re just leaving right after.”
“Still it’s – “
“Hey you guys,” Maud interrupted, her monotone cutting through the conversation like a wagon crash. “I don’t want to be rude, but somepony’s trying steal Trixie’s corundum minerals consisting of aluminum oxide with trace amounts of iron, titanium, chromium, vanadium, or magnesium.”
“Can you just say ‘sapphire’ like normal pony?” said Twinkleshine irritably.
Everypony else poked their heads around the corner and watched Trixie’s jewel like a hawk. It was faint, but they could see a shadow moving in between the crystals, scuttling loudly and making heaving noises. after much anticipation, the creature stepped into Lyra’s spotlight.
Trixie exhaled a surprised gasp. The thief was a bipedal dog creature wearing diamond-studded collar. The dog creature panted harder with a giddy giggle as he scooped up Trixie’s gemstones.
“Ooh, pretty gem,” the dog creature spoke in a creepy, grumbly voice. “Sparkly gem. Precious gem. Mine now. My precious. Just like other precious.”
“What is that thing?” asked Lemon Heart, feeling more than a little creeped out.
“A Diamond Dog,” hissed Trixie, spitting at the ground like she had a bad taste in her mouth. “A race of deplorable thieves and kidnappers with an obsession for jewelry. Trixie suppose it would make sense that a Diamond Dog would have something to do with the missing gems.”
“You really don’t like Diamond Dogs, do you?” Lyra noted.
“Trixie had an unfortunate encounter with them in Diamondia,” Trixie grumbled.
“Forget about that,” said Twinkleshine. “Here’s the plan: we stick to the shadows, follow the dog back to his stash, kick his butt, then head straight to Tia’s coronation. And then, we all go out for hoofie-pedis. Trixie’s treat.”
“Trixie never agreed to those terms!” Trixie retorted.
“As long as we maintain the element of surprise – “ Lyra started when….
“Hey, Mr. Dog person!” Everypony blinked dumbfoundedly as they witnessed Minuette marching up to the Diamond Dog. Why was nopony watching her, everypony thought. “Don’t you know it’s rude to take things that don’t belong to you?”
“So much for the element of surprise,” Maud remarked tonelessly; everypony else face-hoofed.
“What’s this?!” the Diamond Doh yelped in surprise. “A pony?! In Diamond Do’s cave?!”
“They’re not your cave, they belong to the ponies of Canterlot,” said Minuette, puffing out her chest. “So you better give back all those gems you stole or me and my friends are going to make you sorry.” She then pointed at the hidden group in the background. “See, those are my friends right over there, waiting to jump out and ambush you.”
“Why?” Lemon Hearts groaned. “Just…why?”
“Pony want to steal Diamond Dogs’ gems!” the dog growled, turning away with Trixie’s sapphire close to her chest. “But ponies can’t have Diamond Dogs’ gems! Gems belong to Diamond Dogs! Diamond Dog no let ponies steal Diamond Fogs’ precious gems!”
“Technically, you stole them from us,” Maud pointed out tonelessly.
“Lies!” the Diamond Dog barked. “Ponies no take Diamond Dogs gems! Diamond Dogs take from ponies instead!”
The bipedal canine suddenly snagged Minuette under his arm (“WHEEEE!” the ditzy pony cheered) turned tail, and ran deeper into the tunnels.
“He’s making a break for it!” yelled Lyra.
“Don’t let him get away!” Trixie commanded. “He has Trixie’s gemstone!” Lemon Hearts coughed loudly and shot her a sideways glare. “Oh, and that pony whose name Trixie does not know nor cares about.”
“Seriously?” asked Lemon Hearts blandly.
“Guys, he’s getting away!” Twinkleshine shouted, sprinting ahead of the group.
One advantage ponies had over most bipedal creatures was their four legs allowing them to pick up speed faster, so they were ale to keep a visual on the Diamond Dog despite having a running start. But the jewel-obsessed obsessed mutt knew his way around the caverns better than they did. Even with Minuette weighing him down, he knew all the shortcuts, but allowed him to maintain a firm distance ahead. Once, when the mares turned the corner of a particularly narrow tunnel, they had run into a solid wall of quartz crystal and completely lost sight of him. Luckily, Maud spotted a small gap of to the side and the ponies slipped through just as the Diamond Dogs tossed Minuette into a mine cart.
“Hold it, creep!” Lyra yelled.
“Hand over Trixie’s gemstone!” Trixie demanded. Lemon Hearts coughed loudly again. “And the nameless pony.”
“Ponies no know when to leave Diamond Dog alone,” the mutt growled irritably. “Stop following Diamond Dog, or ponies will be sorry!”
The hound jumped into the cart with Minuette and the cart started moving down a steep slope (“WHEEE!” Minuette cheered again, throwing her hooves up.) Luckily, there was another mine cart that was conveniently behind the first one, so the ponies jumped in together and leaned forward, sliding down the tracks.
The Diamond Dog looked back, and banged his fist on the side of the cart. The ponies were still following him! They were coming up on a fork in the tracks and the Diamond Dog tilted the cart toward the left rails. The ponies threw their collective weight against the side, nearly tipping the whole thing over, but successfully transferred onto the left track. The rails spiraled downward around a large column of quartz crystals six times, making Lemon Hearts dizzy and Twinkleshine puking over the side.
Both carts flew over a small chasm filled with quartz crystal spikes at the bottom before they reached the end of the tracks. The Diamond Dog hit the brakes just before they reached end and jumped out with Minuette and Trixie’s jewel in hand. Unfortunately, the ponies had no idea how to operate the mine cart and ended up crashing into the first one. The mares were launched out of their cart and thrown across the cave, landing in a pile on top of one another with Trixie on the bottom and Maud on top.
“…Why does this only happen to Trixie?” the stagemare groaned.
“There he goes!” Lyra pointed at the Diamond Dig fleeing down the tunnel. “After him!”
The ponies picked themselves up and raced down the narrow passageway. They grounded their hooves once they reached the end, tilting their heads back in awe at what they were seeing: a giant pile of sparkling gemstones piled twenty hooves high; a colorfully chaotic mess of rubies, emeralds, sapphires, diamonds, and everything in between. Lemon Hearts literally drooled at the pile; Twinkleshine rolled her eyes and closed her twin’s mouth.
“Guess we found where they took the gems,” said Maud monotonously.
“Holy Luna, look at this stash,” Lemon Hearts stepped forward in reverence, stretching her hoof. “You think Princess Luna will notice if maybe one or two – “
“Paws off!”
Lemon Hearts jumped back with a frightened yelp. Everypony went took a defensive stance with the exception of Maud, who…blinked lethargically slow. The Diamond Do appeared at the top of the pile, still clutching Trixie’s sapphire in his paw while carrying Minuette under his arm.
“Hey, guys!” Minuette waved cheerfully. “Isn’t this fun?!”
“…She does realize she’s been pony-napped, right?” Trixie whispered to Lyra.
“Honestly, I don’t know what goes through that head of hers,” said Lyra.
“Ponies are persistent,” the Diamond Dog snarled. “But Ponies not smart. Not like Diamond Dog.”
“Yeah, you’re smart, all right,” said Twinkleshine sarcastically. “Trapping yourselves in a room with only one exit surrounded by five” – she glanced sideways at Maud – “four very cheesed off ponies. Real brilliant.”
“He-he, it’s not ponies that have Diamond Dogs surrounded,” the Diamond Dog snickered crazily. “It’s Diamond Dogs who have ponies surrounded.”
The Diamond Dog let out a high-pitched whistled that echoed in the cavern. Moments later, four more Diamond Dogs marched out from behind the gem pile. Unlike the first one, they were big and burly, standing taller than Princess Celestia with arms as thick as tree trunks and wearing armored tunics and spiked metal helmets. The ponies backed away in fear as the Guard Dog towered over them, crossing their bulging arms with soft warning growls. Lemon Heart chuckled nervously and treaded backward slowly toward the tunnel.
“You know, I think I left the oven on at home. So I’ll just be out of your way and – EEP!” She squeaked fretfully when accidentally bumping into the two Guard Dogg that suddenly appeared behind them, blocking off the tunnel.
“Ponies should’ve never tried to take Diamond Dog’s precious gems!” the lead dog cackled victoriously. “No ponies will be trapped here – forever!”
“But forever is such a long time,” Trixie complained. “Trixie has many social obligations she must – “
“Shut up!” the lead dog barked.
“You don’t have to be rude about it,” Trixie huffed.
“Well, I can’t imagine this being any worse,” Twinkleshine remarked.
“I hope things are going better for Tia’s coronation than they are for us,” said Lyra.
“…and like the rising sun, we welcome Princess Celestia to Equestia toward a brighter tomorrow,” Twilight Spark waxed poetically. “Let’s all join in hooves as we celebrate the beginning of a new era off peace and friendship – “
Off to the side, Princess Luna was biting Sunset’s hooves, having gone through her own half-an-hour ago. She had already given her speech, and Twilight was the last of the Mane Six to take the stand. Once she was finished, it would be time for the crowning. And the Celestia Squad still hadn’t returned! The ruler of Equestia kept glancing towards the door every five seconds, expecting them to come burst through any moment.
“Princess Luna, I think you’ve chewed enough,” said Sunset, ripping her hoof away.
“Something has gone wrong,” said Luna anxiously. “The ceremony is almost over and they still haven’t returned with the gem for Celestia’s crown. Once Twilight finished with here speech, we’ll have to proceed with the crowning. Oh, I think I’m going to have an ulcer,” she moaned, holding her stomach.
“Don’t be so overdramatic,” said Sunset, rolling her eyes exaggeratedly. “Celestia’s friends won’t let her down. And despite her many…many…MANY flaws, Trixie is tough and reliable. They’ll be here. We just need to buy them some time.”
“How?” asked Luna.
“We improvise,” said Sunset.
“ – for ponies everywhere,” Twilight concluded, followed by the applause of the audience. “And now it’s time to….”
She paused midsentence as she looked toward Sunset, who was extending her hooves with a pointed look. It took a few seconds to understand the message, but Twilight figured it out: “Stretch it out.” Twilight gulped nervously, glancing sideways at the curious audience that were staring at her expectantly.
“To…tell you all the many qualities that make Princess Celestia a greater ruler!” Twilight announced with a crooked (read: panicked) smile. “She…has really great teeth. Yep, good oral hygiene right there. And um…oh, she always remembers to put the toilet seat down. How considerate is that? Then there’s – “
Rather than feel complimented, Celestia buried her face in her hooves in embarrassment, especially after the toilet seat comment. Even Luna was running a hoof down her face with an overdramatic groan.
“Mother of me, why?” she moaned.
“Well, it can’t get any worse than this,” said Sunset lightly. “I hope Trixie’s group is having a better time than we are.”
The ponies backed up into each other as the hulking Guard Dogs surrounded them from all sides while their smaller leader cackled from atop the gem pile.
“Diamond Dogs have dumb ponies trapped,” said the top dog. “Now Diamond Dogs will force ponies to carry Diamond Dog’s precious gems to Diamond Dog’s home. Then Ponies will – “
“Uh, do you mind?” interrupted Minuette, who was reading the latest issue of One Buck Pony. “It’s getting to the good part.”
“…Where did pony get that?” said the top dog dumbfoundedly.
“Any more bright ideas?” asked Lemon Hearts, bumping into Twinkleshine.
“Sorry, fresh out,” Lyra moaned.
“Trixie, aren’t you supposed to be some great and powerful magician, or something?” said Twinkleshine. “Can’t you just – I don’t know – saw them in half?”
“Normally, Trixie would love the chance to show off her magical prowess,” said Trixie, biting her lip nervously and trying to make herself small under the Guard Dog’s glare. “But Trixie’s too scared to come up with anything.”
One of the Guard Dogs reached out his paw for Trixie, who backed away into Lyra. The paw was suddenly slapped aside, takin the Guard Dog aback in confusion. That’s when Maud stepped in between the mutt and the magician, her expression still neutral despite the situation.
“Don’t touch those ponies or you’ll make me angry,” Maud said monotonously.
“Ooh, you won’t like her when she’s angry,” said Trixie, suddenly brightening up.
The Diamond Dog looked at one another, bewildered…then threw their heads back, laughing out loud.
“Diamond Dogs no scared of wimpy pony!” the Diamond Dog cackled. “Diamond Dogs are – “ He was cut off by a loud slurping sound. He looked down in his arm and Minuette stared back, loudly sucking a blue slushy. “Where is pony getting stuff?!”
One of the Guard Dogs lunged forward and grabbed Lemon Hearts roughly by the mane, causing her to cry out as she was pulled away from the group. The large mutt chuckled in amusement…two seconds before he was hit across the face by what felt light a freight train. The Guard Dog was launched across the room, flying through the gem pile (causing the leader dog and Minuette to fall with startled yelped) and crashed into the back wall with enough force to crack the stone. The Guard Dog fell on his front with a pain moan, then a large rock fell on top of his head to knock him out.
The Celestia Squad and the Guard Dog’s jaws literally dropped to the floor. Maud casually blew off the smoke that wafted from her hoof like punching out a guard twice her size was no big deal.
A moment of awkward pause filled the cavern; the Diamond Dog looked uncertain at one another. The Diamond Dog leader emerged from the gem pile with a frustrated bark (Minuette was sitting at the top looking like a boss) and pointed at Maud, gnashing his teeth.
“Don’t just stand there!” he howled. “Get the pony!”
The Guard Dogs stumbled around, bumping into one another in the confusion, before catching their wits and charging for the ponies.
But without even the slightest hint of emotion, Maud bravely bounded forward and punched one of the Guard’s chest plate, shattering the steel like glass. The Guard Dog squeaked like a frightened mouse before Maud spun around and bucked them into the wall, knocking them out. Another guard swung as spear at her, but Maud deftly caught the shaft with her teeth and crushed it into splints. The Guard stared dumbfounded at his broken weapon before Maud kicked him in the head, shotting his across the cavern but dropping his helmet in place.
But when the gray pony wasn’t looking, two guard Dogs were tiptoeing behind her.
“Maud, look out!” Lyra cried.
Too late. Before the Earth Pony could react, the Guard Dogs piled on top of her, burying Maud underneath their bulking weight. The Guard Dogs cackled victorious and high-fived each other when they suddenly felt a dangerous tremor underneath them. To the astonishment of everypony, the armored mutts were launched into the air, slamming their heads into the ceiling, while Maud emerged unharmed. The Guard Dogs fell down and Maud bucked them both one after the other, throwing them into the wall and piling them on with the other downed dogs.
That just left one Guard Dog left. Maud stared down the hound with her dead fish eyes; the Guard Dog glanced sideways at his spear, then dropped it on the ground along with his helmet and armor.
“Forget this,” the Guard Dog complained, oddly articulate. “I’m going back to law school.”
“Hey, get back here, you coward!” the top dog yelled, shaking his fist at the retreating ex-guard.
“Excuse me,” The leader yelped as Maud tapped his shoulder and spun around, his breathing frantic. “Can you give the gems back now? They don’t belon to you.”
“Grr…fine! Take the gems!” the Diamond Dogg growled, walking away in a huff. “Diamond Dogs don’t want them anymore. Too many annoying ponies.”
Trixie coughed loudly in her hoof, drawing attention to herself, and said, “Aren’t you forgetting something?”
“…No-o-o,” said the Diamond Dogg, turning his eyes away guiltily.
Trixie was not impressed with his lie. She used her magic to grab the Diamond Dog by the ankles, flip him upside down in the air, and shake him. Several objects fell out of his pockets including a pony doll, some shovels and pickaxes, a motivational cat poster, the kitchen sink, and finally, Trixie’s sapphire. The stagemare dropped the Diamond Dog, snagged her jewel, and clipped it to her cape again.
“Trixie is, once again, perfect,” said Trixie proudly.
“Dumb ponies! You haven’t seen the last of Diamond Dogs!” the mutt snarled none too convincingly while running away. “Diamond Dogs will be back and then it will be ponies who – “
At that moment, Maud picked a small rock and watched it fly across the tunnel, hitting the Diamond Dog in the back of the head and knocking him out of sight.
“Nice shot,” Trixie complimented.
“Maud, that was amazing!” Lemon Hearts said admirably.
“Did you see the way she moved,” said Twinkleshine excitedly, doing exaggerated kicks and punches. “She was all WHAM and POW and BANG!”
“She was like a superhero!” Minuette squealed.
“How did you do that?” asked Lyra.
“Anypony can do it with a lifetime of rock farming, routine exercise, and a license to kill,” said Maud monotonously.
“What was that last part?” asked Lyra quickly.
“Now, didn’t you ponies come down here for a gemstone?” said Maud, moving over to the gem pile.
“That’s right! Celestia’s coronation!” Lemon Hearts screamed in a panic. “We were so caught up with those Diamond Dogs that we completely forgot about it! Oh, and the coronation will have already started by now. It’ll take forever to find the right gem – “
“Found one,” Maud interrupted, holding out a perfectly smooth amethyst stone the perfect shape for the hole in Celestia’s crown. “This should work, right?”
“Wow, you are good,” Lemon Hearts complimented.
“We found the gem, but how’re we supposed to get back to Princess Celestia in time?” asked Trixie.
“Leave that to me,” said Maud.
“ – you put your left hoof in, you put your lefty hoof out,” Twilight sang loudly.
Luna, Celestia, and Sunset were all burying their faces in their hooves to shield themselves from the embarrassment. After Twilight had finished listing the many reasons while Celestia would be a good ruler, she convinced the audience to change their seats in alphabetical order, much to everypony’s confusion. Then she read them a poem that was over two hundred pages long and put half the audience to sleep. And then…this happened.
“I was so wrong; it can get worse,” Sunset groaned.
“How did this go from a coronation to a kingdom-wide session of the hokey-pokey?” Luna moaned. “Please, for the love of all that is pure in this world, make it stop….”
That’s when the most glorious of miracles occurred: the ground beneath Twilight exploded upwards and the lavender pony was sent flying across the throne room. From the newly created hole in the floor, Trixie, Maud, and the Celestia Squad emerged, posing heroically while the light from the windows just happened to be beaming at them at just the right moment.
“Tia, we’re back!” Minuette waved cheerfully.
“And we brought the gem for the crown,” Lyra announced, holding the gemstone in the air.
“Oh, thank me,” Luna muttered. “Quick, give it here.”
Lyra passed the amethyst over to Luna, who also picked up the incomplete crown with her magic. The midnight mare inserted the gemstones into the indentation of crown, letting out a relieved sigh when it slotted in perfectly. Luna shooed the ponies to their seats in the audience (Lyra pulled up an extra chair for Maud) and stood beside her sister proudly with crown in hoof.
“Citizens of Equestria!” Luna called loudly. “I have ruled this land alone or many years. Though had the assistance of many brave, kind, and noble friend, I had become used to watching them leave while I remained unchanged. It was a lonely existence. But now, like the changing of the seasons, and new, better change has come to our kingdom.
“My sister has returned after many centuries away in isolation. Some ponies still remember her as Daybreaker, and many have shared their concerns with how genuine her change is. But I feel confident if my sister’s genuine desire to help Equestria and, in time, I hope you feel the same way as well.
“And so, without further ado, I give you Equestria’s new co-ruler,” Luna lifted the golden crown and rested it atop her sister’s brow, “Celestia, Princess of the Sun!”
The audience broke out in an applause. Some were only clapping their hooves politely, obviously still weary of Celestia even after all this time. The majority was much more enthusiastic, especially those who lived in Canterlot and interacted with Celestia regularly. But the Mane Six, Luna friends, and the Celestia Squad were the loudest of all; Minuette had pulled a megaphone from out of nowhere and practically destroyed their eardrums.
Twilight eventually joined them, shaking the dizziness of her unexpected flight.
“So what happened down there?” she asked Trixie. “Was there any trouble?”
“Let’s just say it was…ruff,” said Trixie jokingly.
Trixie and the Celestia Squad giggled at their little inside joke, while Twilight was visibly confused.