"Good evening Equestria and this is Tabloid News and we have a very special surprise for you. As you know, recently Goddess-Queen Starlight Glimmer opened up about everything on national cable news networks. The time has come for the better Goddess-Queen, Twilight Sparkle, to give her response. While we are not exactly sure what she is going to say, we will be airing a live interview with her so that she can share her side of the story, the side that is not so heavily slanted in favor of Starlight. And here she is, Goddess-Queen Twilight Sparkle."
"Good evening Equestria, I am glad you tuned in for the real story, not just the babblings of my pious goody-good sister."
"Goddess-Queen Twilight, I am assuming you watched your sister's address to the nation last night. What are your thoughts on it?"
"Well, ever since I allegedly injured her precious step-daughter, Princess Toolaroola, she has been acting all pious and shit. You want to know what the first pious act she did was? She quit putting out for me and decided that us engaging in sisterly-bonding was something she would no longer do. All of a sudden that was something that was beneath her, giving her hot sister the loving she needed to function properly was something she'd no longer do!"
"That had to cause a lot of problems between you two, especially given how close you two were."
"Oh yes, it caused a lot of problems. To top her no longer putting out, she had her precious step-daughters use Grogar's bell on me and render me without any magic and I lost my wings in the process. Now for what was worse, she was going to give me to Flutterbitch as a slave! She was going to enslave me to the bitch I was in a relationship with a couple years back."
"Are you talking about the one who controlled you so much?"
"Yes, that bitch. Luckily my mom came to my rescue and made her return my magic to me but after that, we pretty much hated one another and of course as everypony knows, the little bitch took away all my responsibilities and is running the show. She is acting like she is Faust's fucking gift to the world, she is out there acting like everypony just loves her so much."
"While we are not sure if this is true or not, rumor has it that you moved out to your mother's old castle after that and took your harem with you."
"That is correct but then my goody-good sister and my bitch aunt made a plan to go out and turn them against me while I was visiting my mom. They turned my harem against me and now my former little slutty Cadence is now going to marry my bitch sister. What I would love to know is how Starbitch was so easily able to sway her into going with her and committing to her."
"From what everypony understands, your falling out with your sister was tied directly to her wanting commitment. Do you think that perhaps Cadence wanted commitment and Starlight was willing to give her that?"
"Well no shit, of course that was the reason. My little love princess wanted to tie herself down to somepony and I discovered that she wanted that with me but was afraid to ask because she thought I might throw her in another dimension. Of course I would have if she had even brought it up so she goes and begs my bitch sister for it and of course, being the easily manipulated thing she is, Starbitch committed to her....what a dumb bitch, right?"
"Twilight, we all know that you like your free love and rumor has it that now you have pretty much taken your mother as your own. Ponies down in Silver Shoals have been talking about how Celestia will only put out for you now. Is that correct? Do you really have that strong of a sexual hold over your mother?"
"Of course I do. My bitch Aunt Luna has become a goody good and stopped putting out for my mom. If my father weren't so fucking traditional Celestia might not need my loving touch but hey, sometimes a mare has to make her mother happy and want to know something funny? I OWN my mom in the bedroom! She is so submissive to me but part of that may be because she has nothing on me when it comes to magical power but also I am the sexiest pony in existence so that might have something to do with it too!"
"Right, we also have heard rumors that despite both of you being infinitely powerful, that Starlight is still outshining you. Is there any reason for that?"
"Well this is something that really pisses me off and it should show what a tyrannical bitch my sister is. Well when my mom made her return my magic to me, as it turns out she didn't return all of it. When she turned my harem against me and took my Cadence as her own, she flat out admitted it!"
"Oh and what magic did she not return?"
"She did not return the magic that allowed me to cause the atomic structure of things to fall apart and is now boasting that she is the only true Goddess-Queen and threw the worst insult possible at me, she called me a demigoddess-queen."
"Twilight, we can understand your frustration. Is there anything else she has done that you feel needs to be released to the public?"
"Oh yes, there is! That bitch may be claiming to be all pious and transparent but there are some things that she is hiding things that I know she will never reveal. Did you know that at one time she actually boiled away somepony that was her friend solely because he had a crush on her and she wanted to nip that in the bud?"
"Well yes Twilight, everypony is aware of that and everypony knows that you imprisoned a guard who had a crush on you in a painting and then burned it."
"That isn't the point. You want to know what Starbitch ultimately did? Well she brought him back as a mare and only agreed to turn him back into a stallion if his mother would become her sex slave! Now that is something miss high and mighty didn't reveal! She isn't all transparent!"
"Oh and despite her going to be marrying Cadence, has she kept ahold of this sex slave."
"No! That mare is super smart because she was terrible at her job on purpose! She tricked my bitch sister into freeing her so you see Equestria, my sister isn't all that bright and she certainly isn't this moral pony like she claims to be!"
"Twilight, from the way it sounds right now, it sounds like you have nothing to do with the government and are simply having sex with your mom. Do you have any plans on changing that? Do you have any plans to try and force your sister to give you some responsibilities back."
"Well no shit I plan on that. I can't be relevant if all I'm doing is screwing my mom and taking her pension, right? I have to go back, put my bitch sister in her place........."
*CRAZY, BUT THAT'S HOW IT GOES*
All of a sudden Twilight could not be heard as music began to blare over her speaking. As Twilight continued to speak, the anchor was only able to hear the music. He began shouting, "Hello, hello. Twilight, can you hear me?"
Starlight then overrode the signal further to where she was the one being interviewed by PMZ. She gave the anchor a smile and laughed, "Much better, don't you think?"
The anchor noticed that not only was Starlight's horn glowing but also that the same song was playing in the background. He was not one bit pleased, "Starlight Glimm...."
Starlight interrupted, "That is Goddess-Queen Starlight Glimmer to you."
"Ugh fine! Your Majesty, I was trying to interview your sister but then you use your freaky powers to turn this into an interview with you instead."
"Look, all I am doing is breaking in to advise the citizens of Equestria that PMZ is nothing more than fake tabloid news and should not be taken seriously, nor should anything from my sister be taken seriously."
"That's all you broke in to say, you just broke in to say we are fake news and that your sister should not be taken seriously?"
"That is correct."
Starlight powered down her horn and suddenly it was Twilight who was visible again. Twilight was still there and was going into a profanity laced tirade when the anchor interrupted her, "Goddess-Queen Twilight, the signal has been fixed. You can't cuss that much on TV."
"This isn't broadcast TV, I can cuss as much as I fucking want."
"Ugh fine, now where were we before your sister decided to override you with that Crazy Train song she seems to like so much?"
"I was talking about how I was going to have to go back, put my bitch sister in her place and resume control of the country."
"But your Majesty, if she has powers greater than yours, how do you plan on doing this?"
Twilight glared into the camera and began, "Citizens of Equestria, the time has come for you to choose. Who are you going to choose, the bitch who stole cutie marks, screwed up the time continuum multiple times, cast spells on her friends, stole my harem, refuses to put out for me and just now CENSORED ME or will you pick the Sister who hasn't done any of that. I won't censor anypony nor am I trying to push a brand of music on this nation that doesn't match our values."
"Well I don't know about all of you out there but I would pick Goddess-Queen Twilight as she respects our values, doesn't cast spells on her friends and doesn't believe in censorship."
"Why thank you, I appreciate your support."
"Like our beloved Goddess-Queen asked, who and what do you want? Do you want freedom of speech and Goddess-Queen Twilight or censorship with her bitch sister?"
*End of Broadcast*