It’s been about a month since my new roommate, Draco, began his temporary stay at my home. I looked up on my computer how long it would take for his wing to heal; three months. At first, I was like, “Son of a bitch!”, but he has been growing on me. He’s been staying in my backyard and has been smart enough to not eat Wolfgang; because if he does, I will murder him where he lays.
It has been nice to have someone around to have an intellectual conversation with. We talk about politics, the economy, where the fuck my spoons went, and things like that.
“You do not even use your spoons,” Draco said in an attempt to defend himself.
“Yes, I do. Whenever I eat ice cream, I use a spoon,” I rebutted.
“That reminds me, why don’t you use a bowl instead of eating out of the tub?”
“Don’t change the subject! You ate all of my spoons!”
“Well maybe if you fed me a decent meal, I wouldn’t need to. Seriously, I am your guest and you are the host. You must take responsibility for me.”
“Fine, you want a nice meal, I’ll go make you one.” I turn to the house. “Oh wait. I can’t because someone ate all of my fucking spoons!”
“Hey guys!” The most beautiful voice rang in my ears as the most beautiful girl descended from the sky. As Ditzy landed, she could feel the tension in the air. “What’s wrong with you two?”
I pointed my finger at the dragon. “Bitch ate my spoons!”
“Only because he never feeds me properly!” His eyes drift towards the stables. “Perhaps that ostrich would provide me with a better meal than you.”
Fecal matter at this very moment has become reality. “Oh, it’s on now!” Equality appeared in my hand with a flash. “Come at me bro!” I shouted, opening my arms for the universal gesture of Come At Me Bro.
Draco let out a huge roar the shook the ground around us. “Bring it, whelp!”
Before things could get any worse, Ditzy got in between us. “Stop it you two!” she said in a harsh, demanding tone. Draco and I stopped where we stood, intimidated by the woman before us. She stared at me and began her epic walled-eye pouting manoeuvre. “Scales! Feed him a proper meal!” Must… not… give in… to the cuteness!
“I can’t, I don’t have a spoons.”
“Well then, buy some more.”
I can’t resist any longer!!! “Fine” I hang my head in defeat.
She gave a triumphant smile. “Good. I have to deliver the rest of my mail. I want you to give Draco a decent meal or you’ll be sorry.” I wasn’t intimidated this time because she still had the pout on. She turns to face Draco. “Bye Draco.”
Draco had a look of satisfaction on his face. “Farewell, Ditzy.”
And without saying good bye to me, she was off. I stared at her as she flew away, she grey wings flapping gracefully in the air. I let out a sigh. “You win this time. What do you want?”
“Ham and sapphires.” he said with a smug look on his face.
“We don’t have either.” We actually had ham but that was my ham. Nobody touches my ham. “How about steak and rubies?”
“I desire pig.”
“And I don’t give a damn. You’re getting steak and rubies.” I walked inside the house before he could say anything else. I put on my apron and headed to the kitchen.
I walked back outside to Draco, holding a plate of beef and red gems. As I approached Draco, his eyes grew wide at the well prepared meal before him. He licked his lips in preparation for his first real meal. And might I add that since I’m dealing with a dragon here, I had to use the biggest piece of steak in the fridge. I was saving it for a special occasion, but now I have to feed it to this lizard. At least it wasn’t my ham. I fucking love ham.
“Bottoms up!” I shouted as I tossed the plate to Draco like a Frisbee. He caught it with his mouth and began to chow down on my china. I stopped caring. I don’t even use plates.
I retreated to the inside of my house as the reptile fed. I took two steps inside the house before it hit me. “I’m so bored!” I yelled as I plopped down on the couch in the living room. What day is it? I attempted to use my super awesome seeing powers to look at the calendar on the wall on the other side of the house. It was just then that I realized that I don’t have super awesome seeing powers. I got up from the couch with a moan and walked over to the calendar. October 24th. Something itched at the back of my brain. I can’t help but feel I’m forgetting something… Whatever.
I plopped down on the couch again. What time is it? I look at the clock conveniently placed on the night stand beside me. One o’clock. That means nap time. I was tired. Dealing with Draco always made me tired. He was exhausting. I close my eyes and let my mind wander.
Then I remembered what it was I forgot. I bolt up from the ever so comfy sofa. “It’s Ditzy’s birthday in two days!” I facepalm myself as I had totally forgot all about it. I stood up from the couch and started pacing the room. “Shitshitshitshitshitshit,” tumbled out of my mouth. “Oh no, what am I going to do? I don’t have anything planned. C’mon, Scales think.” I paced and thought and paced and thought, thinking of what the hell I was going to do for my Ditzy’s birthday.
Two hours later and I had finally come up with a plan. I was going to throw Ditzy a surprise party at her house with her friends. I only know of Carrot Top but I’m sure there’s more.
I rushed into the back yard where the satisfied red, winged beast lies. Fuck him, I’m gonna ride my ostrich. I opened up the stable doors to see my scared, feathered friend. I approached Wolfgang cautiously so as not to frighten him anymore. “Calm down boy. He’s not gonna hurt you.” I stared into his eyes. He seemed to have loosened up knowing that I wasn‘t afraid. “Good boy.” I say calmingly. I jump on top on his shoulders and off we rode into town. Still no fucks given about Draco.
First thing I have planned for Ditzy’s birthday is a muffin. Not just any muffin. A big birthday muffin, baked by Pinkie Pie. I arrived at Sugar Cube Corner with a lot of attention drawn to me. I heard people whispering about how weird I looked riding an ostrich. Chill out people. You have a store that sells nothing but ostrich shit, this can’t be the first time you’ve seen someone riding an ostrich.
I tied the reins attached to Wolfgang to the side of the building. I pushed open the doors to the bakery dramatically, causing a loud bang when the door hit the wall. All eyes were on me. I made my entrance way too dramatic and decided to keep the rest of my visit low profile.
I closed the door gently and made my way to the register where, surprisingly, no one was there. I leaned over the counter to see if anyone, specifically Pinkie, was behind it. Coast clear. I looked down at the counter top to see the hardest challenge of the day; a bell. I put my hand over it, ready to push down on it. Just one tap. No more. My hands started to shake. My palm became sweaty. Before I fainted from the pressure, I tapped the bell… twice. Two consecutive rings echoed through the building.
Then, as expected, the cotton candy haired girl popped out from behind the counter, which had no one behind it previously. “Hey Scales,” greeted Pinkie. “How are you doing today? No, wait! Let me guess.”
“Pinkie, are we really-”
“Good?” she interrupted.
“So we are.”
“Spectacular!?”
“Pinkie, I-”
“Depressed?” A frown appeared on her face.
“No, I need-”
Smile’s back. “Stupendous?!”
“Please listen to me-”
“Fantabulicious!”
“Yes!” I snapped. “My day is fantabulicious, Pinkie! Absolutely greatacular! Can I please order now?”
“Sure, what do you need?” she said with a smile. This girl.
I got myself together and said “I need a muffin the size of a birthday cake.”
Her eyes grew wide. “A muffin the size of a birthday cake!?” She let out a small squee and became all giddy. “Ooh! Can I guess what for?”
OH SWEET CELESTIA NO!!!
“Is it for Ditzy’s birthday-”
“Yes!” I said as soon as she finished her sentence. I didn’t realize that she was actually correct. I just didn’t want any more guessing.
“Aww. How sweet.” She stuck out her hand with a smile. “That will be five bits please.” Dat smile. I gladly handed her the bits. Pinkie put the bits into the register and walked behind the door that led to the kitchen.
I sat by the windows, waiting for the Muffin Cake to be completed. I was sitting for what felt like hours and the only conversation I had was when Pinkie popped her head out to ask me what kind of muffin it should be. “Blueberry.” If I remembered correctly, her favourite kind of muffin is blueberry.
I considered dozing off when the bell above the door rang.
“Hello!” shouted the familiar voice of Ditzy. I jumped at the sound.
Shit! Gotta hide. If Ditzy saw me here, she’d get suspicious. I did the only thing I could do in this situation and opened up a menu to hide my face. A few seconds later, I heard the bell ring and the door of the kitchen opening and closing.
“Hi Pinkie.” Ditzy began. “Can I have a dozen of muffins?”
“Sure thing, Ditzy.” Pinkie replied cheerily. “You can wait right over there next to…” She scanned the tables looking for me. I raised my head from the menu, clenched my teeth, and brought my hand across my neck, the universal sign of “Stop talking; I‘m not here“.
“Scales,” she finished, pointing her finger at me. I gave Pinkie the universal sign of “What the fuck?”, before I turned it into a smile and a wave to greet Ditzy’s wandering eyes… well, one of them met me. The other still wandered but it was adorable so it’s all good.
Her face seemed to brighten up at the sight of me. “Hi, Scales!” She waved. She ran up to my table and took the chair next to mine. “What are you doing here?” Her smile quickly turned into a pout. “You better have fed Draco properly.” Her pouts could make a manticore stop in in its tracks and act like a kitty.
“I fed him properly, don’t you worry.”
Her pout went back to a smile. “Good. Anyway, what are you doing here?”
“Ooh, ooh! I know!” Pinkie shouted from the other side of the bakery. I eyed her daggers hoping she would get the message. She didn‘t. “He’s here to-” A zipper formed around her mouth and closed shut. I wonder how that happened?
“Order cookies.” I finished for Pinkie. “I had an urge so I came here.”
“No.” Pinkie somehow undid the zipper. “You ordered-”
“Speaking of my order,” I said as loud as I can. “Don’t you think you should be preparing it?” I eyed her more daggers.
“Oh. You’re right.” Pinkie said with a smile, still oblivious to my eye daggers, and returned to the kitchen.
Ditzy was now eyeing me daggers. “Are you sure you’re getting cookies?”
“Yeah, pretty sure.” My voice cracked a little and I started to sweat. Ditzy continued to stare at me. I was going to break any second. I wish Pinkie could be done now.
Celestia answered my prayer. Even though it’s only been ten seconds, Pinkie exited the kitchen door with a box with my name on it. “Scales! Your order is done.” With that, I quickly got up from my seat and walked to the counter, freeing myself from Ditzy’s gaze.
I took the box from Pinkie, leaned in close, and whispered, “I’m going to throw Ditzy a surprise party, so ietquay aboutway ethay uffinmay akecay.” I really hope she understands Pig Latin.
To my surprise, she gave me a nod and said “Understood.”
I nod and turn to face Ditzy. “Well Ditzy, it’s been fun talking but I need to return home now.” I head for the door. “See ya tomorrow.” I quickly dash-walked to the door but was intercepted by a grey wing. Connected to the wing was Ditzy, still eyeing me.
“What in the box?” She demanded.
“Cookies. I thought we had this conversation.”
Ditzy walked in front of me and got into my personal space. She closed her eyes and began sniffing. “Really? Because it smells like…” After a few more sniff her eyes opened wide and a huge smile grew on her face. “Muffins!” She lunged at the box, but I was able to lift it into the air before she could grab it. She kept jumping and jumping. “C’mon! I just want one!” I levitated the box higher in the air. Ditzy was too short to reach it, no matter how high she jumped. The funny thing was I forgot she had wings. She flew up into the air and snatched the box from my magical grasps.
I grabbed the box back from out of her hands, which required some strength, might I add, and side stepped past her. “Well it’s been fun.” I walked out the door. “But duty calls.” A light flashed and I was home.
The quietness of the house was nice. I let out a sigh. That was close. I open the box to check on its contents. Inside the box was a giant muffin, with “Happy Birthday Ditzy” spelled out in blueberries, with a glorious aroma emanating from within. I could feel myself drooling a little. It was beautiful. I open the refrigerator door and place the box inside.
“Step one, complete.”
Author's Note: More seductive red text. This one took about... how long? Two weeks right? I got school and stuff so it will be a long time between chapters. Anyway, I was going to put all of Ditzy's birthday in this chapter but I decided that took too long. Next chapter should finish it though. Also, one last thing. In the comments, think of a pony who would be Ditzy's friend. I just need one. Thanks for f0xhole again for editing.