//------------------------------// // Returning home // Story: The new arrival in Equestria // by Blazer787 //------------------------------// The constant beat of the engine and rocking of the cart soon became almost hypnotic as it went on, eluding existence ever more and more with every moment passing, until it finally droned out of our heads and became just another subconscious noise in the background that no one ever notices. Back in town he had seemed so much more alive though, that strange tall man in the coat. He was so ecstatic only ten minutes ago to witness Ponyville first hand, meet the locals, get out of the big city and into a place where we were both accepted, and into the place where he had essentially been born. He had thrown his arms into the air, doing a twirl as he walked. "We can finally get back to where it all started!" he had looked over to me with a quizzical look and asked "are you sure you are okay with that, Michael?" "Why wouldn't I be? We won't have to sneak around anymore, and life can finally get back to normal! I don't see any way back to earth, so we can stay in Ponyville. I don't care if the whole of Equestria knows who we are anymore! Why do you think I would need to think about it?" "That's not…No, never mind, no reason…" But now he seemed so troubled, as if haunted by something. I was looming over his shoulder everywhere he went, weighing him down like a led blanket. His joyous smile was replaced with a neutral frown, his eyes glazed over, and he rarely moved with as much energy as before. Only moving to adjust his position from time to time. All he would do is stare out the window, into his hands or down at himself. His eyes were vacant with no emotion at all; he stared blandly at anyone that talked to him. The only hint of anything human was a touch the sadness that felt somehow familiar to me. It was as if he had been this way for the longest time. He refused to talk for the whole ride back; he remained silent and ignored any attempt at friendly conversation. Sometimes when the whole cabin was quiet, you could hear the faintest whispers escape his trembling mouth. Whatever had been thundering inside eventually grew too great for him to bear. Without any indication he stood and grabbed me by the arm, dragging me into a luggage carriage without a single word. All the ponies stared at us as he closed the large metal door. He sat down on a nearby suitcase and motioned for me to do the same. We sat in silence for what seemed to be an eternity, yet only seconds at the same time. All the while a sad look was spread across his face, as something deep down inside his soul ate away at him. Finally he spoke up. "Michael…" I perked up at the sudden noise. "I've been lying to you…" He look up and saw the bewilderment in my face, he continued. "All the bravado in my personality, all the courage I've shown, it's all been a lie…" He dropped his gaze to the ground. "I have only just realised it recently, but I had been throwing away who I was, just as you were. And when you came to that realisation, I had one as well…" I waited for him to continue, as patient as I appeared, I was burning inside to know his next words. But those words took me by storm. "I'm going to die…" "What!?" He seemed surprised by my sudden outburst, even I was. The sudden burst of emotion felt like my soul was shouting. He nodded slowly and continued. "I've had much time to think when I was trapped in your head and even more time in this world. Then I started to wonder…Why am I here? I'm not even a full human, just a figment of your imagination, brought to life by some spell." He almost spat those last few words out. "When you finally came to realise how to be content in this world, my purpose was over! The one and only thing I was created for inside your mind and my business is finished in a matter of days!" His knuckles went white as his now trembling hands clenched into fists. His eyes burned with rage as he spat out the next sentence. "Who the hell am I anymore!? I'm not even real!" He pounded on his head with his fists as he lurched over. "Calm down. What has any of this got to do with you dying? You said it yourself that I couldn't die in this world, and if you're a part of me then-" "Oh you still don't get it do you, you stupid little twat!" I have to admit, I was taken aback by his sudden burst of anger. "The only thing keeping me alive is that split of the worlds out there! That's the whole reason I exist in the first place! Why am I still here!? Why must the world torment me like this!?" By this time he was on the verge of tears, and balancing on a razor blade to a breakdown. With the split seconds he would sometimes look up and stare at me, his eyes showed it all. His eyes burned with the hatred of a thousand burning suns, the emptiness of a black hole, and the harshest grief anyone could endure. "Don't worry; it's not going to come to that." I sat down next to him and wrapped my arm around him. "Your life wasn't in vein. You taught me how to finally be happy in this world, how to finally stop being afraid of just being human. You taught me what I couldn't accept on my own. It's just like you said, life is what you make of it. 'For our minds can make this world a palace or a prison' remember?" "I don't even have a name…You never cared enough to name even give me a name!" He said in a trembling voice, rattled with terror as his body shook with fright. "You live your life that would make Pinkie Pie herself proud of you. You brought us so much joy and happiness, even if you did have strange ways of showing it. I only wish that I could have lived like you, without fear or regret." His shaking lessened the slightest bit and he look up at me, eyes lost in a world of insanity. "You have lived a life more human that I or any pony in the world ever could. Not pony nor human or even God itself could look down upon that. To think that everyone could appreciate the paths we take as much as the places they take us. To think that they could live like you do." His shaking ceased and he stared silently at the floor once more, however he seemed much more…content with himself now. The look of terror had vanished from his eyes and was replaced by a glassy look, an unreadable blank expression. "Everyone in existence lives behind a masquerade, always trying to be someone else, and people like that have done it for so long that eventually, they can't remove the mask without taking some of their own skin. "And what does that mean…" "That everyone is born original, but dies a copy. But not you, you fought the hardest battle life can possibly throw at someone, at you easily won. And I promise that if you do end up…disappearing, I will make sure we all find the magic that made you who you are, and spark it again." "I'm sorry…knowing the hour of one's death is not a…Pleasant experience…" "Don't worry. Humans like you don't die; they live on for eternity in their friends' hearts." "Humans like…me?" "Like I said, you have proven more human in a matter of days than anyone ever could in their entire lifetime." I got up to leave him to his thoughts, but just as I grabbed the latch of the door, he called out to me again. "Michael." I turned to face him, my hand still clasping the cool metal handle. "Thank you." As I looked upon him I saw a man who had finally achieved peace with himself, and all of that around him. With one last look I saw a single look of rebirth in his eye. I turned and left. Fluttershy spoke up as I re-entered the cabin. "What happened Michael?" "I met a man greater who lives a life greater than the gods themselves." When we left the train and stepped out into the bright sun of Ponyville, many of the clouds had been shifted away and a small crowd of ponies came to greet us. They gathered around us asking why we had left and where we had been, unfortunately we had no time for storytelling at that time, so we told them they would have to wait for another time. The range of looks we received were far and wide, some waved at us and welcomed us back, others invited us to sit and talk with them, even little fillies ran up to take another look at me. Understandable enough, a human disappearing from town in the middle of the night with six ponies missing, it would come across as suspicious to some ponies. Speaking of those kinds of ponies, some were not at all happy to see me return. They glared and sneered at me from the side-lines. Many ponies in Equestria, and especially in Ponyville, had been welcoming enough once I had settled in, fascinated by what I was and curious about human customs. Then there were the other select few groups. The ones who loathed my existence, told me I was a freak and I didn't belong here, to go back to where I came from, and thought I was a disgrace to their happy society, just a dark smudge on their world that needed to be wiped off. One even called me a "gaijin", I meant for myself to look it up but I never did. When the other human stepped off the train though, it was like seeing a human for the first time all over again. They stared and whispered to each other behind hooves, all stares were fixed on the tall figure in the orange coat. Mothers pulled their children behind them instinctively, some followed us none too discretely to gain a better view, and once again some ponies just stared in disgust at the sight of another human. It was late in the afternoon by the time we had arrived, so there was little time to waste. He made our way through the town, cutting through alleyways and straight through the market, coming out onto the rolling green fields of the apple family orchards. This was not without warning however. The Bridge that usually led to the orchards had been gated and barred off by a sturdy looking wood fence. The makeshift fence continued down the side of the small moat that surrounded the area, only to stop at a random point. As we passed it I felt the ponies' stares shift from curiosity, to worry. They warned us not to go any further and that we didn't know what was out there, as we climbed over the makeshift barricade. And it was true; we didn't know what was out there. I had almost forgotten how magnificent the sight was. When the sun hung low in the sky and brushed against the mountains in the distance, casting rolling shadows along the acres and making every single tree seem to glow with life as they were bathed in the fading sun. "There it is!" cried Spike as he pointed out the blatantly obvious sight. "Thanks eagle eye." I said, "Let's go see what we're dealing with here." We made our way over. The crack that he had talked about was much bigger than I'd imagined, spanning the whole width of the path, and the length of almost two apple trees lying on their sides. A brilliant bright light shone from it, a pure white, whiter than any snow or cloud could have possibly been. The light almost flowed out like a river, twisting and dancing with divine grace around the very air itself. What was most strange about its appearance was that it was almost entirely on the path, it never strayed off from the dirt road, except for one part where the crack ran up a tree to the right. "Shining Celestia!" Rarity exclaimed. "By Luna's night!" Called Twilight. "Mother of God…" I said aloud. "Holy mongoose in a monster truck!" The pirate shouted. We mainly stayed away from the giant white hole in the ground; it didn't seem like a good idea to mess with a break in the fabric of reality…Well more than we already have anyway. Sure Rainbow suggested that 'chucking a few rocks down there to see what happens' was a good idea…But I didn't want to end up some sort of half pony, half rock cross breed because she was bored. It almost seemed ironic to have run this whole race, to stop just short of the finish line. Eventually thought, after a while of slow and boring waiting, Celestia and her sister Luna arrived on the scene. However we caught them just as we were heading back. The moon was starting to climb in the sky and we were all too tired, my brains felt like mush and I couldn't think straight at all. It had not essentially been a physically tiring day, but stress build inside and soon we all turned grouchy. And it didn't seem like a good time to be out in the middle of the night, with six magical ponies, a dragon, an ex-werewolf, two demi-gods, and a psycho blade wielding pirate. "So this is the crack you were talking about?" asked Celestia as she strolled over. As she arrived everypony gave a quick bow to acknowledge their princesses presence. "Yes" I replied, "but you're a bit too late. We're going to leave this until morning." "Morning!?" asked a baffled Celestia. "But this could be a matter of life and death!" "Actually, no it is not." The pirate replied. "This crack seems to be confined to this spot only; it won't grow or shrink at all for some reason." "But-but what about Canterlot collapsing? Was this all just a ruse to escape from prison?" "Listen Celestia," he took a confident step forward, his stance aggressive "I know what I said, and there's nothing I can do when I'm tired. It's been a long day for all of us so we don't need more complaints from ponies like you!" He jabbed Celestia in the chest with a single finger, then after a moment of hesitation at what he had just done, hung his head in sorrow. "Sorry Celestia, he's going through a lot." I intervened. "But he's right, the only one who understands all of this is him, and it won't help to be tired, hungry and grouchy all through the night. We can get much more done in the morning." "That reminds me princess." Twilight spoke up. "Why did you not arrive sooner? Surely this was the most urgent matter at hoof." "One cannot simply walk out and abandon the throne. Many matters were to be taken care of." Celestia replied to her prized student. "Celestia, you can stay with me for the night." Twilight offered. "That would be most lovely Twilight Sparkle." "Yeah" agreed Rainbow. "And Luna can come stay at my place; I've got more than enough room." "Actually, if you would not mind, I would like to stay with Michael and his friend for this night. I have many questions to ask." Luna responded with a big smile spread across her face. "That's alright, isn't it Applejack?" I asked. "No problem at all." Applejack said. "Okay so it's settled. An' we'll all meet up here first thing in th' mornin'" As it was agreed, we walked Luna to the barn as the others all departed to their own homes. While Luna had said she had many questions to ask, she was silent for the whole walk back to the house. However as she walked she did play with the stars, constantly tweaking them to hang them just right in the sky. She stared at her sky, proudly admiring her work of eternal art. When we had settled in at home, Luna had been shown her room, and as we settled down for the night, I took a moment to step outside and stare in silent awe at Luna's handiwork. It truly was an amazing gift to hold. To be able to shape the night anyway you want, create a completely different experience every time on the same eternal canvas, and always achieving perfection. The stars sparkled like diamonds, and stared back as one million eyes in the ocean of night. "Which one is earth?" I wondered. "Are we just outside this solar system, or an eternity away? It's a shame I will never find out, because I'm stuck here. But that doesn't bother me at all, being stuck in paradise. It feels so…peaceful on this planet." "Michael?" I jumped at the sudden noise, looking over I saw that Luna had crept up on me, as silent as the night she conjures. "I apologise, I did not mean to frighten you." "No it's alright. What's on your mind?" "Well I wanted to ask; why does your friend act so…Rebellious? He has no concern for the law or the authority of my sister. Yet he seems to have no quarrel with me." "I don't think I should tell you. I don't want the grief to hang on you too." "Michael, please, you know you can trust me…I could have had you banished, or even executed you when you woke up next to me that night. But I gave you a chance…" I turned my head away; I couldn't look into those innocent eyes any longer. I just couldn't. After all I had read about in the history of Equestria, and finally getting to meet her, it was clear how much guild she still retained deep down. And the last thing I wanted was to add to that pile. "If you won't tell me as a debt, tell me as a friend." Looking up I saw that innocent smile on her sweet face, and allowed it to creep onto mine. "Okay, but you have to promise not to tell anyone! If he found out that I told anyone he would kill me!" "I understand." She quickly nodded. "His one purpose in his life was to help me figure out not to be afraid of who I was, and to help me fit into this world. But now I can mingle around ponies comfortably without needing his aid, and because of that his mission in life is over. He also hates the fact that he is only a half human, just an emotion brought into a physical form by your magic. And finally…Once we fix that crack…He's afraid he might die. Because the energy from that crack gave him consciousness, he thinks that once we close it, with his life mission completed and his source of energy gone, life will throw him aside and forget about him. To have only lived a half-life, accomplish your ultimate goal in a number of days, and then to know the hour of your death…It's not something I would ever want to go through." "And I respect you, Luna." We swung round to see him leaning again the tall wall of the house casually, his arms crossed. "You are so more deserving of your sister of my respect in so many ways." "How did you know we were out here?" I asked him. "Oh come on Michael, you thought me up in that head, you don't think we're linked?" "But my sister and I are the same, are we not? We are both rulers of Equestria." Luna hesitantly asked. He started to talk, but stayed where he was, and in the same position. "Yes, but your sister knows not what it is to truly be alone. She banished you to your own domain for one thousand years. She trapped you, and turned your paradise into hell. Alone in hell for one thousand years, no one to talk to, to cry on, or even to look at…All alone on the moon. She abandoned you. I bet even now you cannot look at your own moon without remembering what she did to you." Luna stared up at the moon thoughtfully. "She takes for granted what she has, yet you know what it truly means to feel unloved…" He paused and let the message sink in, deeply. "This is why I respect you, and despise your sister." He turned on his feel and headed inside with the creak of the door. "It seems like ever since I came here…" I thought aloud. "This heaven has turned to hell oh so fast…" "He is right though…No matter how much I try to forget it just…keeps coming back." "Well Luna, that is in the past now. I've done things too that I wish I could go back and change, but can I? No, so your mind should be focused on the future. Not dwelling on what can't be changed." "I truly do feel sorry for that friend of yours; he has been through almost as much as I have, in less than half the time." "Well Luna, they say that a man knows his death, but not the hour. Unfortunately for him that is not completely true…" I took a look into the peaceful night and told Luna. "You know in some ways, the night is clearer than day ever can be. Without the hassle of homework, bills, work and social status, the night shows life for what it truly is. Pure and simple, with no intervention from ponies….Or humans" Luna allowed herself a smile as she too looked up into the peaceful scenery. After a while I said: "Come on, let's go back inside." I took her by the hoof and lead her around to the door with her still staring up at the moon. I raised my head and looked up at her domain one last time and thought aloud: "Oh beautiful night, not meant to be slept through." Due to the lack of space and rooms in Applejacks barn, Luna and I were to share a room, and the pirate to sleep with Applejack, her having a bed big enough to fit the both of them. When we asked her who she would like to share a room with, I instantly thought she would most likely want to share room with a pony, one of her own kind, instead of an alien species she barely knew anything about. Surprisingly enough, though, she volunteered to share the room with me, having questions about humans, and seeing that the pirate wasn't exactly the best source of knowledge on the subject. "What are you doing?" She asked with her brow furrowed in confusion. She levitated her hairbrush next to her and looked away from the large mirror resting on the drawer as she stopped to stare at me. "Taking my clothes off, getting into bed, reading a book." I replied as I striped down to my boxers. "Is this something you humans do often?" "Yeah, a lot of people do it because the nights can get too hot for comfort sometimes. Especially back in New Zealand, it can get pretty hot sometimes. Or we just change into thicker clothes. Living in Equestria has made me question why humans even invented things like pyjamas or underwear. Underwear, it's just pants on top of more pants, how weird is that?" "New Zealand? Is that a city back on your planet?" "City?" Even though I knew that she wouldn't know a thing about earth, and I'd been living with ponies for what seemed like my whole life, it still sounded strange to hear someone think the whole of New Zealand was a city. "No, I'm not sure if you call it something else, or if you've even discovered it yet, but New Zealand's a small island near the equator. You might not even have it on your planet, even though the landmasses are eerily similar to my planets." "You seem very unturned by living in our society, and being in the presence of my sister." "You learn to live with it." I shrugged and climbed into bed, grabbing a book off the nightstand. "But you seem so accepting of our world now. Does it not bother you that you are not one of us?" "Not bother me?" I set the book down in my sat with a thud as I felt the pain building back up inside me. "Luna not a day goes by where I don't wonder if I'll ever get back to my home. So before you ask me questions like that why don't you step into my shoes for one day, and then see if you can ask dumbass questions like that!" I looked at her and saw the regret in her eyes; she obviously wanted to take what she had asked back. I took a deep breath and look back down at my book "I'm sorry. My pirate friend is going through some hard times, and, I guess he was right about us being linked." I barely got any reading done at all, not that I minded though; it was interesting to hear what kind of questions Luna could come up with about us humans. I always managed to give her answers that just lead to more questions; it wasn't intentional to keep her asking but Luna just keeps on digging. We both sat in bed, the moonlight and lamp our only sources of light. There was easily enough room for the two of us in the big bed, surprisingly big for a pony bed. However I still had to curl up a fraction, otherwise my toes found their way out the other side of the bed. I had set my book aside and talked with Luna for what had to be at least an hour. Both questioning each other and the worlds we live in (or in my case lived). She was much more interesting then Celestia could be, not that I was trying to be biased. Celestia had a tendency to make everything serious and left little room for humour, but Luna was much more fun to be with. She had good jokes to tell, stories to share, history and magic that would have been forgotten if it wasn't for her, and best of all she thought of me as a friend and not just another pony in the crowed expected to bow down. "Interesting…If you were changed into a pony, do you think it would be the same result if you were transformed again?" "I don't see why not." "Then perhaps that means that there could be a human of myself." She looked up at nothing in particular, her eyes lost somewhere between surprise and excitement at the thought. "Wanting to try out being a human for a day there, Luna?" I had to stifle down a laugh as I imagined Luna trying to move in a human body and fit into our world. "What's even more exciting is that she might already exist. I read a book Twilight loaned me once about alternate dimensions, and going by the logic in the book, there's a pony out there somewhere living with my personality and history all as a pony." I gestured out the window and into the night. "And that means that somewhere back in my world there's a human living your life." I paused and considered how that would work with Luna's history and personality. "Well maybe not your whole life, maybe what you would have been like without being sent to the moon." "That is an interesting theory; I would love to meet this human doppelganger." "And I would love to meet my pony self. But with me being living evidence of other worlds, I guess it's proven then. Congratulations Luna, you're human!" I poked her in the chest in a friendly way. She laughed at the idea, her having a human self. As she laughed a loud yawn escaped my throat. "Sorry, maybe we should get some sleep. After all I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, after all this is cleared up you can ask me anything!" "Very well" she said, quieting down her giggles. "Good night, Michael." "G'night Luna…" The dreams came again that night. Standing in an empty, grassy field, with lush green grass and a beautiful clear sky, deep blue, with the warmth of the sun basking down on me. Then, merely two feet away, a glowing blue line spanning as far as the eye could see, and on the other side, was the same riddle master who I had spoken with in the dream within the forest. He stood there calmly with his hands tucked away behind his back, two feet from the blue line, as hellfire danced around him. The line separated the magnificent field from a burning, barren wasteland. With lave gushing from cracks in the earth, the sky heavy with ash, and fire rushing up into the sky; it was truly a hell to behold. "Oh it's you again, any more riddles for me this time?" I asked him, I was growing tired of this constant puzzlement I felt caused by his twisted words. "All the pieces have come together" he started off. "The three puzzle pieces are all now slowly falling into place. It is all waiting for you, back out there. And it has been ever since you came to this world, since the very split second the gates of heaven and hell were opened. This is your fate and the only missing piece is whether you will follow it or not." "And what is any of that meant to mean? Are you ever going to give me a straight answer or are you just one of my emotions set out to drive me insane? Because seriously, I've got enough shit in my life right now, I don't need you shovelling more on." I felt the anger rise inside of me, all the confusion I had felt suddenly went on the attack. "Ah but Michael I have given you a straight answer. All you must do now is see it. While it may not seem straight to you, it is perfectly sound to me. Who is to say that one idea or reality is more valid than another?" "I will come over there and punch you in the back of the face! Give me a straight answer or get the fuck out of here!" As I hurled insults at the man, the world fell apart around me. Holes cracking open in either side of the two worlds, all of them glowing intensely with a blood red. "It seems the dream is destabilizing. So be it, my work here is done…" "Good, don't come back! Or I will mentally take you down like a lion on a gazelle! No, seriously, I will melt your face off if you show up with any more puzzle crap!" "Goodbye Michael. I hope you will see you fate as straight as a monkey's tail." "Oh now you're just making shit up!" The world around me all turned red. "You know, I don't really get this hay eating thing…" I said through a mouthful of hay. Yes I was eating hay, after all this time of avoiding it. I even surprised myself that I was trying it. The apple family, Luna, our pirate companion and I all sat at the kitchen table having breakfast. There was a strange calm in the air, because as far as we know, we all could have just slept through Las Heygas falling apart. I saw both Applejack and Luna trying to stifle down a laugh as I stared at the dry hay I held firmly in my hand. It had a strong organic taste, obviously, but…There's really no other way to describe eating hay. I'm guessing it would taste slightly more bitter than grass but as I haven't eaten any grass from Equestria, or at all really, I wouldn't know. Thank god ponies had discovered pancakes, because I've turned out to be useless at remembering any human recipes. "You think you can finish that whole thing without spitting any out?" The pirate asked me, with a broad grin not even remotely hidden. "Probably not" I dropped the hay I held onto my plate as I grimaced at the taste. I swallowed the dirt like mush in my mouth hastily and took a swig of water. "It's like eating weeds that turns into mud inside your mouth. Thank god ponies have invented modern cooking." "Are you sure you don't want any flowers to go with that?" He asked as he plopped some flowers onto my head with magic. Applejack and Luna burst out laughing, as did Applebloom, as Big Mac chuckled to himself. "Alright, you try some them." I took the bright flowers off my head and threw them over to him. With a confident smile he took them in his hand, put down his newspaper of 'Equestria weekly', shoved them into his mouth and swallowed without chewing a bit. "Good enough for ya?" "Oh that's cheating; you're not even real you can pull off impossible things." As I mentioned it his face went dark and he stared back into his newspaper, eyes filled with both anger and despair. Oh crap, wrong thing to say I thought to myself. Dammit, why did I have to get caught up in the moment, this is only making things worse for him… Luckily, Applebloom changed the subject. "But if ya'll don't eat hay or flowers or nothing like that, what do ya humans eat?" She asked me, cocked her head slightly. "Our main food source is tiny little ponies like you" the pirate interfered, looking up from his article. "Got some good fresh meat on your bones." I saw Applebloom's expression turn to fear at what he told her. "No it's not" I corrected "he's just joking, even thought it was quite a dark joke." The pirate shrugged and went back to reading. "Well we do eat vegetables and all that, just not hay, flowers, grain, or anything of the like. Mostly its meat; pork, beef, chicken, fish, deer, and some people even eat dogs. Man and ponies best friend, suddenly not such a friend anymore." This did little to calm Applebloom's nerves, her face still portraying shock and, in place of fear, disgust. "And no, I'm not going to eat your dog, so don't worry about it." Soon after everyone had finished clearing the table, we headed out to the most recent disaster to strike Ponyville, and the rest of Equestria. We found that Celestia had assembled a team of scientists and set up a base of operations overnight as we slept. "I do not know how humans commonly act, but I for one shall not stand idly by while my kingdom is destroyed by this crack!" Celestia said in an irritated tone, bags were showing around her eyes as she stared at me and the pirate. "Okay, okay, calm down already" The pirate said. "I'll need to run some tests while we're here to determine its properties. Believe me Celestia I want to save Equestria just as much as you do, but I don't want any mistakes, otherwise the whole universe could implode, explode, then spontaneously combust into nothingness…For all we know of course. So I shall need an hour clock first. Michael, go and ask doctor Whooves if we can borrow his-" "No need, we have a magical hour clock that was brought here from my castles science wing-" "No! No magic this time! We don't know what kind of crack it is, let alone what magic could possibly do to it!" "You made up a system" I asked "for this sort of thing? Who does something like that?" "There's nothing but conflicting emotions and no women in your head Michael, what the hell was I supposed to do?" "Wait, did you just call me gay!?" Breathing a weary sigh, he elaborated. "Michael all your emotions depend on gender. Unless you imagine one of your emotions to look like a woman, it is by default an altered version of your build. Now enough wasting time, go get that hour glass. Celestia and I will perform tests while we wait." "If you say so, you know more about this than I do anyway. I'll be off then" and with that I swaggered off in the direction of Ponyville.