//------------------------------// // Granny POV (1/3): Phone Call // Story: Hoodwinked: The Pony Edition // by Lighttone GryphonStar //------------------------------// My morning was really quite nice for the most part. I got up, cleaned out the cat litter, and fed the cats. Then I went down to a little store to buy a couple of things to put in the cooler for my picnic this afternoon. Everypony that saw me was just as nice, a common thing when talking to an old mare like me. This often made my other job quite easy as nopony would suspect me of trading cocaine, weed, and other illegal stuff to expand my diamond collection. After arriving home, I check the outside twice over to ensure nopony was following me. Just as you all suspected, I hide my diamonds under the cat litter. Far too heavy for my cats to dig up, it ensured that nopony would easily fine my collection. It kept my cats safe. All while their claws shined each crystal every time they used the litter. Once finished I sat on the front porch in the shade of a tree and waited around. I like to keep the role of a nice old mare as much as possible. Which also meant that I didn't need to find an isolated spot. My whole operation stood out in plain sight, exactly as planned. It was one of those things that made my job easier. However, as often, I would drift into sleep until something happened. Today was no different as I dreamed of all my lovely treasures and old adventures with both heroic travelers and fiendish crime lords. Memories of the past, or fantasies that awaited me, unsure often which due to my old age. It was around this time that Babs Seed must have called me the first time. The phone brought me back from my dreamland and I jumped awake. I looked at the clock and sighed in relief that not much time had passed. Walking back inside, I grabbed the phone and answered. "Hello, it's me Babs Seed." Her voice chimed through the speaker. "The crazy one with the pink hair?" I questioned, being plenty playful as I knew her voice anywhere. "No, not Lil Cheese." "The two loves with the crazy hair?" I kept my little game going. "There's only one pony on this phone talking to you..." She could have been seeing through my rouse. "Oh... did Twilight fuse you two together again!" I flipped the subject around. I didn't want to poke at Babs Seed's weak points, but a knock at my front door distracted me. "No!" She screamed back in annoyance. "I'm Babs Seed!!" Her loudness made me pull away the phone and answer the door instead. Hoping there was more fun behind it. "I'm about to deliver that cat food you asked for." Babs Seed pressed. I froze upon seeing who was on the other side of the door. "Oh, now's not a good time..." I tried not to sound too distant on the phone but my guest was also very distracting. "That's fine, I might be a little late anyway due to helping Applebloom with some work." Babs Seed's words cheered me up. "Oh, oh, oh. That's just perfect..." I adjusted my voice as the guest picked me up in his strong arms. "I mean, take your time. I'll just be here in my old cottage feeding my cats." The blue mythical being of legend caressed my face away from the phone completely and spoke into the speaker. "Hey, Granny are we--" I covered the phone and hung up. Then let him finish, "Are we ready for some fun?" Oh, I can't hide it anymore. This is just too hard to remember while blushing so brightly. So I will be very blunt with you all. At the front door was Ahuizotl, my former lover. ****** The story was interrupted as everypony had a spit take to the shocking reveal. Even Sombra's flames went out from the pure confusion of it all. Cozy Glow had to tape herself down to ensure Chrysalis didn't go into a lustful madness from the reveal. Babs Seed's jaw dropped to the ground before taking a seat to hear more of this cursed story. There was no way this old mare could be telling the truth. "Hold on! You used to date Ahuizotl?!" Blueblood said the question everypony wanted to ask. "Shocking that I still have my good looks." Golden Delicious cupped her mane to one side and gave him a wink. "What?!" Captain Braeburn couldn't believe a single word of this. "You can't be connected to such a dark criminal." Luster Dawn jumped up from her spot. "How long did this go on for?" Blueblood posed. "The entire time I was married to my first and second husbands." Golden Delicious sheepishly gave in. "He's a criminal?!" Luster Dawn argued. "Yeah, and a fictional character from a book." Captain Braeburn's words stopped them all in their tracks. Blueblood facepalmed and Luster Dawn gave a heavy sigh at his blind lack of knowledge. "Yes..." Golden Delicious ignored that comment and went back to her story. "Back when I was young, I was the Bonnie to his Clyde. We went on every adventure, crime spree, and temple raid... but soon enough he replaced me with that Darring Do. Price of dating an immortal."