//------------------------------// // Chapter 17: The Spell-Venger Hunt // Story: The Adventure of the Apex Legion (Old Version) // by DeffBwade //------------------------------// Today has been a weird day so far. It all yesterday when Headmare Twilight showed us these artifacts that represented the pony, changeling, griffon, hippogriff, dragon, and yak tribes. There was the Amulent of Aurora, the Talismen of Mirage, the Helm of (I'm not even gonna attempt it), the Crown of Grover, (I'm not even gonna attempt it)'s Shell, and Clover the Clever's Cloak. In the middle of the lecture, Headmare Twilight's cutie mark started to glow for some reason. I wish the same applied for the smile on my cutie mark. The next day, not only the Headmare, but also the professors had to leave for a "friendship mission," whatever that is, leaving Spike and Counselor Starlight in charge. The next day, classes were taught by some...I'm just gonna say interesting...teachers. Professor Fluttershy's class was taught by a grey minotaur named Iron Will, and I know because he kept saying stuff like "Iron Will this" and "Iron Will that." Let me tell you, this minotaur was the opposite of Professor Fluttershy. Not evil or anything, just...aggressive. He taught us that we had to be assertive in order to make people their friend. Yeah, I don't think he understands that's not what "making friends" means. He asked (more like told actually) Yona to demonstrate how to "make friends." At first Yona was her sweet, innocent self, but then Iron Will told her to act more convincing. She puffed air out of her nostrils and then yelled "be my friend" as if she's King Kong. Needless to say, everyone was intimidated by this teacher, while I did everything I could to hold in the liquid in the tank. "You almost pissed yourself because a teacher was intimidating?" Well...when you put it that way, but in my defense, I drank a full bottle of water before the class. At least he didn't call the principal's son an ass. "Wait, what?" Professor Dash's class was taught by...how should I say it...a complete ass. Like literally and metaphorically. The teacher was a donkey and he was an ass. In fact, I think his name was Cranky Doodle Donkey. No joke. This guy made us make sure he was pampered, like fanning him and bringing him food and drinks. And guess who had the misfortune of rubbing his hind hooves? Did I mention that this guy was old. What really made me think that this guy was high on crack, or had dementia, was when Gallus brought him his tea...three times. First, he said it was "too hot," then he he said it was "too cold," then he said it was "too tea-flavored." Too tea-flavored! What the fuck does that even mean?! "Damn bro. I feel bad for you." No amount of soup and water will make my hooves feel clean again. Bleach will have to do. Probably fire. You know what, I'm just gonna slice them off. Headmare Twilight's substitute teacher was just...what the fuck? Her class was taught by...a tree. A fucking tree was our substitute. I'm not even kidding around, a tree was behind the teacher's desk. At least Silverstream had the courtesy to leave an apple on its desk. "That doesn't sound too bad." That's because you didn't let me finish. Apparently Smolder was allergic to whatever this tree was, because she started sneezing out fire blasts like crazy. Everything was on fire, the desks, the walls, the students...okay, I'm just exaggerating that last one because my coat was slightly singed afterwards. "Okay. That sound bad." This morning, Counselor Starlight announced that she hired some new substitute teachers, and the looked promising. One was a blue unicorn mare that had a toothpaste colored mane and tail, and a purple wizard hat and cloak with stars on them. The second was a grey earth pony mare that had a purple mane and tail, a blue dress, purple eye shadow, and the most emotionless look I've seen anypony-no...anybody have. The third was a yellow pegasus mare with a fiery mane and tail, sunglasses, and a drill sergeant uniform. "Did you say they look promising just because they're ponies?" ... No comment. We were now in Headmare Twilight's amphitheater classroom waiting for the teacher, most likely the unicorn with the wizard get-up, when suddenly the door slammed open to reveal...wait a minute. Other than the red hoodie, the red hat, the grey shirt with the lightning bolt on it, and the blue jeans pulled down to show white underwear with red hearts on them (like seriously, don't ever have your pants pulled down in public because no one wants to see what your underwear looks like), this...thing looked...familiar. "Yo! Greeting, fellow creatures," he said. He vanished suddenly before reappearing between me and Ocellus, "Is this seat taken?" Ocellus chuckles nervously as I gave him a questioning star as we both back away. He then gave a look, as if he's telling me 'Hey, I know you.' A puff of smoke appeared on the stage, clearing away to reveal...yep...the unicorn mare looking like she came from Hogwarts. Holy shit. She just appeared in a smoke cloud. She's a fucking ninja! Teach me your ways senpai! "Welcome class," she said, "You may call me the Great and Powerful Professor Trix-" RING Wait, what? "Shhh!" the familiar guy said, "Really, that's so inconsiderate." RING "Uh, excuse me. Dafuq?!" Are there cellphones here and I was just too dumb to notice?! The guy reached into a paper bag that a smiling sun and...Professor Fluttershy's face...on it and pulled out a banana that was...ringing? "Oh, I better take this," he said before leaning down on the seats forcing me and Smolder to move, "Hello...Ugh, he did not...And what did you say...Gasp. You did not..." "Is this guy seriously talking to a banana? I'm sorry to ask, but is he high? Is he gonna say 'I am the great Cornholio! I need TP for my bum hole!'" Never mind that. Why does this guy look so familiar? Okay come on. Think. Goat head, eagle claw, lion paw, basically looking like something Viking and his girlfriend would have (I'm just kidding don't kill me). Come on! I felt like I met him before! But what is his name?! "Discord," the professor said. ... It's him. Discord. He's the one who brought me here. "Why are you here?" the professor asked Discord as she pointed a hoof at him. "Why, I'm a student of friendship of course. Unless you don't think you're good enough to teach me," he said. "Of course I am," she said offended, "No fruit calls in my class." Discord shrugged before peeling the banana, revealing an actual telephone before eating it. I payed no mind to that. I just gave him a look that said 'You're gonna answer some questions for me buddy, whether you want to or not.' He didn't seem to notice it thought, so I just turned back to the professor. "Magic is the most important element of friendship. So today, I, the Great and Powerful Trixie, will put on a magic show," the professor said. Talk about being boastful. Still, she said 'magic show.' Worth it! Professor Trixie placed her hat on the ground and reached into it, pulling out...a pig with wings. "When pigs fly, am I right?" The professor pushed the pig back into her hat before pulling out...a grey pegasus with a blonde mane and mismatched eyes. "Not gonna ask." Again, she pushed the Pegasus back before pulling out- "HOLY FUCKING SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?!" A BEAR THAT WAS THE SIZE OF GODZILLA AND LOOKED LIKE IT WAS MADE OF STARS?! Me, as well as every other student, screamed in a panic, and ran out the door, but not before casting one last glance at Discord. Professor Fluttershy's class was taught by the grey earth pony, named Maud, and let me tell you something. She sounded so bland and emotionless, you could fall asleep having a conversation with her, so I'm not gonna talk about her class. Legit everybody fell asleep, or at least Gallus did. There is one question I have though. HOW THE FUCK IS SHE PROFESSOR PINKIE'S SISTER?! Professor Dash's class was taught by the yellow pegasus named Spitfire. When I heard that name, I swear to God, my first thought was Skylanders Superchargers. Apparently, she's the captain of an aerial team called the Wonderbolts. I recall Professor Dash telling a story about that, about how she was nicknamed 'Crash' and she tried everything she can to be renamed, including acting like the other professors. God, I feel bad to whom ever she acted like Professor Rarity towards. Professor Rarity seems like the type that can easily charm others, if you know what I mean. "I'd...rather not." Professor Spitfire had us run laps around the buckball field. It was a great workout. We were now resting on the bleachers when, in a flash, Discird appeared in a gym coach uniform. "Take a lap team," he told us. "Uh, actually...we just finished Professor Spitfire's workout," Sandbar said. "Sound like somepony needs a little motivation," he blew his whistle before behind us came- "AW COME ON!" A MIX BETWEEN A BEAR AND A BEE?! It roared and tried to take a bite at us before we all ran and sprinted around the field. "I've never run so fast in my life!" Silverstream cheered. "Not the time to act all cheery Silverstream!" I said. Thank Christ I have wings. "Yona...can't run...faster," I heard Yona say. I looked back just in time to see Yona trip over. The bug bear pointed its stinger and dive bombed towards her. "Yona!" I said. I flew as fast as I could and slammed into the bear's torso. If only I had Zer0 I could do some serious damage, but I'm gonna have to make do with what I got. I flew to the bear's face and threw a flurry of punches at it. It tried to bite at me, but I easily dodged it. It threw swipe after swipe, and I just rarely dodged each of them. Due to how exhausted I was after running around a field so many times, it managed to backhand me. It was about to charge at me before a blue laser impacted it. "Discord, that's enough! Endangering students crosses the line! I don't know why you're trying to ruin this school, but it stops now!" Counselor Starlight yelled. "I wouldn't be so sure," Discord said winking. "This is your last warning!" she said making her horn glow brightly. "Hey, take it easy Starlight! Discord's your friend, remember?" Spike intervened. "Well he's not acting like it. I mean, look at Legion. He's hurt because of him," Counselor Starlight said as I got up from the hit. "Sigh. She's right Discord. What's your problem?" Spike asked. "My problem? How is the fact that Twilight decided that putting an incompetent, power hungry unicorn in charge of her school my problem?!" Discord asked. "Welp. He's fucked." Counselor Starlight gasped before shooting out a laser that could rival the Death Star. Guess what? Laser beam! "Imma firing my laser! BOOM!" When the laser dissipated, Discord was no where to be found. "Holy shit! Did she just kill him?!" "Heh heh. Don't worry. I just banished him from the school grounds forever. He's fine," Counselor Starlight said before walking over to me, "Are you alright Legion?" "I'm fine Counselor, it'll take more than a slap from a bug bear to take me down," I said. "Even so, I think I should still take you to the doctor. Just to be sure," she said. "Yeah, that's probably a good idea," I said. "For this afternoon's Spell-Venger Hunt, you'll need to use the artifacts' history to find where they're hidden in the castle. When you spot one, touch it with a magic shield to keep track of your score," Counselor Starlight said. "Twilight left out a list of your hunt partners before she left. I'll pass out the shields," Spike said as he displayed a list of partners. After I received my shield, I checked the list to see who my partner was. I then walked up to Shimmy Shake. "I guess you're my partner for this game Shimmy," I said to which she blushed a bit. "R-really?" she asked excitedly to which I nodded. "Come on, I think I know where the first artifact would be located," I said. As we were walking, I noticed in my peripheral vision that she was fidgeting a bit, almost acting nervous. I also noticed that every so often, she would move a hair close to me. "Shimmy? Are you okay?" I asked snapping her out of her thoughts. "O-oh um...I-I'm fine. Just tired," she said. I knew something was bothering her. I just didn't feel right pressuring her into telling me her problem. We eventually reached filled with classic medieval styled suits of armor made for ponies. "If I recall...um...Lick...Shire...was a yak warrior whose enemies would surrender just at the sight of him. It's possible that his helmet is hidden in one of these suits of armor. But which one?" I said. I saw it immediately. It was literally resting on the head of one of the suits of armor. "I don't really know whether to call it clever for hiding it in plain sight, or just being lazy?" I'd probably go for the former. "Huh. That was easy," I said as we touched it with our shields, "One down, five more to go." As we were walking away, I heard the sound of clanging metal behind us. We turned around and saw that the suit of armor... was moving? The hole where the eyes would be showed two yellow glow eyes. "Let me guess, magic?" "What the..." I whispered before it suddenly lunged at us to which we dodged out of the way. The suit then took one of axes on the walls... Oh come on. There's no way that axe is real. ...and slammed it onto the ground, making the floor crack. It was a real axe. Me and my big mouth. "Shimmy, get behind me!" I said as we slowly back up. "What are your doing?! Fight it! Do you really think I can fight a suit of armor that's wielding an axe while I'm unarmed?! "You do realize there's other axes here!" Well fuck! I have the brain of an avocado! I ran up to one of the axes and picked it up. Jesus Christ, it was heavy! This is why I use katanas! How do warriors use these things?! "Then again, these were yak warriors, and you've seen how strong Yona is." True, and this axe isn't something I can't handle. Unfortunately, I don't think I can easily dodge as much carrying this thing, so instead of being evasive, I'm gonna have to be more defensive. The suit lunged at me with its axe raised before bringing it down. I raised up my axe and blocked it. I gave a good kick in its torso, making it stumble back a bit and hurting my own hoof. It charged at me again, to which I dodged out of the way and swiped at it, getting a good hit on its mid-section. It turned around and actually threw the axe at me. I swiped my own axe and deflected it before charging at the suit and smashing it to pieces. "Wow, this was the shortest fight you've said so far." I'm terrible at writing fight scenes okay? Hopefully I don't get an ass whooping for destruction of school property. At the least the Helm of...whatever...is intact. "Shimmy, are you alright?" I said as I walked up to her. "I-I'm fine," she said before we heard more screams from down the hallway. We ran and entered the lobby to see more suits of armor running around, random paintings, flying after students, and Silverstream and Gallus pulling Sandbar and Yona out of a sandpit. "What the fuck is going on?!" "Every creature stop!" Counselor Starlight yelled. "B-b-but the school is haunted!" Silverstream said. "It's not haunted. It's Discord," Counselor Starlight said. In a flash of light, everything turned back to normal. No moving suits of armor, no flying paintings, no sand pit. There was though Discord's ghost carrying all the artifacts. "Headmare Starlight, look at me! Look! I won the Spell-Venger Hunt," he said, "Well done me. Now what's my prize?" "Detention," Spike said sternly. "Ooh. Somebody's in trouble," I whispered mockingly to Shimmy. "Well, that's disappointing," Discord said he threw the artifacts into the air to which Spike caught. "Discord, you can't keep messing up the school," Counselor Starlight said. "On the contrary, I think I rather can, and will," he said. "Then I have just one thing to say to you," she said. "Well do go on," he said. "I'm sorry," she said. "What?" Discord said confused. "Excuse me?" The counselor fired a beam at Discord and he suddenly became tangible. "I had to stop thinking like a headmare and start thinking like a guidance counselor to finally understand. You felt left out." "E-erm u-u-um, I-I don't know what you're getting at." "Nopony ever invited you to the school, and when you offered to help, I didn't listen. I was so worried about doing things Twilight's way, I didn't stop to think about being a good friend. I'd like to apologize for that, and offer you the job of vice-headmare." "Huh?!" Later that day "DeffBwade, are you alright? You haven't said much since Counselor Starlight apologized to Discord." Huh? O-oh, I'm fine. Just...thinking. "About what?" I-it's...not important. Just trivial stuff. "Oookay. If you say so." Anyway, after the counselor dubbed Discord as vice-headmare, the professors returned from their mission. Apparently, Discord sent them on a fake friendship quest. A glamour spell on their cutie marks, a fake signal on a map, and a cave filled with, as Professor Pinkie says, "eyeless worm things." So because of that, Discord is no longer vice-headmare, and then he left. "Get rekt." But...I never got to ask him... "Why did he send me here?" As I approached my dorm room, I saw a piece of paper taped on the door. I knew who it belonged to when I read it. It said: I'll see you again sooner or later.