The circus. A big top tent. The fairgrounds. Young ponies running around with their parents hopefully nearby. Performers. There were all things going through Twilight’s mind as looked upon the scene she was in after Psych connected his magic with her horn, the unicorn walking alongside her. He’d been telling her about the special experimental spell he used with some of his patients for the last few days, but she could safely say it didn’t compare to actually experiencing it. If she didn’t know better, she’d think she actually was at the circus.
Psych had not said much since they started walking and Twilight was feeling a little uneased by it. She turned to look at him and asked, “So… the circus, huh?”
Psych nodded, “Instantly recognizable. Something very well known. A source of many fillies and colts’ enjoyment, as well as a number of childhood traumas.”
Twilight asked, “So, you use this spell to get straight to the heart of the matter? Learn a lot about somepony in a short amount of time?”
Psych replied, “Not exactly. The basic magic behind the spell is very similar to the spell that Princess Luna uses to visit the dreams of other ponies. I learned about it after her return and became interested in learning if other magic users could utilize it in similar ways. My spell has its differences, but it has similar limitations. It’s able to create landscapes like this and even give shape to memories, but it needs to be something the other party is comfortable sharing with me, otherwise there’s nothing I can do.”
Twilight nodded and asked, “Did you create this all yourself, or is this something you’re sharing?”
Psych replied, “This is from me, definitely. It’s usually one of the first things I show. It’s not always the best thing to show, but I feel it’s important to establish that we all have fears and things we dislike and they’re all important, no matter how trivial they may seem.”
The two ponies paused to let a group of young colts run past them before Twilight asked, “Does that mean you have a fear of the circus?”
Psych answered, “I would say it’s more of a dislike than an actual fear. I’ve only ever been to the circus once as a colt and even then, there were things that I didn’t like about it. I found it so noisy and chaotic for one thing. All the other young ponies were screaming and running around, many of them without any sign of their parents. That was already a lot for a young me to deal with, and then there were the performers walking around with their painted-on faces and the way they acted…”
Twilight interjected, “Don’t ever tell my friend Pinkie Pie any of this. She loves the circus and all the performers.”
Psych replied, “Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t traumatized by them exactly, and I don’t fault them for doing what they love or have to do, but things were different when I was younger and it was one of the things about the circus that I didn’t like.”
Twilight asked, “What else don’t you like?”
Psych said, "I think we'll move on to the main attraction, which happens to be in the main attraction of most circuses." He led Twilight into the big top tent, which was bustling with excitement. There was a trapeze, a high wire, clowns running around, some of which were setting up a cannon, and a number of other animals. A tiger, monkeys, projections of pink elephants, zebras… That caught Twilight's attention.
“I had no idea that zebras were ever circus performers. Were they allowed to join willingly, or…?” she thought. She glanced over at Psych and noticed that he seemed to be fixated on the animal performers as well. “Does it have something to do with them?” she asked after a few moments.
Psych started, "I remember the first time I went to the circus for two reasons: it was also the only time I went, and it was when I got my cutie mark." He paused briefly to glance back at his flank before continuing, "I’ve always been curious and odd, so when I saw these performances for the first time, my attention was drawn not to the spectacle on display, but the performers themselves. I began wondering what they were thinking, how they really felt about what they were doing… And at some point, in the midst of my analysis, I must’ve gained my cutie mark. I didn’t notice until my parents and I had left and we were heading home.”
Twilight asked, "Did you know what it was for at the time?"
Psych replied, "No, but after I thought about what had happened, I kind of thought I knew. The painted-on faces of some of the performers, the masks they wore, what was really going on behind them… it all intrigued me. It was also pretty sad when I really thought about it, I suppose."
Twilight asked, "Really? Does that mean the day you got your cutie mark was a bad one for you?"
Psych tilted his head a bit as he replied, "I can see why you'd think that. Not many ponies tend to talk about the negative aspects of cutie marks and we tend to think of the moment as a joyous one, but sometimes, that's just the way it is. I don't hate my talent or the circumstances surrounding it, however. Maybe it could've revealed itself at a better time and it wouldn't seem awkward to talk about, but I enjoy what I do. My parents didn't feel the same way about it at first, though. They had certain… hopes for me that were suddenly good for nothing. There's a reason they named me Psych."
Twilight could feel a little uneasiness hanging in the air after he finished. Did his cutie mark discovery cause complications with his family that were still unresolved? She decided to try breaking up the tension by saying, "So, I guess you could say your talent gave your parents a bit of a psyche. I-In a way." She wasn't sure if he appreciated the attempt or not; he continued to stare straight ahead with no changes in his facial features.
He remained like this for about a minute more before saying, "I really shouldn't dwell on my own past like this." He turned to Twilight, "Shall we be off?" She nodded and stepped closer to him. His horn lit up and a moment later, both they and the circus began to fade away.
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Spike had been trying his hardest to keep watch over Twilight and Psych as they did their test, but after their initial magic connection, all they did was sit on the floor with their eyes closed and heads tilted back slightly. The lack of anything happening began to take its toll on him and he had to catch himself before his eyelids closed all the way. It only briefly worked before it started to happen again, and it didn't take long before he dozed off completely, the baby dragon curling up on Twilight's bed.
Not long after he fell asleep, the magic from Psych's horn left Twilight's, both of them letting out a slight gasp as they came down from their meditation-like state. After opening their eyes, they heard a soft snoring and looked over at Spike. They turned back to each other and, a moment later, Psych remarked, “I guess he couldn’t keep watch after all.”
Twilight replied, “That’s all right. He can sleep; I give him enough to worry about, especially now.”
Psych nodded and said, “I think we have enough time to include one more spell in this session. How about we take a look inside your mind this time?”
Twilight hesitated for a bit before reluctantly saying, “I guess… that would be fine.” Psych sat up straight, closed his eyes, and filled his horn with his magic before letting it come out of the tip, the orange magic moving like a stream as it made its way over to Twilight. It made contact with the tip of her horn and she let out a shuddering breath as she felt it enter and travel down. Her upper eyelids began to droop and they shut completely before she let out a gasp and she sat up straight as well.
The gasp was enough to rouse Spike from his nap and he quickly shot up, the dragon looking around frantically. He soon calmed down when he noticed Twilight and Psych in seemingly the same position as before, making him think nothing had happened during the time he’d been asleep. He returned to his vigil, but it didn’t take long before his eyelids began to droop again.
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When Twilight opened her eyes, she wasn't surprised by what she saw. The long shelves and empty halls of the large library were a common sight in her dreams about reading and she’d been seeing it a lot in between her nightmares for a while. What was unusual was the state she often found the library in lately.
While the dream library was usually neatly organized, there were times when she would go to sleep after a particularly stressful day and find books scattered or out of place. Such times had been occurring more frequently over the last few months, but in the last few weeks, it was like a bomb had gone off in the library. Nearly all the shelves had their tomes dumped on the floor, and when she tried to comb through the mess, she found that many of them were nowhere near where they were supposed to be. In addition, digging deeper into the mess revealed books that were either burnt or covered in blood, making it even harder to tell what they were.
As she scanned the room, Twilight’s spirits fell. It had been a couple of days since the last time she was here and the mess somehow seemed bigger now. She noticed Psych step forward after a few moments, the unicorn taking a few steps before looking down and picking up one of the books. He looked at the cover for a few seconds before looking down past it and seeing a book underneath it with bloodstains on it. He turned to look back at Twilight after a moment and asked, “Is this something you normally see in your dreams?”
Twilight answered, “Yes… but not like this.”
Psych asked, “It’s not normally this messy? Or…” he paused for a moment to think of a more fitting word, “wet?”
Twilight replied, “No. Well, before it used to be that sometimes everything wasn’t where it was supposed to be, but it was never this bad.” She looked around, “I’m not even sure what I should do with this. Am I supposed to ignore it? Or am I supposed to try to get everything back in place even though any progress I make seems to get reset every time I come back?”
Psych turned away, glancing towards the sea of books that seemed to cover every inch of the floor. He mulled over her words, how the library wasn’t always perfect, how it was different now, and an idea started to form in his head. He gave it some thought before sharing it, “There’s something in here.”
Twilight looked at him, “What do you mean?”
Psych didn’t turn to meet her gaze as he continued, “I don’t know what it is. Perhaps it’s a specific book, maybe it’s something else, but I believe there’s something in here. Something you’re looking for. And these books, with the way they’ve been defiled, are obscuring it from you. It’s not a matter of cleaning everything up; that’s not the heart of the matter. That will come later. Right now, your mind is telling you to focus on finding the most important thing here before anything else. That is my theory.”
Twilight asked, “What should I do?”
Psych turned to look back at her, “I don’t think I can help you in here. You’ll probably know it when you see it, but unless you know what it is now, I won’t be much help. All I can do is continue coming to see you and help you come to terms with what you’ve been through, and that in turn should help you here.” Noticing how she started to look off to the side, he added, “This is not something to be distressed about.” He turned to look at the library again, “The answer is in here somewhere. All you have to do is find it. And I’ll do everything I can to help you.”