by Author Tempus



Everypony has their thirty seconds eventually... I'm just here to make it come faster.

Hello, my little muses. My name is Author Tempus. This is my confession. If you are reading this, I am either in court or at the gallows. If Celestia has mercy on me, I will hopefully be at the gallows...
I am but a mere biographer. I write the stories of a pony's life. Not famous ponies, mind you. I write about ponies who are... Bad. Very bad. So bad -it makes me sick and they need to die-.
Ahem. Sorry about that. My work is a... Touchy subject for me... And I think my editor is looking to replace me.
But he would never do that. I know it. I'm the best reaper-- Er, biographer... On the force. It WAS my talent, after all.
See, when I was younger, my mother -that dirty cheating whore- went out with a friend. It turns out that she was sleeping with him. My father found out. He was devastated. They needed to pay. So I killed them. It was easy, really. But I felt guilty... So very guilty...
So I wrote the story of their life on their hides. I cannot tell you how much better I felt after that. It felt... Justified. It made me feel happy, knowing the story of my mother and her lover would live on.
Although I still told nopony about it, in fear they would think me insane. -I'm not insane, I'm really not.-
The next day... Just one day later... My father slept with another mare. He was just as bad as my mother -and he needed to die.- I did to him and his lover what I did to my mother and hers. It felt good. I knew that this was what I was destined to do. I got my cutie mark the next day. I woke up with it.
A hooded pony walked up to me. They handed me a note and disappeared. I think it may have been the editor himself... But, I digress.
As it turns out, somepony liked my work. But why wouldn't they? I also discovered I wasn't the only one who did this. But I was the first to have it as their special talent. This was a letter to hire me. I was going to be payed to do what I liked the most. I was never happier in my life. And that was the happiest I was ever going to get.
Of course, as a young colt I wasn't old enough yet. So my mentor, a pegasus named Raindrop Skylight, took me under his wing and taught me the basics of the job. -He was a terrible pony and I hated him and he needed to die-, it was under him that I perfected my form. And I caught him. He killed a pony who didn't deserve it. -How was I supposed to know I would end up like him???- I disposed of him quickly. His biography wasn't a good one. He had a bad history. Those are the ones the most fun to write... All the bad. It makes me feel justified. That's always a good feeling.
My editor took notice. I was getting full jobs now. Imagine, me, a simple freelance biographer getting commissions. It was a dream come true.
-This really hurts, you know...-
By Luna, it was enthralling! Stalking a pony to judge their character... I felt like the hand of Death.
And I was, to be quite frank.
My very first commission was for a unicorn named Starlight Red. It was an honor, really. Red was one of my closest friends. I would have been more than happy to do a biography for free. Getting paid was a bonus.
I got to following her. It wasn't hard to stay hidden. She is completely oblivious to her surroundings. So clueless and frail -and I miss her so...-
I did catch her. She was gambling. That was bad. I had my pencil ready. I walked up to her, slowly so she wouldn't hear me. It shouldn't have mattered anyway. But she turned around. She saw me. My pencil was in my mouth.
"Oh, hey Author! What are you doing here?" Red asked -in her sweet and innocent voice-.
I had to kill her. She saw me. I panicked.
Without a word, I took the pencil in my hoof and lunged at her. I was aiming for the neck, but she moved...
I scraped her eye. The blood poured out and pooled on the floor beneath her.
"A-Author... Wh-Why...?"
I hesitated. I shouldn't have... I showed weakness.
But I got her. Right in the neck. She stopped moving, the pencil still there.
I shoved the lifeless body into a bag. My cleanup crew would take care of the blood. I brought her to my home, to my basement. I took out my knife. There was still a lot to be done. I still had to write her biography.
I bore the knife into her flesh. The smell of the blood... I hadn't noticed it before. It was intoxicating.
I shook my head. I couldn't be distracted. My first job was already going horribly. The kill was sloppy, the hide was mangled... I was nervous. Having finally finished removing the skin, I dried it to be used for the biography I was to write.
-It really was a nice biography... I kept it with me, even now...- My editor, to my surprise, was happy with my work.
My next target was a pegasus named Gray Moon. He was wanted for rape. There was already evidence to support this, so I had no need to stalk him.
His kill was much cleaner.
I was having some sort of a streak after the first ten or twenty... I've lost count, to tell you the truth. My editor sent me another letter. It told me that I was a replacement for a previous reaper, one named Pinkamena. She turned her victims into cupcakes. I personally like my biographies better. Apparently, she had gone insane and made herself into a cupcake. -By Luna, isn't that what I'm doing now...- That would never happen to me, I thought, I'm much more strong willed.
The letter also informed me that I was free to judge my own targets. -I was free... Free...-
I patrolled Ponyville, searching for misbehavior. An earth pony cornered a mare in an alley. I waited for him to dispose of the witness before getting him myself. I sneaked behind him and knocked him out. -Why didn't I try to help her...- His story was full of hate and abuse, and his death was no different.
I had quite a collection of biographies now. But I needed more. -Always more... Always more, you greedy colt!-
I would take anything now. A stallion showboating. A mare showing a bit more plot than she should. -It all made me sick...- My... Methods of getting... Parchment... For my work. I started skinning ponies alive. It was more fun.
Did you know how much you can learn from a pony just from their screams of pain? It's a delightful sound! -Oh, by Luna's mane, make it stop!-
That's when it happened. I had already snapped, long ago...
But this was the last straw.
It was around the local Ponyville school. Her...
Her name was Dinky... -I didn't mean to... I didn't want to...
She was just a foal... So young... She didn't know any better...
I... I brought her to my home... To skin her...
I brought the knife in...
Her scream... It wasn't like the others...
She had done nothing wrong... Not once.
And here I was... -bastard- Skinning an innocent filly alive.
I let her free. The wound was bad, but Nurse Redheart was-- No, that's right... I killed Redheart... -I'm fucking worthless... Can't even do my own job right...-
Some... Somepony will help her... I know it...
But the blood... It will lead to me...
Maybe I want to get caught though... Maybe that's why I'm writing this... -FUCK THIS HURTS!-
The... The painkillers I've used... are wearing off... I'm sorry everypony... I truly am sorry, Red... Most important... I'm sorry to you, my editor, Fl

Everypony has their thirty seconds eventually... I'm finally getting mine.