//------------------------------// // A Boring Day // Story: That Same Old Story // by The Historian //------------------------------// Sunlight bathed me as I awoke on a fine day in Ponyville. My allergies were barely acting at all, and I took a deep breath through my nose: something that on Earth I'd never really been able to do. Ever since Equestria became my home, that had changed. Everything felt less painful, more energized, and just a bit easier. Like gravity was just a bit lighter, and that it changed so much. I'd say I had a spring in my step, but the fact I was still sitting in a hospital bed wasn't conducive to testing that one. My eyes instead focused on the drawn curtains around me, fencing off two of the three corners of this small space I'd been occupying for most of the night, only occasionally waking to fill my bedpan or at the thought of Pinkie Pie surprising me in my sleep. No such occurances, though, so I was safe for at least the moment. Likely the Mane Six had spent their night searching when I'd gotten their objective back to Ponyville already. But I wasn't really in any condition to go searching for them. Months of malnutrition, bear-wrestling, and living alone in the wilderness did that to you. Had I not escaped now, survival was probably in question. Hell, had Scootaloo not intervened we'd both be corpses by now, and I'd died once already. That was bad enough, and dying in a painful manner was no way to die in comparison to the last. So I kept my feet planet, and stared out the window, at the ponies and pegasi and unicorns and all the other inhabitants that only appear when story-appropriate, as with Cranky Doodle and his beloved. The town was even more idyllic than I'd seen yesterday, and the show never did it justice: it was brighter than a magic kingdom, more tranquil than the quietest Zen garden, and filled with good people. Friendly people. Although some like Mayor Mare sometimes took a hard line when they had to. In fact, as far as greetings go I probably got Ponyville's sternest (We're watching you, outlander) of stern welcomes. I chuckled at that, seeing as that was practically the type of human greeting expected by a stranger. A brown creature with a thick mane entered, a white coat on identifying him as a doctor as much as his red cross cutie mark. I gave him a smile, which seemed to calm him, the tension a bit visible as he first saw me. "Hi there!" I said, and he seemed to lose more of his tension as he approached. "Hello, I'm Red Cross, and I'm your doctor for as long as you'll be staying in the hospital." He said, extending a hoof. I reached across and shook. He briefly glanced at the chart on my bed. "Doesn't look like that'll be long. You could probably discharge now, but we'd like to keep you to ensure there aren't any major complications, you'll understand?" "Of course-" I said, nodding, "-I'm Alex." "Right. It says that right here. You're a "Hu-mahn?", is that right?" "More or less. Just another species for you guys." I said. The doctor shook his head. "Hardly. I've never seen one quite as big as you are as a biped. Why, I'm surprised that bear you fought managed to survive the onslaught your friend there described." He said, nodding his head at Scootaloo behind the curtain. "She does tend to exaggerate. I was never much of a fighter back home, either." "Yes, well-" He chuckled, "-that's children for you, yes?" He retorted. I nodded back. "Same for us as you, I suppose." "Same for all species, it seems." He said. "Now, I'm not really sure on what's a base for you in terms of medical condition, but I assume your cuts will heal rather quickly?" "Provided nothing major like an artery or big blood vessel was nicked badly, I should be fine. Not much blunt force trauma from a bear fight. He might be worse than me, ultimately." I told him, checking my arm bandages. I was shirtless, so the full extent of my injuries was visibly quite awful. Noticing my upper nudity, I checked under the bed. Huh. "I don't suppose you have my old clothes?" "They're being washed, at the moment. I noticed your species doesn't have a... ah... carrying place, as it were?" He asked, and I coughed awkwardly. "Well, ah. Not really." I responded, and he just nodded with an apologetic smile, writing it on a notepad. "We're a clothes-required society, for the most part." "Understandable. Our local tailor will be your biggest fan, then." He said. "Rarity's her name. Rather generous, she'll probably fix your things up for you when she gets back from looking for Miss Scootaloo over there." "They're still on the search?" I asked. "I'd figured you guys would have recalled them by now." "Well-" He began, "We sent somepony to find the searchers and bring them back, but Ditzy Doo isn't exactly known for her haste nor accuracy. It might be a few more hours, or they may be on the way as we speak. It all depends." "Well, that's nice to know. Who's out searching, exactly?" I asked. "Well, nobody calls them this in person, you understand, but the Elements of Harmony." "The who-wha-now?" I asked. Gullible fellow, or perhaps I'd just gotten good at feigning lack of knowledge. "Well, the Elements of Harmony are six ponies that represent certain traits of harmony. Sort of exemplars if you will. They're average ponies, but can use special gems to defeat great dangers." "So, like super heroes with less of the paparazzi and serious day jobs?" I asked. "More or less. We treat them like anybody else, although the people in Canterlot talk about them like mythical heroes. But since we don't really get worked up over the Princess, the elements aren't really anything but a head turner in some areas." "Alrighty then, thanks for the info. What are their names?" "Twilight Sparkle, the local librarian, Applejack, a worker at the local family apple farm, Rainbow Dash, one of the weatherponies, Pinkie Pie, a baker at Sugarcube Corner, Fluttershy, an animal caretaker, and Rarity, the tailor I mentioned earlier. They're a colorful bunch, and I recommend hiding from Pinkie Pie." He said, as he checked one of my bandages. My hand reached out and opened the screen to Scootaloo's half of the room, as Red Cross departed to acquire my clothing. An orange head was turned sideways, a small conversation brewing with some barely visible white and yellow ones on the other side of the bed. I smiled as the Cutie Mark Crusaders kept to their antics, arguing about what happened. Her fault, no her fault! No, HER fault! and all that other childish nonsense. I just rolled back to face the ceiling and closed my eyes for a bit. It's not like I had bears to fight or anything: damn bears. I drifted a bit, before something pressing on my bed, then another something, and then another, snapped my eyes back open. I slowly craned my head, and six huge beady eyes stared back down at me. I would have freaked out, if it wasn't for the fact that they belonged to three fillies, all observing me expectantly. "Uh, hi?" I said, and at once a shout made my ears ring. "THANK YOUUU!" They shouted, and Scootaloo hopped onto the bed. "This is him, girls! The 'Big Scary Monster' you said took me! He isn't a monster at all!" She said. "Still scary, tho-mphghhm!" Said Sweetie Belle. Applebloom's hoof stuffed in her mouth before she went any further. "Don't mind her, mister!" The Apple shouted apologetically. I just laughed. "I guess I'm quite the sight with all these bear scars, aren't I?" "I'll say!" Said Sweetie, her hooves holding Applebloom's back. "You look like somebody tried slicing you up with some kitchen knife!" "You shoulda been there, Sweetie! It was just like that, except the Bear had like five claws! So it was like five kitchen knives, and.." Scootaloo just kept going. I facepalmed and laid back as she sat on my leg, explaining her story as best she could while sitting using the cast. It was... less than comfortable. For the both of us, really. "Gee, tell them the whole story why don't you?" I asked. Scootaloo looked at me questioningly. "Didn't you hear me earlier? I already did!" "Did you? I was too busy zoning out after hearing it the third time." I said, and she turned her head at me. "But I only told it twice!" She said. "I'm counting the real story, which I physically experienced." I responded. She was silent, then. "What, no introductions? Just going to sit here and watch me?" I asked the three assembled ponies, which all were rather unenthralled after my little argument. "Oh... ahhh.... Well this one's Sweetie Belle-" Scootaloo pointed a hoof. Her green eyes perked up and met mine. "-and that one's Applebloom-" Her hoof moved to the bow-haired one, and her eyes snapped to me as well. Scootaloo hopped of my leg - a welcome respite - and squeezed together. "-and we're THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!" I let out a harumph. And their eyes and ears were downcast. "You're not impressed?" Sweetie Belle asked. "I think you're not really doing the whole Cutie Mark thing correctly, and I think you've learned that from making half the town scared to death for Scootaloo!" I said, lecturing them. "We told 'er not to do it!" Retorted Apple Bloom. I nodded. "Sure, but it still happened. You three can't bank on someone being there to bail you out everytime something bad goes down, and I've learned that pretty hard these past few months." I said. "I got lucky with Scoots and the bear. I would be dead today otherwise." "Awwhhhh" they all said in unison. I just folded my arms. "Now it's nice to meet you all, but you should really focus at doing what you're already good at." I said. They all nodded. "Now, with that lecture done..." I said. "I suppose you'll want to know all about humans?" I asked, and the three shook their heads up and down with vigor. I smiled. "Well, we come from a land far, far away, beyond even this planet..." And so I told them, embellishing the tale like a true con artist, until they were satisfied by the explanations I gave to the myriad questions they had for me afterwards. Liberal copyright infringement upon the Star Trek, Star Wars, and Stargate fandom abound, mostly to mess with them rather than to deliberately misinform. Red Cross, on delivering my clothes, caught on quickly that the story I was telling was hardly the truth. By the end, they were practically exhausted just from the thousands of questions they asked, and Scootaloo climbed back into bed. I sighed, and stretched once more, digging into the strange flower-and-hay sandwich before me. Seeing as physics and even feeling was different here, I figured why not? Didn't taste too bad, overall. Not my best food, but good enough grub to be eaten. Maybe Pony food was heavily reinforced or just naturally more nutritious than their earthen counterparts, but whatever. Sweetie Belle couldn't seem to get over my scary scars and such, and I had to explain to her how every cut came to be. Probably just some attention to detail rubbing off from Rarity's constant moaning and judging. She warmed up to me, though, by the time she headed back to Carousel Botique. Apple Bloom had an inkling of falsehood in my tale, and spent most of her questions trying to poke holes in my tales. But I'd been trained by the best of the best, my dad the salesman, to avoid that kind of questioning. I left her frustrated and annoyed, but to each her own. Scootaloo just accepted my tale, with occasional cries of "Awesome!" and "Cool!" like I'd suddenly become Rainbow Dash. But, then again, Rainbow Dash didn't beat the snot out of bears every day. And I was taller, but y'know. As visiting hours closed, I frankly wondered how exactly the Mane Six hadn't been contacted yet. But if this 'Ditzy Doo' was as - Wait, DUH. Ditzy = Derpy. No WONDER they hadn't gotten back yet, with her on the recall notice. They'd probably get it sometime at midnight and have to walk all the way back in the darkness, getting lost half a hundred times. Scootaloo turned to me: "Hey. Uh, Alex?" She asked me. I turned and nodded. "When my friends come tomorrow, try and be less dad and more cool, 'kay?" "Sure, Scoots. Just keep in mind what I've been saying. I know you three's type, and all it does is make what you're trying to cause take even longer. You could be so blind to your real talent that you never find it." "Oh, fine. Whatever, DAD." She said, tossing a pillow on her head. "It was cooler when you were fighting bears." "You got to skip the wounds and pain. Of course you'd think that." I said, as she slowly drifted off. Another day in Ponyville, and another day without the Mane Six. A little crazy, that I'd been teleported here and STILL not seen them yet. No matter, though. Hopefully they'd be back soon. And, with another day thoroughly wasted doing nothing, I slowly drifted to bed in my comfortable - but far too short - hospital bed, I remembered an old song I'd heard a long time ago. It seemed oddly fitting in this technology free world. --- Juuuust sit right back and you'll hear a tale...