The Lyra Laws

by Shinigamimirror


Article 8 Section 3

Article 8, Section 3 of Castle Etiquette and Expected Behavior  

The following rules in this section shall apply to the unicorn Lyra Heartstrings (hereafter “Lyra” or “she”). These rules apply to the entity Lyra Heartstrings no matter what form she may take, be it pony, human, hybrid, or otherwise.

1) Lyra is to be escorted by at least two Royal Guards while in the palace.

2) Lyra is to seek prior notice from Raven Inkwell before petitioning the Princess about humans.
A) Yes, this includes, human ancient artifacts, evidence of human existence, human genetics, human alterations, and human clothing.

3) Lyra is not allowed to attempt to alter another pony’s body parts into human appendages without consent.
A) This includes, but is not limited to: hands, feet, fingers, toes, palms, knuckles, hairless arms, armpits, noses, ears, bipedal legs, reverse knees.
B) Castle guards, staff, and residents are not allowed to request that Lyra turn their fellow residents into humans or change their body parts without their consent.
C) Or any other bipedal form!

4) Lyra is not allowed to attempt spells or rituals from books in the restricted section of the Canterlot Library. There is a reason these books are restricted.
A) Lyra may only have one book checked out from the restricted section of the library at a time.
B) Lyra is not to coerce others to perform restricted spells or rituals from the restricted section of the Canterlot library.
C) Lyra is not to attempt to use spells or rituals to summon humans on castle grounds.
D) Lyra is not to attempt untested spells and rituals that have unknown effects without the supervision of a court wizard.

5) Lyra will maintain a trotting speed within the castle.
A) Lyra is not allowed to teleport in and out of the throne room.
B) Lyra is not allowed to teleport in the castle kitchen.
C) Lyra is not allowed to teleport in the bathrooms.
D) Lyra is not allowed to teleport others without their consent.
E) Lyra is not allowed to teleport to get away from her guard escort.

6) Lyra is not allowed to tape fake countries made with construction paper onto the globes in the geography section of the library.
A) “A-Mare-ica” is not a real place.
B) Lyra is not allowed to petition Princess Celestia that “A-Mare-ica” is a real place.
C) Lyra is also not allowed to alter any library text to include made up bodies of land in magic marker.

7) Lyra is not allowed to draw anatomical pictures of humans in biology books.
A) Humans are not a documented species in Equestria.
B) Adding humans into biology textbooks with a red pen does not make them a documented species. This is vandalism and will not be tolerated.


8) Lyra is not allowed to be in the possession of spray paint, hedge clippers, magic markers, construction paper, or other various arts and crafts implements which she has used to deface or vandalize castle property in the past.
A) Lyra is no longer allowed to trim the hedges in the castle garden.
B) Lyra is no longer allowed to paint murals for the Princess.
C) Lyra is no longer allowed to help in the making of the stained-glass windows.
D) Lyra is no longer allowed to lead arts and crafts during class at Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns.


9) Lyra can alter her own appendages at her own discretion.
A) This does not give her permission to grope, poke, caress, pet, or otherwise touch the Princess, guards, or the castle staff with said appendages.
B) Having hands does not give her permission to use obscene gestures at anypony who walks by. The fact we do not know what these gestures mean does not make it any less offensive.

10) Lyra is not allowed to experiment with monsters from the Everfree forest inside Canterlot Castle, its grounds, or the dungeon, without the direct supervision of a court wizard and the captain of the royal guard.
A) For the purpose of this rule, Twilight Sparkle is considered a court wizard.
B) Or in the residential halls
C) Or the gardens
D) Or the bathrooms
E) Or the castle’s front, side, or rear grounds

11) Lyra is not allowed to try to catch, or to actually catch, the timber wolves in the Everfree Forest in hopes of experimenting on them,
A) Or producing her own wolf pack,
B) Or for any other reason.

12) Lyra is ONLY allowed to brew potions under the direct supervision of Zecora or another qualified potion-maker.
A) Apple Bloom is excluded from supervising potion making, at any time, for any reason, unless Zecora gives her uncoerced permission.
B) Lyra may not use a potion on another pony unless consent is given, and the pony is given full disclosure of the full effects of the potion.
C) “Just to see what happens” is not a valid reason to mix ingredients haphazardly into a potion without regard to their known properties.

13) Lyra is to refrain from coercing other ponies into wearing pants.
A) If Lyra is wearing pants, she is not allowed to disrobe anywhere except the bathrooms.
B) Lyra is not allowed to duplicate pants in the palace.
C) Lyra is not allowed to petition the Princess to make pants part of the Royal Guard uniform.

14) Lyra is not allowed to summon the Equestrian Royal Guard to detain the inhabitants of the Everfree forest.
A) There are no humans in the Everfree forest.
B) There are no humans in Canterlot Castle
C) There are no humans in Canterlot.
D) There are no humans in Ponyville.
E) There are no humans in Equestria.
F) Humans do not exist, and they never have.
G) No pony, person, or other creature is allowed to hunt humans in the Everfree Forest for any reason whatsoever.
H) Yes, we know Zecora is in the Everfree forest. No, she does not need the Equestrian Royal Guard to protect her from humans.

15) Lyra is not allowed to use a grappling hook on castle grounds.
A) She is not allowed to bypass castle walls with a grappling hook.
B) She is not allowed to use a grappling hook to avoid the royal guard.
C) A grappling hook is not an eating utensil. Grappling hooks are prohibited from the dining hall.

16) “I need to find a human” is not a valid excuse for breaking any of these rules.
A) Neither is “Don’t worry, I went to Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns!”
B) Or “Princess Celestia and I go waaay back!”

17) Lyra is not allowed to replace the fountain water in the garden with Jell-O.
A) She is not allowed to eat said Jell-O.
B) She is also not allowed to coerce others into eating said Jell-O.

18) Lyra is not allowed to purchase cheese in bulk.
A) Lyra is not allowed to bring a gratuitous amount of cheese into the Castle.
B) Lyra is not allowed to ask the castle chefs for gratuitous amounts of cheese.
C) Lyra is not allowed to teleport cheese into the castle.
D) Lyra is not allowed to put cheese sculptures of humans anywhere on castle grounds.
E) Lyra is not allowed to conduct experiments with cheese on castle grounds without supervision and permission from a court wizard.

19) Lyra is not allowed to enter castle grounds covered in honey.
A) Lyra is not allowed to cover herself in honey anywhere on castle grounds.
B) Lyra is not allowed to cover others in honey without their permission.
C) Lyra is not allowed to bring beehives into the castle.
D) Lyra is not allowed to teleport beehives into the castle.
E) Lyra is not allowed to conduct experiments with bees anywhere on castle grounds.

20) Lyra is not allowed to enter castle grounds with “human hunting gear” or attempt to hunt or capture humans anywhere on castle grounds.
A) This includes but is not limited to: nets, traps, detectors, weapons, or any equipment that starts with the word “human.”
B) Lyra is not allowed to place human traps anywhere on castle grounds.
C) Lyra is not allowed to harass castle staff or guards about the presence of humans in the castle.
D) Lyra is not allowed to accuse castle staff of being humans.

21) Just because Lyra is an alumni of Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns does not give her permission to enter classes currently in session without prior notice.
A) If Lyra would like to be a guest speaker for any Canterlot class, she needs to get permission from Princess Celestia before-hoof.
B) Lyra is prohibited from teaching foals about humans.
C) Lyra is no longer allowed to teach geography.
D) Lyra is not allowed to teach anatomy.
E) Lyra is not allowed to teach foals how to evade the Royal Guard.

22) Lyra is not allowed in the castle kitchen.
A) Please do not allow Lyra to bother the chefs.
B) The royal chefs work very hard at what they do. Lyra is no longer allowed to provide feedback about the food.

23) Lyra will not under any circumstances be allowed to cast changeling detection spells on anypony within the castle grounds.
A) The guards are responsible for the security of the castle. It is up to the Royal Guard to cast changeling detection magic on the castle grounds.
B) It is rude to cast this spell on the Princess.
C) Lyra is not allowed to cast changeling detection spells on food.
D) Or inanimate objects,
E) Or plants,
F) Or anything else on the castle grounds,
G) Or anything in the airspace above the castle grounds.

24) Tinfoil hats are not required to attend day court.
A) Lyra can wear a tinfoil hat if she so pleases, but she cannot coerce other ponies attending day court into wearing tinfoil hats. 

25) Lyra is not allowed in Princess Celestia’s bedchamber without permission.
A) Permission cannot be given via psychic link.
B) Eating a cake from the Princess' personal royal pantry is forbidden.
C) “To preserve the current timeline” is not a valid excuse for trespassing.

26) Lyra is not to come within 100 hooves of the Minotaur ambassador.
A) Lyra is to remain at least 100 hooves away from the Minotaur ambassador’s bedchambers.

27) The castle pond is not a fishing hole.
A) Lyra is not allowed to fish in the castle pond.
B) Lyra is not allowed to use grilled cheese sandwiches as bait.
C) Or any other food item taken from the castle kitchens.
D) The fish in the castle pond are not royal or rare species; they are common koi fish. Catching a “royal fish” does not grant you a special favor or a wish.

28) Lyra is not allowed to animate inanimate objects on castle grounds.
A) This includes but is not limited to: rocks, eating utensils, cheese, disembodied hands, or appendages not otherwise specified, guard armor, and pants.
B) Lyra is not allowed to attach disembodied hands to any surface living or otherwise.

29) Lyra Is no longer allowed in the hedge maze.
A) Lyra is not allowed to change the layout of the hedge maze.
B) “Because I got lost and could not find the way out” is not a valid reason for changing the layout of the hedge maze. 

30) Lyra is not allowed in the barracks.
A) Lyra will not under any circumstances wear Royal Guard armor.
B) She is not to be in possession of any Royal Guard weaponry.
C) She is not allowed to pose as a guard to question castle staff with questionable interrogation techniques.
D) She is not allowed to use said disguise to evade her royal guard escort.

31) Lyra is not allowed to ride motorized carts on castle grounds.
A) Lyra is not allowed to construct motorized carts on castle grounds.
B) Lyra is not allowed to summon motorized carts on castle grounds.
C) Lyra is not allowed to teleport motorized carts onto castle grounds.
D) Lyra is not allowed to do experiments on motorized carts on castle grounds.

32) Wearing a human costume while petitioning the Princess or attending court is not appropriate attire.

33) Please discourage Lyra from drinking caffeinated beverages. We recommend limiting her coffee consumption to one cup per day. May Celestia have mercy on you if she drinks more than one.

34) Princess Luna’s dream walking is a royal duty done to keep Equestrian citizens safe from nightmares. It is not for conducting experiments you cannot conduct in the waking world. Lyra is no longer allowed to request Princess Luna use her dream walking spell to allow Lyra to conduct her experiments. Princess Luna has more important things to do then to foalsit while there are equestrian citizens having night terrors.

35) While Lyra may be a handful, she is still a guest of the Princess. She is an alumni of Princess Celestia’s school for Gifted Unicorns, and she is to be treated with the same respect we grant to any other equestrian citizen.

36) Any Royal Guard or Canterlot Castle staff member found allowing Lyra to break any of the above rules or restrictions will be reprimanded, with increased penalties for repeated infractions.
A) Captain Shining Armor, or the current Captain of the Royal Guard, shall be in charge of reviewing all infractions of rules 1-35 and their subsets above. Should the Captain of the Royal Guard be found in violation of these rules, such violations will be reviewed by Princess Celestia herself.