The return to Equestria was swift. Fluffle and Fuzzle were happy to see them, as were their fuzzy children. Leaving them with only a single pallet of ham while they were gone was a bit of a risk, as they might've started eating the furniture if they ran out of food. Thankfully, the Golden Oakes Library was intact upon their return.
They spent a quiet night together before they woke up the next day.
"So when is Celestia's speech?"
"Noon," Twilight answered. "The meeting is directly after. We're required to attend, and Shining and Princess Cadence are going to be there."
"And Discord," Spike reminded them.
"Great. I'm sure he'll have a few suggestions for the present crisis," Dan said, smiling. "Probably won't be using any, but maybe we could get a guest spot on his t.v show."
"You're really not worried about this at all, are you?" Spike asked.
Dan shrugged, gave a half-smirk. "I've been broke for most of my life, remember? And I mean penniless broke. The IRS STILL sent people to collect money from me. Had to send them packing several times, especially the one that moved in next door to me."
"Okay... what's the eye-are-ess?" Spike asked.
"Pure, unadulterated evil. The most concentrated, malevolent force known to man, an organization of devious maniacs-"
"It stands for the Internal Revenue Service. It's the financial management of the United States government handling taxes, tax credits, auditing and income for U.S. citizens," Phoenix explained.
"Taxation doesn't seem to be an issue," Twilight said. "Well... actually, I'm not entirely sure. We'll have to wait to talk to the princess in Canterlot."
"Does she already know about the land?" Phoenix asked. "I mean, our uh, new treaty deal with the Zebra Nation?"
Twilight nodded. "I sent her a letter with the details. She and Luna sent one back saying they... approve of the decision, despite our hasty and unorthodox methods. I left the part out where it was yours and Chrys' idea."
Phoenix and Chrys both smiled and said, "Thaaaaaaanks."
"Right, let's off to Canterlot! We'll take the Twilicopter 10.Dan!"
"You made ANOTHER helicopter in the shape of my head?" Twilight asked.
Dan grinned. "Not exactly." He left that thought lingering in their minds and headed outside.
And outside, landing right in front of the library was the Twilicopter 10.Dan. Which in actuality was just the Twilicopter painted black and Dan's JERK logo on its tail. Dan was very proud of his modifications, as he was with most things he did great and small, but at that moment, something else was catching his friends' attention.
"What's going on?"
"This doesn't look good."
They all walked past Dan, past the triumphant, new attack helicopter landing and to the crowd of ponies beyond.
"I had to time this entrance PERFECTLY and... okay, wait, I'm coming!"
Crowds of ponies filled the streets. Or rather, one crowd of ponies, as the street was so packed they couldn't really see any. Pegasi hovered above, all looking in the same direction, some looking worried.
"Hello? Does anypony know what's going on?" Twilight asked. "Excuse me, sir? What's wrong?"
"Sugar Cube Corner's closed, that's what's wrong."
"Every place is closed! The bank's just closed!"
The crowd suddenly parted as a rather large mare strode through. Tangy Top, owner of Tangy Top's Sweet Stop and Shop shops walked through, sobbing.
Twilight decided to stop her. "Um, ma'am, I'm very sorry, but could you tell us what's wrong?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. Very sorry, your highness," Tangy said in a slight southern accent. The young unicorn was a bright pink-coated mare, had a green mane and was the proud owner of the largest candy and confectionary stores in Equestria, including Sugar Cube Corner's supplier. She was also one of the largest and heftiest mares in Equestria, with several ponies having to make way for just her large sides, and then large caboose to pass. Her mane was topped in an elaborate bejeweled green bun with neon-green highlights, complimented by shimmering, bejeweled hoop earrings. She was rumored to be related to Applejack, Pinkie Pie and Rice Puddinghead.
"It's alright," Twilight said. In the back of her mind, she was praying Dan didn't make any fat jokes. Surprisingly, he didn't.
Mrs. Top pulled out a tiny handkerchief from her tiny purse and dried her eyes. "My gracious, the bank's lost all our accounts. All of our savings, our money, gone. They said they've just lost all our records, for all these years! Why, I never heard of such a thing, it's a disaster, sweethearts. A disaster." Her accent, as with the rest of her, was a combination of urban and rural Equestrian styles, a little city and a little country.
"I'm so very sorry," Chrys said. "I'm sure we'll figure this out."
The large mare pulled out a tiny fan with her plump hoof and fanned herself. "I don't know how we're gonna get through this. I'm having to put up almost everything I own as collateral just to keep everypony on payroll. Heavens me, when I think of all those families..."
Dan tugged his collar. He was noticing several other ponies offering her said condolences with their eyes. She was a very big girl, and as such was taking up a good portion of the street and the attention.
"This isn't good, Nicky."
"I know. Sugar Cube Corner's closed. And that's the biggest candy magnate in Equestria."
"In more ways than a ton," Dan said under his breath. Drew a slight glare from Phoenix. "Yeah, low-hanging fruit, I know. Seriously though, sad, mopey faces can turn angry real quick. And they're probably going to get angry at the ponies in charge... and us, too."
"I can't really blame them. Mass layoffs means there's going to be a lot of families wondering how they're going to get their next paycheck, next meal, next everything," Phoenix said. He looked around at the ponies. Concern was giving way to despair, meaning the process towards anger and probably riots was already happening. They needed answers, they needed a solution and they needed both now.
In fact, they may have needed it more than now.
"What does Celestia have to say about this?"
"What happened to the treasury?"
"Is my business gonna be- hey, I just wanna know-"
Calm voices, for now. Rational minds, cool heads, were asking the questions. But it was a lot of them and they were all being directed at Twilight. At Princess Twilight Sparkle. Even if the closest ponies were being calm, the sheer number of them and close proximity was creating social friction. Friction caused heat, heat built; ponies were beginning to crowd around her instead of the bank. As they had parted for the large magnate, they now closed in around the small(er) princess.
And unfortunately, this wasn't a good time. Her eyes started glowing purple, her mane started getting hazy, and her teeth started sprouting into fangs. Twilight's dark magic form, still difficult for her to control, was threatening to be unleashed.
"I-I'm worried, t-too, yes- your jobs are ALL important to me. To us. And your businesses, too! Of course, I don't mean-" Twilight stammered, backing up.
"Is there gonna be an extension for tax filing this year?"
"Extension? Taxes should just be forgiven this year!"
"I lost three of my horseshoes, but I still have the first one so I think we can use it to find the others if we try. Who's with me?"
"Does this guy work at the bank? Because that might explain a few things."
"I like spaghetti."
The crowd of ponies may not have noticed, but Dan and friends did.
"Nicky."
"Dan."
"Spike."
"Chrys."
"Phoenix."
"Chrys."
"Spike."
"Nicky."
"Dan."
They all nodded.
"Break it up, everypony, break it up!"
"Sparkle Guard, back it off!"
Crowd control was another thing Dan had trained them all in. They sprung into action, shoving, pushing and clearing out the ponies with arms and hooves spread wide. They cleared the street and broke up the crowd faster than Tangy Top's girth had, and giving Twilight plenty of space in the process.
Twilight inhaled, exhaled, did her best to calm herself. Breathe normally, count to ten. Darkness is a part of life, just like everything else. It was always a dangerous part, like a sharp tool or a weapon. Very useful, but requiring care and discipline to use properly.
Look at them all. They haven't changed a bit. Just the same goofy, gullible bumpkins they were when I first arrived. When we first arrived.
"There is no "we."
Isn't there? C'mon, we're getting our own kingdom soon. We're going to be picking and choosing which ponies join us to create a new city. Sure, I might be your 'darker' side, but really, you might as well call me pragmatic. The cute, quaint countryfolk ponies aren't going to be helpful and why even ask? I mean, maybe AJ and her family of course, but the rest probably won't even want to move.
"Well... okay, maybe you do have SOME... good points."
Really, is it that hard to admit? We're smart. You're smart. And with my power, we'll be unstoppable. Didn't you want to team up? Let me drive a little bit.
"I... I don't know."
Every fact from every book, every spell, more accessible than ever. Every point you've ever been to, every pony you've ever spoken to, every word they've ever said. All connected. And dark magic can reach it faster.
"I... I..."
Give in a little.
"Twilight? Hey, Twilight?"
No... no, I- um, maybe. I-
Just for a little while. I'll give it back shortly.
"I... I don't..."
Give me control. Give. Me. Control.
"I..."
"Twilight!"
Fine. Be that way.
Twilight's eyes shot open. A moment later, the purple haze of twilight, her own magic, lifted. For a brief moment, she was able to see detail in everything, like seeing a violet-purple x-ray of the world. Her magic was indeed powerful, and like herself, based around knowledge. The veil of twilight displayed the connection and flow of all things, predictions, outcomes, the sway caused by thoughts and emotions. It was a lot to analyze at once, but the nature of dark magic made it possible. Reality bent, making her brain like a supercomputer.
And just like that, it was over. "I... what am I doing? What happened?"
"You were talking to yourself again," Spike said. "And it... sounded like..."
"It sounded like you were arguing," Chrys said, her voice sounding as concerned as Spike.
She looked around. "What happened to the crowd?"
"Dan... very politely convinced them all to leave," Chrys said.
"What REALLY happened to the crowd?"
"Half a second after you started getting uh, overwhelmed, Dan got in the helicopter and flew it at the crowd. No one was hurt, thankfully."
"Ah," Twilight nodded. "So where's Dan now?"
Phoenix looked over his shoulder. Behind him, the Happy Ponyville Savings and Loan bank had a new fixture in its roof. That fixture being the Twilicopter 10.Dan.
The door to the bank opened, out stepped Dan, and the human marched towards them, no worse for ware. He stopped short of Twilight.
"How do you feel, Dan?"
"Well, I'm a little disappointed. I did not compensate for the drag that a vestigial face would produce when incorporated into the cockpit of a helicopter. All in all, things could've gone better. We're taking the train now, aren't we?"
Twilight nodded. "I think so, yes. And I think we're going to have to take Tangy Top's train," she said, turning as she did so.
"Wait, that massive mare has her own train? Well... okay, actually, that makes sense." Being one of the largest mares in Equestria, and being rich, came with a few perks. Tangy Top had her own company train that, like her, was substantially larger and considerably wider than other trains in Equestria. Dan took notice of this when they arrived at the train station.
"Fat pony, fat train. I guess I should've been expecting that."
"Her weight is a status symbol, Dan," Spike said.
"It's a symbol of diabeetus."
"She's even a fashion model."
"At the Miss Beetus Beauty Pageant."
"Will you shut up?" The dragon was known to browse mare fashion magazines, that was no secret. While he did have a preference towards a certain significantly thinner mare, he could admire the curves and stature of one who carried herself with such confidence.
They took the train to Canterlot. Despite Dan making the occasional weight-based comment every now and then, the trip was probably the most uneventful they had from Ponyville to the capitol. If any of said comments reached Miss Top's ear, it did not affect her in the slightest.
"I'm uh, sorry if Dan-"
Tangy raised her hoof to stop Twilight from talking. "Honey, this train has twenty-five other cities to visit today. Every mare in mah family's been big right down the line from Cotton Candy Top herself. Y'all got bigger problems to worry about and... actually, I find your friend kinda cute."
"I... uh, well-"
She shrugged, a gesture that moved the train slightly. "He vents his own way. Me, I prefer some nice music. Or a buffet. And this train has both. Stay safe, sugar!" As the massive mare turned, shifting the entire train car in the process, Twilight noticed something imprinted in her colossal flank. Actually, it was another pony.
The doors closed in front of her. "Uh- um, excuse me? There's-" The train already started chugging away. The side window of the car rolled by, showing a clear view of the pony helplessly smushed into the mare's titanic backside.
"I like spaghetti."
Twilight's mouth hung open as she watched the train leave.
Dan and Chrys stepped off the train just as it departed.
"So, um... I take it you like thin girls... Dan?"
Dan grinned. "Chryssie, I just like you. I just find it hard to believe sometimes that people aren't tightening their belts in the midst of this crisis. Figuratively, financially and literally."
"Fair enough," Spike said. He did have a bit of a taste for finer things, but he also understood pragmatism.
"We have some time to kill before the speech," Phoenix said. "Wanna get something to eat?"
"Sure," Dan said. "Something expensive." That comment drew a couple looks. "It may be our last time for a while, so might as well enjoy it. And that, too, is pragmatism."
It was hot that late morning, as the sun rose high and noon approached. A crowd of spectator ponies assembled at the castle gates, flooding the courtyard. Guards stood at attention, keeping guests orderly and mostly keeping them off the grass. Dan and friends were not among the ponies in the courtyard, no; as royalty and guards themselves, they were admitted inside Canterlot Castle itself.
"They redecorate here recently?" Dan asked. Then he thought. "Oh wait... was this un-decorated, I mean?"
"The reset," Twilight said. "It changed the castle back to how it was three years ago."
"Just like everything else," Spike added.
"Almost everything," Phoenix corrected.
A pair of royal guards galloped down the corridor. The thundering sound of their hooves drew Dan and others' attention even before they were half way down the hall.
"What's the rush- hey!"
"Dan! Uh-uhm, sorry sir. Captain."
"Where's Al and Stoney?"
The guards both looked disheveled. "Personal day, sir. I'm Fortify Forte and this-"
Dan interrupted the French mare. "Fy, it's Dan. We met after the wedding? Also, hi Bolster."
"Hi."
"I, uh... I didn't think you'd remember me," Fortify said. "Us." She was a built mare, as were all the royal guards. They were recruited tough and trained tougher.
"I do. I also remember that the captain of the guard and the praetorians do NOT TAKE PERSONAL DAYS. At least, not during public events," Dan said.
The guards shrugged. "Al- Captain Aegis and Marshall Stonewall have been out since we returned. Sir."
"So who's in charge?" Dan asked. "Please tell me you put somepony smarter than Bulwark and Bastion in charge."
"Uhhh."