“...and so, as my sister begins her retirement, and I prepare for my own deferment of power,” Luna shouted above the enthralled crowd standing below the alabaster balcony of Canterlot Castle, “I hereby issue one final decree: no more inappropriate dreams!”
The cheering crowd blanched.
“Ever!” Luna shouted triumphantly, raising a hoof.
“Um…” a single pony said timidly, raising his hoof amid thousands of other ponies in the crowd who had fallen silent.
“Thank you all!” Luna bellowed. “I look forward to a new era of peace and happiness for the dream realm!”
“Luna,” Twilight began, “I want you to know, before anything else, that I love and respect you.”
They were gathered in the throne room of Twilight’s castle, soon to be… Starlight’s fancy parlor? Er, anyway…
“Of course, Twilight Sparkle,” Luna said, placing a hoof upon her chest. “Your status as a fellow princess makes it obvious that you would place your respect in your senior princesses, naturally.”
“Riiight,” Twilight said, turning away as she rubbed her neck nervously. “I… just wonder if you’ve considered the, um, ramifications of your newest decree.”
“Well, as the Princess of the Night,” Luna said, “I have borne witness to a multitude of strange and… well, shall we say, depraved dreams, as of late.”
“Sure, sure, I get that, but—”
“Indeed, the number of dreams which entail the fornication of one’s own relatives disturbs me to the point of—”
“OKAY!” Twilight shouted, cutting her off. “Yes, Princess Luna, I think we get the point.”
“It’s not my fault Uncle Buttershush is so… commanding,” Fluttershy muttered.
“Theory confirmed,” Rainbow Dash muttered with a smirk. “Applejack?”
“Yeah, yeah,” Applejack said, rolling her eyes as she passed her five bits.
“Anyway,” Twilight said, casting a sharp glance at her friends, “my point, Princess Luna, is that… um… I think your decree might be a bit difficult to fulfill.”
“Not to mention that it’s vague as all Tartarus,” Spike added.
“Yes,” Twilight said. “That too.”
“I cannot see where the problem lies,” Luna said, rolling her eyes. “Since I will no longer be patrolling ponies’ dreams, it makes sense to issue a decree that they control the nature of their own nightmares. I see no issue with my decree.”
“Hooboy,” Applejack quipped. “This is a whole can o’ worms, an’ I ain’t about to open it.”
“Nay, Applejack!” Luna cried, seizing her by the shoulders. “Thy can of annelids is worthy of consideration! Shed thy apprehensions and make plain thy thoughts as they pertain to thy Princesess’s decree of the Dream Realm!”
Twilight and the others stared at her. Applejack started to sweat, her eyes darting left and right.
“Er… I mean, be honest, Applejack!” Luna exclaimed. She shut her eyes and bowed her head. “I would have the honest feedback of my most trusted advis— no. My most trusted friends.”
"Uhhh," Applejack began, her eyes fixating on Twilight, "lil' help, Twilight?"
Twilight sighed. “Princess Luna,” she said, “I… well, I think you might be expecting too much from your subjects.”
Luna raised an eyebrow. “In what way?” she asked, dropping Applejack roughly to the floor. “I asked ponies to exert the simplest of self-control in their dreams. They have never had such a stipulation before, true, but now that I have made my wishes known, surely they will reign in their basest instincts. Just because dreams are not real does not mean that it is all right to turn them into such outrageous displays.”
Twilight and her friends all fell silent, mutually exchanging guilty looks that spoke volumes more than their own confessions ever could.
And then Pinkie Pie cleared her throat.
Oh no no no, Sweet Celestia, Pinkie, don’t say anything weird! Twilight thought as she stared at Pinkie, her eyes bulging.
“Luna, when you dream, do you use your power?” Pinkie asked, raising her eyebrow. “Because in my dreams - when I remember them - almost anything can happen! I don’t mean for it to happen, but it just kinda… pops out!”
Luna scoffed. “Pfft! That is only because nopony has ever directed you to do otherwise!”
“Yyyyeah, I mean, that’s true, but I personally never wanted to play a really pervy version of Monopony with Cheese Sandwich or carve Rainbow Dash up into pieces and make her into cupcakes—”
“Wait, WHAT?!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.
“Well, see, I landed on a property with a hotel and had to pay him back somehow—”
“Not that, the other thing!”
“See, that’s what I mean!” Pinkie shouted, rolling her eyes. “I would never do that to Dashie! It’s just a silly dream!”
“But the dreams show a deeper feeling!” Luna cried. “You must grasp it and suppress it!”
Pinkie burst out laughing. “Oh, Princess Luna… I really thought you’d understand ponies better by now!”
Twilight sucked in a breath. “I, uh, what Pinkie means, Princess Luna, is that—”
“Quiet thyself,” Luna said, narrowing her eyes at Twilight. “I wish to hear Pinkie Pie’s explanation.”
Pinkie giggled. “Oh, Luna,” she said between her giggles, “ponies can’t control what they dream about!”
“Yes, when we’re speaking of nightmares, of course, but—”
“No, Luna, for all dreams! Whatever pops into ponies’ heads just kinda… shows up! It’s how our silly little brains figure out how they feel about stuff! Haven’t you ever had a dream where you felt out of control?”
Luna blinked. “I… no. Is that… is that not the norm?”
“Not… usually,” Twilight replied, wincing.
“No,” Rainbow Dash and Applejack said simultaneously.
“Not bucking remotely,” Fluttershy replied, immediately blushing as the others stared at her.
“Well, maybe you should try it!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Just dream about anything you want! No dream powers or control at all!”
Luna narrowed her eyes. “An interesting idea,” she said. “Very well. I shall take your advice and see what it yields… and then We will give the lie to thy words, Pinkamena of the Pie clan!”
“Neat!” Pinkie exclaimed.
That night, Luna had a vision. It involved Sir Fancy Pants proffering her with flowers and a most untoward proposition involving his mouthparts in contact with… AH, NO, NOT THERE!!
“So, Princess Luna retracted her previous decree,” Twilight said as she read the newspaper in her throne room. “Apparently she’d never had a dream that she’d just let happen naturally. And it only took one night for her to change her mind.”
Twilight put the newspaper down as she stared at her friends. Pinkie Pie in particular.
As the others slowly gravitated their looks to Pinkie, she eventually caught the hint.
“Whaaaat?” she asked. “What’d I do?!”
“You violated a Princess of Equestria’s innocence for the sake of allowing ponies to dream whatever depravities their minds could conceive!” Twilight shouted. “I hope you’re proud of yourself!”
Pinkie paused, rubbing her chin. “Well… are you saying that all your dreams were something to be proud of, and you were ready to live the rest of your lives wondering if they were technically illegal?”
They all froze. None of them could meet her eyes.
Pinkie snickered. “Right. In that case,” she chuckled with a leering gaze, “no need to thank me… but you’re welcome.”