//------------------------------// // chapter 5 // Story: Cleaved: AFTERMATH // by The Cowardly Christian //------------------------------// Cleaved: AFTERMATH 5 I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING! ...III... ...III... ...many weeks ago... "Yep." "Yep." "ummmmhummm" The three men of Arlen Texas- Bill, Hank and Boomhaur -just stood in the alley drinking beer... The fourth- Dale -was now running over to them. "Guy's, guys! It's happening! It's all happening! My Parawatch page is getting so much traffic! Everything's coming up Dale!" Hank rolled his eyes, "Dang it Dale, you need to stop pushing this 'two worlds have collided' nonsense! I admit the last week or so have been...'odd'. But the UN is going to make a big announcement soon and they'll have a perfectly rationale explanation for all this." He affirms. Dale snorts, "Yeah, well when your busy making yourself an easy target for the slow burning sloth slowly dragging you toward the world of nine moons to have your suffering feasted upon by the bobbled clown. I'll be safe in my bunker!" He says smugly. "Did you mean for all those words to come out together, or did they fall out randomly?" Said Hank annoyed at his friends antics. Before Dale can retort...a Limo cruises right up beside the Alleyway. Out steps a man dressed in a business suite and briefcase. "Dale Alvin Gribble and Bill Dauterive?" Asks the man. "Who wants to know?" "Yep." Said both men simultaneously. "I'm Legal Lee; Attorney at law." He hands them a business card. "I'm the lawyer heading the big SCP Foundation/GOC/UIU/American government/United nations lawsuit. And you two might be entitled to millions of dollars!" Both men holler in amazement and are about to go with him when Hank just rolls his eyes and holds them back. "Okay, jokes over. Congrats on finding these two jackasses as easy marks. Now take your scam and get out of here before I call the cops on you." Legal Lee just smiles, "No need to call them, my friend. Here they come now." He says while pointing. Hank follows his finger and is stunned. Sure enough...here came a police car down the street. "Huh... well, alright then." Said Hank briefly baffled before deciding that this was just the his tax dollars at work, helping the police be on top of things. The two policemen came out of the car and Hank walked up to them, "Ah, great to see you officers! This man is trying to rope my friends into a con and I'd appreciate you showing him on his way." He greets warmly. The cops...looked uncomfortable? "Uh...yeah...we aren't going to do that." The cop admitted reluctantly. Hank frowns confused. "What?" Legal Lee swooped in with a smile. "Hello gentleman, I must say I was rather confused to see you not showing up to immediately escort me when I arrived in Arlen." One of the officers sighed, "Were sorry Mr. Lee, bureaucratic mix-up." Legal Lee chuckles, "Oh, I've been there." He then turns to Dale and Bill. "So, I believe you two were agreeing to join the lawsuit?" "You bet we are!" "I want to be a millionaire!" Shout both men at once as they again rush forward to the limo. Hank again tries to stop them, but is shocked to find the police blocking HIM. "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to step back and NOT interfere with Mr. Lee's work." "His work? What work? His clearly a con artist. I mean he's going on about that SCP people that Dale is always gabbing about. It's just nonsense!" The police again look uncomfortable, but still assert themselves. "Sir, with all due respect. These two have been designated as potential witnesses in an ongoing high-level international court case and we must respectively ask you not interfere or we WILL be forced to arrest you for obstructing justice." They said firmly. Hank looked at them as if they were speaking a foreign language. "I...witnesses?! International court!? Obstructing Justice!? Why are you helping him? He's clearly a two-bit shyster perpetuating some asinine hoax!...right?" He asks that last part deeply unnerved. Again, the police just looked uncomfortable. "Sir, the investigation is currently ongoing and I'm afraid we can neither confirm nor deny anything at this junction." "What's to confirm or deny!? Just say he's a fraud and all this is crazy!" Exclaimed Hank...more then a bit desperate to return the conversation in a normal direction... "Sir, we strongly recommend you just watch the UN announcement tonight...we also strongly recommend that you...have an open mind about things?" The policeman said that last bit as diplomatically as possible before he and his partner quickly back in their car... "What?" Said Hank looking VERY lost... Legal Lee steps up and puts a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I pity you good sir, we are in entering a grand new age...and I fear if your not careful...you'll be left behind." He said sympathetically before picking up a beer from their cooler, tosses a wad of cash into said coolert, takes a sip then enters his car to drive away. "...What just happened?" Asked Hank bewildered. "Dang-old-need-stop-freting-man-dang-old-big-world-out-there-man-we-just-dang-old-specks-big-old-universe-we-control-jack-shit-just-grab-dang-old-beer-fix-what-you-can-don't-dang-old-worry-about-the-rest-man-what-happens-happens." Said Bomhaur in his usual rapid slur as he pauses to take a sip of beer... ...present day... The last several weeks had been long and grueling...but the momentum had long shifted in Legal Lee's favor. The Foundation now had an uphill battle just to keep itself existing. Never mind wining the lawsuit! Legal Lee had been smart about this; he wasn't just well-versed in every legal loophole, bureaucratic trick and all 13 ways to legally murder someone...he was also very good at reading people. It was blatantly obvious that the Foundation was very devoted to their goals and to the survival of the human race...but also the survival of their organization above all else...and that was something he could take advantage of... The Ethics committee and 0-5 council naturally didn't want to come at first...but this was simply too important, there was too much pressure and the very REAL possibility that the Foundation would be dissolved. So reluctantly...they came... And frankly, they stood out like a sore thumb. mostly because they cannot be SEEN. Even with powerful spotlights focused on them, they are still shrouded in the shadows. Neither their faces nor their bodies can be seen. No cameras can capture their images either, only distorted spots that are vaguely describable. But one thing is for certain, and that is that at least some of them were clearly not human. When asked about this, they say that it is part of the technology they use to protect themselves, and to protect the world. They are asked to stop doing that, but they say that is not possible, not only because revealing their identities could endanger themselves but also throw the world in even greater chaos. More importantly, deactivating everything that keeps them anonymous... it could take centuries. They also stated that their identities were irrelevant to the proceedings and made a motion that they be allowed to stay as is. After hearing that last bit, Legal Lee allowed this. It didn't really matter who they were. It truly was irrelevant to his plan...and if they were lying and it actually was relevant and they sprung it on him by suddenly revealing themselves? Well, now he could accuse them of perjury as both that and their actions contradicted their previous statement. So is is agreed that the judgment has to be carried out with them as shadowy and mysterious figures. For days he allowed various high-ranking official of the Foundation to go on and on about the necessity of the Foundations continued existence... They go on and on about: "-How Democracy is not perfect. It doesn't even really work, it never did. The reality about governments and the sovereignty of a country is that it is not decided by the people. But who has the greatest resource and power... also... -leaders, first Ministers and their equivalents do not have REAL power as such. Those positions are more an administrative and symbolic power, they are not like those dictators, that is, they do not have the power to shape the country at will. Not even they have that power. The TRUE power belongs to those who have the most power and influence, who never need to run for anything, who act in the shadows and in secret " also... "Although it is not always like that, some do what they want directly, and they know that they will never pay for their crimes because they have power, be it money, influence, or important contacts, or control over the media..." and... "Another example would be the recent elections in (redacted). How is it even possible that such a large country only had 2 candidates? (redacted) and (redacted), how was it that they were the only ones to run for (redacted)? It was all simple and blatant manipulation to make sure there was only two candidates. 'To remove (redacted), you HAD to vote for (redacted)' was the mentality they pushed. For if there had been more candidates, the people would doubt the results, and they would maybe vote for (redacted) again. The 'powers behind the throne' did not want that, so they manipulated the people from the basic media to social media platforms. All so that the people believe that (redacted) was elected by them, that is your precious democracy " But more importantly... -It is true The SCP Foundation has not taken into account the will of the people. It is not democratic and although that dose not always give the most pleasant results, through trial and error we've learned the current system is the best. The SCP Foundation has acted under democracy in the past, acting under the will of the people, and 80% of those times it ended in an cataclysm of biblical proportions. Because the people are not wise, they are not cultured, they are manipulable. " From there he shows evidence of the different events that led the world to disaster, when the SCP was a Democracy, they are nightmare images that make events like the Holocaust look like a simple childhood malaise... And since the court hearings were being televised LIVE- this was done since public faith in the government was at an all time low and no one trusted them to not do something shady if the trial was done behind closed doors -the whole world had seen it... And Legal Lee just let him talk and talk... He let him argue 'What is moral in the face of the end of everything'? He let him explain away the question of 'why not just 'neutralize them'? "-Because trying to usually only makes it worse, and the ones they 'are' trying to destroy usually can't be. Plus there's no guarantee destroying the SCP will stop it from remanifestaiting elsewhere We can't stop everything. It's horrible, but sometimes it's much safer just to feed the dangerous killer gameshow an unrepentant serial killer or two every few weeks..." They then bring up 'Cragglewood' as an example of what a Keter or an Apolyon is. Legal Lee had to admire their craftiness. Preying on peoples fears to keep them from being shut down... after all... How well will people sleep now that they know about a shared nightmare world- along with the realization by both the dreamers and their family's that it implies that they once had siblings that have been taken and erased from their minds- How many would still watch TV with the knowledge that at any moment a guy in a sloth costume could ruin their lives? Or let their children watch it, knowing a clown could be indoctrinating them to kill and eat their parents? Still, all they were doing was playing into his hands...he just lets him rant and talk long enough to give him MORE then enough rope to hang themselves... then... "Objection your honor! While this all very interesting, I do believe we've lost track of the REASON we are here today. Again, Not that this isn't all very fascinating; I'm sure what is said here will be debated from the academic elites to the Kindergarten playground for years to come. HOWEVER, whether or not the SCP Foundation and the various other organizations brought to task today should still exist and continue what their doing...is NOT why were here. No, that's a headache for a FUTURE Lawyer in a FUTURE trial...no, today we are discussing how the defense willingly abused their power to violate numerous international laws, constitutional rights, ethic codes, etc. In regards to my clients..." And that's when Legal Lee flipped the whole case around. The defense had been so busy defending their organization right to exist and do what they do...they completely forgot that wasn't the main point of the trial! 'Can't see the forest for the trees' and all that. And thus gave out a lot of information during their testimony that Lee was able to use in his cross-examination to rip their defense to bits...No doubt after this trial...or even DURING this trial...a lot of laws would be changed...but that didn't retroactively change the fact that they DID break those laws in regards to their treatment of his clients... They were on the ropes and they knew it...it was probably only a matter of time before he was offered a deal...but in the meantime...He'd just keep putting more nails in their coffins... "Right, let's just get right to it...why exactly did you feel it was needed to murder a little girl?" Said Legal Lee to the main agent in charge of the 'Gravity Falls' operation... ...a while ago... Hank calmly drives his family up toward Arlen First Methodist Church. After the...after what had to be some joke hijacking the REAL UN announcement last night...For what else could it be? There was no way the REAL UN would take part in this farce...anyway, he really needed something NORMAL to think about... To his surprise, he finds it closed and with a sign on the front: We and all the other various local religious groups are closed to attend the party the new 'Church of the Broken God' is throwing for all our congregations. It's right across the street, so come on over! All our welcome! Hank turns around to see a large party in front of an even larger futuristic church that seemed to be hovering. In addition to his usual congregation, there were the congregations of the other faiths...as well as monsters and giant robots?...One of which waves at him... "Dad...you okay?" "Sweetie, I can't see where your looking. That bush is in the way, what is it?" Hank ignores his family. He quickly backs out of the church parking lot so fast, he runs over a mailbox. For the first time in years, they DON'T go to church... ... It would be later learned that the prisoners Cole saw escaping weren't the only one's...Rhombulus was never big on organizing. He crystalized someone, brought them to his place and tossed them somewhere. Most of them ended up in the main Foyer with Cole thanks to a spell Lehkmet placed on the place years ago...but a large amount of them just ended up wherever in Rhombulus's dimension. A couple such groups of prisoners consisted of Queen Bansheera and her army of demons, Master Org and his army of Orgs and Ivan Ooze. They'd been about to fight each other...when they noticed another crystal cracking... seeing WHO was in it was quick to help them put aside their differences and merge their powers to get the heck out of there...there so busy gleefully escaping...they don't see the 'Crystal' they're fleeing get sucked up too... In various forms of energy they travel away from the prison to different places... Master Org and his minions find themselves in a strange, broken and pale city...all under the watchful view of a eerie broadcast tower... Ivan finds himself in a strange park with silly, creepy cartoonish trees with faces and a carousel... Of all those who were sent traveling...only the Queens group made it to where they wished. In a underground, demonic palace the demons known as Diabolico, Vypra, Loki and Jinxer were the first to return to full physical forms after millennia of incarceration. That's when Queen Bansheera makes her appearance. But she- unlike the rest -is incomplete. A unfortunate side-effect of being crystallized/arrested while doing the ritual to revive her. But now that she is free, she is ready to both resume her conquest and recover her body completely. "My queen, we assure you that this time our plans will come to fruition! Now with those annoying MHC out of the way, our victory is assured!" Laughs Jinxer. Diabolico is busy looking through a scry glass as the world continues to fall to anarchy. "The world is in complete chaos, it is the perfect time to conquer it! We shall start with Marine Bay, rebuilding our glorious palace! And this time nothing will prevent our victory!" He thundered. "I hope so! Because I guarantee that failure will not go unpunished!" exclaims the queen. "Do not worry my queen, we promise you that this time we will not fail" Diabolico reassures, but the queen is not so easily convince... "You had better, because if you fail me again like last time, I guarantee that I will rip out your Star Power and give it to my son! Who will-" "Um, my queen?" Loki interrupts her suddenly. "What!" She exclaims with a certain degree of anger at being interrupted. "Where is the prince?" Loki asks oblivious to the queen's wrath. They all turn as one to see the pedestal of the queen's son... only to see it completely empty. Bansheera's screams of rage nearly cracked the dimension in two... ... "Yep." "ummmmhummm" Hank relaxes on the corner with Boomhaur as he savors the blissful serenity of the alleyway- CRACK! GAH! Screams Hank as he falls to the ground in pain as a random woman comes up to him and kicks him in the nads. "You jerk! Your best friend nearly kills himself multiple times and you don't think to send him to therapy!?" Shouts Dr. Wong. "Now, now doctor. It didn't occur to me to do that either." Defended Bill, Hank had to blink...he had to be hallucinating!... Bill...he looked like...well the 'Bill Dozer'... Bill...had changed to say the least. Thanks to learning that he truly was a victim of 'operation Infinite Walrus'(1), The UIU gave him a settlement of over a million dollars in addition to paying for getting his health restored and a therapist. Bill now had his hair and muscles restored and was now fit as a fiddle. Dr. Wong's also done wonders to help his self-esteem...to the point where he told his cousin Gilbert where he could shove it and went ahead to sell his family recipes and was now on the precipice of becoming a very wealthy entrepreneur... From nearby...Dale watched...he sighed, he was tempted to go out their and kick Hanks nads too...but he had more important things to do at the moment... Turns out his Parawatch account- among hundreds of others -had been hacked by the SCP Foundation, they gave the most 'quirky' of users truthful accounts of their exploits to make it less likely they'll be believed as a 'Cassandra gambit'...occasionally tipped with some occasional memetic hazards to enforce their 'narrative'. Needless to say; in addition to paying for his counter-memetic therapy, Dale also walked away with a million dollar settlement...technically the trial was still ongoing...but the writing was on the wall...so he, Bill, a large portion of Parawatch and so many others had already gotten their settlements... Many Parawatch users were taking advantage of all the new money, resources and new technologies to REALLY push the envelope. Expose both anomalous and mundane conspiracies... In different circumstances this would have been the best day of his life...unfortunately, the downside of having a therapist as good as Dr. Wong was that he'd begun to explore aspect of his life in a new light...including his relationships... 'My Wife cheated on me...' Dale sighed, He'd delayed this long enough...he went inside to have a LONG talk with his wife...and Son... ... "You got that camera ready, little bro?" Asked Rip Hoot. "You know it Big Bro!" Shouts Trip Hoot. The brothers Hoot were a rather mediocre pair of 'would-be anomalous artisans' who were trying emulate their idol Sander Cohen. After splitting away/nearly murdering the rest of AWCY; the organization and the SCP were quick to label him and his gang terrorists. Sander Cohen, no longer held down by the 'deadweight' was now free to pursue various independent projects without interference. One was resurrecting the Serial Killer John Kramer- AKA Jigsaw -back to life and helping him fund his 'gallery'. Everyday now, dozens of new videos showed hundreds of people become part of John Kramers 'art'. With anomalous art now allowed into the public- within reason -there were now many people who wanted to express themselves in these many exciting new mediums. Thankfully, most of them were following the examples and guidelines of AWCY or GAW. Sadly there was also a minority of fanatics, sociopaths and idiots that thought 'murdering people for the sake of art' was 'cool'... 'Thankfully' this group was mostly morons like these two... Rip turns on his camera, "What up people?! were gonna wreck some mayhem! Me and my Bro Trip are in front of the super lame 'Palazzo Montecitorio'." "Mega lame! Our Uncle told us this is the worst government in the world! And he's a assistant professor at our local community college who wears tweed and glasses, so you know that HE knows what's what!" Interjected Trip. "Nerd alerts aside, were going to do this snooze factory a solid with this bad boy!" He pulls out a tiny '110%' sticker. "I gotta cousin, who knows a guy, who has a connection who had really great weed...anyway, long story short: he hooked me up with this sick shit and now were gonna wreck this place! Were going to force these fat cats to give 110%...and laugh as they STILL fall flat on their faces!" Mocked Rip His brother laughs, "Yeah, everyone knows 110% of ZERO is still negative ELEVENTY!" He taunts. The brothers make sure the camera is up right and that the 'fat cats' are busy with whatever boring-ass meeting they were doing inside... And then they place the sticker on the marble of the seat of Italian power- BOOM! And so it was that two idiots who couldn't tell their asshole from the crack in the pavement, changed the balance of power in the world forever. What? I did put air quotes around 'thankfully', didn't I? Anyway, had these two buffoons bothered to do some REAL research and not just listen to every other word that came from their assistant 'professor' of an uncle- who among other things, believes that the soviet union never existed and was just a fictional construct made by capitalists to demonize the rights of the 'working man' -they would have MAYBE realized that Italy was in reality one of the last remaining slivers of a FAR greater empire. An empire so great, that even long after it's fall it still influences the way people think of the very concept of 'civilization'. The Roman Empire... Witnesses would later say that this instance of SCP-248 would spontaneously combust after the fact...not surprising since it had clearly worked overtime to fulfill it's function. From Europe- England, Wales, Portugal, Spain, France, Italy, Austria, Switzerland, Luxembourg, Belgium, Gibraltar, Romania, Moldova and Ukraine -to the coastal northern Africa- Libya, Tunisia, Algeria, Morocco and Egypt -the Balkans- Albania, Greece, Hungary, Bosnia, Slovenia, Croatia, Bulgaria and Turkey - the Mediterranean Sea, the Black Sea, Asia Minor, and the LARGE canyon where some parts of Mesopotamia and the Middle East used to be before the Merge...the mighty empire was being restored to it's apex...it's 100%. The buildings were converted to roman style, the people living there were now changed...they were Roman citizens...they've ALWAYS been Roman citizens and they've never know a life other then being Roman citizens. The Library of Alexander completely restored, even the hole were the Middle east once was has now been partially filled up...a glittering pre-Fourth Crusade Constantinople rising from the rubble in all it's glory... The poor little sticker was smoking at this point...but it wasn't done yet. It was at 100%...but it NEEDED to be 110%...it HAD to be 110%...it was it's PURPOSE to push things to 110%. So bit by bit...the history of the Roman Empire was tweaked...ever so slightly...the steam engine designs of Hero and Vitruvius became more popular and more wide-spread early on... The Archimedes Palimpsest and many other great scientific testaments were NOT lost and the Roman empire was never forced to rediscover lost sciences but rather push forward and discover NEW one's... Technologies like Stradivarius Violins, Nepenthe, Antikythera Mechanism, Damascus Steel, Silphium, Roman concrete, Flexible glass and Greek fire were also never lost and continued to be refined... The desperate, poor, sickly, overworked, burning sticker grabbed at whatever it could to bring Rome up 110%...thankfully, it was in itally...home of the Renaissance... Soon the likes of Raphael Sanzio, Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo, Sandro Botticelli, Tiziano Vecellio(AKA Titian), Jacopo Comin(AKA Tintoretto), Masaccio, Domenico Ghirlandaio, Andrea del Verocchio, and Giovanni Bellini...found themselves rising from their tombs...blinking in confusion trying to sort out two conflicting sets of memories(one of them being Roman citizens and one of them just being great contributors of the Italian renaissance...and possible worshipers of Hephaestus? 'What the frak?' For indeed, Hephaestus had became one of the most honored and respected gods among the Roman pantheon in this newly resurrected Rome and it's increasingly half-baked artificial history... Speaking of the Greek Gods...somewhere...Mt. Olympus and various other 'places' began to rise from the ashes of history... When the poor little sticker finally burnt out...the results were a result of some form of love child between Ancient Rome...and 1800's Victorian England steampunk... "Dude...I'm so scared, I wet your pants!" Sobbed Trip as he and his brother clung to each other in fear, thanks to some random anomalous tech they had on them, they were unaffected by what had just happened... "Excuse me?" Both boys screamed like little girls and fell over themselves as the man behind them reached down and picked up their video camera. "What is this?" Asked Gaius Julius Caesar... ... Hank Hill whistled a happy tune as he drove to Strickland Propane. The last couple of days had been...'hectic'. But there was nothing like a day with propane to really reassure a man that all was right in the world... He drives in just as Mr. Strickland is being handcuffed. 'Dang it, Mr. Strickland must've convinced them to do 'Happy Hour' early today. Well, I guess I'll just have Enrique hold down the fort again while I talk things over with the prosecutor.' Thinks Hank as he walks toward the commotion. "Alright Mr. Strickland. Luckily, I was going to the bank today anyway. How much is your bail coming to this time?" Asked Hank in a resigned...yet weirdly relived way. After the insanity he'd been facing the last couple of weeks, a 'normal' sight like this was more then welcome... Mr. Strickland looked uncomfortable yet equally resigned. But for for different, less happy reasons. "Uh...sorry old top...but bail isn't an option today." Hank rolled his eyes, "Dang it sir, I know you and Keith are old pals. But he HAS to enforce the 'no touch' policy at Jugstore Cowboys for legal reasons. We've been over this." And that's when he sees Enrique, Joe Jack and Donna walking away from Strickland Propane not only NOT in uniforms but also carrying all their stuff away in boxes. "Whoa, guys! Where you going!? This is nothing new for us! We'll just hold down the fort until Mr. Strickland works things out with the police!" Reassures Hank. "Tell that to Buck, Honey. He just fired us." Said Joe Jack as he just kept walking. Hank looked at them baffled, "What?" "It's true Amigo. Not only that, but some police and some IRS guys. They come in and take everything. It's all gone." Enrique points to the building...and sure enough it's completely empty...even the propane tanks are just GONE. Hank turned to Buck, who'd somehow convinced the police to let him stay long enough to explain to him- he owed Hank that much at least -what was going on. "Mr. Strickland what's going on here?" "They got me good and cold this time Hank! Ever since Parawatch gained credibility and got upgraded thanks to all the settlement money, they've been on a warpath as a watchdog group! They went and dug up all my skeletons! And not just the one's YOU know about either, the REALLY bad one's got leaked too!" Hank tried to stay calm. "Uh...now come on, sir. I'm sure it's not that bad. You've been in tough spots before- "Not like this, I can't stress enough how badly they screwed me over! Not only airing out all my dirty laundry, but I'm pretty sure their working with them Gamer-And-weed-something-or-other fellah's! All my bank accounts have been drained! Even the Cayman island one's! Between that and the IRS taking everything else I'm flat broke! So I can't just hire my usual crooked lawyer or bribe someone to make this all go away like I usually do!" Hank winched at that last part as he looked toward the cops nearby. "Oh, don't worry about them. I'm already screwed regardless...well that and I've already entered a plea bargain to flip on those same crooked lawyers and corrupt officials. As well as other unsavory characters..." Explained Strickland in sad resignation...yet with a slight smirk of satisfaction at the end? "Strickland you son of a bitch! You better get solitary confinement or I'm coming at you with a shiv!" Shouts Thatherton of Thaterton fuels as he, Walter of Pine Creek Propane and Jerry Sandibar of AA-1 Propane are all forcibly led to police car to be arrested as well. Which led to Hank seeing someone else in the patrol car- "Carl!?" Shouts Hank in disbelief as he sees his old friend/son's principal being shackled inside the patrol car as well. Carl sighed, "Parawatch leaked my allowing children to be beaten up simply because it's 'tradition', allowing and even encouraging both students and faculty to haze, harass and ridicule said children if they don't fall in line with said tradition, my activities on the Booster club that involved fixing grades so prominent athlete students can pass and keep playing football regardless of how stupid or unfit they are, that whole scam where I falsely labeled kids as 'special needs' so the school could pass the standardized government test on a technicality, selling counterfeit blackmarket goods through the school..." Carl trails off thoughtful, "Huh...you know when I say it all out loud...in a way I kinda judge society for not taking me down sooner..." He admits with a resigned yet introspective shrug. But Hank wasn't really listening to that last part, he'd just seen something even MORE horrifying... "PEGGY!?" Shouted Hank in horror, seeing his wife in the squad car as well! "Oh, don't mind this Hank! This is...this is just a misunderstanding." Said Peggy in a desperate attempt to sound reassuring... A policeman leans forward "It's no misunderstanding, the only reason you got off the hook for Lupe's kidnapping was some bureaucratic mishandling and the fact that Lupe's family couldn't afford a better attorney. But Parawatch took out a collection to both get them a REAL attorney and get your case reopened. And this time the whole 'I can't understand Spanish angle' ain't gonna cut it!" "Now hold on! I speak perfect Spanish!" Shouted Peggy indignantly. "Oh, well then you won't have any problem understanding my partner Reynaldo then." Reynaldo steps up to finish reading her her rights: "Tiene derecho a permanecer en silencio y negarse a responder preguntas. Todo lo que diga puede ser usado en su contra en un tribunal de justicia. Tiene derecho a consultar a un abogado antes de hablar con la policía y a tener un abogado presente durante el interrogatorio ahora o en el futuro..." "I don't know why your babbling about sardines and sunhats, but I know I don't have to say squat until you read my rights!" Said Peggy stubbornly. The cop rolled his eyes, "Whatever, even if by some miracle you don't get the book thrown at you...your Spanish teaching license has been revoked and your banned from teaching it ever again." Peggy's eyes widen in devastated horror...and she began to sob... Hank...Hank could only watch helpless as his boss, wife and old friend were carted off... Another cop puts a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. "I know it's not much, but it's not all bad news. A new business has already bought out all the now abandoned propane stores in Arlen. With your experience, you'd be a shoo-in to be hired!" He helpfully points to the former Strickland building as a new sign was being put on it... CHARCOAL EMPORIUM: COMING SOON! Help wanted! "BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Shouts Hank in horror... ... Japan was usually a busy, bustling place...despite the insanity caused by the cleaving, it still hummed along fairly well all things considering... true, there was the concern of the worrying news of an army of dragons and ninjas invading China, the troubling rumors coming from south Korea and public faith in the government being at an all time low after the reveal that they'd been looking the other way as the SCP Foundation violated their constitutional rights since WW2 ...but mostly these things seemed so far away... But not today... On every television screen in Japan, the Japanese Diet was being shown...but instead of the familiar sight of politicians and bureaucrats duking out over obscure, boring, useless stuff... It instead showed them on the ground...praying to god...as armed terrorists pointed guns at them. The Prime minister had a gun to his head by the terrorist leader... "「外国の悪魔の挨拶、私たちは聖聖神道です。今夜、私たちはリーダーを臆病者と偽預言者として公開します！彼らは悪魔と忌まわしき者が私たちの祖国を汚すことを許します。」"(2) He angrily holds up in his other hand the 'monster integration act' that the Diet just passed into law. 「これらの裏切り者は、私たちの輝かしい故郷を外国の大群に侵略させるでしょう！まあ、私たちはそれを支持しません！」 He angrily tosses the act aside and pulls out a detonator and presses it...suddenly, weird collars appear on the all the hostages necks and begin to glow. 「私たちはこの新しい世界秩序を拒否します！私たちは祖国と私たちの生き方のために戦います！すべてのフリーク、嫌悪、そして外国の悪魔の死！私たちはカミの名の下に私たちがすることをします！」 He presses the final button on the device... BOOM! And the world watched in horror as the entire Japanese Diet building, the Tokyo Imperial palace Shibuya Crossing, and the Dotonbori district...hundreds of thousands would lose their lives that day...and the world could only watch in horror... One group watching is particularly horrified... "「仏によって...それらすべての人々...」" Said a doctor as he an his aides watched the carnage on the screen. Their patient almost all but forgotten... Danzo keeps a neutral look as he lies on the operating table...but inwards he was smirking. In addition to his high-ranking Ijamea position, he was also respected by the public as a former war-veteran/kamikaze pilot who willingly gave his all for his country in a kamikaze run that took out an entire aircraft carrier in a lucky hit, somehow survived against all odds and eventually became a high-ranking Minister of State by riding on the good PR brought on by the first two. He deliberately maintained his injuries in such a way to make his enemies underestimate him, milk sympathy from the public and most importantly...it allowed him to have a convenient Doctors appointment alibi when need be...like today. Once his treatment was done he'd have an emergency press conference condemning the terrorists and their senseless slaughter of so many innocents. And how he must 'reluctantly' take the reigns of government as the only high-ranking government official left alive... Best of all, even if by some twist of fate he was pressed...he can honestly say he had nothing to do with the terrorists...no, those had been provided by their new 'ally'. Speaking of allies...he covertly calls his master... "Sir...the plan has succeeded beyond all our expectations...soon we'll be in power once more..." "Excellent...I'm nearly done here..." Shredder looked down at the broken form of Shao Kahn...who had been one of the few remaining Ijamea splinter group holdouts...soon his Ijamea would be fully united once more... ... Dipper Pines waited patiently with his family, friends and girlfriends as many other people who got screwed over by the SCP Foundation got represented and compensated. Jimmy Neutron: A boy genius who constantly saved the world. But not only was his exploits covered up by the local Foundation Site-director, but he took credit for all of jimmy's exploits, confiscated and suppressed any attempts by Jimmy to use his tech to benefit humanity as a whole(lest it disrupt 'normality'), and threatened to memory-wipe him, his family and friends if he complained. Coop Burtonburger: For years the kid has been fighting a 'secret' war with a feline-like alien. Except as it turns out, it wasn't so secret. It is revealed that the local site-director not only knew about all this...but actively allowed it to continue. Evidently he and many of his staff had found the whole thing amusing that they secretly recorded the whole series of misadventures so they could watch it on Saturday nights. Not only that, they actively erased the memories of anyone else who learned of it- beside coop and his friends -to keep the whole 'show' going. Harry Potter: Now in fairness, the clusterfuck this poor boy went through was just as much the authority figures in his life's fault as it was the Foundation's. Evidently Harry had once been a child wizard a part of a secret society of magic-users in England. A large portion of who's government seemed to have been isolationist, aristocratic, wizard-supremacists with a rather large chip of some twisted wizard version of 'white man's burden' on their shoulders. Between their attitude rubbing everyone who had to associate with them the wrong way and the local site director having a very 'if it ain't human, it's not my problem' leaning...they more or less stayed out of each others way and kept their affairs to themselves. Aside from the occasional minor-coverup, the local chapter of the Foundation had no interaction with this society and they in turn kept away from the 'muggles' save for recruiting newblood into their ranks. And both sides were perfectly happy with this arrangement...said arrangement would backfire horribly when the second Death Eater war spilled into London killing hundreds and destroying the Tower bridge. Knowing his superiors would blame him for letting this happen on his watch, the director covered it up. But in fairness to him, after the deaths he did attempt to offer Foundation resources to aide their war effort or at least mediate between both sides. But the Ministry magic refused all 'muggle' aide. Fortunately, the war was cut short thanks to the Cleaving. These wizards magic, their ideology and indeed their very society was completely dependent on Romanticist magic...and with it gone, it all completely fell apart. Not only did the Death Eater leader lose his life when his golem-body and soul anchors fizzle out, but all the problems like old age and genetic damage brought upon by generations incest finally caught up to half the wizard population with magic no longer keeping it at bay, also all their homes and cities came spilling out and crashing into everything with no magic keeping their pocket dimensions stable. And all that chaos was happening BEFORE the resurrection of the Roman Empire anomalously assimilated half the UK and stirred up the hornets nest that is SCP-1678(3). Long story short; England was a mess right now...and the SCP were being blamed for the whole thing... Although in fairness; the 0-5 council, the ethics committee and MOST of the higher-up's seemed genuinely surprised and angry about all this...ESPECIALLY the travesty that had been SCP-3017. Evidently aside from the usual skirmish with the various other anomalous factions and occasional need to reset things via SCP-2000...things had been going pretty well for the Foundation in recent decades...they were top of the world...and this had made them complacent...a good time for mistakes and corruption to sneak in... It didn't help that most sites all over the world were required to be fairy isolated, independent and self-sustaining due to potential contamination of various SCP's or potential apocalypse...and many of those sites were actually not containing or even monitoring something, but were rather just where it was out of strategic necessity, to prevent something in the FUTURE, or just for redundancy sake in case other sites are compromised. Again in fairness, given the danger, infectious and downright bizarre nature of many SCP's. These was actually very good precautions...unfortunately, this left many of the more 'out of the way' sites more or less on their own and isolated...which apparently led to much unsupervised mistakes, unprofessional behavior, corruption, abuse of power, nepotism, important decisions being made by lower management without consulting their superiors first...and so much more... Also- his personal issues aside -that still didn't excuse their suppressing such beneficial anomalies like SCP-124, SCP-500, SCP-38, SCP-1135 and SCP-28 for the sake of 'normality'. Nor refusing to handle 'normal' disasters or 'normal' crimes, no matter how much evidence or intel groups like GAW or Parawatch supplied them. 'We kept out of mundane affairs out of fear of abusing our power!' They would exclaim...and they even showed some cycles of the world where they had tried to interfere with the mundane side of things...and it ended in disaster when one corrupt agent abused his authority to unleash something far beyond their control for the 'greater good'. Of course to that Legal Lee would just coolly say; 'That's all well and good...but were not here to discuss the ethics of whether or not your organization SHOULD do that...but whether or not you needlessly did something illegal to my client that's worth compensation...which you just confessed that you did, thank you.' It was amusing how much that bait-and-switch kept throwing them off throughout the trial. Dipper guess they were just so use to dealing with BIGGER picture threats on a cosmic scale...that much smaller, seemingly insignificant, 'normal' issues like a crooked lawyer who just didn't care about anything aside from a mundane thing like money completely threw them... And then came Marcos Evangelicos Perez Jimenze to the witness stand... The former Venezuelan hero/leader was resurrected in SCP-2000 when the Cleaving caused it to glitch up. The first thing he did was to find out about where he is, what the SCP Foundation is, what they do, what SCP-2000 is, what has happened to the world after his death in Venezuela (The fury of what happened to his home almost killed him for a second time. But he forced himself to calm down and transform that anger into determination.) and much more confidential information housed in SCP-2000. This was mostly thanks to the glitch shorting out the security system. At first he could not believe anything he sees. Everything is so fantastic, so unreal. It makes him believe for a moment that he is still in a hospital bed, heart attack killing him while struggling between life and death, his brain dying and hallucinating. But after investigating some more, he discovers that everything is real- this is helped thanks to some mutations caused by the glitching that allows him to adapt and understand the situation easier -filled with determination, he gets to work. He decides to steal all of this information, along with technology and blueprints. He will later use to return to power in Venezuela. Fully intending to set everything right and restore the damage that The Cleaved and Socialism caused to the land he loved. But before leaving he gives the SCP one last use. Taking advantage of the fact that the part of the facility housing dead templates was the least damaged, he revives the people who will help him achieve his goals. people who were loyal to him even when he was overthrown. People such as soldiers, various politicians, and people from all social classes. Some of the most prominent would be Pedro Estrada- his head of security -or Renaldo José Ottolina Pinto. Who was better known as Renny Ottolina, a very famous politician in the region. One who not only agreed with the policy of Perez Jimenez. Who died- very conveniently -in a plane crash. But perhaps those who stood out as a sore thumb would be neither more nor less than two socialists, Ali Primera and Victor Jara. He revived these as part of a plan of mass social manipulation, to permanently end the love that people have for communism in their region and in the rest of the world. How? It is one thing for a capitalist politician to say that communism doesn't work... but for a famous communist at heart and as famous to say it? that is a really serious thing. He quickly shows them the consequences of communism in the world, the atrocities and bad decisions of the Soviet Union and other communist nations..many of which gained strength thanks- in part -to their actions. He was quickly able to convince them to make an anti-marketing campaign against communism. They were both currently working on a new album titled; 'Viene la escoba roja' Not only that, but he takes the templates of the most important and recognized socialists (Hugo Chavez, Maduro, Fidel Castro, Stalin, Lenin, Karl Mars, Ernesto Che Guevara, and a long Ect), as well as other terrible characters , and using part of the technology that he stole, he destroys them in such a way that they are irreparable. "The world dose not need you. Neither you, nor your ideas of opprobrium and misery. as well as of your atrocious acts, and you will never again harm this world, or anything or anyone ever again." He was heard to say after the deed was done. He would be disappointed when he later learned that what he destroyed were actually decoy templates- it wasn't unheard of for an SCP operative to go rouge just to destroy the Stalin, Hitler or Mao templates after all -But he would be intrigued to then learn they mainly kept those templates to use as auxiliary D-class, human sacrifices, test subjects for experiments too cruel to perform on even D-class personnel(4) and creating predictive algorithms to foresee the behavior, actions, habits, beliefs and weaknesses of future sociopaths that rise to powerful positions(he would then be disappointed again to learn that they ONLY used that last one against paranormal adversaries. Which he saw as needlessly limiting the capabilities of such an asset.). In the chaos caused by the Cleaved, he was quick to use his newly acquired allies and technology to retake control of the country. He then uses that tech to build a powerful army to keep everyone safe. But also use other technologies that will help restore the country, clean it from contamination, restore the natural reserves of gold, diamond, quartz, rubies, oil , and other valuable resources... At least that was his plan. But although the first part was easy enough- even with advanced technology to help -The last bits are proving daunting as well as costly. Then Legal Lee approached him to become apart of the lawsuit. On the grounds that the SCP Foundation did not resurrect him or allow him to return home to keep his country from downward-spiraling. Marcos was conflicted as despite his issues with the SCP Foundation and their methods...he did think they were a needed force of good in the world...but in the end his countries needs trumped all else, so he went along with it... All that confidential SCP information he gave to Legal Lee- among other things - cinched this appeal...but it was his speech that killed what little hope the SCP Foundation had left to turn this entire case around... "The SCP Foundation did an excellent job to deal with the anomalous, to protect humanity from those dangers. I will not deny this. Committing horrible acts to avoid Armageddon is also a necessity I also won't deny. These are all things I greatly admire them for. However, what I also won't deny is that they've forgotten to protect humanity from the greatest danger of all: itself. " "All in favor of maintaining a so-called 'normality'. Which in the end only ended up hurting many and all because they believed that ignorance was something that would benefit civilization in the long run." In addition to every man, woman and child in Venezuela receiving millions in compensation. The Foundation would now be required to finance and rebuild the nation and it's infrastructure up to first world standards of living. No one would be without a home or a job. More importantly they had to make sure every Venezuelan citizen was educated to handle this shift in their life AND how to spend their new money wisely. But FINALLY, after all that...they finally got to their part of the trial... Agent Lawrence(5)... That was the name of the agent that lead the MTF to that fateful mission to Gravity Falls...the agent that had killed his sister...erased her existence(6)...and had also made sure that Dipper could live in Gravity Falls...the one place that had ever truly felt like home... Dipper hated that...he hated how nice he was...he hated how much he looked like your average Joe and NOT a monster...this was the man who killed his sister! Shouldn't he look like a killer? Shouldn't he be a jerk? Then he could just hate him in peace! But like most things in his life...things were rarely that straightforward... But through his testimony he at lest learned a lot more of Gravity Falls...AKA SCP-6000. Turns out, the few times they tried to clear out the town and replace it with an actual base had ended in disaster...within days of this...more and more dangerous monsters seemingly appeared out of nowhere and swarmed the base until it was overwhelmed... Through trial and error it is learned that the containment procedures...are simply to just keep a 'normal' town in gravity Falls and don't interfere with it(7). The monsters stay family-friendly and keep away from the people. And all the weirdness Dipper experienced over that fateful Summer...just doesn't happen... Turns out it only happens if someone actively seeks it out- like Ford did -or all the pieces of the Cipher Wheel are all in the town at one time. And the pieces HAD to come together in Gravity Falls at least once per reincarnation cycle to recharge the wheel and keep Bill trapped in the Nightmare realm. Which was unfortunate because this was the only time Bill could escape. Turns out if anyone else but someone in the wheel tries to free him...it just won't work. If anyone but Ford or Stan had built the portal? The tear rift never would've manifested(8). If anyone but Mable had given him that rift? Even if he'd broken it, he wouldn't have been able to use it. Turns out they knew what Ford and Stan was building...but once again they could not interfere as that would only make the rift weaker and allow something WORSE then Bill to enter. Needles to say many people were mad at Stan and Ford. Well, not so much Stan as his background and lack of education had meant his ignorance could be somewhat forgiven...but Ford on the other hand... ...earlier... "Oh, boo-hoo! I didn't get to go to my dream school. I was only able to graduate with twelve PHD's in half the time it takes other students to earn one because I apparently wasn't smart enough to think about college before that." mocks an agent. " You realize with that kind of credentials you could have made your family rich in a year? Instead you go live in the woods, Take the advice of a DEMON over the advice of a fellow researcher and continue on by yourself with nobody except said demon. Ford tried to defend his actions,"Bill was a wellspring of knowledge in regards to the anomalous. Yes, I was tricked and better preparation was clearly needed. But I could have-" The agent just shakes his head, "Mr Pines...Dr Pines...we understand your position better than most. We understand where your coming from...but it's naive to think that. The world wasn't ready for whatever you discovered thirty years ago. The word still isn't ready now, and now we have to live with the consequences of breaking the masquerade. Things are going to get worse before they get better. And they won't stop getting worse for a long time. But as bad as things are now, agree with our methods or don't, making a deal with high-level Euclid class entity was just plain stupid!" "Why didn't you hire me out of college then? If you knew about gravity falls?" "Who do you think paid for your grant?" ... Dipper had to reluctantly agree that looking back...his Gruncle Ford might be brilliant...but he could be really lacking in common sense some times... In any case...this all lead into...lead to...lead to why Mable...why she DIED(Dipper couldn't even think this without breaking down a bit). Apparently, when a part of the Zodiac helps Bill escape the Nightmare realm, it DAMAGES that part of the wheel. Turns out even if his gruncles hadn't fought each other and ruined the ritual...the wheel still wouldn't have worked against Bill thanks to Mable's part now rendered inoperable. How to fix it? Have the person SACRIFICED...Blood for blood...that was the only way to fix the wheel. When asked why this was necessary if Bill is gone...it's revealed that an attempt to resurrect Mable ended with Bill almost returning as well...also, they're worried about Bill returning along with Stan's memories...and the Cipher Stone that was left behind- which they couldn't get ride of without making things WORSE. But more importantly it's revealed that the Cipher Wheel- although directed at stopping Bill -could actually be tweaked to stop threats just as bad as him if not GREATER. A quick slide-show was showed of all the horrors that the wheel would prevent...although Legal Lee was quick to point out that most of these horrors were now defunct thanks to the cleaving. "OBJECTION! The incident in question happened months before the Cleaving! For all intents and purposes they were still a threat when this operation took place!" Exclaimed Sam. "Oh, and that makes murdering an underage AMERICAN citizen okay then?" Retorts Lee. Seeing Sam had no counter, he continued: "Maybe Mable Pines deserved what she got, maybe she didn't. But once again I fear I need to remind everyone in this court that that is not relevant to the case at hand. For we are lawyers in a court of law! Not Philosophers in philosophy class! We are here to debate LAW, not ethics! And the law says that killing an underage American citizen without at least due process or a trial is MURDER!" He turns to the presiding Judge Mental. "Am I wrong?" Judge Mental shakes his head, "Overruled." He says simply to Sam. He hangs his head but concedes...He knew he'd lost this one...again. Indeed, Legal Lee was knocking them out of the park left and right. At first Dipper simply labeled him as another amoral lawyer who cared about nothing but money...but after spending a lot of time with him...and seeing him work...Dipper realized he was- in many ways -just like his Grunkle Stan. Oh, sure they were both greedy, opportunistic bastards...but when push came to shove, they DID do what was right...EVENTUALLY. It couldn't be denied that while with many of his clients he was strictly business...but there were those he was clearly VERY passionate about seeing 'justice' done and would fight tooth and nail to see it happen. This was seen with the the Black Rabbit Company, bringing the hammer down on the asshole who screwed over SCP-3017, any kids that were wronged by the foundation, Mr. Marcos who seemed to have earned his respect, and ESPECIALLY non-human entities. When the first of them went up to the stand and the argument about whether or not a non-human should be allowed the same rights as a human was brought up- Legal Lee tore them all down with a grand speech that Martin Luther King and Abraham Lincoln would have applauded. Speaking of non-human entities... A new plaintiff was coming to the stand. At first glance she looked like a bald teenage girl...but a closer look showed her to be some form of living 'mirror'. The Balif looked at his notes; "Let us now commence the deposition in regards to SCP- "OBJECTION! My client refuses to answer to the 'SCP' designation/number the Foundation gave her when they abducted her from the family that took her in, wiped all memory of her from said family and held her against her will. She's a living creature. More importantly, she has a NAME. And it's LAKE." Interrupts Legal Lee quickly. "Sustained." Agreed Judge Mental. The bailiff continues again, "Right, sorry. The Deposition of LAKE v.s. the SCP Foundation." He amended outloud. Legal Lee turns to Lake, "Mrs. Lake why don't you tell the court about the chain of events that led to your abduction by the Foundation? Starting with this 'Infinity Train'- "OBJECTION! This is irrelevant!" Argued Sam. "How is it irrelevant? My client- among other things -is suing for mental anguish and negligent infliction of emotional distress. My client has numerous psychological issues that was brought about by her situation on said train. Issues that the Foundation only made worse with their containment 'policies'. How can the court truly understand the damage they caused to my clients psychological state without properly explaining the root cause of said issues?" "Overruled." Agreed the judge. Legal Lee politely thanks the judge, and turns back to Lake. "Now as I was saying, please tell the court your tale." Lake glared at the SCP Foundation members in the courtroom, "Gladly." She says simply as she begins... Dipper smirked as he heard many SCP members groan as Lake won the hearts of millions with her sympathetic backstory of oppression, tyrannical police, identity issues, racism and one big ass super train...and further screwed their reputation before the world...AND their wallets... ... "Remember that Canadian jerk who you swapped homes with for awhile? Apparently his attitude finally caught up with him when he accidentally started yet another 'cleaved-related' riot and got lynched as a result." Hank barely listened as Bill talked to Boomhauer, he was trying to figure out his situation... Bad enough his wife was in jail...but now he had no job. He'd eventually swallowed his pride and sought a job at the- (shudder) -CHARCOAL emporium but then they'd...well it was obvious they were trying to pull some sick joke on him and he didn't have time for that nonsense! So he was currently looking for jobs elsewhere...but all the usual places for employment were either shutting down due to the recent recession or...well, they had to be just weirdos! There was no other rational explanation! Speaking of rational...or rather lack thereof... Here came Dale...in his yard building- Hank rolled his eyes, "For crying out loud." He grumbled out loud as his friend began yet another attempt to build a watchtower in his yard... Hank walks up, "Dang it Dale, we've been over this. The zoning board will never- Without looking back or saying a word, Dale hands a piece of paper to Hank over his shoulder and keeps working. Hank looks at the paper and is stunned, "The zoning board approved?! Of all the asinine- What is this?!" He states baffled. "Turns out I was ahead of the curve. Between everything happening nowadays; lots of people are wanting watchtowers and other forms of security in these crazy times...anyway they're being more relaxed about this sort of thing now." Explained Dale, once again not looking back at Hank as he continued to work. Hank couldn't comprehend this, "But that's- They can't just- Why would- It's that kinda of thing- Hank finally got his thoughts together. "Alright, I don't what the blood-dang deal is going on here, but I'm putting a stop to it! You are not putting up a watchtower! What in the Sam hill do you even need a watchtower for in this neighborhood?!" Shouts Hank annoyed, on top of everything else he didn't need this right now. "Well, considering I apparently can't trust my 'friends' to report my wife cheating on me. You'll have to forgive me for feeling that extra protection is warranted." Said Dale flatly as he continued to bang away on the deck without looking back. You could hear a pin drop. Hank chuckled nervously, "What? Dale, what do you mean? Nancy would never-" Dale turned around enraged, "Save it! I already confronted Nancy, she confessed to everything!"(9) For the first time in his life- well technically he's been speechless a lot the past couple of weeks but you get the idea -Hank was speechless. Bill sighed, he'd honestly forgotten about that with everything else that had been happening...but he supposed he shouldn't be surprised...Dr. Wong was a VERY effective therapist. "I'm so sorry Dale, I don't rightly know how we could'a handled things differently. But we definitely could've at least TRIED to do better then what we did." Admitted Bill in shame. Dale visibly softened a bit and sighed, "Eh, it's not so much you Bill. let's be honest; you had your own problems with your own crappy life." He then turns to Boomhauer. "You...Well I was mad at you at FIRST. But the more I thought about it...I've been encouraging your 'tomcat' sexual exploits for YEARS. Repeatedly laughed at the stupidity of other guys who had their girls sleep with you behind their backs..." Dale shrugs, "An arsonist who burns himself has no place to complain. So I'm willing to forgive you, I guess." He admits in resignation, but then glares. "But let's be clear. I've now been on the other side of the affair. I no longer approve of your lifestyle, I won't just pretend that's not an issue and I WILL bust your ass to said boyfriend or husband if you do something like that again. Got it?" Boomhaur rubbed the back of his head awkwardly, "Dang old...fair enough, man." "But YOU!" Snaps Dale pointing at Hank. "You go on about how your better, smarter, the most sane and self-righteous then the rest of us. Mr. Goosy-two-shoes-eagle-scout-model-citizen...but you don't tell me my own wife was cheating on me!...what the heck man!? Just...what the heck!?" Dale shouted, getting right into Hank's face. Now Hank was on the backfoot, he was very bewildered and uncomfortable with the whole situation. "Uh...well...you see...there was Joseph...and Nancy...it was complicated...uh..." "Oh, just save it!" Snapped Dale, "You handled this like you handle anything else that makes you uncomfortable! You ignore it, swallow your feelings about it till you burst, refuse to ever discus it and gab on about propane or your boy 'not being right'! And will you just admit monster are real and get a dang job already! Seriously, this is getting ridiculous!" Hank finally managed to get a word in edge-wise, "Dale, this isn't time for your half-baked- "It's not a conspiracy!" Shouts Dale as he literally backs him up into a corner. "None of my conspiracies are conspiracies anymore! I play a 'take a shot everytime my old theories were right' game with other Parawatch users and I black out in less than an hour! This ironically has left me feeling very lost and confused on what to do next with my life- but that's a rant for a different time! I KNOW you saw the UN announcement- DON'T SAY IT WAS A PRANK! I monitor everyone's calls, I know you reported that to the police and they flat out told you that NO , it was not a prank: The united nations, the AMERICAN government came out and revealed the existence of the paranormal and the supernatural! THE SUPERNATURAL IS REAL! DEAL WITH IT!" "You monitor my calls!?" Shouted Hank, desperately grabbing at some rational part of the conversation. Bill sighs but steps forward, "Okay, I can't actually really blame you for focusing on that part. Dale that is NOT okay for you to do and we'll talk about that later. But right now, Dale is right Hank. Your running out of money. So unless you want to try your luck getting a job outside of Arlen during this recession, your going to have to work under or at least WITH a monster." "Dang-old-they-right-man-dang-old-comes-a-point-that-denial-stops-being-just-a-dang-old-river-in-egypt- SPLASH! At the end of his rope, Hank resorted to the 'spray the idiots with a hose until their rational again'... To his shock, the 'idiots' ignored the water and slapped the nozzle right out of his hands! The Billdozer was back and he was mad! "Dang it Hank, that's not going to work anymore! Things have changed! Your already not going to church because of the Church of the Broken God being across the street! What are you going to do now that they're planning on taking in monster students and teachers at the school? Not send Bobby to school!?" Bill takes a calming breath, "Look Hank, during the...'normal' days, you helped me out of a lot of bad times. Let me help you adjust to this new age! I mean you don't want to end up like Wesley Cherish, do you? How he pepper sprayed a bunch of monster kids who were just coming to try out for the 'Straight Arrow'? His kids died in the ensuing riot caused by the monster parents! They followed their dads philosophy of 'climbing only leads to falling' and were completely helpless when the shit hit the fan! True, he had good intentions. But his overprotective smothering of his boys left them unable to fend for themselves! But more importantly, this all happened because he thought the monsters were just 'weirdos in disguise' and refused to believe otherwise. Just like you Hank! Hank, I'm begging you. Just talk to Dr. Wong, she- But Hank was just too overwhelmed to listen, so he did the only thing he had left...run... Bill sighed as he watched his oldest friend once again run away from what he could not control... "Gentleman, I do believe we are seeing the end of the 'King of the Hill'." Said Dale in somber resignation as he tosses beer to his friends. "Dang-old-life-man-like-dang-old-tree-it-fall-no-one-see-it-like-it-never-happend-and-if-the-tree-had-dang-old-lemons-and-you-wanted-dang-old-apples-you-dang-old-out-of-luck-but-dang-old-just-make-lemonade-enjoy-the-dang-day-already-man-it-beautiful." Ranted Boomhauer. "Well, that's what we tell ourselves. Isn't it Boomhaur?" Said Bill in thoughtful resignation as he drinks his beer... And they all just stand there... "Yep." "Yep." "ummmmhummm" The more things change...the more things stay the same apparently... ... BOOM! "Who dares to summon the Master of Masters, the Shogun of Sorrow the Deliverer of Darkness: Aku !?" "Behind you, idiot." Says a voice. Aku is naturally extremely offended that this person insulting him. A small part of his mind registers the familiar voice... but in his fury he is not paying attention to that part, he turns quickly to disintegrate the insolent fool... and thus he sees who summoned him... and immediately regrets getting out of bed this morning. "ARRRRRGGGG! Of the billions of living beings on this planet, it had to be YOU!? What do you want now !?" Aku asks, massive distaste and resentment building up like bile at the sight of his former lover Bansheera. "Have more respect for our queen you-" "Shut up bug, don't interrupt me!" Loki tries to calm Aku, but with one hand he sends him flying through a wall. "Loki!" Diabolico yells, he goes to help his friend. The other servants of Bansheera tense and are on their guard. Although they are not sure of being able to beat this Demon lord...they will give they're all for their queen. "Hey animal, could you stop hurting my servants? They have been more useful in one day than you and your entire existence." snarks the queen. "Oooh? You didn't say that thousands of years ago when I saved you from that crushing defeat you received from the humans after wasting all your resources on conquering one insignificant city!" Aku countered. "At least they didn't turn to their worst enemy and ended up having a child" Bansheera snapped back. "Don't drag Chi in this! You overrated succubus!" This lasts for a while, while the servants watch both Bansheera and Aku throw insults at each other...the likes of Diabolico, Loki, Vypra and Jinxer talked about recent events... ...many hours ago... An SCP agent snored as his buddy read an E-mail sent from their commanding officer, "Bad news Gus. Looks like the lawsuit is hitting us hard. Looks like bases like this are going to be discontinued." His friend/site-director grunted as he got out of his woke up and got of his chair, "Well that's annoying...but I guess the gravy train had to end sooner or latter." He admitted with resigned disappointment. The SCP outpost in Mariner Bay was largely considered a 'rest cure' assignment. Yes, technically the city was on a demon burial ground. But due to it's nature, it's power could only be accessed by certain types of demons. And these types had largely either gone extinct, left earth for greener pastures or simply couldn't be bothered to come to some backwater planet and fight the 'natives' just to get one large demon army of debatable skill and capability. In short; the outposts was a low-priory base in a low-traffic area that hadn't seen any paranormal activity in over a thousand years. Thus it had a skeleton crew of less then fifty personal(and that included janitorial staff and I.T. crew), but many of them were either just handicapped veterans, run-off auxiliary staff from other sites, or were just there because they wanted a 'paid' vacation and had a well-connected relatives to make it happen. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised we'd get the chopping block. I mean I know were all about 'containment', but what are we containing? A bunch of dead freaks? Their Queen was carted away millennia ago and even before that she and her goons were idiots! I mean, only sending ONE demon at a time to fight an enemy? Even if their outnumbered? What an idiot! I- He sees the horror on his friends face, he sighs. "It's the 'he's right behind me' gag, isn't it?" "I'm afraid so." Says Diabolical right before he reduces him to ash from behind. Gus looks around and sees the few remaining guards being struck down by Loki, Vypra and various Batlings. "Janitor! Not taking sides!" Pleads the janitor as he holds his hands up defensively! "But...I just got promoted!" Gus pleaded in despair as he dose likewise. "Well you know what they say: when your on top, there's nowhere left to go but down." Said Diabolical with a smirk as he grabbed the site-director and threw him out the window. He listen amused as the man screamed all the way to the pavement... While their queen was busy making preparations for a ritual to summon her 'ex', he and the others had gone ahead to conquer Mariner Bay...which had been a far more subdued affair then they expected. They'd marched into the city to cause mayhem and panic...only to find the streets completely empty... They would later learn that everyone was too busy watching the live stream of the Foundation trials to go outside or notice anything else. Even finding the SCP Foundation outpost hadn't been too difficult thanks to the rather 'colorful' Anti-foundation Graffiti that had been painted over it in recent days...the town hall and police station had similar 'identification' marks... Diabolical knew he shouldn't complain over how easy it was to take over the city...and yet...he couldn't help but feel...cheated...it just seemed so anti-climatic... Clap, clap, clap... The demon general turned around to see a human in a business suite casually, almost ominously clapping as he leaned against a wall in seeming admiration at watching his fellow humans be ripped apart. Diabolical tensed a little as he literally hadn't sensed this human until just now, he tried to relax as he was merely a human...yet there was something about this human that made him unnerved... Clearly, his comrades didn't share his sense of caution as they immediately went up to tear him a new one. "Alright human, how do you like your flesh? Medium or well-done?" Mocked Loki. "To the demons surprise, the human CHUCKLED. "Sounds appetizing! But I'm afraid I'm here for business, not pleasure." He quickly hands over a business card. "I'm here on behalf of my Employers: 'MC&D LTD'." "The merchants?" Asked Diabolical confused. His memory was still a bit rusty after the long incarceration, but he did vaguely remember the merchants that the Queen bought many weapons and resources from. They'd been good, being able to 'acquire' most things for the right price...the fact they'd been selling to both sides of the war had been annoying though. He remembered asking the queen once why they allowed this and didn't just punish the merchants for daring to sell to their enemies...if Diabolical hadn't know better, he'd have sworn he'd seen FEAR in his Queens eyes before she angrily shouted that her polices weren't to be questioned and that the matter was to never be brought up again... "You? but your a human!" Declared Vypra. The human shrugged, "Times changed and my employers changed with them." He explained, "Due to various issues and other complications of a changing socioeconomic landscape, my bosses were inclined to- among other things -outsource many operations and subsidiaries to humans." Diabolical gave a dismissive hand wave, "Fine, yes. Whatever, what is it that you want with us?" He asks impatiently. The man smiles slyly, "Actually, it's more what I can do for YOU." Diabolical raises an eyebrow skeptically, but says nothing as the man continues. "I hate to tell you this friends, but the success you've enjoyed today is mainly due to the Foundation and similar entities being too preoccupied to respond to you. But make no mistake, soon they'll be back on the ball and eager to put you all down." "BAH! Let them come, we'll tear them to shreds!" Exclaims Loki confidently. Now it was the mans turn to raise his eyebrow skeptically, "Really? Even if they have this?" He reaches into his suite and pulls out the 'Tome of the Sorcerer of the Sand'. The same spellbook that banished them so long ago! Although shocked at first, Vypra recovers first and blasts the tome to dust. "HA! Now you have nothing!" She taunts!...only to be stunned once more at the sight of him pulling out a COPY of the tome! This time Loki recovers first to blast it...only for him to pull out ANOTHER copy! Loki fires again- ZAP! He pulls out another! ZAP! And another! ZAP! And another! ZAP! And another! ZAP! And another! ZAP! And another! ZAP! And another! ZAP! And another! ZAP! And another! ZAP! And another! ZAP! And another! ZAP! And another! ZAP! And another! ZAP! And another! ZAP! And another! ZAP! And another! ZAP! And another! ZAP! And another! ZAP! And another! ZAP! And another! ZAP! And another! ZAP! And another! ZAP! And another! ZAP! And another! ZAP! And another! ZAP! And another! ZAP! And another! "Enough!" Shouts Diabolical as he stops his friend mid-blast, "I assume there's a point to this 'demonstration'?" He said that last bit derisively. "More importantly, how many copies of these do you have?" He asked dreading the answer. "Not counting the one's your friend just blasted- don't worry I won't charge extra for that -I have 35 on my person, 125 in my car, my organization has thousands, OTHER organizations have thousands more and that's not getting into the MILLIONS of other items they all posses that could destroy you all." He explained in the same smug, yet business-like manner. Diabolical frowned at that, "That is troubling..." He glares, "But what could you offer us?" "Why, nothing short of peace of mind my good man. The days of armies duking it out and throwing themselves into the proverbial meatgrinder went out with feudalism and birth-control made of straw. Today's modern, distinguished Demon has a multitude of more refined, sophisticated, and above all CIVILIZED options to go about their skullduggery and world conquest." "Guh?" Grunted a very much confused Loki...and his friends seemed almost as lost. The man sighed and decided to just get to the point, "Look, it's to my understanding that for all intents and purposes you lived on this land for many thousands of years before the SCP Foundation of ancient times helped this 'Sorcerer of the Sand' kick you off said land. Correct?" Although still confused,Diabolical nodded. "Well...Yes, but what dose that have to- "Thank you, that's all I needed to here." Interrupted the man as he jotted somethings down. "Right, ladies and gentleman. What would you say if I could get your land AND a large cash settlement- converted to demon currency naturally -at the SCP Foundations expense in a completely LEGAL fashion?" "I'd say your nuts", said Vypra flatly. The man laughed, "Alright, fair enough. But in all seriousness, between the SCP lawsuit that is happening right now and a more 'creative' interpretation of 'Native American Reservation laws'. I guarantee all I've promised or triple your money back!" He boldly proclaimed. Diabolical blinked, "Wait, hold on. I'm no expert. But if the trial is already happening, how- The man laughs, "Well, first of all never underestimate what Mr. Legal Lee can and can't do. He takes stuff like that as a challenge. Second, the SCP Foundation- while weathering this whole ordeal better then the other targets of this lawsuit -are in freefall right now. They've experienced one crippling loss after another, their reputation is in shambles and have already lost more Moolah then their are drops in the sea! The threat of adding MORE to their woes has already had them capitulate to the demands of FIFTY other 'latecomers' before they officially became apart of the lawsuit! Lest Legal Lee double or even TRIPLE their compensation!" "And this...'Legal Lee' of yours- "Technically not ours, more of freelancer who roles with the saints. My employer dose occasionally reach out to him and are confident they can convince him to add you on the plantiff list...provided you agree to our terms..." The demon lieutenants were skeptical...yet intrigued... They took this lawyer before the Queen. Who made his case...and asked nothing in return save for allowing Mariner bay to become a place for his employer, their best clients and others to lay their heads, spend their cash and peddle their influence... "Of all of history's greatest monsters, you are by far the most evil thing I've EVER encountered. What manner of abomination are you?" Asked the Demon Queen amazed after he made his appeal to her. "Among other things, I'm a lawyer." "Ah, that explains it then." Said the Queen in understanding. ...Back to the present... Meanwhile, Aku had finally gotten fed up with the seemingly non-stop hours of figthing with his EX "You know what? Why did you even invoke me!? Is Your life so boring that you have nothing left to entertain you than insult me !?" Bansheera looks breifly shocked before going back to furious, "I know you have a cockroach for a brain Aku. But no matter how good you are at it, don't be an idiot! You know perfectly well why I called you here!" She mocks. "I do not know what you're talking about!" Shouts Aku getting more and more exasperated. "Give me back Impus! That's what I'm talking about!" Says the queen at last. Aku's face goes to anger, then to maximum confusion, then to a mixture of the two very quickly. "What?" "WHERE IS IMPUS!? I KNOW YOU'VE TAKEN HIM!" shouts the queen making everything tremble. Aku was confused, if it was true that he had planned to steal his son back. Now that he and Chi were free, he could steal the baby from Bansheera and be a family(10). But the problem is that he still hadn't put that plan into motion, as he hadn't known where Bansheera and her entourage's location. Finally, he saw the empty pedestal of the throne room and it was where he was supposed to be imposed. The impact of the news overwhelmed him, "MY SON IS LOST!?" He screamed at the queen, who was stunned by this change in demeanor. "TAKE COVER!" Shouts Loki as he and his fellow demons run for their lives... "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Aku's scream shook everything for miles and brought about giant pillars of fire that scorched the sky... ...meanwhile... Star is once more regretting her rash impulse to discard her clothes. You never really notice how many branches and insects there are in the world until they're all biting and clawing at you bare skin...the fact it was colder then a witch's teet was also not helpful... And neither was the fact she was hopelessly lost. She just didn't understand it! She'd explored 'The Forest of Certain Death' hundreds of times! Why didn't anything look familiar!? She should have reached the devil's armpit landmark by walking this direction hours ago! Still...if nothing else, this finally at least brought it home that She no longer had magic to protect herself. To survive in this new world she had to rely on her strength, her fighting skills, her fortitude and also what her father taught her to survive. Thanks to the later she'd managed to build a rudimentary spear to defend herself...no clothes though, her father had never been big on making clothes...or wearing clothes...actually, now that she thought about it; she spent a lot of her childhood naked in the jungle. The reason why she was no longer used to it was because it had been so long ago, she was out of practice. It had come to a stop when her mother... Star sighed as her thoughts trailed off, "Oh, mom..." She's pulled from these thoughts when she hears a curious sound near her and decides to investigate. As she gets closer, she realizes that it sounds like a cry. When she reaches the source of the sound, she discovers something totally unexpected. She could only describe it as a kind of baby, which stops crying when it felt her coming. The appearance of the creature was very peculiar; it was mostly red, with some yellow areas, the area around its mouth and eyelids had scaly yet soft skin, with wings large enough to cover it as if it were a blanket, a tail that ended in a triangular point and was so long it could wrap around its small body about 3 times, small hands and feet with claws, its ears resembled wings, it had a pair of tiny horns in his head, his "eyebrows" were actually small beaks, had a pacifier made of gold and the most striking feature of all were his eyes: he had a pair of reptilian eyes, emerald color, very large, very bright and very striking. For Star it was both one of the weirdest things she had ever seen and also the cutest! It was clearly a baby monster and a very adorable one at that! She tries to figure out what kind of monster it is, but she can't remember any creature that looks like him. Yet she can't help but feel that she's has at LEAST seen something similar somewhere else...but she just couldn't put her finger on it... The baby and Star looked at each other; the first with curiosity and some fear and the second with adoration and excitement. Star- realizing the babies fear -quickly came out of her reverie and used what she learned taking care of Meteora and Mariposa to calm him down, saying words of comfort and rocking him The baby is now at ease and looks at her with curiosity and great interest now. While making sounds that- combined with those large careful eyes -made Star even more fond of him. Star quickly tries to look for his parents in the surrounding foliage, she calls out and searches for several hours, but she was having no luck. HISS! Unfortunately, Her actions end up attracting the attention of a beast Star is forced to fight it, the fight is made more difficult since she has the baby in her arms With only one hand free to fight, the beast easily manages to knock her down. Desperate, Star uses her body as a shield to prevent the baby from the blow and from falling to the ground. But in the process she's forced to drop the spear and the baby dropped its pacifier. The beast comes in for another attack, Star tries to get up but she was still stunned and can't do anything this time. It seems that this is the end until the beast is suddenly hit by a powerful jet of fire, then another, and anothers. Every time the beast approached, it is attacked by a jet of fire. Star comes out of her daze to realize that the fire is coming from the baby. she also realizes that the beast is not going to give up, so she waits for the baby to shoots another powerful jet of fire at the face of the beast. While distracted, she reclaims her spear and stabs it repeatedly into the beast until it's killed. After making sure that it's dead. She double-checks the baby for injuries, who receives her with joy and laughter, while he stretches his little hands towards her. After making sure that the baby is okay, she happily grabs the baby and elevates it into the air and exclaims, "That was amazing! You are super cute! With super fire breath! You are a Super baby!" Star yells out enthusiastically, while the baby continues to laugh. She at first thinks it may be a baby dragon, but it doesn't look like any kind of dragon that she'd ever seen and she now that the baby no longer has its wings wrapped around it, she realizes two details: 1) That he has what appears to be a small simple bracelet on her left hand, made up of a red cord, actually a gold plate, with some inscriptions. 2) This MALE is a Super Baby and that both need clothes urgently. She reads the inscription on the bracelet, but cannot understand anything it says... until she she reads it backwards. Finally, she finds out the baby's name. "Come on Impus! Let's go find clothes! ... Or food...or at least civilization! ONWARD!" Shouts Star as she passes through the Chinese bamboo, not realizing she was only getting herself MORE lost... ... Hank whistrled a merry tune as he mowed his lawn. He gazed happily at his truck and house as he continued his favorite pasttime... Yes sire, bob! There was nothing like a good ride on the mower to make you forget all your troubles and make everything feel right with the world- ZAP! -que the ball of lightning hitting the mower, throwing Hank aside and turning his beloved mower into a monstrous Lawnmower Org. "HA! HA! Chop, chop, chop! Rotten humans, GET OUT! You're ruining my beautiful lawn! No to chop you down to si-" "NO! NO! NO! THIS IS NOT OKAY!" Screams Hank as he jumps up enraged, his LAST nerve officially broken as the events of the last month or so FINALLY catch up to him... "Uh...what?" Asked the Org, confused by the humans anger rather then the traditional fear. "YOU ARE NOT REAL! LAWNMOWERS DON'T BECOME MONSTERS! MONSTERS AREN'T REAL! WORLDS CAN'T COLLIDE! MAGIC ISN'T REAL! PARANORMAL ORGANIZATIONS AREN'T A THING! THAT'S BASIC COMMON SENSE! UP IS UP! DOWN IS DOWN! AND REALITY IS REALITY! YOU CAN'T JUST PULL THE RUG OUT FROM UNDER EVERYONE'S FEET AND CHANGE ALL THE RULES OF THE WORLD! THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH THE WORLD AS IT WAS! GIVE BACK MY LIFE!" The Org just blinked, "Wow...you, uh...have your whole personal thing going on..." The abomination scratched the back of his head awkwardly not entirely sure how to handle this, "Right...I usually have this whole thing that might end with me becoming giant...also I was going to kill you...buuuut, you clearly have your own junk going on...so I think I'm just going to take your lawn and go find a more...'traditional' victim to kill...math-bhuilich!" Shouts the beast as it turns both itself and the entire yard into a ball of light that immediately flies off...leaving the once pristine yard completely barren and desolate...not a blade of grass to be found... CRASH! Unfortunately, it seems that Hanks truck was positioned on the lawn in such a way that the sudden taking of the lawn caused it flip through the air and smashing it right into Hanks living room- FWOOM! Where in true pinto style it immediately burst into flames... BOOM! Right near the gas-line... BOOM! Hank said nothing as the house of the great grandson of T. Anderson Curney burnt down...and with it...any semblance he'd had of a normal life... ring ring ring With a surprisingly steady hand...Hank brings his cellphone up to his ear. "Hello? Mr Hill? This is Button Gwinnett Insurance. Uh, I hate to add insult to injury...but your last check bounced...so your policy is discontinued until further notice..." Hank didn't listen to the rest...he just let his phone drop and shatter onto the pavement... "Uh...DAD?! Our House?!" Exclaims Bobby as he, Connie and Joseph watch what's happening from the street. But Hank doesn't seem to notice... "Bill! Can you watch over Bobby? I need to go away for a bit." Said Hank in an unsettlingly tranquil way... Bill nods... And Hank...Hank just turns around and walks away... Bobby tries to go after him, "Dad where are you- Bill stops him, "Let him go Bobby...the road he walks now...only he can travel...best of luck to you, old friend..." Wishes Bill sincerely. Without a word...Hank walks away from Rainey street...and his old life...and just normality in general...for good... ... "Sam, I'm just going to say it: You look terrible. After this case, why don't you take a vacation? I'll cover for you." Said Legal Lee to the oppositions lawyer in genuine concern. Many people would be surprised to see him and Sam having lunch together in the breakroom. They'd be even more surprised to hear that Lee and Sam go way back. They helped each other in law school by sabotaging books in the library to make sure their potential future competition flunked out in the finals. In any case, no lawyer really held it against other lawyers whether they win or lost, they were all just doing their jobs after all. Besides, the case was winding down...oh, sure their was technically still a lot of formalities and hundreds of other plaintiffs to go through...but the writing was on the wall: The SCP Foundation was going to lose and lose HARD. That being said...it wasn't the end of the Foundation. Again, that was never the point of this trial. The next trial on the other hand...well, frankly Lee doubted it would be less a trial and more a big dog and pony show to distract people while the most powerful men and woman in the world negotiated the outcome that would be shown to the public... The UIU, and the GOC were finished- minus the Goodwin faction it seems -the EU and UN were seemingly planning to do something similar. They were already slinging the usual political BS about 'great change on the way' and 'plans are in the works'. Whatever they were planning, Lee doubted it would appease the worlds masses. Everyone was pissed at their governments for what they'd allowed the Foundation and others to do. Hell, some countries were so mad at their world governments that they'd even let the freaking soviet union and Imperialistic Japan back into power in exchange for them expelling all forms of Foundation influence in their countries!(11) And America was the worst example of this... Speaking of which... "Thanks Lee, that means a lot...but your not seriously supporting your 'boss's' bid for president. are you?" Currently the presidency was in a bit of a limbo after President Hoffman- AKA Cryptosporidium-138 -was exposed as an alien during the chaos caused by the Cleaving thanks to the likes of GAW and Parawatch. The revelation that an alien had not only been replacing presidents since the fifties, harvesting brain stems to restore his races genitalia, grinding their corpses to severe as wieners to make a profit on the side ALL with the major echelons of the US government and Foundation(12) knowing about it the whole time...well, to say this hadn't gone over well with the public- both US AND Global -would be a HUGE understatement. Oh, boy did heads roll! Firstly, All fast food chains in the country- except for Kournel Kluckin's who was the only chain to not buy ground up humans from the Furons.(14) -have been shut down and arrested for mass-murder. Then, the major players of both of the countries main political parties either found themselves lynched, arrested or fleeing the country in fear for their lives. The rest, although technically innocent have either abandoned the party or given the next dozen elections up as lost causes. With only a few of the more die-hard members being brave enough to throw their hat in the ring. As a result; for the first time since...well, EVER. THIRD parties actually have a chance to be elected. This of course naturally lead to every fringe/independent party crawling out of the woodwork's, eager for their 'time to shine'...and the Third Street Saints were no exception. "Look man, I know that things are crazy right now, there's a huge power vacuum and the Third Street Saints have reinvented themselves as a media icon...but none of that changes the fact your trying to get a psychotic gangbanger into the oval office..." "They prefer the term 'Puckish rouge's'" Defends Legal Lee dismissively. Sam rolls his eyes, "Right, whatever. In any case- "Hold that thought Sam, it looks like Player's latest PR move is kicking off..." Said Lee as he turns up the volume of the breakroom TV. THIS JUST IN! THE LEADER OF THE THIRD STREET SAINTS IS HEROICALLY RIDDING A MISSILE HEADED TO WASHINGTON! "What." Said Sam flatly. CAN HE DISARM IT BEFORE D.C. IS REDUCED TO RUBBLE?! "...What?" He said again, completely lost. The screen is then filled with the sight of Boss player disarming the bomb, parachuting into the oval office while it explodes harmlessly, then landing/reclining in the presidents seat like a badass... "What?" He asked yet again... THIS JUST IN! THE ENTIRE NATION HAS VOTED! BOSS PLAYER IS THE NEW PRESIDENT OF THE USA!(15) Sam didn't even have the energy to say 'what' again...he just fainted from both exhaustion and shock... Legal Lee just smiles and takes a drink... ... "Mass Hysteria! Of course, that explains everything! I knew I was right! Thank you Dr. Heidi, for awhile there I was seriously considering that 'two worlds collided and monsters are real' Gobledegook." Said a relived Hank to his new Psychiatrist. "I'm just glad to help you through this time Mr. Hill. The insanity that has swept our nation is truly appalling. It's refreshing to see a sane individual like yourself...and there are others like you. Fighting to take back our country and make people realize how silly their being..." He hands Hank a pamphlet titled; 'Join the NEO-SAPPHIRE movement! Fight for your normality, today!' A vindicated Hank eagerly read it...while a VERY annoyed Conduit Edwards watched his session through a monitor... Indeed, Hank was but one of many being observed. Some people- like him -were just frightened and disoriented people who didn't know how to adapt to this strange new world, others were just xenophobes who hated non-humans, trans-humanism, capitalism, globalization to combat interstellar, inter-dimensional and/or paranormal threats or were just in favor of the SCP getting SCP-2000 back online to rest everything and allow the world to continue in ignorance... Countless people in therapy sessions, watchdog groups, advocacy groups, think tanks, youth groups, activists gatherings and chat rooms all being- in one form or another - screened, funneled and recruited into a diverse range of dozens of extremists groups like the Sei-Sei Shinto and NEO-SAPPHIRE... A wide range of groups that did not exist until a month or so ago...because they were secretly created and funded by certain elements of the Esoterica(Mainly Edward and his inner circle). Through various shell corporations, third parties, LLC business and dummy companies they'd created/funded all these groups that were hostile to their core beliefs. Why? Two reasons: Plausible deniability; As most of the members of these groups were heavily compartmentalized and honestly had no idea their strings were being pulled by their 'opposition', this made them the perfect cannon fodder patsies to engage in illegal activities without it being traced back to them. Like giving an ideological ally like Ijamea the excuse it needs to seize power in order to secure an alliance. (16) The ultimate false flag operation: By radicalizing, funding and directing these malcontents into publicly committing horrible atrocities fight in the name of all that Esotrica fights against... They accomplish nothing but demonize their 'causes' in the eyes of the world and cause the public to further rally under Esotrica's banner to better oppose these 'terrorists and mass-murderers'. Well, that and occasionally other members of Edwards inner circle would- on the condition it not affect Edwards plans - use them for their own personal gain. Like Kluckin, Franklin D. Mann, and Henri Crosteau would use them to destroy their own property for insurance scams, destroy their competitors, or- In Kuckin's case -cause more death and destruction so his charities can get more tax-deductible PR while they 'clean up' more corpses to deliver to his meat grinder. Nigel Cass would also use them as a form of 'engineered heroics' to make his Albion militia look good in the public eye when they thwarted numerous terrorist attacks that Cass himself staged or just had said terrorists cause mass-destruction and death to make countries more willing to allow them to come in and assert their totalitarian policies. But Edward wasn't thinking of that now, he was just glaring at Hank and other like him... "Disgusting- Oh, what's that charming word the kids use these days? Ah, yes... SHEEPLE. There nothing but Sheeple, the lot of them!" He then points to Hank. "This man embodies everything I hate about the 'human' condition...no ambition or desire to do anything but live a mediocre life with a mediocre family. This man's boss was an idiot, he was far superior at his job. It would've been so easy to overthrow him and take control...but NO, he just took it like an abused spouse and went on his day without a care in the worlds...I'll have something SPECIAL planned for him mark my words..." Both Rasticoar and Toffee have to stop themselves from rolling their eyes. Personally they didn't see any problem with a guy wanting nothing more then to have a nice life with a nice family...but they'd learned to keep their mouths shut and just let him rant. Insane he might be, but his plans coincided with their own and he had the resources to help them pull it off, so they went along with all this... It did concern them that many of their septarsis brethren was buying into his beliefs though...thankfully it seemed that although Seth was intrigued by the more 'social Darwinist' aspects of their Neo-Sarkic philosophy, he wasn't in danger of being converted... There thoughts were interrupted as a strange new signal began to hijack frequencies across the internet. Curious, they tuned into it. Is...this on? Do I just...Ah, I see. Hail to thee, citizens of the world! You are in the presence Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus! No, your ears do not deceive you...word of both me and mine empires demise was greatly exaggerated. I assure you! Like Asclepius, the great and glorious Roman Empire has been reborn from the ashes! The Gods have clearly seen fit to restore us to our potion of glory to help save this world in these dark times! I've been made aware of how the glory of the Roman empire has been exalted long after it's fall and held to the standard that all other civilizations aspire to be... So once more look upon my empire and be assured that we shall strive to be a great beacon of order and prosperity! Take heart that while The rest of the world may fall, BUT ROME WILL PREVAIL! At that point the Hoot Brothers would get overexcited, dropping the camera and ending the transmission... At first people would dismiss this as just as the ramblings of a 'toga wearing nutjob'... But eventually even the most hardcore skeptics couldn't deny... The Roman Empire had returned... ...III... TO BE CONTINUED? (1): Turns out the operation was a UIU project made to combat the Russian's 'gru division p' arctic division, after the project fell through. They doctored all documents as everyone being part of the 'placebo group'...and full of memetic hazards to not question it further...needless to say there was hell to pay when Bill- among others -learned that it truly wasn't their fault for how crappy their lives had become... (2): Translation: "Greetings Foreign devils, we are the Sei-Sei Shinto. Tonight we expose out leaders as the cowards and false prophets they are! They would allow demons and abominations to sully our homeland!" "These traitors would have our glorious homeland invaded by the foreign hordes! Well, we shall not stand for it!" "We reject this new world order! We fight for our homeland and our way of life! Death to all freaks, abominations and foreign devils! We do what we do in the name of the Kami!" "By the Buddah...all those people..." (3): SCP-1678 was too powerful for SCP-248 to incorporate into the empire or even erase, so the poor, overworked, borderline terminally-ill at this point SCP took the path of least resistance and simply had the whole thing teleported to beneath Glasgow Scotland. Luckily, Dr. Bimby was too busy with his own issues and thus either didn't know or care about the move...the anomalous instability caused by this paranormal reformation is another story. The disastrous aftermath did give Scotland- and a lesser extent Ireland -more then enough excuse to FINALLY seek independence and break away from- what was left of -the UK...and then both joined the lawsuit against the SCP Foundation when the true origin and nature of SCP-1678 was revealed thanks to the classified data stolen by Marcos Evangelicos Perez Jimenze from SCP-2000. Although Ireland technically didn't really have much of a case in this instance as their homeland was relatively untouched by SCP-1678, the proverbial clusterfuck of the aforementioned documents left the Foundation with such a black eye in both the public and the court proceedings it was literally easier and less costly to just give in to their demands then fight it. (4): When asked later why he didn't add the charge of inhuman experiments to the charges when that was admitted. Legal Lee Revealed; "It'll be a cold day in hell when I punish someone for torturing Hitler or Stalin. Way to live the dream my man!(gives SCP agent a high-five) (5): Agent Lawrence is a character from 'SCP Animated- Tales of the Foundation', a series I highly recommend (6): Fortunately, everything that happened with the Blind-Eyes and Bill had made Ford EXTRA paranoid in regards to both his Memory and Mind...so had made numerous contingency plans to ensure their memories would stay secure... (7): the thing with agents Triggers and Powers don't count...any random thing can happen when all pieces of the wheel are in town. Their agency literally didn't exist until the day before that fateful Summer and the embarrassment of the 'false alarm' was enough to get them immediately disbanded after they were tricked by Ford. The whole thing was so convoluted and it was created and then died out so quickly...the Foundation didn't even know the agency even existed until AFTER Weirdmagedon. It's largely suspected the whole incident was generated by the anomalous properties of Gravity Falls...and that apparently applied to the 'Northwest conspiracy' agency as well...somehow... (8): Which is why all his previous attempts to escape had failed. The shaman and Washington- although quite capable -were not part of the wheel and thus their plans were doomed to fail. Well that and Washington was secretly SCP-2776 working with Foundation and MCD to bring down Bill in a sting operation...which not only failed...but it accidentally revealed to Bill that he needed a WHEEL member to be free... (9): After a long talk...Dale realized he didn't care that Joseph wasn't biologically his, he was still his son far as he was concerned. And between Nancy breaking things off with Redcorn, marrying him 'for real' under the guise of getting their vows renewed, the fact she'd been willing to look the other way if he'd wished to have an affair with Sheila Refkin(true, he hadn't actually done anything...but still, hard not to appreciate the gesture behind it) and had been willing to go bald and risk her career for him rather then restart her affair with Redcorn...so they decided to at least TRY to fix things between them...or at the very least stay together until Joseph goes off to college and has a place of his own...after that...we'll...they'd just have to see... As for John Redcorn...well, in fairness to him he had stopped the affair in gratitude for Dale helping him get his land back, gifted said land to Dale after his death(true, Dale was starting to suspect he'd only done that as a roundabout way to give it to Joseph...but he still got his own cool 'Indian burial ground' land inherited at the expense of the government so he wasn't going to split hairs over it), stopped Dale from screwing up Jospeh's life with that whole 'kill a panda' fiasco, gave him an EXTRA big paycheck while he was manager of his singing career, secretly been sending child support checks to Nancy all these years and he had actually eventually confessed the affair to Dale(true it was indirect, Dale hadn't made the connection and he'd only confessed to get famous on Television. But considering he was trying to get his ass kick by Hank and the fact that on reflection Dale realized his behavior that day had been equally appalling, Dale was willing to overlook that)...so he decided to forgive him...after knocking his teeth out once for good measure, of course. (10): I believe some backstory is in order: In ancient times- After her messy breakup with Relicor -Queen Bansheera had a brief but disastrous fling with Aku. this fling brought about the birth of Impus. Although Bansheera kept Impus, Aku made sure his powers were sealed within the Demon boy and thus would be unable to use any of the powers from Aku's bloodline at Bansheera's behest(a precaution he would arrogantly NOT apply to Ashi or any of her sisters- believing an offspring of a bunch of crackpot cultists to be no threat to him -a decision he would later deeply regret when it leads to his future empire being unwritten and Jack's victory over his past self). Chi was the result of a one-night stand between Jack and his female-side(Ikra) on their way to the 'Desert Oasis Jewel'. Aku would grow rather fond of Chi and would eventually put her a special 'time capsule' that would put her in suspended animation as well as keep her outside of time and safe if Jack succeeded and killed his past self. After he destroyed the seemingly last time portal, he tried to bring Chi back...only to learn that a glitch in the programing made this impossible. After violently executing the 'incompetent' scientists responsible for this...Aku would fall into a depression that would last fifty years before a chance at killing the Samurai would briefly lift his spirits...before everything fell apart. When Jack defeated Aku's past-self, Aku's remains were taken away by the MHC to crystalized(the reason they hadn't acted before was because Glossaryck foresaw that all attempts by anyone but Jack killing Aku would end in failure and the MHC would only get in Jack's way. As for why they didn't do this after Jack's father defeated Aku the first time?...Rhombulus misunderstood the situation and thought the Emperor had killed Aku instead of simply sealing him into the earth(he got so much flak for that for centuries)). Omnitraxius sensed Chi outside of time and had her Crystalized as well. Glossaryck- for reasons known only to him -made Chi temporally stable and gave Aku the memories of his future self while he was in the Crystal. (11): Technically; all the bases and operations that the Foundation had in both Japan and Russia were unauthorized, done without permission of local law enforcement/government and off the books as an added precaution to keep hostile forces from finding them...So when the first action of the newly reformed Soviet Union and Japanese imperial government was to overun all these outposts and arrest all their agents for international espionage...the Foundation had no recourse but to accept it...this crackdown has made the governments VERY popular amongst their people and cemented their legitimacy. (12): to be clear, it's not like they LIKED it...well, MOST of them didn't like it. The Furon empire was simply too powerful. The only bargaining chip humanity/The Foundation had was that a large-scale invasion/conquest would more likely then not do nothing but kill the 'Golden Goose' that was the Virgin Furon DNA. So a compromise was made. In exchange for allowing a Furon liaison to repeatedly usurp the American presidency, kill off D-class, the poor, the illegal immigrant and anyone else that wouldn't be missed and invent cows(13) to coverup the corpse landfills/rise of the drive-through fastfood industry...the world would be spared the Furons wrath. (13): Yeah, cows didn't exist before the 50's. Their whole existence/history created just so a alien can sell ground up humans to other humans. That Burger you had last night? Probably your aunts grinned up corpse. (14): No, he's more of a 'grind them up himself' kind of Tycoon. He got the meat through his charity work of cleaning up the dead in third-world war zones. All free of charge, all (technically) legal. And between him proving that Chickens- unlike cows -have existed since the dawn of man, giving solid proof he never bought meat from the FURONS, all the chaos currently happening and some sizeable cash 'donations' made to certain lawmen...he remains the only fast food chain left in America...with the people loving him...blissfully unaware of the true nature of his food... (15): To placate the enraged population, the remnants of the American government set up many new laws. In addition to abolishing the electoral college and making things a direct democracy, if more then 75% people vote, they can vote a candidate in EARLY...also Quentin Trembly has been made Queen of the Spiderant colony of Sector 7G (16): The REALLY sad thing about all this is that the 'monster integration act' that the Sei-Sei Shinto reviled and were willing to die to keep from happening...wasn't even worth the paper it was written on. It was essentially nothing but a lot of fancy extravagant sounding laws that sounded important in a campaign speech...but in reality accomplished nothing but make people THINK the government were doing something about the crisis while they were actually just talking big and and putting on a show without actually doing anything except waste more taxpayer money in various pork barrel projects and slush funds...basically not only did these 'freedom fighters' accomplish nothing but bring a REAL monster into power over their beloved homeland...but they essentially killed themselves over a worthless scrap of paper covered in political BS... smooth move, idiots! Love me, flame me, review me