//------------------------------// // Interval 2.3: Awesomeness 101 // Story: My Little Pony: Versus Equestria // by PseudoFiction //------------------------------// My Little Pony: Versus Equestria [Unto the Breach] Interval 2.3: Awesomeness 101 He was falling... falling through an endless void of nothing. “Move!” a gruff voice shouted through the murk surrounding him and filling his brain. “Ow! What happened to man’s best friend?” replied a vaguely familiar voice. “I said move!” yelled the first as Rabbit felt the world roll and tumble all around him. “Yow! Okay, moving. Jeez...” And then came the fist of an angry God. Rabbit stopped falling and with an audible ‘plof’ he slammed into the hard cavern floor. Moisture clung to his cheek that pressed up against the cold stone. He felt that somehow he’d landed in a ridiculously embarrassing position. His fears were confirmed when he realised his arms and legs were bunched up and his ass was sticking up in the air ready to get kicked off. With a groan he keeled over to one side and Rabbit slumped to the comfortingly hard ground. He was comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time. And he was determined to spend the rest of his life laying there in the comfort of ignorance to the crazy, demented world around him. “I’m going to live on this spot for the rest of eternity.” The teenager assured himself. Although, with his lips pursed to better suit his pained expression it came out as no more than an unintelligible mumble. “No you’re not!” the murk was split right down the middle and clear sobriety crow-barred Rabbit in the face. “You’re gonna get up!” Rabbit frowned, cracking his eyes. The world was a blur for the most part. He made out feet shuffling not too far away. He could see the cavern formations in the distance. He was in some sort of underground chamber. It was spacious. Breezy at the feel of it. And there, on the cave floor it sat. He was nose to nose with it. A little black slug, antennae creeping from side to side as it scanned the human’s face over with what Rabbit could only describe as an angry scowl. The kind of scowl that told him this slug had no problem introducing the teenager to the business end of his boot... which didn’t make any sense. “Hey!” the slug barked gruffly. “HEY! HEY, LISTEN!” Rabbit frowned, just about managing to mutter a: “Wha-...?” The slug’s scowl deepened. “What, I constantly have to spoon feed you information? Can’t you figure a fucking thing out for yourself for once? Huh? The hell is wrong with you, kid? Need me to wipe your ass too? You’re in trouble. Now wake the fuck up!” That was when Rabbit felt white hot pain smash across the side of his face. It felt like the outline of an open fingered hand. Somehow the slug had just bitch-slapped him. Again, didn’t make sense – but colourful land of talking technicolour ponies and magic ladies and gentlemen. With a pained groan Rabbit rolled onto his back and looked straight up. He blinked away the blur from his eyes and forced himself to focus. He found himself staring at the stalactites stuck to the cavern ceiling. The chamber walls, far spaced were etched with what looked like natural walkways, chambers and balconies. Hanging there in his field of vision were two annoyingly familiar faces. The first reminded him of a painful childhood. The other reminded him of a painful ass-kicking only a few hours ago. Andrew glanced to Spike and shrugged. The purple baby-dragon shrugged back before they leaned in closer to the hardly coherent teenager. “Yo, Rabbit.” Spike started gently. “Y’alright?” Rabbit swallowed hard and opened his mouth to reply. “I just got pimp-slapped by a slug.” They blinked, confused at that otherworldly comment. Then Andrew nodded. “Yeah, he’s gonna be fine.” Rabbit rolled his head to the side to look at the slug again. It wasn’t there. Not a trace. As if it had never been there in the first place. Confused, Rabbit looked back up. “Did...” he pointed at Andrew. “Did you just slap me... on my face?” Ignoring him, Andrew grabbed the teenager’s hand and hauled him to his feet. “Shake it off, Rabbit.” Andrew tried. “We’re in trouble.” Rabbit looked around the massive underground chamber to realise trouble was too simple word to describe their predicament. Stalagmites littered the rough uneven edges of the chamber in clusters, but the main floor was even, flat and smooth. Smooth enough that the teenager’s trainers didn’t have much grip on the muddy stone that was broken up by few patches of sand and dirt. Directly ahead of where the lost trio stood was some kind of study. There were cabinets lined with books, piles of what looked like gems and rubies, several olive green crates and various trays containing random things. Rabbit spotted a few old fashioned telephones, even an 80’s ‘brick.’ There were even some old-school computer monitors. The space seemed to be guarded by diamond dogs. The ogre-mutts were stationed at the various adjacent tunnels, a few wandering the higher walkways etched into the walls and watching from the balconies. Each and every one of them were clad in stone-grey steel armour, helmets pulled low over their caveman-brows, carrying lances reminiscent of a fencing-foil, only much chunkier. Their lone guard would be unarmed were it not for Andrew and Rabbit’s combined gear weighing him down. The diamond dog confiscating their things had Rabbit’s backpack slung over his back, the magic bo-staff in one hand and Andrew’s pistol tucked into the front of his belt. Realising Andrew was still holding him up, Rabbit separated himself from the other human and dusted himself down. “Trouble, eh? No shit.” Spike wasn’t even tuned into what Rabbit was talking about. He was just pointing up at the teenager noting his sudden return to the world of the coherent. “There he is. I’ve been missing that potty-mouth.” The dragon commented with a smirk. “You do swear a lot, Rabbit.” Andrew agreed. The teenager frowned, scratching his head. “Really? I hadn’t noticed.” As they fell silent, a new rumbling filled the chamber. Staring, the trio noticed a pinprick of light open up before them. It was a small orb, like a very small sun, flaming and rippling in mid-air. It seemed to have materialised out of nowhere... And in an instant, it went supernova. The sun exploded, throwing belts of shimmering light outwards like shockwaves that broke against the walls of the cavern. Several of the waves shattered against the two humans and the baby dragon, but apart from being startled they were unharmed. The sun flattened into a disk, then changed rapidly, cooling to a watery blue colour. The surface of the disk began to ripple like water, the feint cavern lighting catching on the soft waves and winking brilliant highlights on the surface of the puddle. It was like they were staring into the water of a cool lagoon. Though it couldn’t be water, since the puddle was hovering vertically before them. Slack jawed and wide eyed they watched a figure emerge from the ‘portal,’ and walk casually towards them. Though I use the term ‘walk’ fairly loosely. It was more of a crooked hobble than a walk. Rabbit glanced sideways at his equally stunned companions. “Yeah, something tells me my language is going to go further downhill from here.” The guy hobbling closer was an old human. Like... really old. So old he was practically turning to dust. His skin hung from his frame like it was three sizes too big. He was clad in a drab robe that made him look like some kind of boring wizard. He even emanated ‘old-people’ smell. The kind teenagers pick up on but parents completely disregard, then smack you upside the head for bringing attention to. The freakiest things were his eyes. Making his way over, Rabbit noted the gimpy eye. One good eye was watching him. The other was looking at Andrew! Finally there was a circlet of copper embedded with a few glowing crimson stones perched atop his head. Strangely balanced for such a rickety old crock, the elderly gentleman held out his arms in greeting, throwing his voice jauntily. “Greetings, gentlemen! I see you’re admiring my collection.” He pointed at his... err... collection of things just past his portal still bubbling and rippling away behind him. Andrew gave a semi-impressed nod. “It’s quite something – I’ll give you that, mister creepy man.” The old man chuckled. “I am the Collector.” He introduced. “I collect things – rare things – from Equestria and beyond.” Rabbit leaned sideways to take note of his piles of jewels and other non-Equestria possessions. “Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.” The Collector gave a deep frown. “Sherlock. Surely you mean the one and only Sherlock Holmes?” – scratching his head the old man gave a casual glance about his spacious cavern – “Yes, I have a set of some of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s original manuscripts here somewhere. I was surprised at how cheap he let them go for.” Rabbit scoffed glancing to Andrew. The young man shrugged back at the teenager. “You met Arthur Conan Who’s-it?” he said in a tone that indicated he wasn’t ready to believe everything out of the senile guy’s mouth. The Collector nodded vigorously though. “Why yes, yes I have. Anywhere I desire to go,” He gave his portal an elegant wave before the puddle collapsed in on itself and blinked simply out of existence. “Is just a single step away.” “You can travel through space and time! ‘Least, that’s the only explanation that makes sense.” And Andrew was using sense in the loosest possible interpretation of the word. “That’s pretty... convenient.” Andrew would be lying to himself if the concept of asking this Collector fellow for a portal home hadn’t crossed his mind. But he also had to think of the consequences such action might have on Twilight and the other ponies. Would it be for the better if he were out of the crossfire between Twilight and Fluttershy – and Rarity even? Or would it make things worse? Spike on the other hand would be lying to himself if he didn’t find the whole situation confusing and other-worldly. “I have no idea what you guys are talking about, but I can already tell this will all end in tears.” “I am glad you’re impressed. But enough pleasantries. Andrew Shepherd, the man of the hour! Finally I have the pleasure of meeting you in person.” The Collector darted forward and scooped up Andrew’s hand, shaking it so vigorously he practically worked the man’s arm like a water-pump. “I’m a huge fan of your Ponyville misadventures. I’ve been watching you, you see. Waiting for the opportune moment to strike.” When he got his arm back, Andrew looked down at his hand then absently wiped it against his shirt. “Waiting for an opportune moment?” “Why yes, the coltfriend of Princess Celestia’s number one pupil?” the old man laughed. “This kidnapping had to be executed... carefully.” – Andrew, Spike and Rabbit gave each other worried glances – “I planted that phoney map in your colourful friend’s backpack especially for you to find, then I magically grew this temple out of the sand to lure you in proper.” Rabbit groaned when he heard that. That could only mean one thing. “Phoney map... but that means... oh, fuck! Are you telling me there’s no Meghan’s Temple treasure!?” the teenager exclaimed. Andrew let out an aggravated breath and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Dude, he’s talking about kidnapping me and you’re still stuck on treasure?” Rabbit started whining. Frightfully it reminded Andrew a little of Rarity’s more... prima donna moments. Even the nearby diamond dogs winced recognising the high pitched tone of voice. “Bu-...” “It’s over. Let it go!” Andrew thankfully managed to shut Rabbit up with a sharp wave before he turned his attention back to the Collector. “Why? Why all that effort? What do you want from me?” The other human scoffed. “Why do you care? The guy is super-creepy. Motive; sinister by default.” Another dismissive wave from Andrew to shut the teenager up. Andrew was feeling a cramp coming on. The Collector clamped his hands behind his back and paced from side to side as he spoke. “I don’t just collect rare things, I also acquire hard to get items for certain clients. A human in Equestria is a true rarity. I have a particular client who’s been interested in acquiring you, Andrew Shepherd. I’ll leave it at that for now.” “Hey, asshole!” There was only one person in the cave who would just brashly yell that. I’ll give you a hint. It wasn’t Spike. “No treasure. Plot to kidnap Shep.” – Rabbit counted off on his fingers – “What the hell am I doing here then?” The old man stopped mid-pace and very slowly turned on his heel until his un-amused gaze met Rabbit’s glare. “You must be the infamous Rabbit.” The man deadpanned. “Damn straight I’m famous!” Andrew quickly cleared his throat. “He said infamous.” He whispered to the teenager. Rabbit quickly clapped his hands over his ears. “A-lalalalalala, I’m not listening!” “I have no use for you, Rabbit.” The Collector admitted when the teenager lowered his hands again. “Humans are rare in these parts, sure. A human with a weave-gem attached, that is unique. However it seems you are a pawn in a chess-game of the Gods, in which I dare not interfere.” “I’m stuck in a chess-game of Gods thanks to this thing?” Rabbit held the ornament stuck to his wrist – a weave-gem as the Collector so aptly put it – for Andrew to see. “Now do you see why I wanna get rid of this thing?” he snapped. “It’s a trouble magnet!” Andrew chuckled. “I know. It attracted you, didn’t it?” Rabbit’s eyes turned to the top left corner of his vision as he thought about it, before he squeezed them shut and sighed. “Oh, now I get it! Ha-de-haha-I’m going to get you for that.” In their short distracted exchange of banter, the Collector walked to where his collections were piled and returned with what looked like a duffel bag. “Here is some treasure for the trouble. You may leave.” He threw the bag forward and it hit the ground between them with a distinct ‘plof!’ Rabbit cocked his head, peering inside to see the glitter of stones. Not just any stones. Clear, milky rocks... diamonds! And they were the stupid little insignificant little things like Rabbit would get in his home universe. No these babies were the size of a human fist, typically shaped like they were ripped out of a cartoon with the flat, rounded tops and the pointed base. “Holy crap!” Rabbit gasped out. “Just like that?” The Collector nodded. “Just like that.” “Oh, okay.” With a shrug, Rabbit stepped forward like he was volunteering for a dangerous mission and moved to his offered treasure. “Later, you guys.” He added with a casual wave to Andrew and Spike. “Oh, c’mon!” the other human shouted after the boy. “Not even a little hesitation?” Rabbit bent down to pick up the bag of diamonds. He was so close. Riches and fa-... well, just riches awaited him. A big bag of diamonds! He’d be an idiot to say no, right? The teenager suddenly stopped. Teeth clenched and fingers curling into a fist, Rabbit suddenly stopped to think about what he was doing. Two decisions were laid out for him. One; he refused the offer and stayed by Andrew and Spike’s side. God only knew what would happen to them, but in doing so he had a clean conscience. Two; he could just grab the bag and walk. He’d turn his back on all this craziness, pick up Trixie and they could continue with their life. But in doing so he was condemning Spike and Andrew to... well, whatever it was the Collector had planned. No... there was only one decision really. “Goddammit, I’m going to regret this.” Rabbit sighed to himself feeling like there were bricks filling his chest cavity. As the boy straightened up, both Andrew and Spike were surprised to realise Rabbit hadn’t even touched the bag of treasure. “Suggestion.” Rabbit raised his hand as if he were in class, catching the Collector’s attention again. “How about you keep these diamonds, and I take these two assholes back to Ponyville with me?” he pointed a thumb over his shoulder at the other human and the baby dragon. Andrew gave a glance to his draconic friend. “I’m really hoping he means that.” “We all know he doesn’t.” Spike sighed. “C’mon, guys.” Rabbit hissed back at them. “You know Twilight Sparklefairy is going to drink my blood if I return to Ponyville without you.” Spike cringed. “Eeeeeuww!” Meanwhile the Collector was shaking his head. “Out of the question.” the old fart snapped. “They are my property now!” “Did he just claim us as property!?” Andrew cried. Rabbit chuckled. “Y’know, I think he might have.” What happened next came completely out of nowhere... Rabbit’s unpredictable that way. Whipping around, Rabbit snatched up Spike by the neck. The baby dragon was small and light – and his kicking hardly impeded the teenager as he grabbed the scaly tail and pulled hard. Spike’s mouth opened wide as his eyes popped, and a second later a ball of flames burped from his throat. The green fire hit the diamond dog who was holding Andrew’s bo-staff and carrying Rabbit’s backpack. The dog’s feet exploded and went up in flames. Andrew froze, watching in amazement as the dog hopped about trying to stamp out his own feet. Rabbit was struggling not to drop Spike who was squirming and kicking. There was only one thing he could do. The human threw himself at the diamond dog, slamming his shoulder into the dog’s chest. The creature was knocked back as Andrew snatched his bo-staff back from the diamond dog. Gripping the weapon in both hands, he held the staff high, before swinging straight and true. The pole swished through the air before striking home with a mighty ‘CLON-N-NG-NG’ of metal on metal. Cracks formed over the cross-eyed mutt’s helmet before the dog dropped into a dusty heap, helmet split in two by a big throbbing lump on his head. Coughing up smoke-rings and rubbing his poor stretched out tail, Spike scowled at the teenager who had man-handled him. “Dude! Not cool!” Rabbit shook his head in disagreement as he yanked his backpack from the diamond dog’s back. “Actually it was! That was incredibly cool!” Shouldering both straps, Rabbit straightened up and took a step back, standing back to back with the other human and the baby-dragon. Seemingly it was the three of them versus the whole damn world. Their re-acquisition seemed to have spooked the Collector and forced him to take some precautionary steps back. But the escape had made noise, and the Collectors diamond dog guards were all over the trio. The mutts streamed in from all directions under the direction of their employer, shouting and pointing. Something about keeping the one in the fedora alive was yelled. Rabbit couldn’t be sure. All he could focus on was the mass of armoured dogs surrounding them as he yanked loose his climbing-axe. With a slow swing, he flipped the makeshift weapon into reverse grip, figuring if he started swinging with the pick-end he’d make a horribly gory mess. The rounded, dull back end seemed to make one hell of a blunt bludgeon. “Alright, now what?” Andrew sighed with a glance over his shoulder. Rabbit shrugged, raising both hands to defend himself. His left wiggled as if willing the weave-gem to help right there and then. It did not respond, as per usual. “You’re the academic, you tell me!” Andrew scoffed. “Hey, I’m an archaeologist, not a warrior. Just, uh... hold ‘em off.” The younger human rolled his eyes. “Yeah? No shit! How long do we do that for?” Andrew opened his mouth to reply, but stopped himself. “I... uh...” a pause as he tried to figure out, but seeing the diamond dogs step closer, Andrew suddenly didn’t care for answering the question. “Oh, hell if I know!” They were on them in seconds. The diamond dogs seemed to pounce, waves of them crashing down upon the trio. For a moment it seemed like the two humans and the dragon were drowned under the mass of dirty fur and rusty armour. Claws beat into them, rising above the pile of mutts before plunging down to strike a kidney, or similarly sensitive point on the human body... And then there was a muffled cry. “Iron-iron... PISTOL!” A blast of steel slammed upward, picking up the pile of dogs and throwing them outward. As the rows of dogs toppled backwards and scrambled for balance, three figures rose to their feet. The trio leapt forward, driven by their own cries of defiance. Self-preservation a high priority in all their minds, Andrew, Spike and Rabbit leapt out to meet their attackers. As he landed on all fours, Spike quickly rolled to one side, avoiding a mutt trying to stomp on him like he was a bug to be squished. Belching out loudly, a cloud of green flames caught on the diamond dog’s fur, igniting the creature’s feet. All without Rabbit pulling at his tail. Still disgruntled by the teenager’s actions, the baby-dragon focused his anger on the diamond dogs. Who knew? Maybe these were the same brutes who had been among Rarity’s kidnappers. That thought alone was enough to fuel Spike’s next few belches of fire. An inferno of flames danced around the purple dragon as he singed countless eyebrows and sent numerous dogs running off in a panic. Stuck in the middle of it was Rabbit however. Jumping back to avoid friendly fire, the teenager cringed just wondering if Spike wanted payback for the tail-pulling thing. Probably better not to bring it up. Instead, he focused on not having his ass kicked. Claws and lances slashed in his direction, and the boy struggled to avoid. Holding up his arms he managed to break several attacks against his forearms and the shaft of his climbing-axe. But in seconds he was sore and bruised. Every so often he’d take a swing, but hit nothing but air. The situation was way too chaotic. This wasn’t like the clumsy golden skeletons attacking him one at a time. Rabbit had like three diamond dogs coming at him at once. A lance slammed into the teenager’s side, throwing him a few paces sideways. Losing his balance, Rabbit fell coughing and spluttering squarely on his ass, the metal of his axe clanging loudly on the floor where he landed. Looking up he noted the closest of the diamond dogs raise his fists ready to start laying the hurt on the human. All he could do was kick at the floor and try to scramble out of the way. Until his hand found something... Rabbit managed to dig his hand into one of the patches of sand and flung a dust-cloud of the granulated rock into the diamond dog’s eyes. While the dog recoiled blinded, Rabbit jumped to his feet and swung his climbing-axe around, smashing the rounded back of the pick horizontally into the diamond dog’s face. The dog recoiled then twisted back around to face the teenager. A wide smile spread over his face to reveal the cracks in his teeth before the yellowish fangs crumbled away like shards of broken glass. The diamond dog collapsed a moment later. Ducking almost immediately, Rabbit avoided a lance to the head and lost his balance thanks to awkward footing. Slipping, Rabbit cried out and wind-milled his arms in an attempt to save himself. With a distinct clang, the pick of his climbing-axe caught on a shaft and Rabbit was held up inches from kissing the floor. Blinking off his daze, Rabbit realised he was being held up by Andrew’s bo-staff. He followed the pole up to the owner and realised the other human had consciously stuck out the pole to save the teenager from falling. Sharing a nod, Andrew twisted and lifted Rabbit back to his feet, launching the boy back into the game before whirling around to the diamond dogs on his own arc of fire. The ogres threw themselves forward as the man shouldered the pole and took aim. “Iron-iron-MACHINE GUN!” The pole extended and retracted in quick succession, delivering a series of hard, sharp blows to the diamond dogs. Each strike landed with a distinct thud and threw the mutts backwards, mid-flight. Four of the diamond dogs were thrown back before Andrew’s relentless attack ceased. He lowered his aim, striking one last time, thwacking the next dog in the shins. As the mutt began falling cross eyed and gripping his leg in pain, Andrew fixed the length of his bo-staff and whirled around a full three-sixty degrees. The bo-staff cut through the air with a terrifying swish, narrowly avoiding Rabbit who saw it and ducked just in time. The staff’s trajectory was only interrupted by the falling diamond dog. The resulting impact quite literally launched the dog into the air, sending him tumbling off into the air before slamming into one of the cavern walls and leaving a diamond dog shaped outline in the rock. Standing posed like a golfer shading his eyes and watching his shot, Andrew smirked as he called: “See ‘ya next fall!” Spike groaned somewhere in the background before knocking a diamond dog away with a puff of fire. “Puh-lease!” Whirling around, the baby dragon spotted a diamond dog holding Rabbit in a headlock. The human was struggling, twisting from side to side trying to get free, swearing incessantly. Taking a deep breath, Spike held it in for a moment feeling the fire broiling up within him before unleashing a mighty inferno... the size of a football. The ball of flames however hit the dog right in the butt, sending him shooting a clean ten feet into the air trailing black smoke and the odour of burnt fur. At the same time, Rabbit stumbled free and swivelled to see while Andrew was blocking an attack on Spike and helping the baby dragon recover, another diamond dog was cocking his lance and ready to jump on the human’s back. Keeping low, Rabbit sprinted headlong into the attacker, tackling the diamond dog to the ground and smashing his weapon’s pommel into the mutt’s face. With the creature knocked out, Rabbit jumped to his feet and went back to back with the other two again before straightening his bush-hat. All three of them were breathing heavily, practically exhausted... And they hadn’t even cut through half the diamond dogs yet. More seemed to circle them taking a break from their relentless attack to re-evaluate their prey. “Well this looks grim.” Andrew commented holding his staff out in front of him as if it were a sword. Rabbit grumbled over his shoulder at his fellow. “Hold them off... any more bright ideas!?” the teenager snapped. The man scoffed, flicking up the front of his fedora and giving Rabbit and matter-of-factly glare. “Yeah, actually!” The teenager managed a chuckle. “Oh good! And I thought things couldn’t get worse!” “I’m thinking of a move,” Andrew explained ignoring him. “But I’m afraid it might kill us all!” “Are you kidding me?” Rabbit almost screamed. “What kind of plan is that?” With the diamond dogs shifting and preparing for another attack, Spike gave his allies a disgruntled look. “No choice! Do it!” The younger human groaned instinctively. “Ugh... fine!” “Are you s-...” Andrew started, but Rabbit cut right across him with a broken voice. “Don’t wait for me to change my mind!” Andrew caught his bo-staff by the mid-section and cleared his throat. “R-right... IRON-IRON EXPLOSION!” Rabbit’s eyebrow cocked as Andrew started whirling his weapon above his head. “Wait, wha-...?” Spike grabbed Rabbit by the collar and pulled him down to the ground. Covering his head like he was trying to shelter from a mortar strike, Rabbit hugged the floor. With a lovely view of the dirty rock he was laying on, he couldn’t see what Andrew was pulling off. For those of you who are interested, Andrew started twirling the staff in both hands. With what happened next, the only other thing more devastating would have been to actually call in a mortar strike on their location. As the bo-staff started spinning, the ends extended and retracted in quick succession. With each expansion, the ends struck a pair of diamond dogs, then would sweep out to strike more enemies. And then as the staff retracted, Andrew would turn on the spot and re-adjust his aim, checking both ways before the staff extended again. He held out the staff to his side, then when it retracted, spun it around behind his back. As he did, Andrew willed another strike and swept the legs out from under another trio of mutts. Retracting the blow again, Andrew whirled around and lined up his next shot, knocking out two more dogs. Dogs flew outward in all directions. Some landed in heaps, others flopped to the ground individually. The crashing waves of mangy ogre-dogs rippled outward, like they were a pond with stone cast in the centre. When Andrew slid to a halt, catching his bo-staff in both hands, he paused for a breath to observe the last of the diamond dogs slump defeated to the ground, leaving the trio surrounded by heaps of groaning, battered mutts. Rabbit straightened up, sitting on one knee as he inspected the damage. “That’s a lot of heaps.” “Progress is not achieved without heaps.” Andrew stated plainly before offering a hand and pulling the teenager to his feet. Spike was on his feet at the same time, exchanging a high five with Andrew before the three of them rounded on the Collector. The old man was still standing there, watching patiently without blinking. There seemed to be an angry vein throbbing on his forehead, though his face held a crazy kind of calm expression. Rolling his shoulders and shrugging up the straps of his backpack, Rabbit cocked his head to the Collector, indicating his fellows to follow him. Nodding in agreement, Spike and Andrew stayed by the teenager’s side, and all three of them approached the elderly kidnapper. “Skipping through dimensions and taking stuff that isn’t yours.” Andrew announced in a humorous tone. “That sounds a little familiar, don’t you think, Rabbit?” Rabbit choked. “Dude. Don’t compare me to this asshole! We’re nothing alike. He doesn’t even have a sexy pony companion.” “You think Trixie’s sexy?” Andrew and Spike piped up at the same time. Rabbit stared at them with his mouth agape, before throwing out a dismissive wave. “Beside the point. I’m nothing like this douche-bag. Let’s just leave it at that.” Smirking, Andrew looked back to the Collector. “I’m sure Princess Celestia would like a word with you. Just come quietly, old man.” That made Rabbit groan like he was in pain. “Oh, great. You jinxed it. You should know that when you ask them to come quietly they never do.” And come quietly was exactly what the Collector did not do. For an old guy, he was quick and spry... impossibly quick even. He was on them in a split second. Spike didn’t have the time to inhale for a breath of fire. Rabbit was mid-blink. Andrew hardly even had the time to consider mustering up a counterattack. The Collector grabbed Rabbit’s climbing-axe arm and twisted it behind his back, forcing the teenager to whirl around on his heel. As Rabbit cried out with a mixture of surprise and pain, the Collector kicked Spike in the head, stunning the baby dragon and causing the purple creature to bounce into the air. Methodically holding Rabbit’s hand in place with very little effort, the old man punched Andrew’s bo-staff out of the way and followed up with an open handed strike in the chest. As the man fell back, the Collector kicked Rabbit’s feet out from under him and forced the boy to the ground. At the same time, as Spike fell back to the ground, the Collector swept a foot upward and drop-kicked the dragon out of range. As Spike smacked into a wall with a disgruntled “OW!” the Collector jumped back to get out of anybody’s counter-striking range. Andrew watched in complete shock as the Collector leapt out of range and bounced off a hand to gain more air. As he tumbled and span through the air, he whipped around into a complex series of convoluted somersaults and flips... a moment later he landed in an impossibly balanced mantis stance. Andrew and Rabbit felt their chins graze the ground as their mouths fell open at the same time. “Did we just get our asses handed to us by the hundred-and-something year old dude with a gimpy eye!?” Rabbit yelled, hardly believing he’d ever utter a sentence like that. Andrew groaned in reply. “Yeah... this is gonna suck.” Climbing to their feet, the two younger humans backed off of the Collector rounding on them. Their hands were raised as if prepared to fight, but they jumped back preferring to keep distance like they were very prepared to run away instead. “We need a new plan, Shep!” Rabbit hissed out the corner of his mouth. “Hurry up and think of something!” Andrew held out his staff and steadied his stance. “Patience is a virtue!” the young man hissed back. That drew a scoff from Rabbit. “Not today it’s not! Just shoot him!” “Hey, I have rules about using my guns. Not on people, and definitely not on ponies!” Andrew defended, dismissing the use of his gun. “You shot at me just fine.” “That was an accident.” Andrew snapped. “You came at me first!” Rabbit huffed, not even prepared to dignify that with an answer. “We’ll take him at the same time.” Andrew explained. “Let’s just try to not accidentally hit each other.” Rabbit cringed, not feeling particularly safe dancing around the Collector, never mind trying to beat the old man with Andrew swinging that staff of his. “My safe-word is ‘apples’.” He shared, just in case. Andrew ignored him and took aim with the pole. “Iron-Iron PISTOL!” The plan of attack was an unspoken one. They didn’t need to discuss their plans out loud. After going toe to toe with each other in Ponyville, both humans knew roughly what their ally would do. Andrew was more of a stand-up guy, Rabbit knew that. He’d aim for the torso, and face front. He wasn’t the sort to shoot a guy in the back, or sucker punch anyone. He’d be all up in the Collector’s face, drawing most of the aggro and distracting the old man with a run for his money. Andrew at the same time knew exactly where Rabbit would be. See, he knew very well that the teenager was a low-down, sneaky, slimy, opportunistic little cheater. He’d fight dirty, throw his opponents out of balance. He’d duck and weave out of sight and had no qualms about sucker punching from behind. Their attacks were synchronous. As Andrew let out a strike for the Collector’s face, Rabbit ducked to one side and weaved out of sight. Sliding closer on his hip, the teenager swung the shaft of his climbing-axe at the knees, intending to catch the old man by surprise. Throw him off balance, then let Andrew finish up the dirty work. In principle it was an excellent strategy... But the Collector seemed to have eyes everywhere. His arm rose to block the strike Andrew aimed for the face. At the same time his foot kicked back and knocked the climbing-axe right out of Rabbit’s hand. frowning, the teenager watched his weapon clatter out of reach before looking up to see the Collector step closer to Andrew and scythe one fist into an uppercut. The clenched fist and bared knuckles slammed into Andrew’s stomach, causing him to heave and double over. As he fell back, the man threw up his bo-staff, locking his gaze with Rabbit. Scrambling to his feet, the teenager caught the staff low on the shaft. Locking it tight in a two handed grip, Rabbit whirled around and swung hard and true like he was swinging for a home-run. There was no way in hell the Collector would be able to block without getting hurt... The Collector blocked without getting hurt. The guy simply caught the staff in one hand, catching Rabbit completely by surprise. Glancing between the pole and the Collector, Rabbit’s lips were moving but the ‘What the fuck’ wasn’t heard by anything without the hearing range of a dog. Landing an open handed strike against the pole and smacking it out of his way, the Collector whirled around and ducked low at the same time. His heel kicked Rabbit’s legs out from under him, but as the teenager fell he managed to throw Andrew’s bo-staff up into the air again. Landing with a ‘thud’, the human looked up to see an upside down visage of Andrew Shepherd catching the bo-staff again. Levelling the staff he shouldered it like a rifle and cried out at the top of his lungs. The volley of machine gun strikes blurred through the air, but the Collector leaned from side to side. With his legs parted widely, the Collector twisted his upper torso into extreme angles, avoiding each and every strike aimed at him. Struggling to keep up, Andrew adjusted his aim every strike, constantly aiming to hit something... anything! He felt like Neo from the Matrix shooting at Agents. The guy was simply too fast. He could be carrying twelve magical bo-staffs at the same time, it wouldn’t have made any difference. The Collector suddenly broke one attack on his forearm. Pushing the weapon out of the way, his head dipped low and the old man twisted around into a stylish kick. Not being much of a martial artist, Rabbit’s best description of the next move was a ‘reverse roundhouse kick.’ The heel of the Collector’s foot caught Andrew in the hand, knocking his weapon further out of the way, and in a desperate attempt to keep a hold of the pole the human was dragged along with it. Steadying his stance as Andrew stumbled away, the Collector prepared to attack again. “I’ll mess you up so bad your own mother won’t recognise you!” the old man bellowed. As he came at Andrew, he didn’t notice the movement behind him. Rabbit popped up like a jack-in-the-box and wrapped his arms around the Collector’s skinny torso. “Hey!” he screamed, while trying to hang on. “Leave my mom out of this!” At the same time Andrew stepped in close again, shouldering his bo-staff. “Iron-iron...” he started, preparing to fire a shot straight to the Collector’s head as Rabbit held the man still. Hopefully he could end this with one definitive strike. The guy was old; maybe it wouldn’t take much to floor him... Just as he focused on the strike through, the Collector doubled over and twisted around. Rabbit couldn’t stop it and was carried with the motion. “PISTOL!” The staff extended and slammed right into Rabbit’s forehead. The strike threw the teenager off the Collector who broke free and shrugged his robes back into comfort. Rabbit in the meantime was stumbling about almost comically, clutching his face. Andrew cringed, rubbing his own face only able to imagine the pain. “Oops. Sorry.” He apologised. “Argh! Apples! APPLES!” Rabbit didn’t seem to hear the other human, too preoccupied crying in pain and shouting his safe-word. While Andrew tried to see if Rabbit was bleeding or otherwise seriously injured, the Collector stepped forward and lashed out with a fluid two-handed strike. Both palms slammed into Andrew’s chest, driving the wind right out of him and launching him several feet backwards. Rabbit, who was surprisingly not even bruised by the staff-strike, removed his hands just in time to see Andrew land. Glancing between the downed human and the Collector, the teenager threw himself forward, twisting around at the same time. Crouching low, Rabbit was launched forward feet first and slammed both his heels in the back of the Collector’s knee. The old man gasped and fell, catching himself on one hand. pushing off almost immediately, the Collector launched himself back to his feet, whirling around a the same time and round-house-kicked Rabbit in the side of the head. The jarring blow blurred Rabbit’s vision and sent him tumbling off to one side, completely baffled at how that started off so badass and ended so ridiculously painful. Erecting his bo-staff against the floor, Andrew clawed his way hand over hand up along the pole until he’d pulled himself to his feet, just in time to see the dazed teenager slide to a halt. “Rabbit! You okay?” Andrew called rubbing his chest. Shaking his head vigorously and discarding his discomforts, the teenager jumped to his feet like he was a glutton for punishment. “Oh-yeah! Good times!” Turning, Rabbit realised his patience with the Collector was wearing particularly thin. Without thinking, simply driven by how pissed off he was getting, Rabbit lowered his head and charged directly at the Collector’s side. The old man saw the attack coming and turned to Andrew. Before the human could even react, the older man snatched the bo-staff clean out of Andrew’s hand and sucker punched him in the side of his head. While Andrew was recoiling with shock, the Collector wrapped the heel of his foot around the grounded end of the bo-staff and flicked it up with a sharp kick. The end of the pole swung straight up and caught Rabbit under the chin. Feeling his teeth crunch against each other, the boy tumbled head over heels, hitting the ground and sliding to a halt in his neck, arms and legs bunched up awkwardly against his chest. After a moment of laying there pathetically, he managed to untangle himself and flopped weakly to the deck. Not quite finished yet, the Collector whirled back around to Andrew. The staff was gripped in both frail looking hands and swung back at the owner. His intent was to harm... severely. Simply ‘collecting’ Andrew for a client wasn’t enough for the Collector. He wanted to hurt the man. Beat him black and blue and pawn off whatever was left. Seeing it coming, Andrew closed his eyes and braced himself. Any minute now he’d feel that pole slam into his ribs before the Collector went to town on every other unbroken bone in his body. An eternity passed. Opening one eye, Andrew peeked to his side to see the end of the staff hovering just off his side, as if the Collector were offering the weapon back to him. Blinking confoundedly, Andrew eased his braced stance and looked the Collector over. The decrepit old kidnapper was pulling at the pole trying to get it to move. But it refused to budge. As if the pole didn’t want to hit Andrew. As if the bo-staff simply refused to obey the Collector in any way whatsoever. “Interesting.” The Collector mused, glancing between the unmovable staff and Andrew. Furrowing his brow into a glare, Andrew didn’t say anything. The time for words had passed. Now was the time for immediate action. So without thinking it over, Andrew grabbed his bo-staff again and pulled something from his tool belt. He swung it forward and slapped the man right in the face with a notebook. Pages were sent fluttering everywhere as Andrew reached back again. The Collector refused to let the staff go, so Andrew worked his hand over the handle of one of his brushes. He drew the makeshift weapon loose and jammed the bristles into the Collector’s face. dust and sand exploded over the Collector’s head as Andrew gave the pole a tug. Still nothing. Last resort... Andrew let the brush fall and drew his last weapon free. The hand-trowel swung in a wide arc and smacked right across the Collector’s face with a metallic clung-g-g-g! The blow forced the Collector back, and held enough force to lift him into the air. The Collector coiled up and flipped backwards before landing neatly once more on his feet. Only unlike the first time he’d gone into a series of somersaults, this time the Collector’s circlet fell from his brow. It let out a distinct rattle as it fell uselessly to the ground at the Collector’s feet. And the Collector looked completely different as a result. It seemed that crown of his was some kind of magical disguise. It was hiding what was really underneath the old man’s skin. Instead of a human, in the Collector’s place stood a monkey. A dirt-brown furred creature with a wiry mane and pitch black eyes. There were a pair of distinct horns curving out from his temples, and his yellowed teeth ended in cartoonishly typical points. Realising his cover was blown; the evil looking demon-monkey deepened his frown and bared his pointy teeth, pointing directly at Andrew with such vigour his finger trembled. Stumbling clumsily, Rabbit caught up to Andrew and the two stood in confusion, looking at the Collector in his true form. “Uhh...” Rabbit scratched his head, intending to say more, but Andrew cut across him. “It’s evi-...” “Not a word, Rabbit.” The Ponyville resident sighed leaning on his staff. “Not... one... word...” Without any warning, the monkey-creature darted closer to them with frightful speed. Both humans gagged as the Collector wrapped his fingers around their throats and lifted them both clean off their feet. Andrew’s hand instinctively let go of his bo-staff and clutched at their captors’ wrists. Hearing the iron of the staff strike the ground made him regret the move. He willed the pole to return to him, then he might be able to beat the Collector off or something... The Collector stomped his foot down on the weapon. It rattled against his foot, but the staff couldn’t escape. “Jesus Christ! Now what?” Rabbit shrieked as he kicked feebly at the air. Andrew gagged and flexed his throat, managing to loosen the monkey’s fingers a little so he could at least speak. “Working on it! Gimme a minute!” “Nothing takes a fucking minute!” the teenager retorted. The other human scoffed. “Why don’t you come up with something for a change?” “You’re asking me for input? Now I know we’re screwed!” A portal – just like the one the Collector had summoned and appeared through before – appeared behind him once more, shutting both humans up. “You just couldn’t come willingly could you, Shepherd?” the monkey-demon hissed venomously over the watery rippling sound effects emanating from the portal. “Fine! I’ll take you to my client by force then. And I’ll try my best to make this as unpleasant as I possibly can.” “What about me?” Rabbit asked. “You didn’t even want me!” A wide grin spread on the demon-monkey’s face. “That’s why I’m going to have to kill you now.” For some strange reason, Rabbit managed a smile and chuckled looking sideways to Andrew. “You hear that, Shep? He’s gonna kill me! And I was starting to feel un-loved!” The Collector squeezed Rabbit’s throat... hard. So hard there was an audible crack. Either that, or it was the sound of Rabbit’s mixed coughs and gasps for air coupled with a few curse-words for good measure, all trying to escape his crushed windpipe at the same time. Andrew watched in horror as Rabbit’s eyes rolled into his skull and he struggled to draw a breath. His whole body was convulsing in panic and pain, feet desperately trying to find the ground. It was like he was hanging in a noose and the life was very slowly draining out of him. Andrew wrenched at the Collector’s hand holding him in place. He needed to help. Sure, Rabbit was such an ass... but that didn’t mean he deserved to die! Gritting his teeth, Andrew locked eyes with the Collector. The monkey was watching with joy as the life slowly slipped from his victim. The human wasn’t going to let him have the satisfaction. Andrew’s hand darted back to his tool-belt. He gripped something and raised it high above his head. With a yellow and black blur, he slammed the point of his pencil down into the back of the Collector’s hand. Andrew could only imagine what it felt like to have wood and shards of lead shatter under your skin, but he figured it was pretty darn painful as the Collector screamed with shock and immediately let the man fall. Landing heavily, Andrew twisted around and grabbed hold of Rabbit. Lashing out with a backwards kick, Andrew bucked the Collector in the gut and caught the teenager as he fell from the demon’s grip. They both fell to the ground, Rabbit coughing and gasping for air while clutching his poor painful throat. Seeing and hearing Rabbit take those first couple of loud, gasping breaths with the spark of life returning to his shocked eyes, Andrew was satisfied the teenager would pull through and focused his attention back on the Collector. A distinct shriek of anger told Andrew exactly what would happen to him next. His hand meeting the cold wood and steel of his pistol told Andrew exactly what would happen to the Collector next. Whirling around, Andrew cocked and drew the weapon free in one fluid motion. The monkey-creature was leaping forward to have at the humans again. Only this time his furious and frightfully twisted face contorted into a look of surprise as the barrel of a gun was shoved down his throat. Jaw gritted, Andrew didn’t waste any time in pulling the trigger, blinking in time with the gunshot. Black smoke consumed the monkey, forming a barrier between him and the humans. Andrew was surprised at the lack of blood. It was like there was just a shockwave emanating from his gun that threw the monster back. The last he saw of the collector was the tip of that tail disappearing through the portal he had opened. A moment later, the portal – to wherever it may have lead in space and time – closed, blinking out of existence. Very slowly, Andrew lowered his smoking pistol, still staring into where the portal had been. Rabbit’s coughs and gasps for breath grew more stable as he found his normal breathing rhythm again. Somewhere in the background, Spike was groaning as he woke from his drop-kick induced nap. Catching their breath, the only known living humans in Equestria sat side by side on the cavern floor. “What?” Rabbit coughed still clutching his throat. “No badass one-liner when you shot him?” Andrew gave the teenager a sarcastic look. “He didn’t really set me up for one.” “So you shot him anyway.” Rabbit added. Straightening his fedora, Andrew shrugged. “Ponies; no. People; no. Demon monkeys; fine.” Rabbit chuckled. “Heh. You’re a good boy, Charlie Brown.” There was a long pause, before Rabbit finally stopped rubbing his throat. A little sheepish, the teenager elbowed Andrew in the ribs, not realising the other human was still a bit bruised and tender. “Thanks, Shep. For... y’know... saving my life.” Andrew nodded, then shrugged. “Thank you. For...” Andrew gave the cavern a quick skim over with his eyes, then pointed at the bag of diamonds the Collector had originally offered to get rid of the teenager. “You know... not leaving me here.” “We okay?” Rabbit asked. Andrew grinned, elbowing Rabbit back in the ribs and letting him exactly how much it actually hurt. “Yeah, we’re okay.” On his feet again, Spike plodded over sat down beside Andrew while Rabbit rolled in agony, cradling his poor painful everythign. “What did I miss?” the baby-dragon groaned rubbing his head. “Is it over?” Recovering, Rabbit sat up and shrugged. “It’s never over ‘till the fat lady sings.” Technically speaking, Rabbit was right. The really wasn’t over ‘till the fat lady sang. That day was no exception. The ground rocked and boulders rained from the ceiling. The trio shaded their heads from the debris a moment before the cavern ceiling exploded into a blaze of brilliant purple light. Purple light? Andrew thought as he peeked up at the aftermath. Oh, man... Standing there in a massive gaping hole blown clean through the cavern ceiling as a distinct silhouette, surrounded by a magical aura of purple light and backed by the vibrant light of Celestia’s sun. as the blinding light faded and the pony stepped into view, all could see the very snippy expression on Twilight Sparkle’s face. “Ah, speak of the devil.” Rabbit chuckled. Andrew responded to the fat-lady joke with a punch to the teenager’s arm. “You really are an ass.” “It’s a gift.” The boy assured him. Infuriated, Twilight’s face contorted as she started shouting: “Andrew Eugene Shepherd!” Despite having to be afraid of Twilight Sparkles un-godly fucking firestorm about to rain down upon them, Rabbit couldn’t help double over and laugh. “Your middle name is Eugene?” Andrew glowered. “Oh, that’s rich coming from a guy who calls himself Rabbit. What’s your real name then?” Rabbit’s eyes widened for a moment as he thought about his given name and what his mother opted to call him. He had always considered it child-abuse, but apparently the rest of the world disagreed. They tended to find it hilarious. Shuddering, Rabbit looked away. “I don’t want to talk about it.” He answered rather quickly. In the meantime Twilight had been consumed by a star of pink light. She vanished from her perch above and teleported back into existence right in front of the two humans and a sweating baby-dragon. “Would you care to explain why I had to walk across several miles of badlands to find my coltfriend in the catacombs of a replica temple I forbade him to enter alone!?” Twilight yelled angrily. Andrew’s mouth opened as he went to speak. A quick pause later: “Um... technically I’m not alone. I have Rabbit and Spike with me?” it sounded more like a question than an answer. Rabbit face-palmed, groaning tiredly. “Why you gotta bring me into this, dude?” ***[]*** Evening cast her orange glow over Ponyville. Some stalls in the market were being packed up. Parents were preparing dinner for when their foals got home from school. And Trixie stood at the edge of the market square re-arranging the contents of her saddle bags. Dropping a small bag of coins in one of the bags, she closed the flap over and levitated them onto her back, wiggling around a bit to ensure they were comfortable. Satisfied she wasn’t terribly weighed down, Trixie was about to move out when a voice called out to her. “Hi, Trixie.” Came the voice of Twilight Sparkle. Turning her gaze, the showmare spotted the lavender mage gallop over. Both smiled at the same time. “How did you get on while I was away?” Twilight quickly caught up to the other unicorn and they walked side by side. “Oh, hello Twilight.” The azure unicorn greeted with a smile. “Trixie helped the pony named Applejack at her market stall. Compared to performing shows before a live audience, selling apples was foal’s play.” She added in a jokingly boast-filled tone. Twilight smiled. “That was kind of you, to help out.” “Admittedly, Trixie did have to ask for payment.” The showmare chuckled a little sheepishly. “She does need to eat, after all.” Twilight gave a chuckle too. “Of course. But even still.... here.” the mage’s eyes perked up as if she just remembered something. Her horn glowed as she gathered magic, then conjured up something. It was a book, an azure bound cover with a distinct emblem on the front. An emblem of a magic wand with some glittering dust. An emblem matching Trixie’s cutie-mark! “I want you to have this. It’s just something I threw together. I see the way you look at Rabbit and... well, I hope this helps.” She levitated the book over to Trixie who accepted it in her own levitation spell. Curiously the showmare flicked open the cover and skipped to the middle page. It seemed over half the book was empty, home to blank spell templates. Blinking, Trixie flicked backwards through the pages seeing more templates for her to jot her spells into. And eventually she came to the telltale squiggles of Twilight Sparkle’s writing. Trixie found herself skimming over a variety of Twilight’s own spells, from improved levitation techniques to long range teleportation. Cleaning spells, transfiguration spells... And there, on the very first page was the humanisation spell, each version and stage outlined in full detail so even a foal could follow the instructions. Trixie gaped as she looked to the inner cover to see Twilight had written for her; Trixie’s Spellbook. The azure unicorn choked. “Wh-... uh... Trixie doesn’t know what to say.” She struggled, rubbing her eye to conceal a single tear of joy. Twilight just smiled pretending not to notice. “You should start out slow with that one. It’s quite draining, and the clothes are tricky.” She advised. Trixie managed to take a deep breath as she carefully levitated her new spellbook into her bag. “And... you’re not worried Trixie will do it wrong and accidentally break the universe?” Twilight Sparkle giggled. “I think the Great and Powerful Trixie can handle it.” Trixie’s mouth went all squiggly for a moment before she threw herself forward and wrapped her front legs around Twilight’s neck, holding her close in a tight hug. “Thank you. This means a lot to Trixie.” Letting go of the lavender unicorn, the showmare gave a small sigh, then shrugged, correcting herself. “It means a lot to me.” The lavender mage chuckled and patted Trixie on the head. “Just promise you’ll take care of each other.” “I promise.” Trixie gave a firm nod before glancing over her shoulder with a sigh. “Well, Trixie has to go get some supplies.” “Supplies? You’re going on a trip?” Twilight asked. “Tri-...” the showmare stopped herself, stretching her head through her hat. “Uh, maybe you should speak with Rabbit.” They said their quick goodbyes before the magician left the mage, cantering off back towards the market. Watching her with a semi-concerned frown, Twilight turned her head to the library when the unicorn heard a shout. It was muffled against the inner walls of the mighty tree, but audible. Three loud voices shouting within broken only by a loud crash as something wooden hit the floor. Twilight let out an aggravated groan as she realised she had left Andrew, Spike and Rabbit together in the library... alone. No doubt they were disagreeing over something petty and were about to wreck the rest of Ponyville. Hurrying over, Twilight’s horn glowed as she quickly tugged the door open... But what she found she had not been expecting to see. The three of them were sitting together... well, Rabbit and Andrew were sitting. Twilight saw her coltfriend was slapping his leg, doubled over with laughter. It seemed the crash the unicorn had heard was Spike falling from his stool. Where he lay he was clutching his stomach and rolling from side to side, laughing loudly. Rabbit seemed to lower his arms and double over laughing as he finished up whatever crazy story he’d been telling. The really freaky thing was they were actually getting along! It was at that point Twilight wondered what was more absurd. The only two known humans in Equestria hating each other’s guts? Or Andrew and Rabbit actually getting along? Stifling his laughter a little, Andrew managed to pause for a breath. “Hehehe! You did that? What were you thinking?” Rabbit threw up his arms almost like he was giving up trying to win an argument. “Oh, come on! One minute I was playing video games, the next I’m surrounded by talking ponies! Cut me some slack!” Spike managed to sit up, wiping away the tears of laughter and resulting pain from his cheeks. “B-b-buh-but still! T-that’s no excuse f-for being so st-stupid!” he flopped back to the ground laughing. Rabbit just continued chuckling at the sight. “Heh! We’ll see how coherent you are when you’re sucked unexpectedly through an unstable trans-dimensional wormhole the size of a hat.” Twilight very slowly shook her head before making her presence known. “All it took was a near-death experience for you to start getting along. Ugh... boys.” Am I right, ladies? All laughter stopped as both humans sat upright and looked to Twilight as if she were and angry teacher catching them smoking behind the bicycle shed. Spike very suddenly managed to sit up too. Andrew slowly rose to his feet, clearing his throat. “Oh... hey, Twilight. You still angry?” Twilight Sparkle paused to think. For all intents and purposes she should have been angry. Infuriated in fact. Andrew had directly disobeyed her, put himself, even Spike in danger! But rationally speaking... no, Twilight wasn’t angry, and she confirmed her feelings with a shake of her head. She didn’t have the right to tell Andrew what to do all the time. And spike had proven his resourcefulness and maturity time and time again already. They had both earned her trust already, but Twilight had been so blinded by fear for their safety... “No.” the mage sighed, looking a little regretful. “I’m sorry I lost my temper. And I’m sorry for not letting you out in the first place. I had no right to try and quell your curiosity.” She smirked. “My coltfriend dying in an archaeological dig I wasn’t even around for? Think of my reputation!” Andrew managed a smile. “Well in that case I’m sorry I didn’t just listen to you.” “Don’t worry about it...” Twilight paused before leaning in closer to Andrew and adding very suggestively; “Or, if you want to, you can worry about it and make it up to me in some way.” As Andrew rubbed his neck and chuckled awkwardly, Rabbit and Spike looked at each other. As the most childish entities in the room, the teenager and the baby-dragon stuck their hands down their throats and retched at the mushiness filling the Library. Recovering with a cough, Rabbit grabbed his backpack and the duffel bag containing the various precious stones he’d swiped upon exiting the Collector’s lair, doubling up on the diamonds he’d been offered in exchange for Andrew and Spike. The loot had been shared equally between Andrew, Spike and himself (Spike had horrified the humans by scarfing down his share like they were chips), but each share came to still a substantial amount of wealth. Rabbit figured he had just about made back the savings Nightmare Moon had stolen and destroyed. It may not have been Meghan’s treasure, but it a damn good compromise. “This is all so very touching.” The teenager sighed sarcastically. “And on that note I’ll be taking my leave. Canterlot isn’t coming to me after all.” That surprised Twilight. Yelping out a; “What?” she trotted closer erecting a barrier of light around the teenager to make sure he didn’t just run off. “You can’t go anywhere! We had a deal! You would pay for the school if...” “IF you could remove this thing.” Rabbit cut her off before raising his wrist and wiggling the weave-gem from side to side. “But since you can’t do that, the deal is off.” Twilight gaped, completely dumbfounded. In her surprise her horn ceased to glow and Rabbit poked the barrier, causing the light to pop out of existence like an over-inflated balloon. “But... but...” the mage stammered. “The only one I told about that is Trixie. How did you know?” Rabbit sniggered looking a little proud of himself. “I didn’t. You just told me.” Twilight visibly cringed, face-hoofing like she should have seen that one coming. Andrew and Spike on the other hand chuckled. Hearing them she glared at the friends who should have been backing her up. Andrew shrugged, throwing out his arms. “Oh, c’mon. That was a little funny. Besides, don’t worry about the school. I still have my share of the treasure. That ought to cover it and then some.” Twilight rolled her eyes, calming down. Rabbit in the meantime held out his hand to Andrew. “Well, it’s been fun, guys.” The teenager admitted as Andrew shook his hand. “You’re okay for a goodie-two shoes, Shep.” Andrew smirked. “Thanks, I guess. I suppose you’re not a complete douchebag. Close. But not complete.” “What about me?” Spike piped up feeling left out. Rabbit chuckled, bumping his fist against the dragon’s claw. “Spike, you’re a dragon. You sneeze fire! That makes you cool by default.” Spike gave a big, gloating smile looking up to Andrew. “Ha! You’re just okay. I’m cool.” The human laughed. “Oh, c’mon. Who made Rabbit the arbiter of cool?” Smiling, Rabbit shrugged. “I dunno what arbiter means, but I’d best go find Trix.” He added pointing to the door and following his own directions. “Stupid, Rabbit. Trix are for kids.” Rabbit stopped dead in his tracks when he heard that. Very slowly he turned his head to see Andrew was grinning, confirming he’d actually said that. “... funny.” Was all the teenager could say in reply. Their final goodbyes said and waves waved, Rabbit left the library and crossed the town to where he said he’d meet Trixie. It was all planned. They’d meet up, head to Canterlot and finish their silly quest. Celestia would get rid of that weave-gem, Rabbit and Trixie would get their reward from Luna and they’d live happily ever after. Well, until their next hair-brained adventure at least. As he reached the edge of town he could see an azure blob waiting for him by the road leading to Canterlot. Smiling, Rabbit broke into a jog to catch up with his pony companion... And then he saw them. A congregation of ponies, fillies and colts gathered around their teacher he vaguely recognised seeing at the school when Andrew was kicking Rabbit’s ass. They were gathered around a mule (not a literal mule, one of those wooden stand-things) holding a blackboard. They sat out in the open air, listening intently as their teacher prattled on about some kind of important life-lesson. Rabbit slowed to a walk as he passed, catching something in the background. Framed just above their heads the human realised he was looking at the charred remnants of the school he’d accidentally burned down. What was it Twilight had said? After Nightmare Moon’s robbery the local economy was in the dirt. They didn’t have the cash for a new school. So what of the foals? Would they just sit outside for their education? It was fine now while it was sunny out, but what would happen if the pegasi decided it was time for a monsoon? Would nopony think of the foals? Throwing his head back and groaning at the heavens, Rabbit stamped about in a small circle. His conscience was quite literally stabbing him in the face, so disorientation naturally ensued. However, the message was clear in his mind. It was Rabbit’s fault the poor little cute critters were without an educational facility. He could of course just keep walking. But would Rabbit be able to live with himself? ... probably not. Gritting his teeth, the teenager stopped hopping about the place and locked his gaze on the outdoor-classroom. Rabbit was looking at the results of his actions, and unlike making a douche-bag decision in a video game giving him some sense achievement, making a douche-bag decision in real life just made him feel like an asshole. This wasn’t Andrew Shepherd’s mess to fix. It was Rabbit’s. Time to step up and be a man. For once in his life, at least. Rabbit briskly walked over, avoiding the gaze of the teacher who looked at him. Once he was in range, Rabbit threw the bag of precious stones at their hooves, turned on his heel and marched away. The teacher tried to say something. “Don’t jinx it. I gotta get away before I change my mind about this.” Rabbit called over his shoulder without stopping. Miss Cherilee wasn’t going to complain as she inquisitively opened up the bag to count the gems and diamonds within. In retrospect, all those stones were probably worth more than the actual schoolhouse... oh, nuts. Rabbit cringed looking back to see the little colts and fillies whooping happily as their teacher announced they’d have enough to even improve on their new school. He cringed again realising it was too late to go back and ask for change. Derailing his train of thought was Trixie’s voice. “Awww. That was sweet of you, Rabbit.” She said as they started walking to the edge of town. “Ah, blow me.” The human grumbled. “I gave them your share too.” Trixie laughed. “Yup... another beautiful moment gone in ten seconds flat. The duo left Ponyville in their wake and started the last stretch of their journey to Canterlot. Their winding path took them out of forests and swamps to the rocky foothills of the Canterlot mountains, carpeted by spiny heather-brush with the road weaving and winding around and through canyons, valleys and winding rivers breaking into waterfalls that cascaded down from the direction of mountainside city. Rabbit sighed as he looked to the journey they had ahead of them. “Well, here we are again.” He groaned. “On the road with nothing to show for our hard work.” Trixie shook her head. “Not entirely. While you were out gallivanting about with Andrew, the Great and Powerful Trixie actually got some work done and purchased enough supplies to get us to Canterlot. Also, Twiley gave me this!” – with a touch of levitation magic she pulled out the spellbook Twilight had given her – “My very own spellbook. And she even wrote in a few neat spells to get me started!” The human companion burst into fits of coughing as he tried to make sense of what he was hearing. “What? I give to charity and you’re the one who gets rewarded?” Rabbit exclaimed, clearly not understanding what charity actually meant. “And... did you just call Twilight Sparkle; ‘Twiley’?” Trixie shook her head again. “I dunno what you’re talking about. And trust me Rabbit,” – with a wide grin plastering her face, the pony jigged a little closer to rub against Rabbit’s hip, at the same time giving him bedroom-eyes – “I’m very sure you’re going to like some of these spells a lot.” Scratching his head, Rabbit hopped to one side, putting a bit of distance between them. “What the hell does that mean?” “Nothing~!” Trixie’s grin extended into a smile and they continued on the road to Canterlot. And this time around, there was absolutely nothing sinister to be had... ***[Everybody Loves Me - OneRepublic]*** ... except of course for the eye watching them from atop a mighty tower of marble and gold through an intricate brass telescope. The watcher lifted her eye from the telescope and smirked at a figure drifting behind her. So he’s a little charitable! What does it prove? It proves enough. Pfah! We’ll see! Yes we will. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Characters, Settings, Designs and Themes © to Hasbro and the Respective Owners. Please support the official release. Special guest star Andrew Shepherd from ‘Hands.’ Character(s) used with the permission of author Andrew Joshua Talon.