//------------------------------// // Is This a Donut, or a Desert? // Story: Taming the Draconequus With Coffee // by Graymane Shadow //------------------------------// For Joe, there were two key elements to life. The first was a well-made donut. To most ponies, donuts were a simple thing. They thought of them as little more than fried dough, something to be eaten in a pinch and forgotten about almost as quickly. Joe believed donuts were the clearest expression of his artistic talent. Even before his cutie mark had appeared on his flank, he had known he wanted to be a baker. His family owned several bakeries in Manehattan, specializing in cakes and pies, but for Joe, it had always been about the humble donut. His parents hadn’t seen it that way, but they’d let him go out on his own. He’d gotten up extra early every morning to make his donuts, loading them onto the best cart he’d been able to afford, an old wooden thing that he’d lovingly restored back to tip-top shape. Then, just as the sun started to rise, he had set out each morning to peddle his golden wares. The first month, he’d cleared enough to pay back his parents for the cart. By the end of six months, his father had come to him, asking if Joe would like to turn one of the slower locations of the family business into a donut shop of his own. Joe had been flattered by the offer, but he’d turned it down outright. As much as he loved Manehattan, he’d wanted to get out of the shadow of his family and strike out on his own. There was only one city tougher to make it in than Manehattan, and that was Canterlot. While generations of ponies had done their best to expand the mountain city beyond what many considered reasonable, there was only so much that the fusion of magic and science could do. Combine that with strict zoning laws established long ago, and Canterlot retail space went for premiums that made all but the wealthiest ponies blanch. Despite the prices, the waiting lists for prime retail spaces were long. Even after Joe had saved enough for a sizable down payment on a location, it had still been three long years before the occupant of his current establishment had finally decided to hang up their hat and vacate the property. But those three years hadn’t been wasted, for Joe had spent them working on the other thing he considered key in life; coffee. He didn’t think it was wrong to claim that he brewed the best coffee in all of Equestria. The quantities he sold were certainly evidence of that. Pony Joe’s was not the biggest donut and coffee shop in Canterlot, but it was most assuredly the busiest, not to mention the only one to hold a Royal Warrant from all the Princesses of Equestria and the Crystal Empire. The four plaques hung on the wall, next to the counter, and next to them was a photo of all six Elements of Harmony gathered around the counter during one of their visits. Joe credited at least 20% of his current success to that wall. Canterlot wasn’t Ponyville, not by a long shot, but Joe had still seen a lot of things come through his door over the years, and being a Manehattanite, there was little that surprised him. The entrance of a certain draconequus one morning, however, went beyond a mere surprise. “Well, isn’t this a quaint establishment.” Discord’s grin was especially pointy that morning, but Joe did his best to remain composed. He’d heard stories of what Discord had done in a pizza shop that had gotten on his bad side. Even if the Crown had paid for the damages, Golden Crust still twitched if a pony so much as mentioned parmesan around him. “Good morning, sir,” Joe said, pulling a fresh tray of donuts from the holding cabinet. He slid them into the display case before turning his full attention to Discord. “What can I get for you this morning?” Discord raised an eyebrow, looking appalled. “Sir? Well, I never.” Joe swallowed, picturing several terrible things, like all his donuts growing legs and stampeding down the streets of Canterlot. That had been the subject of more than one nightmare, and he hoped it stayed a thing of nightmares. “Is there something else you’d prefer I call you?” “Oh no, no, no,” Discord responded, grinning again. “I actually meant what I said. I don’t think anypony has ever called me sir before. I quite like it.” He slunk up to the counter, taking a seat at one of the stools, which emitted a loud rubber chicken noise as he sat on it. Several of the other customers were quickly finishing their donuts and coffee, planning to bolt as soon as they could without it looking like they were running away. Joe adjusted his hat and forced a smile. “Well, then, what can I get for you?” “You know, I couldn’t help noticing that all the important ponies have one thing in common. They all seem to love your shop.” He flicked a gaze over at the wall with the Royal Warrants and huffed out one side of his mouth. Joe looked over as well, just in time to see the four plaques grow eight legs each, and begin walking across the wall in a spider-like fashion. Deciding it was best to not draw attention to the prank, Joe nodded. “Lots of ponies enjoy a good cup of coffee and a donut or two.” “Yes, yes, and you’ve got the best, or so they tell me.” Discord sniffed. He was starting to look bored, and that had Joe feeling even more nervous. “Did…did you want to try something this morning? Or do you have a preference?” “Oh, just give me whatever Twilight usually has.” “Right. One chocolate donut with sprinkles, and one coffee, seven sugars, coming right up.” Joe felt the tension easing from his shoulders as he went through the familiar motions of serving a customer. There was no reason to worry, right? Just serve the coffee and donut, be cordial, and everything would end peacefully. That hope lasted until he saw the plaque from Cadance skittering into the back room. Gulping, he set the steaming mug of coffee on the counter, and pulled a fresh donut from the display, pairing it with a clean plate. “Enjoy,” he said. Another customer walked in at that moment, and Joe turned to handle their order with considerable relief. A small rush followed, with Joe selling a few dozen donuts and several to-go cups of coffee. He wasn’t surprised that customers weren’t staying today. Discord was rather well known by the residents of Canterlot at this point. But, as it always was, the rush was followed by a lull, leaving Joe alone in his shop with the draconequus. He blew upward to straighten a tousle in his bangs, and walked back to check on Discord. “Can I get you a refill?” he asked, picking up a coffee urn in his magic. “No, thank you,” Discord replied. “Actually, I do have a complaint about the donut.” “Oh?” Joe felt a flicker of irritation, tempered with concern. He wasn’t about to take an insult to his donuts, but he also worried that perhaps Discord had somehow – impossible as it was – gotten a bad one. “Well, it’s just that it was somewhat dry.” As if to emphasize his point, a small pile of sand appeared on his plate. “Is it supposed to be dry?” “That type of donut tends to be on the dry side, yes. It’s that way so ponies can dunk it in their coffee.” Discord pulled away from the counter in surprise. “Ponies dunk their donuts in their coffee?” “Uh…yeah, lots of them.” “And that’s considered normal?” he asked, clearly shocked. Joe shrugged. “Pretty sure? I’ve never thought twice about it, honestly. But yeah, like I said, plenty of ponies do it.” “Hmm.” Discord scratched at his chin. “Well then, I suppose I’ll have to come back tomorrow and try it.” He stood, his stool releasing several small fireworks as he did so, and moved to head to the door. “See you tomorrow, then,” Joe called after him, as he wondered just what he was getting into. Punctuating his fear, the Twilight plaque chose that moment to crawl across the counter.