After stopping for the night, Twilight opted to have Fluttershy pull today. Given the way her conversation with Kai had gone the day before, she wanted to give them the opportunity to make their feelings known to each other. She wanted to investigate the wandering ley line, but more important to her was being a good friend to Fluttershy, and to Kai.
Kai had guessed Twilight's intent, but he still didn't feel as if he had earned the right of asking for Fluttershy's forgiveness. Still, he would have been a fool if he wasted this opportunity. Swallowing his fear, he cleared his throat. "So, did Twilight say anything to you last night?"
"Only that you wanted to talk to me about something," she replied. In fact, Fluttershy had been the one to ask Twilight if there was something wrong with Kai last night. He seemed more down than usual, and she wondered if perhaps it was something she'd done. "Is something bothering you?"
Kai nodded. "Yeah, I uh... While talking to Twilight yesterday, I let down my guard and I told her what I really thought of myself. It wasn't a pretty sight."
Fluttershy took a deep breath. "Okay. It's good that you can let your feelings out. It's healthy to talk through them." She kept her eyes forward. She'd been holding back a few of her own feelings, and her statement was just as much for herself as it was for Kai. "What do you really think of yourself?"
Kai took a moment before answering. "You know how I grew up. You know what my life was like before you became a part of it. You saw the way I acted when you became a part of my life. After one week living with me, what did you think of me, really?"
"I thought you were a very misunderstood pony," she said, and it was the truth. "I mean, after the first day, I thought you were this cruel, insensitive beast of a pony, but after taking some time to know you better, I found that to be just a bad first impression."
"I don't see it that way," said Kai, shaking his head. "Every time I look at you, I remember all the horrible things I've done to you, and the memories make me sick to my stomach. For the life of me, I can't remember ever doing anything to make up for any of those horrible things I did. I want to be better, but every time I look at myself, all I see is a wild animal that doesn't care who he hurts."
Fluttershy gently rubbed his shoulder with her wing. "I can, without a doubt, assure you that your perception of yourself is wrong. In fact, you've just contradicted yourself. If you didn't care who you hurt, then why would you feel awful when you think of wrongs you've done in the past? If you didn't care who you hurt, why would you put effort into being better? As for you being a wild animal..." she leaned over and nuzzled his cheek. "I happen to like animals."
"I'm glad you see me that way, but I can't help but think of myself as some kind of monster."
"I've seen monsters. I've contended with them in the past. If you were a monster before, you're not one now, and that's what really matters."
Kai nodded, accepting her opinion of him. It didn't change his opinion of himself, but it did make him feel a little better. "That's very kind of you to say. I hope to one day see myself through such a lens, but for now, I suppose I'm doing the best I can."
"That's all anyone can ask of you, really," smiled Fluttershy. "Do you at least feel a little better?"
"I do," smiled Kai, and he did. "This was very kind of you to listen to me. If ever there's something you want to talk about, I would hope you could discuss it with me. I will do my best to listen, and to help you if you need it."
Fluttershy retracted her wing and looked down at the ground. "Well, actually, there was something I wanted to say, as well. I was sort of hoping to wait until this journey was over, so we could discuss it in the privacy of my home. I was going to have you over for tea and sandwiches, maybe a few cookies, and we'd sit on the couch and talk things over." She let out a nervous chuckle. "At the very least, I was hoping to have bathed recently."
Kai nodded. "Would you be more comfortable waiting? I'd like to hear your concerns, but not if it makes you uncomfortable."
"No, no, this is fine," smiled Fluttershy. "I was hoping for better conditions, but it may be better if I took this burden off my shoulders now, so I didn't have to carry it with me." She took another deep breath. "When we were in Whinnyapolis... When you cut that explosive device out of my stomach, I really and truly trusted you. And you came through for me. I believed that you would save me, and my belief was well-placed. You came to save me, you protected me, and then you went to rescue your own brother. In that moment, I was over the moon about you. I couldn't picture you doing anything bad. And then... Well, you know."
Kai nodded. "I know. I shouldn't have done what I did next."
"No, you should have," said Fluttershy. "I know I said at the time that what you did was horrible, but really, I was just scared. I saw that monster die. I lay there with a broken hip, watching the life leave his eyes as he collapsed on top of me. I was mortified. I woke up in a cold sweat every night for three months. But then, after I talked it over with Rarity, I realized that what you did to him was the right course of action. You kept me alive. You loved me in that moment. You did everything you could to keep him from hurting me. And while you hurt me in the process, your heart was in the right place. I wanted you to know that I forgive you for doing what you did. It was a necessary measure, and I hope that such a statement will never be true again."
Kai closed his eyes for a moment. "I never wanted to hurt you. Even at my worst, I never wanted to cause you pain. And yet, through my actions, you've experienced hardships. That was never my intent, and for that, I apologize. I want what's best for you, and that's the truth. I want you to be happy and healthy, even if it means I'm out of the picture."
Fluttershy smiled. "What would make me happy is to have you in the picture. If nothing else, I'd like to at least be friends."
Kai smiled back. "I'd like it if we stayed in contact with each other after all this is over. On friendly terms, no need to hurt each other, just a happy, healthy relationship. That would be all I could ever ask from you."