Applejack started bringing Harmony to the farm with her most days, wearing her in a little carrier attached to her saddle bags. She set up a small cradle in the greenhouse for nap times, and when it was time to nurse her she did so curled up under the apple tree. It was a pleasant and satisfying routine, not unlike what her life on Sweet Apple Acres could have someday become. Except that if she wandered too far afield of this farm without being spotted by a Watchpony she’d likely plummet to her doom.
When Princess Luna dropped by she often sat near the cradle a while, rocking it gently with her hoof. She seemed lulled herself by the soft music that emanated from the series of increasingly elaborate mobiles Dr. Whooves had created for the little foal.
“What does she dream about ?” Applejack wondered.
“You, mostly. Your scent, the sound of your voice. She dreams of the rustle of her father’s feathers and the movement of the air when he flies. It’s very peaceful. Refreshing.” Luna raised her eyes. “You sing to her together?”
Applejack smiled tenderly. “We do.”
“Your harmonies run through her mind. They’re beautiful.” She smiled down at the sleeping filly and stroked her mane. “Soarin is the first of my Wonderbolts to have a child. I hate every mission I have send him on.”
“I can’t say it never scares me Princess, but I know who I married.”
“You ponies are all so brave. I wish I did not have to ask such things of you. I wish I could promise an end to this.” She lowered her voice so that Applejack had to lean in to hear her. “Sometimes I wish it was I who was taken and not my sister. I feel like she could have done more.”
“No.” Applejack matched her low tone but her voice was firm. “Princess Luna, you listen to me. Nopony, and I mean nopony could do any better than you. Now, I admired your sister deeply, and I miss her. But in the time I knew her she had two, three other Princesses to assist. And she had all six of the Elements and the truth of it is that she relied on us for a lot. And she had a full Royal Guard and all the resources of all Equestria. And what do you get? One former captain of the guard. One mad scientist type inventor. One apple farmer. A team of stunt flyers, a garden in the sky, and a weather factory. That’s it. But here we still are, right? Still planting and growing. Still getting married and having foals. Still surviving and thriving. And that’s down to you, Princess, and the hope you give us every day. Maybe it’ll be over soon and maybe it won’t. We’ll be fine no matter what. We’ll still find joy and purpose because we’re still Equestria. You showed us that.”
Luna’s eyes glistened. “Applejack, I... I don’t know what to say. Except thank you, so very much. I needed that.”
“Anytime you need it again, let me know.”
“You find great reward in caring for others and you are very good at it. It is fortunate that you have found a mate willing to insist on caring for you.”
The day might come when AJ didn’t flush at the thought of Soarin but it was not this day.
“I feel as though you and Rainbow Dash and I have been through a lot together,” Luna continued. “I confess to worrying over your well beings in particular.”
A thought crossed Applejack’s mind. “Princess, something happened the day that Ponyville fell that still eats away at Rainbow. Something to do with Rarity? I know Dash was trying to get to her and couldn’t. I’ve always assumed that she must have seen her... you know, die. And I think Lyra may have been there. Because I know Rainbow Dash is the one who saved her. I don’t want to press either one on the details and dredge up painful memories. I know Lyra is very resolved about moving on. But Dash still.... what am I missing, Princess?”
Luna knew, she could tell by the look on her face. Even a Princess was hard pressed to hide her feelings from the Element of Honesty. She seemed to be mulling over a response. Applejack waited anxiously.
“There are things I see in dreams which are not mine to share,” she responded finally, casting her eyes downward.
“I... I understand, Princess. Sorry to put you on the spot.” AJ fiddled awkwardly with the mobile.
“It is more than the events of that single day that weigh on Rainbow Dash, I can say that much. Applejack, which of your friends do you miss most?”
AJ frowned and shuffled her hooves. She really thought about the question because she knew Luna was trying, in her way, to tell her something. “I dunno,” she finally said. “I loved them all equally.”
“I know you did,” the Princess smiled sadly. “I’m afraid I can say no more. And I must leave you now.” Bending, she kissed Harmony gently before rising to her full, impressive height. She was nearly tall as her sister, now. Whether she always realized it or not, this war had been the making of Luna.
Applejack dwelled over their conversation, and Harmony, as though she could sense her mother’s disquiet, was fussy that evening and resisted sleep. AJ tucked her in her stroller and walked circles around the outside of the house for a while. When that didn’t work she spread out a blanket and lay looking up at the stars with Harmony on her chest. Holding her head up eventually became too much effort for the tired foal and she gave in and slept. Applejack watched and waited for Soarin’s arrival. When he glided soundlessly into view she gave a small sigh of relief. Every night, after every mission, her body let go of a tension she never realized she was holding until she saw him again.
“She gave you a hard time tonight, huh?” He lay back next to them on the blanket.
“Yeah, she fought me for a while. Only been out for 5 or so minutes now.”
“I’m home tomorrow so I can take a turn.”
AJ snorted. “Well, you know in that case she’ll be out like a light.”
Soarin grinned smugly. “Hey, I can’t help it if I have the magic touch.”
“I’ll give you magic touch,” Applejack playfully shoved his face aside. Undeterred, he just wiggled closer and rubbed his cheek against hers.
“Luna came by the farm today,” she mentioned. “She referred to you as my mate.”
Soarin chuckled. He and Applejack agreed that Luna’s occasionally archaic turns of phrase were charming. “Well we certainly do enjoy mating,” he winked.
Normally moments like these, just the three of them, were Applejack’s favorite, her most untroubled. It was rare that she let the outside world intrude but tonight she remained preoccupied and it didn’t take long for Soarin to catch on.
“What’s on your mind, babe?” he kissed her ear tenderly.
“Well, while she was there we got to talking about Rainbow. I’ve always had the feeling that she couldn’t let go of something that happened that last day in Ponyville. Luna seemed to suggest it was more like something that happened before. Did she ever tell you what happened that day? I know she tried to save Rarity, but couldn’t. And I think maybe Lyra was there?”
Soarin was taken aback. It had been a long time since he and Applejack had discussed those early days of the war. “Yeah, Lyra was there,” he confirmed. “And there was a fourth pony, too. That one and Rarity were both surrounded. She told us she wasn’t going to be able to save them both, so she took a shot on Rarity. But it was already too late. So she and the other pony both died. Then she grabbed Lyra and split.”
Bon Bon. The fourth pony was Bon Bon, Applejack realized with sudden clarity. Another piece to the puzzle clicked in place. But there had to be more to it, right? Princess Luna had said it was more than just that single day.
“I always assumed she felt guilty about the other pony, maybe figured she made a bad call,” Soarin continued. “We all reassured her. It’s only natural, you take a chance on your friends. Jackie? What’s this all about? You’re shaking!” He lifted up a bit to look down at her, his brow furrowed anxiously. Applejack was indeed shaking, clutching the baby against her chest, and rapidly blinking back tears as her mind whirred. The idea of Rarity surrounded by those monsters made her sick. Bon Bon, too. And poor Lyra, forced to watch. It brought back too many ugly memories. And it didn’t tell her everything she wanted to know, although the picture was becoming clearer.
“Applejack? Jackie?” Soarin took her face in his hooves.
“I need to talk to Dash,” she whispered shakily. “Can you take her inside, please?” She slid Harmony over to him.
“O-okay. Can you tell me what’s going on, though?”
“I’m not a hundred percent sure yet. I’ll explain later, okay Sugarcube? I’m sorry. I just gotta talk to Rainbow first.” She knew he was rattled, seeing her like this, and she felt badly, but she couldn’t put this off a moment longer.
Rainbow Dash was still awake; Applejack found her in the living room stretching and flexing her metal wing thoughtfully.
“Hey, AJ. S’up?” Rainbow looked up with a distracted smile that was quickly replaced with a frown of suspicion when she saw AJ’s face. “What’s wrong? Did Soarin piss you off or something?”
“No, of course not. I just wanted to talk to you about.... something that’s been bothering me for a while.”
“Okayyy... Shoot.”
“Princess Luna dropped by the farm today, and we got to talking about the war and the ponies we’ve lost. She asked me an interesting question. She asked me, which of our friends do I miss most?”
Dash was regarding her warily. “What did you tell her?”
“I said I couldn’t decide, because I loved them all equally.”
“Makes sense.”
“Do you... feel the same way?”
Rainbow shrugged noncommittaly and dug her hoof into the rug.
Applejack took a deep breath. If she had missed the mark on this, would it make Rainbow mad? Would it mean that she never got to the truth of the matter?
“I don’t want to pry,” she said finally, “and I know I can’t change or help or fix anything that happened then. But, we’re all that’s left of them, right? So don’t we owe it to their memories to be completely honest with each other? Even if I can’t fix it, maybe it would help just a little if I knew?”
“Maybe?” Rainbow squeaked out. They were both crying now.
“Dashie... were you in love with her? Were you and Rarity in love with each other?”
Rainbow Dash gave the tiniest of nods. “Yeah. I think we were. Or at least, we were headed there? It was really new. And really unexpected. Like, super, super unexpected. We didn’t tell anyone because we were still figuring it all out ourselves. And then shit started to get crazy and... and who fucking knew it would go on like this!? I mean seriously, when was there ever a problem we couldn’t deal with in a matter of days, tops? We blew our chance, Applejack. We waited and then it was too late. And what kills me is I don’t know what she was thinking in her last minute - was it that I picked her to save? Or that I was going to fail anyway?”
Applejack felt her heart break at that last bit. “Oh, Rainbow,” was all she could get out. With every fiber in her being, she wanted to fix this. She wanted to find the thing to do or say to make Rainbow Dash better. Now the secret was out, and she was going to have to live with the fact that knowing it too was all she could offer.
“I’m sorry I kept that from you.” Rainbow scrubbed at her eyes with her hoof. “You’re right, we’re all that’s left of them and we should probably talk about them more. We need to make sure Harmony knows all about them, right?”
“That’s right,” AJ whispered. Oh, her brave, beautiful friend, who had stubbornly borne this pain alone for years. She kicked herself for not figuring it out sooner.
Rainbow Dash sat down next to her on the couch and laid her head on her shoulder. “We should talk about happy memories too, right? Do you want to hear how it started?”
Applejack wrapped a foreleg around her shoulder. “Yes, Sugarcube - I sure do.”
She woke around three in the morning, thinking she could Harmony crying faintly. Rainbow was nudging her.
“Hey, I think that kid of yours is hungry. I saw Soarin pass the window, flying laps with her.”
AJ pulled herself to standing. “Will you be alright?”
“Yeah, I’m a’ight,” she slugged Applejack on the shoulder. “See you at breakfast. You owe me some pancakes, okay?”
“Deal.” Applejack went to her bedroom and beckoned to Soarin from the window. She curled up on the bed and he brought Harmony to her, than lay down at her back and spooned her gently. He could see she’d been crying and it gutted him. Ever since that first night he’d walked her home from the hospital, making Applejack happy had practically been his life’s work. She was exhausted and sad now, and it was hard not to take that as a failure on his part. He wanted to ask what was going on, but he knew she would tell him in her own time. She and Rainbow Dash had a bond and a history that didn’t involve him and he was always respectful of that.
“Soarin?”
“Yeah, babe?” He lifted his head.
“I just want you to know, I love you so much. You’re the best pony I’ve ever known and you make me real happy all the time.”
Her words were a shot of pride straight to his heart. “Goddess, I love you too, Jackie.” Soarin gently tugged at her hair tie with his teeth, unwound her hair, and started to smooth it out with his hoof. She gave a little sigh of contentment and snuggled down into the bedding. Harmony was nursing more lazily now; they were both falling asleep. “I remember back when I used to see you at shows or when Rainbow used to bring you to Wonderbolts parties. I always thought you were so interesting and fun to talk to. I’d never known anyone like you. I’d always try to make you laugh. And afterwards I’d think ‘why didn’t I ask that cute mare out? I bet we’d be good together.’”
“Nah,” AJ responded sleepily. “We’re not good. We’re great.”
“So great.” He held her close and tight and protectively as she returned to sleep, and dreamt, for the first time in a long while, of her friends.