//------------------------------//
// Heroes Aren't Born, They're Made 
// Story: I Am Anonymous 
// by IWasAnonymous 
//------------------------------//


Chapter 5


Anon sits in a lawn chair in his front yard underneath the giant oak tree. He is only wearing a pair of shorts and a pair of sunglasses. The warm, late morning sun warms his body. Anon picks up a small glass of bourbon next to his chair and sips the chilled whiskey. The burning sensation tingles Anon's mouth as he lets the bourbon sit in his mouth. Eventually, he swallows the whiskey. Anon sets the glass back on the ground. 
It's been three weeks since the bar fight. Anon had been in a coma since that night until about a week ago. He doesn't remember much, but flashes of the battle occasionally run through his mind. 
For the most part, Anon is physically okay. The cuts and the stab wound are fine, minus the visible scars they left behind and the scars from the surgery. The doctors tried to use a spell to remove the scars, but Anon told them he wanted to remember how he got the spots. As expected, the doctors were confused. However, they passed it off as a human characteristic and left the scars behind. The only thing that hurts is Anon's lower back from getting slammed on the ground several times by the griffins.
When Anon asked how soon he could return to work, the doctors told him to rest for at least a week or longer and build his strength. So, Anon took advantage of the short "vacation" he was allowed. What he is doing right now is one of the things he did while he recovered, besides walking around Ponyville and visiting other ponies.
Anon closes his eyes and attempts to fall asleep. It doesn't take long for Anon to drift off. Well, almost. A soft but recognizable voice says his name. 
"Umm...Anon?" It's Twilight's voice. 
"Oh, hey. Twilight," Anon yawns as he opens his eyes. 
"I'm sorry. Did I wake you up?" 
"I was about to fall asleep, but it's fine." 
"Are you sure? I can come back later." 
"Nope, it's okay. So what brings you by?" 
"I just wanted to check on you."
"Aside from my lower back still killing me, I'm taking it easy. Yesterday, I went to Fluttershy's cottage for some tea." 
"You drink things other than alcohol?" Twilight's voice sounds like she is mocking Anon. 
"I drink things other than alcohol. I like hot chocolate, fruit juices, and sodas." 
"You should drink those more often. Alcohol makes you cranky." 
"I guess you could say that," Anon laughs. "But in all seriousness, I appreciate you coming to check on me." 
"The pleasure is all mine." 
The air is filled with pregnant silence. Anon picks up his glass and takes another sip of his drink. As he sets his glass down, he notices a peculiar look on Twilight's face. She is staring off into space like Anon does when he thinks. 
"Is everything okay, Twilight? You seem distracted," Anon says. 
"Yeah. Whenever I'm around you, I remember what happened three weeks ago. Seeing you on the brink of death...well...had an on impression me," Twilight responds. 
"What did happen after I lost consciousness?" 
Twilight sighs. 
"I tried waking you up, but you wouldn't wake up. Thankfully, the medical emergency team arrived a few moments later. They took you into the operating room while the girls, Spike, and I waited in the lobby. The doctors spent several hours working on you, mainly because there was so much internal damage. They said you were lucky the dagger missed your lung by one centimeter. 
"How did they even know how to operate on me?" 
"They used a book that had...monkey biology that Fluttershy had. The doctors finally finished the surgery around 7:30 the next morning. By then, half of Ponyville had heard about the fight and were waiting for news outside the hospital. When I announced the successful surgery, they cheered. But the cheering died when I told them you were in a coma." 
"Not much I could do there," Anon says. "When did Ti-I mean-Princess Celestia find out I got stabbed?" 
"I sent her a message as soon as it crossed my mind. What was so strange was that she visited you every day when you lay in ICU." 
Anon raises an eyebrow in curiosity. "Every day?" 
"That's what Nurse Redheart told me. Princess Celestia came at the same time every day and stayed the same amount of time for as long as you were in a coma." 
"The reason I ask was that when I first woke up from my coma, Princess Celestia's head was in my lap, and she-" Anon pauses as the memory comes to him "-was crying. Tia was crying. I've never seen her cry. I started petting her mane because it was the only thing I could do." 
Twilight cocks her head in interest, mainly because Anon had called Princess Celestia by her nickname. Twilight had heard Princess Luna call Celestia that a few times. Twilight knew it was a name that only ponies close to her get to call Celestia by that name. The fact that Princess Celestia lets Anon all her "Tia" shows that he has a special place in her heart. Very few ponies have that privilege—very few. 
"Since when did you two become so close?" Twilight asks. 
"Not the words I'd use. I'd use the words 'close friends,'" Anon says. 
Anon sighs deeply and flexes his fingers. Twilight can tell he is hiding something. He flexes his fingers when he is hiding something. The first time Anon does that is when Twilight asks why Anon's parents named him "Anonymous.". Anon said he didn't want to discuss it; he began staring into space and flexing his fingers. 
"I just found it odd for Tia's head to be in my lap," Anon adds. 
Twilight sits down next to Anon. "Ponies who are friends or in a relationship show affection by touch. It can be a hoof around somepony's body, a simple hug, or cuddling in bed." 
"Wait a second. Ponies cuddle as friends?" 
"Sure." 
Anon recalls a few weeks ago when he woke up with Princess Celestia. Showing affection by touch would explain a few things. The cuddling, her head lying in his lap, and her wrapping her wing around him at the picnic. However, those touches felt different, like something more was going on. Anon pushes that thought out of his mind. He doesn't want to think about it. It's too much to think about. 
"Ponies are weird," Anon deadpans. 
"We're not weird. It's just who we are. I could say the same thing about you humans." 
"We are weird. Some think being economically equal is good and free enterprise is bad." 
"That economic system doesn't sound like it would last long." 
"It doesn't." Anon snorts as he remembers his debate with a socialist as a teenager. "Never thought I'd be discussing economics with a pony." 
Anon leans back in his chair and stretches. Twilight pokes at the ground with her hoof, and she stands up. 
"Hey, listen. I have to get going. There are some...princess duties I have to attend to," Twilight informs. 
"Okay. Have fun with that," Anon says. 
"By the way, Pinkie Pie asked me to tell you she wants you to swing by Sugar Cube Corner after closing so she can give you something." 
Anon's curiosity is peaked. "Why couldn't she give it to me this afternoon?" 
"Today is hectic. Weekends are usually like that." 
"True." Twilight and Anon wave goodbye as Twilight turns to leave. 
Anon sinks back into his chair and closes his eyes. He wonders what Pinkie wants to give him, knowing that a hyperactive mare could be anything. Under normal circumstances, Anon would take "could be anything" with a grain of salt, but since arriving in Equestria and meeting Pinkie, that phrase has become literal. For all he knew, Pinkie could've planned a Lucha libre match where Anon had to wrestle a manticore. Well, that's a little exaggerated, but Anon has learned to expect the unexpected is a good thing to live by in the equine-filled world. 
Anon almost falls back asleep when he hears a gentle, feminine whisper. 
"So, you have been becoming close with my sister. I would like you to elaborate on that subject," the voice says. 
Anon jumps and whips his body around. Behind him is the Princess of the Moon herself, Princess Luna. 
"Seriously, what's up with you ponies finding a way to scare the shit out of me," Anon grumbles. 
"Seeing you jump like that is amusing," Luna chuckles. "So, do you mind elaborating on how you and my sister are so close?" 
"As I mentioned to Twilight, we are good friends." 
"Mm-hmm. Do good friends usually spend time alone with each other for hours on end? Plus, sharing each other's deepest, darkest secrets?" Luna says mockingly. 
"I thought it was just a pony thing." Anon shrugs innocently as he sips his drink. 
"Sure, friend Anonymous. I believe that you and my sister are courting each other." 
Anon spits out his drink. He has a shocked expression on his face. Luna chuckles as she sees Anon's words. 
"Ah, the great Anonymous has nothing to say in return. I can only assume that my beliefs are true." 	
"No, we're not dating. Tia and I are just friends. Nothing more," Anon snaps. "¿Qué diablos? ¿Qué pasa con estos ponis pensando que estoy enamorado de la Princesa Celestia." (What the hell? What is up with these ponies thinking I'm in love with Princess Celestia) 
Princess Luna's eyes narrow and lock with Anon's eyes. The look on her face makes Anon sweat. He never thought that someone much smaller than him would intimidate him, much less a pony princess who raises and lowers the moon and monitors ponies' dreams. Those duties alone slightly make Anon nervous, but the look is in Luna's eyes. It's the look of a warrior. The look is as cold as Anon's stare. 
"How dare you, friend zone, my sister," Luna says aggressively. 
"The actual fuck, Luna? Tia hasn't confessed any feelings to me. Therefore, I'm not exactly friend-zoning her. Even if she did confess feelings for me, I'd think about it for a long time. Dating isn't exactly something I like doing or am good at." 
That grabs Luna's attention. "You dislike courting?" 
"When you've been hurt by girls who think you're a joke, it ruins it." 
"My apologies, Anonymous. I did not intend to open an old wound." 
"It's okay, Luna. You didn't know. Besides, it was when I was in high school." 
"Do you wish to talk about it? It is beneficial to talk about one's pain." 
Anon shakes his head. "No thanks. It would be best if you weren't my therapist. Alcohol already has that job." 
"Alcohol does not help anything, Anonymous." 
"I'm aware, but I do appreciate the offer."
"In all seriousness, dear Anonymous, you mean a lot to Tia. You treat her as if she were a normal citizen pony, not as a sun goddess. My sister was devastated when you were injured during the altercation at the bar." 
"I would feel the same way if she got hurt," Anon picks up his glass and sips. "So, how is Diamond Tiara's cleaning." 
"From my observations, her skills are much more improved than when she started. I believe my motivations had something to do with it." 
"I wouldn't doubt it. You have creative methods of torture." 
"Cleaning a house is hardly torture, friend Anonymous." 
"It is for rich people." Anon sips his drink. 
"I take it that you don't like rich ponies." 
Anon sighs deeply. "No, I do like them. Money or wealth makes no difference to me. I respect rich people who gained their wealth. One man became rich by selling houses, and a woman became rich by selling books. It's how some act because of their wealth. Some act as if they are entitled to certain things, like receiving service at a restaurant when they operate on a first-come, first-serve basis. What Diamond Tiara did is another thing entitled rich people to do: pushing other people around and making people do things. I have fallen victim to that. One boy, in particular, did the same thing that Diamond Tiara did. You can ask Tia about that." 
Luna has a concerned look on her face. This is the first time Anon has opened up to her about his intentionally concealed past. Aside from knowing about Anon wanting to join the Army, Luna doesn't know anything about Anon's past. Anon's revelation about his past experiences with the entitled wealthy crowd also reveals another aspect of his character. Anon doesn't look on the outside but at the character of those around him. Luna finds this an admirable trait that most ponies don't have. 
"What do you think of my sister and me?" Luna asks curiously. 
Anon takes one final sip of his bourbon as he considers Luna's question. He sets down his glass next to him and faces Luna again. 
"Do you want me to give you an honest answer or the answer you want?" Anon asks. 
"The honest answer would be preferable." 
"Okay. I think that you and Tia are frequently misunderstood." 
This isn't the answer Luna is expecting. She sits down in front of Anon. Her posture looks as if she's a student in class, listening intently to the teacher's instructions. 
"I am assuming you want an explanation," Anon says. Luna nods. "The reasoning for my answer is because of your royal positions. In your sister's case, the ponies of Equestria treat every word coming out of her mouth as if they are the words of a goddess. The words you say are treated like a judge condemning ponies to death. You two are trying to have a normal conversation with your subjects. If one of you cracks a joke, your subjects treat it as if you were being serious. You and Tia want to be treated like normal ponies. Now, all of what I just said is just an inference. Whether it is true or not is up to you." 
"I am quite impressed, Anonymous. What you said is very profound and accurate. How did you make those inferences?" 
"I based it off of what your sister told me and observations. I don't speak for you, of course. Tia told me that most ponies fear you rather than respect you." 
"That is likely due to Nightmare Moon and what she did." 
"I wouldn't doubt it. No offense." 
"I  took no offense, Anonymous." Luna stands up and looks at Anon's house. "As much as I'd like to continue this conversation. I must resume my watch over Diamond Tiara and her work." 
"Make sure she doesn't touch my notebook. I don't want her anywhere near it." 
"What is special about this notebook of yours?" 
Anon flashes a cocky smile. "Secrets that are only known to me. Not even Tia knows what's in it." 
"I will assume I cannot read it, too." 
"Correct." Anon pulls down his sunglasses a bit and gives Luna a wink. 
Luna walks the short distance to Anon's house. As for Anon, he leans back in the lawn chair, hoping that no other ponies will interrupt his attempts to take a much-needed nap. Fortunately, his hopes come true. Anon lets sleep overtake him. At first, he has small micro naps; then, rest occurs. It seems like he only napped for a few moments. Anon wakes up and looks up at the sky to determine the time. It is close to two o'clock. Anon gets up, stretches, and goes to his house. 
By this time, Luna and Diamond Tiara have already left. Anon closes his eyes and smells the air within the house. The air smells like lemon and a hint of lavender. Anon knows that Luna had something to do with the lavender smell. Then, Anon gives the house an inspection. As Anon predicted, the house's cleanliness met his standards. If he is being honest, the house's cleanliness exceeded said standards. 
Anon walks into his bedroom and puts on a T-shirt. Then, he sits at his desk, where his notebook is lying. He opens it up to a random journal entry. Anon begins to read the entry. 
Here's what it says: 

Day 113 in Equestria

Tia is coming by today. I bought her favorite cake from Sugar Cube Corner. Pinkie has caught on to why I keep buying that specific cake. I made Pinke "pinkie" promise (strange, huh?) that she won't tell anyone. Ironically, she doesn't blab secrets like I expected her to. I have the cake on the counter, close to the money jar. I might have stuck my finger in the frosting and licked it off. I can't help that the chocolate frosting tastes so good. Speaking of Tia, I've noticed something about her that I find very interesting. Every time I see her with the ponies around here, she acts differently around them than she does around me. It's like Tia has this "mask" that she wears. She acts as the formal Princess that everybody expects her to be. Tia takes that mask off when she's around me and acts like the other ponies who talk to me. Well, not exactly. She acts like the friends that I do have. I like to be alone with her because she puts on that stupid mask when other ponies come around. I wouldn't say I like it when she does that. I never thought I'd be friends with a pony princess in a million years. She treats me like Brandon Caldwell, Ally Brown, and Silas Ray. I was someone; it felt like someone cared about me like Mom and Dad never did. I guess they filled in that hole in my heart. When my friends and I went our separate ways after high school, that hole opened up again. Now that Tia is in my life, that hole is gone. I miss my friends on Earth so much. Brandon and his brotherly love towards me, Ally and her daughter, Silas, and his Irish accent. Those guys were my family. Oh crap...Tia just arrived. I will write more later.
A tear falls onto the page. It's Anon's tear. Anon quickly rubs his eyes and closes his notebook. The memories of his friends flood Anon's mind. 
One memory that surfaces is the day Ally gave birth to her daughter. Ally had gotten pregnant at 17 by a classmate who didn't care for Ally or the child. He was only in the relationship for the sex. When the guy showed up in the Labor and Delivery Wing, Jacob, Brandon, and Silas jumped him and beat the shit out of the guy. Ally's father approved of the beating. Lucky for the baby daddy, the ER was two floors down. 
Anon shakes his head and stands. He enters the living room and picks up a Daring Do book on the coffee table. Daring Do and the Search for the Sphinx's Temple. Surprisingly enough, it was Rainbow Dash who recommended the book series. What truly surprised Anon is that Rainbow Dash read books. 
He picks up where he left off and sits on one of the couches. Daring Do is sneaking through what seems like a modern-day Egyptian bizarre. The titular hero sneaks through a bizarre because she spots Dr. Cabelleron and his goons. 
Dr. Cabelleron is the typical greedy treasure hunter, looking for priceless artifacts to sell to the highest bidder. At the same time, Daring Do seeks long-lost treasures to put them into a public museum. In many ways, Daring Do reminded Anon of Indiana Jones. Except for the fact one wears a pith helmet, and the other wears a fedora. 
The way the scene is written makes it seem like this happened. The entire series is that way. Anon makes a mental note to conduct some research. 
Anon reads the book until 5:45 in the evening. Since it is almost closing time at Sugar Cube Corner, Anon decides to go ahead and make his way to the bakery. He puts on his shoes and puts on his knife. 
When Anon walks into Ponyville, the usual ponies go home or head to the bar. However, when Anon passes the bar, Hard Cider's Watering Hole has a closed sign on the front. This puts Anon on edge. The bar is never closed. 
Eventually, Anon reaches Sugar Cube Corner. The shop is already dark and appears to be closed. Either way, Anon turns the doorknob. He is surprised to find the door unlocked. Fearing something may be wrong, Anon pulls out his KA-BAR knife. He hears the familiar tingling of unicorn magic, so he gets into a fighting stance. Then, the light flicks on. Anon sees a multitude of ponies. 
"SURPRISE!!!!" they shout. Confetti is thrown into the air, and party horns are blown.
Anon stumbles back a bit in shock. He sees the Main 6, Hard Cider, Filthy Rich, Spike, Granny Smith, Big Mac, Starlight Glimmer, the Cakes, Princess Luna, and Princess Celestia. The princesses are wearing party regalia instead of royal regalia. There is a green banner hanging up above the counter. In black, bold letters are the words, "YOU ARE OUR HERO!!! ". There are sweets and finger foods on the tables, along with drinks. 
"What the hell is this?" Anon asks as he sheaths his drawn knife. 
"It's a party for you, silly!" Pinkie Pie says in her cheery voice. "This is what I wanted to give you! A party!"
"What did I do to deserve a party?" 
"You stood up for Fluttershy when she couldn't defend herself. When confronted with a weapon, you didn't back down and continued to fight," Starlight replies. 
"I started the fight that got Hard Cider hurt, killed a griffin, and got the rest of the group deported back to the Griffin Empire. I don't think that makes me a hero." 
"You are a hero in our eyes, Anon. That's what matters," Twilight says. 
Anon pauses for a moment as he looks over at the drinks. He spots a small, clear plastic cup that has a familiar-looking liquid. Anon walks over to the glasses. He picks up a cup and smells the liquid. The drink is a soda. It is root beer. Only one pony knows that root beer is his favorite drink. Anon looks at Rarity and gives her a half-smile. Rarity gives Anon a wink. 
"Even though I don't deserve any of this-" Anon says. He takes a sip of his root beer. "-let's get this party started." The ponies cheer. Anon raises his glass and gives a slight nod to Pinkie. 
Ponies begin getting food and conversing with one another. Anon starts talking to the Apples. Eventually, Anon ends up challenging Big Mac to a cupcake-eating contest. Unexpectedly, Anon loses the competition by two cupcakes. Anon accepts the defeat and shakes hooves with Big Mac.
Then, Anon hangs out with the Mane 6 and Hard Cider. Anon is listening to an adventure the Mane 6 had in the Crystal Empire that Rainbow Dash tells. It's about a "Crystalling" of Twilight's niece, Flurry Heart. Most of the time, Rainbow Dash talks about her experiences and, as usual, talks about how this part would be 20% cooler if this happened. Anon thinks that Rainbow Dash has a fetish for the number 20. Anon's eyes have wandered over to Celestia. What is attractive to Anon is Celestia's behavior. She doesn't have her "mask" on. She is conversing with the Cakes as if she were an average pony. Anon smiles. 
Then, a cyan hoof waves in front of Anon.
"Equestria to Anon," Rainbow Dash says. 
"Oh...sorry. I zoned out there for a second," Anon apologizes. 
"Were you even listening?" Rainbow Dash sounds insulted. 
"Yes, I was. You and your friends were in the Crystal Empire for Twilight's niece's Crystalling." 
Rarity had noticed that Anon wasn't making eye contact with Rainbow Dash as he had ten minutes ago. She turned to see who Anon was looking at. 
"Anon, darling, who were you looking at?" she asks. 
Anon flexes his fingers. "No one." 
He stands up, but pain rushes to his side. He winces, holds his side, and doubles over. It almost feels like getting stabbed all over again.  
"Are you okay, Anon?" Applejack asks as she places a hoof on Anon's hand. 
"I'll live," Anon replies. "I'm going to get some air." Anon walks over to the door and steps outside. A gentle, cool breeze blows as Anon sits against the wall, out of view of the partying ponies. 
Anon can tell that fall is coming soon. Some of the leaves have already changed into their fall colors. The month is November, so the leaf color change and the Running of the Leaves are expected. Not only that, it is the 10th. Anon had figured out the date by glancing at the calendar in Sugar Cube Corner. It was the first time he bothered to look at a calendar since arriving in Equestria. Pinkie doesn't even know that she threw a party for Anon on his birthday. Jacob Kyle Irving is now 22 years old. 
Anon begins to contemplate the past 22 years of his life. Instead of mentally bitching about his life, Anon thinks about the good parts of his life. His best friends on Earth, their adventures, and the friends he's made in Equestria. 
Then, Anon hears the door of the bakery open. Out of the corner of Anon's eye, he sees Princess Celestia. She walks over to Anon and sits on the ground next to him. 
"What are you doing out here?" Celestia asks. 
"Getting some air," Anon replies. 
"Is the party too much for you?" Celestia teases. 
"Hardy har har. I've been to wilder parties than this." 
"So I've been told." 
The two friends sit silently momentarily, gazing up at the stars. Anon silently names the constellations he can spot. 
"My sister has done an excellent job with the view tonight.
"Yeah. I haven't been able to see the sky because of the cloud cover, but tonight takes the cake." 
"Speaking of jobs, I've seen many of your projects around Ponyville. I'm quite impressed. You've worked hard to make Ponyville a hidden gem." 
"Thank you. I try to give my customers their money's worth." 
Celestia sighs. There is a question that she has wanted to ask Anon for a while now. However, she doesn't know how to ask it. Asking Anon the wrong way might sway his decision. 
Anon can tell there is something wrong with Princess Celestia because she is strangely quiet, and it's not because she wants there to be silence. Anon places a hand on Celestia's shoulder. 
"Is everything okay?" Anon asks.
"Yes. I have a question to ask you, but I don't know how to ask it," she replies. 
"Ask, Tia. You don't have to be all fancy." Anon tries to sound reassuring. 
Princess Celestia looks at Anon. "How would you like to work at the Canterlot Castle as a royal...handyman?" 
That catches Anon off guard. "A job? At Canterlot Castle?" 
"You've done a fine job doing odd jobs around Ponyville. The castle staff could use your many talents. You will have a free room; since we are friends, you can eat in the Royal Dining Hall. I'll even pay you." 
"For the sake of conversation, how much will you pay me?" 
"Ten bits an hour." 
"You don't have to pay me that much. Shit, I'll work for free because a free room and meals are payment enough." 
"So, you're accepting the job?" 
"I don't know. This is sudden, and I would like time to consider it. I'll let you know when I have an answer." 
"That's all I ask." 



It's about two o'clock in the morning. Luna, the Mane 6, Celestia, Anon, and Spike are cleaning up the bakery. The Cakes have already gone to bed. Anon works alone as he considers Princess Celestia's job offer—a royal handyman. The job sounds like something Anon could get behind. Also, the benefits he'd receive if he took the job are phenomenal. Anon continues weighing the decision as he takes the garbage to the dumpster. Anon notices Rarity has followed him out the back door—typical Rarity. 
"Can I help you with something," Anon asks as he throws the large bag into the dumpster. He tries not to sound irritated. 
"You have been distracted since you stepped outside to get some air. I just wanted to make sure everything was alright, darling." 
"Everything is fine. Princess Celestia offered me a job as a handyman at Canterlot Castle. If I accept, I'll get a free room and eat in the Royal Dining Hall. I don't know whether I should take the job or leave it. 
"A job at the royal palace?! If I were you, I would have taken the job immediately!" 
"It's not that easy, Rarity. I want to be sure it's the right choice. I've lived in Ponyville for months and put my blood, sweat, and tears into this town. Besides, I've heard the nobles, such as myself, aren't too accepting of low lives. 
"The fact that Princess Celestia personally offered you a job is something that most ponies dream of. It's not everypony gets a job at the Castle. Only the best ponies work there. Besides, who cares what the noble ponies think? They don't know who you are." 
"So you think I should take the job?" 
"Of course, darling. I think you would do an excellent job as a handyman. Your work here shows it, too." Rarity turns around. "I'll leave you to your thinking." 
Rarity trots back into Sugar Cube Corner while Anon stands outside. If Anon is being honest, Rarity made some valid points. 
"Royal handyman, huh?" Anon says aloud. He turns and looks up at the distant city of Canterlot. "Well, Canterlot, here I come."