Swift rubbed his muzzle and inhaled before straightening his robe and marching into the courtroom for yet another hearing. His clerk, looking almost terrified, had informed him this case was going to be quite a shock for him, so he braced himself. He was not given to fits of utter tantrum levels of disbelief...he prided himself in being cool and perfectly collected.
He settled into his seat, shuffling his papers and sorting to the one for today's case while also preparing a harsh glare to bestow on the offender at the right time.
"Case of Equestria vs-" his clerk's normally monotone voice cracked, and then he tried again. "Case of Equestria vs. The Royal Sisters."
Swift might well have been a statue for all he went completely rigid at the words. Gradually his gaze slid upwards to rest on the defandants' table. As his clerk had stated, there sat Celestia and Luna side by side in all their regal glory, gazing straight back at him with neutral expressions. Next to them, Dusty looked to be a mix of over excited and terrified.
Swift's right eye twitched. Somehow, with exceeding difficulty, he managed to very calmly address the sisters.
"Princess Celestia. Princess Luna." He inhaled. "Clerk. Why are the royal sisters in my courtroom?"
"I-its on your paper, sir."
Swift looked down, scanning the pages in his hooves. His eyebrows successfully met his mane line.
"Charged with running an illegal dungeon and cruel and unusual torture methods?!"
His decorum slipped for a fraction of a second, eye twitching furiously. He took multiple breaths and then focused an appropriately disapproving glare at the monarchs.
"How do you plead?"
"Ahem." Dusty rose. "My esteemed clients plead not guilty, your honour."
"Very well. Cloudy, is the prosecution prepared to call its first witness?"
"We are, your noble honorship sir."
"Cloudy?"
"Sir?"
"Get my name right for today. There is royalty present."
"Yes, your honour."
Cloudy checked his files, then cleared his throat.
"Prosecution calls Syntax Silver to the stand!"
Syntax trotted up and took her seat.
"Do you-"
"-solemnly Pinkie Promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me Celestia, on pain of being haunted by Applejack, cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye? I do."
Swift's baffled clerk to his seat, and Cloudy stepped forward.
"Miss Silver, can you tell this court what transpired on the second of this month?"
"Oh sure. See, I went to Canterlot, on some writing business you understand, and while I was there I happened to run into a really nice stallion. He said he was doing an article about the Princesses and all that. We had some coffee together, and then we took a walk. And just as we passed through a small, fairly secluded park, we were jumped by royal guards. There was a fight, and well, the last thing I remember was something stung me, and I blacked out." She paused for breath.
"I see. And what happened next?"
"I woke up strapped to a table in a purple room."
"Er, by purple, you mean...?"
"I mean purple, counselor. The walls were purple, the floor was purple, there were purple pillows literally everywhere. Shucks, even the table and the straps holding me were PURPLE." She shuddered.
"Do you need a moment?" Swift asked?
"No, I'm fine. My therapist says it's good to talk about it." Syntax returned.
"Ok, so then what, Miss Silver?"
"So when I was fully awake and realized where I was, I kinda panicked. And then the door to the room opened and in came Princess Luna herself, grinning like a mad pony, and honestly it was terrifying."
"Understandable." Cloudy cough, shooting a smug glare at the defendants. "Then what?"
"Well, Princess Luna approached the table..."
"Well hello, my little pony! You're awake!"
"Where am I?!"
"You are in the Canterlot dungeon."
"The Canterlot dun- why am I in here?!" Syntax thrashed, but was quite helpless due to the straps holding her down.
"Well you see, my little pony," Luna all but purred. "Your companion was hired to try and take my sister and I out."
"...out to dinner."
"No, as in kill us. He is an assassin." Luna grinned slightly. "We looked thoroughly into him, and he even admitted we were right."
"Fine! So why am I here?!"
"Simple. You were with him. What was your part in this plan?"
"Nothing! I was just walking with him!"
"Hmmm." Luna nuzzled her head along her neck. "You are very soft."
"I- wha-" Syntax was thoroughly panicked now.
"You can tell me the easy way, or I can torment it out of you."
"Torment-?! But-"
"Shhhh. What was your part in this, little pony?"
"I DIDN'T HAVE A PART!"
With a tsk, Luna lightly hopped up on the table, lowering her body onto Syntax, nuzzling her as her forelegs wrapped around her in a tight and warm hug. Syntax stiffened. What manner of torture was this?!
"Now then, tell me or I shall be forced to cuddle you even more viciously."
Syntax blinked. To be honest, cuddles weren't so horrible. Wait, was she being brainwashed into this?! She tried to squirm but was quite unable to.
"No! You're trying to get in my head! I wasn't part of his schemes! I swear! Have mercy on me, I'm just an innocent pony!"
"Hmm. Nopony is innocent until proven so. I have yet to prove you so." Luna continued her snuggles without a shred of mercy.
Syntax shrieked...though at this point it was in mock terror since Luna seemed to have to plan to kill her.
"No! Spare me these cuddles! Oh the horror! Princess, this is the worst!"
"I am quite certain. Are you feeling like confessing something yet?"
"No! If you keep this up I might confess that I took a slice of your sister's personal cake at the last royal party!"
The intercom buzzed. "Sister. Cuddle her to absolute insanity. Nopony. Touches. My. Cake!"
Syntax screamed in absolute non-horror as Luna did as her sister commanded.
"...and in spite of my screaming Princess Luna would NOT STOP HER TORTURE! Do you know how much trauma I suffered from those snuggles?! Cruel and unusual punishment, I tell you! I have not been the same since! And purple! It gives me terrible flashbacks!"
In truth, the horror on her face did not reach her eyes...the navy orbs held a hint of amusement. Cloudy nodded at her.
"Thank you, Miss Silver. Nothing further."
Dusty gazed at Syntax. "Miss Silver. Are you quite certain you did not simply dream this?"
"Dream about being knocked out and waking up in a purple room tied to a table being mercilessly and brutally violated with soft, warm hugs?!" Syntax shivered unconvincingly. "It was horrible. My therapist says it will be years before I heal."
"But you could have dreamed it, correct? Perhaps you were low on decent sleep? Perhaps you dozed off and just dreamt the whole thing."
"I did not. It happened. I have feathers to prove it."
Her words were backed up by Cloudy holding up a plastic bag in which resided two extremely dark blue feathers.
Dusty sighed in defeat. "Nothing further."
Cloudy stood as Syntax left the stand. "Prosecution calls Sargent Tangerine Sunrise to the stand!"
The witness trotted to the stand and took a seat. After being sworn in, he looked to Cloudy.
"Mr. Sunrise, you were a normal guard at the Canterlot Palace, correct?"
"I was."
"You walked away from that job on the first of this month, correct?"
"I did."
"Can you tell us why?"
"Because I was assigned to a special top secret detail of Princess Luna's own creation."
"And what was the nature of that job?"
"I was to guard and protect the deepest level of dungeons."
"I see. And these were not sanctioned dungeons, correct?"
"According to the law, no. The Princess had them designed to help interrogate prisoners through highly...unorthodox and uh, intimate means."
"Meaning what, Mr. Sunrise?"
"She essentially built Cuddle Dungeons."
Cloudy grinned smugly. "I see. Nothing further."
Luna was whispering to Dusty, who finally rose.
"Your honor, my clients would like to change their plea to guilty."
Swift blinked. "I see...very well then. Mr. Sunrise, take your seat."
The guard obeyed, and Swift coughed.
"In light of the testimony, and the Princesses' own guilty pleas, it is time for me to pass sentence on them for their criminal ways." His gaze locked on the sisters. "I am sentencing both of you to three days of hard time in your own cuddle dungeons, to be carried out and overseen by the very victim of your crimes, Miss Syntax Silver."
He banged his gavel and the guards in the room descended on the Princesses, escorting them out while Syntax followed wearing the most evil of grins on her face.
Swift shook his head and retired to his chambers to recover from the bizzare case with a glass of his best brandy.