"Court will come to order!"
Swift Justice studied the papers before him, keen eyes taking in every detail.
"The case of Ponyville vs. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon!" The court clerk intoned expressionlessly.
"This is ridiculous! I shouldn't be here!!"
Swift lifted his eyes at this, and leveled a glare at the filly who had said it.
"Come again?"
"I shouldn't be here!" Diamond yelled, in a fit of indignant rage. "Do you know who I am?!"
"Young filly, you say this every time you get brought in here. This is the fourth time I have seen you and your friend in my coutroom. I have been far too lenient for far too long, it seems."
Swift's solemn announcement made Diamond's partner in crime go weak at the knees and sit on her flank with an audible plop, her expression one of terror. Diamond herself gulped nervously.
"My daddy is the richest man in town!! Why don't you just let him pay you to let me go?!"
Swift raised his eyebrows. "Miss Tiara. I know that you are a smart fully. Too smart for me to actually believe that I just heard you suggest letting your father bribe me. Now my hearing was acting strangely this morning, so I will chalk it up to that." He looked at the papers in front of him. "Hm. It appears you escalated in your crimes. Premeditated bullying, theft of a fellow student's art project, destruction of said art project, and to top it off, assault."
"Everypony knows blank flanks are nothing, anyway." Diamond said sullenly. "Besides, how does a paper ball mean assault?"
Dusty rose from her chair. "Your honor, my clients are good fillies of high standing, and they plead not guilty."
"I see." Swift leaned back in his seat. "Very well. Cloudy, I trust the prosecution is ready to proceed?"
"We are." Cloudy rose. "I call Detective Pinkamena Pie to the stand!"
Pinkie bounded up and took her place. Before anypony could ask, she raised both forehooves.
"I solemnly pinkie promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me Celestia and may Applejack haunt me in my dreams for a month if I don't!!!"
She sat down.
"Err...Detective Pie. Will you state for the record what happened on the fourth of this month?" Cloudy inquired.
"Oh sure! Well, Gummy and I were out on our usual rounds...you know, making sure nobody was stealing pastries or breaking any Pinkie promises!...when somepony called out to us! It was miss Cheerilee, and she asked could we please come to the school, so we did, and there was one little forlorn fully all sad and crying. And I HATE seeing ponies cry, so of course I had to be a party pony before I could be detective."
Her rambling was drawing amused snorts from the onlookers and annoyed grimaces from Cloudy, but she pushed on anyway.
"Once Twist, that's the filly, wasn't crying anymore, I found out that her art project for school was missing. So I looked at Gummy and I said, 'Gummy. You know what this means? We need a full scale search!' And Gummy totally agreed, so we started looking and that's when we found those two..." She pointed to the defendants "...not far from school with Twist's project completely smashed in front of them. I caught them red-hoofed!"
"Did they deny their involvement?"
"Nope! They said they were just holding on to it."
"Nothing further."
"Your witness, Dusty." Swift stated.
Dusty got up and began to pace. And pace. And pace. Pinkie followed every movement with her eyes, waiting.
"Detective Pie. They told you they were holding onto it, correct?"
"Yeppers!"
"Is it possible they were telling the truth?"
"Nope!"
"Why...?"
"Because they had scissors and a hammer! Now I ask you, why do you need scissors and a hammer for a hoof painting project?"
"You don't?"
"Nope! Especially one already painted. What would you have assumed if you say them?"
"Uhhh, that they were up to something?"
"Yeppers!! So I arrested them both! Wouldn't you have done the same thing??"
Dusty opened her mouth to speak, only to suddenly realize that Pinkie had somehow switched their roles with ease and was now the one doing the questioning. She blinked.
"Wait, I'm asking the questions..."
"Are you sure? Because you look confused! Do you want me to take over and cross-examine myself??"
"No that won't be necessary. I have nothing further." Dusty went back to her seat, suddenly feeling a headache coming on.
Cloudy stood. "Prosecution calls Twist, your honorary sir."
Swift rolled his eyes at the title as the filly in question trotted up to the stand, replacing Pinkie Pie.
"Now Twist, you know not to lie right?" Swift asked.
The filly looked horrified. "Lying is bad. You should never lie."
Diamond and Silver Spoon found the floor incredibly interesting at those words.
"Correct. Do you Pinkie promise not to?"
"Yes!"
"Proceed, counselor."
Cloudy coughed. "Twist, can you tell us what happened on the fourth?"
"Oh sure! It's like Pinkie said, my art project was stolen, and I was really upset cuz I worked hard on it. Do you know how hard it is to stomp your hooves all over a big canvas?! It's really tiring."
Cloudy barely shook his head, verbal answers eluding him.
"Well anyway. Pinkie went to hunting and she found it! Diamond and Silver had it, and they broke it. So sad."
"I see. And you're sure they meant to break it?"
"Well, they said they hated it and it should be destroyed, and it was all torn up when Pinkie found them with it."
"Nothing further."
Dusty cleared her thoat. "So, Twist, could they have been trying to help keep it safe and then accidently torn it up?"
"Nah...pretty hard to just tear it. You have to really rip and smash because that canvas is tough!"
Dusty sighed and went back to her chair, obviously feeling defeated. Swift looked at the two defendants.
"You know, theft and assault of any kind is normally punishable by time in jail or under house arrest-"
"ITS DIAMOND'S FAULT." Silver yelled suddenly.
"Silver, shut up!" Diamond cried.
"I'll testify against her!" Silver insisted.
"You traitor! How could you!"
"Silence!" Swift thundered as he banged his gavel. "You two have gotten away with your behaviour long enough. I intend to make this lesson memorable. So you are hereby sentenced to be Twist's assistants for two weeks. You will help her with project, do her homework, and on top of that be NICE to her."
"What?! You're making us her servants?!" Diamond screeched dramatically.
"Call it what you want." He returned evenly. "That is your punishment. And I'm also very strongly recommending to your parents that you be grounded."
"WHAT?!!" Diamond yelled in horror. "You can't- WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!"
"Swift Justice. And I find punishments that fit the crimes. You two hurt Twist and wrecked her project, therefore you will be nice to her and help with anything she asks."
"Can they help me rob the candy store?!" Twist shouted.
Swift snorted in spite of himself. "No. But they can help you make candy."
"This is the worst day of my life!" Diamond wailed as her father strode forward and grabbed her.
"It's going to be worse in a second." Filthy Rich said sternly. "I'm taking his advice, and you, little filly, are grounded for three weeks!"
"WHAAAT?!! DADDY, NO!" Diamond howled in horrified disdain as she dragged from the courtroom.
Silver Spoon did not fair much better, her father tugging her out of the room while promising that she, too, was grounded. She at least had the good sense not to scream about it like Diamond.
Swift straightened up his papers and smirked. Sometimes his creative and fitting punishments surprised even himself. Perhaps this would be the last he would see of these fillies in his courtroom, though with Diamond Tiara, he knew that was probably just wishful thinking. Ah well, it would at least be a long time before either of them got dragged in here again.
With a final shake of his head, he retired to his chambers to grab lunch and take a break before moving on to his next case.