“She wants how much?!”
“Keep your voice down,” snapped Willow quietly, making sure to keep her eyes on her menu, staunchly ignoring the inquisitive gazes turning their way.
Across from her, Shining Armor sat back in his chair, his eyes still wide from the sum that Willow had just quoted him. “One hundred thousand bits?” he muttered weakly, needing several seconds to process that before he belatedly picked up his own menu, staring at it blankly. “I can’t believe you actually agreed to that,” he huffed after a few moments, glancing up long enough to send an accusatory look at the purrsian sitting across from him. “I thought you were supposed to be some sort of businessperson back on your world, Willow!”
Willow bit back a sigh.
She hadn’t been surprised when Celestia had made it clear, back when the elder alicorn had contracted her to kill Lex, that her direct involvement in the scheme ended at giving the order. The potential fallout that would result from being associated with an assassination was enough to make that a simple act of prudence. Likewise, Celestia had been smart enough to assign someone else to act as her liaison in case Willow needed something to complete her mission.
But Willow questioned Celestia’s judgment in having Shining Armor be the one to act as her point of contact. While that was probably because he was the only other person who’d agreed with her about the necessity of taking such extreme measures, the Prince of the Crystal Empire was only marginally less famous than Celestia herself, making it difficult for Willow to make contact with him in a way that wouldn’t draw attention to herself. It was inconvenient in the extreme.
“I told you, Shining Armor,” explained Willow patiently, keeping her voice soft and measured, “there was nothing I could do about the price. The contractor knew that she was the only here who worked in that particular field, which meant that there was no competition to potentially underbid her.”
“You could at least have tried to get her to lower her price,” groused Shining Armor. “Maybe if you reminded Dark Streak that Equestria doesn’t have much of a use for her particular talents-”
“I did remind her of that,” growled Willow quietly. “The same way I’ll remind you not to say her name or what she really does. Or are you trying to get us caught?”
Shining Armor flinched at that, his eyes darting around in a way that was so blatantly suspicious it made Willow clench her jaw.
That was another reason why Princess Cadance’s husband was a bad choice for the role that Celestia had assigned him. His military career left him lacking where subterfuge was concerned, enough so that Willow was beginning to regret her decision for them to meet in public like this.
But what other choice did she have? For all that the residents of Ponyville had gotten used to having royalty walk among them, thanks to Princess Twilight living here, a handsome – and married, for that matter – prince couldn’t simply drop by a single mother’s house without it setting tongues wagging. The local newspaper might not send reporters out to follow famous ponies around like Willow had heard happened in some other cities, but there was no way a piece of gossip that juicy would be left alone.
While Willow couldn’t have cared less if her neighbors thought that Shining Armor wanted to try some “catnip,” to use one of the nicer colloquialisms from back home, she knew that she couldn’t afford to be so blasé. If she got a reputation as a homewrecker, Sunflower would suffer for it. As much as Equestria was a beacon of tolerance, Willow couldn’t bring herself to believe that, when it came to family, shame by association wasn’t a thing here.
For his part, Shining Armor was even more concerned about the appearance of impropriety than she was. Even the rumor that he was stepping out on his wife had the potential to embarrass both him and Princess Cadance on the national stage. Fortunately, he had a built-in excuse to come to Ponyville, since his sister lived here; the only issue had been finding an excuse for the two of them to meet in a public area where they could still converse privately.
That hadn’t been particularly hard for Willow to come up with, selecting a local restaurant where they could meet for lunch. It was the easiest way for the two of them to speak without someone else getting too close, so long as they kept an eye out for other guests and passing waiters. It was also the least suggestive meal for them to share, since dinner could be seen as the prelude to a romantic encounter and breakfast could be interpreted as the aftermath of one.
And as for coming up with a cover story about why they were meeting in the first place…
“Are you ready to order?” asked their waiter, trotting up to the two of them with a polite smile.
Willow turned over her menu immediately. “I’ll have the pasta salad.”
“Just a hayburger and fries for me,” added Shining Armor, his voice coming out a little too quickly for Willow’s liking.
Apparently the waiter thought so too, albeit for a different reason. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather take a trot on the wild side with a more exotic dish?”
The suggestion was, as far as Willow could tell, completely benign. Neither the waiter’s tone nor his expression were even slightly suggestive, nor did he give any sort of pointed glance in her direction, or do anything else that might have indicated some sort of lewd euphemism. In fact, she could already seem him turning the menu back toward her dining partner, preparing to point out several of the other items on it, further driving home that his statement was completely innocent.
But Shining Armor seemed to think otherwise.
“She’s just a friend,” he blurted.
The waiter blinked. “Huh?”
“She needs advice about her love life,” explained the stallion, oblivious to the piercing glare that Willow was giving him. “That’s why we’re here. She doesn’t know how to attract stallions, so I’m helping her. I mean, I’m advising her. It’s not like we’re on a date now, with each other. Because we’re not. On a date, that is.”
The waiter’s eyebrows had been progressively rising during Shining Armor’s hurried explanation of why the two of them were having lunch, finally coming to rest just short of touching his mane. “…so you don’t want me to go over today’s specials again?”
Now it was Shining Armor’s turn to blink. “Specials?
“One pasta salad and one hayburger with fries,” interjected Willow, her voice polite but firm as she caught the waiter’s gaze and nodded.
Taking the unspoken cue, he returned the gesture and left, Shining Armor letting out a breath as they two of them were given some semblance of privacy again. Their table was along the back wall of the restaurant, away from the windows, and there was no one sitting at any of the adjacent tables. Even so, both of them waited until their server had disappeared back into the kitchen before speaking again.
“Sorry about that,” muttered Willow’s not-date. “I can’t stop thinking about how bad us meeting this could look if somepony gets the wrong idea.”
Willow bit back the cutting retorts that came to mind. “Then perhaps you should turn your thoughts toward how we’re going to pay the contractor I retained, since she’s going to want half of the money up front, plus expenses.”
Shining Armor cocked his head at that last word, but was apparently wise enough not to ask exactly what expenses an assassin might incur. Instead, he hunched forward slightly, his expression tense. “Look, I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t have fifty thousand bits. Neither does Cadance. We keep some cash on hoof, mostly given to us by local ponies who want to contribute to the Empire’s well-being, but that kind of money is just…”
“You’re royalty,” replied Willow evenly. “I’ve seen how it works here. Just come up with a reason and ponies will throw bits at you until you tell them to stop.”
Shining Armor frowned. “That much money will take time, and there’s no way I’d be able to do that without Cadance noticing and asking questions. Besides, I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but the Crystal Empire isn’t exactly as rich as Equestria. We only have one city, and none of its residents are as wealthy as the high-rollers in someplace like Canterlot or Manehattan.”
Willow let out a slow breath, closing her eyes for several seconds as she silently reminded herself that budget constraints were a part of any enterprise, and that this was nothing to stress over. There was always a revenue stream somewhere. It was just a matter of looking hard enough. Asking Celestia to fundraise is out of the question, since she’s keeping her distance from this whole operation. The other princesses don’t know about any of this, so they’re no help either. So what options are left? Maybe getting in touch with Equestria’s richest ponies directly? Or maybe I should try and start my own business enterprise?
It took her only a few seconds to discard both ideas. Even if there weren’t significant hurdles that she’d need to overcome, there was no way she’d be able to do either of them in the few days she had until Dark Streak turned up and demanded the down payment. Given how the black griffon had been prepared to walk during their initial meeting, Willow had no doubt that she’d do so again if told that the money wasn’t ready. I might be able to get her to wait a few extra days, but not any longer than that, Willow decided grimly. If I can’t get her the money by then, she’s gone.
“We need to bring in someone else,” she admitted after several more seconds of consideration. “Someone who knows how to squeeze money out of Equestria’s most well-to-do ponies. Someone who’s familiar with each of them personally and knows what would make them part with their bits without asking too many questions. Someone who can do it without seeming suspicious or out-of-place. Someone like…like…”
“Like my own illustrious self.”
The new voice, masculine in tenor, made both of them jump, turning in their seats to face…
A picture of a bowl of fruit hanging on the wall next to them.
For a moment they both just stared at it, until Shining Armor’s horn lit up, removing the picture and revealing a square opening in the wall that was only slightly smaller than the frame he’d just taken down. The inner chamber was tiny, with barely enough room to fit a child, and lacked a bottom, instead plunging downward beyond where she could easily see. Whoever’s voice that was had come from down there, but at the moment Willow was less concerned with that than she was with why that aperture was there in the first place.
Shining Armor had the answer. “A dumbwaiter,” he moaned.
Willow blinked, unfamiliar with the term. “A what?”
“A dumbwaiter,” repeated her companion. “A miniature elevator designed to allow food to be moved from the kitchen to a different floor.”
“But the kitchen’s over there,” protested Willow, pointing at where their waiter had disappeared.
“It is now, plebians,” came the voice from before, now clearly echoing up from wherever the dumbwaiter led down toward. “But in years past, this establishment’s cooking facilities were located on its lowest level. When they decided to expand their operations, it was easier to move their kitchens to the ground floor rather than widen the basement, and so this lower level became used for storage instead, with the dumbwaiter shaft being used for ventilatory purposes. But it carries nearby voices just as well,” chortled the voice, clearly pleased.
Shining Armor just stared at the dumbwaiter opening, clearly having no idea how to react to this development, but Willow was already getting her paws back under her. “So you heard our dilemma, then,” she murmured, leaning closer to the hole in the wall. “And you said we needed someone like you. Do you think you can get what we need?”
That was enough to snap Shining Armor out of his stupor. “Willow! You can’t just ask some eavesdropper for help! We don’t even know who this is!”
A haughty laugh floated up from below. “Hah! Then wait but a moment, my dimwitted counterpart, and your savior shall reveal himself forthwith!”
The pompous insult made Shining Armor frown. “Who’s he calling dimwitted?”
Privately, Willow agreed with the third-party’s assessment of Shining Armor’s intelligence, but she knew better than to say so out loud. “Let’s be less worried about that than about whether or not this person can live up to their claims.”
Huffing, Shining Armor fixed her with an irritated look. “You really want to trust some stranger with something this important?”
“If they weren’t intent on helping, they could have just stayed silent,” countered Willow. “Instead, they revealed themselves and are now coming up to meet us. Since we don’t have any better ideas, then yes, I think we should hear what they have to say.”
“Yeah, well, I think their claims sound pretty pie-in-the-sky,” snorted the stallion. “How exactly does whoever we talked to think they’re going to be able to earn that much money that quickly?”
“Because I already have it.”
Recognizing the voice from the dumbwaiter, both of them turned to look at the pony striding toward them.
He was a unicorn stallion, one Willow hadn’t seen before. Like Shining Armor, he had a white coat, but that was where the resemblance ended. Only slightly taller than her companion, the newcomer was nowhere near as solidly built, being trim without the toned figure that admittedly made Shining Armor so easy on the eyes. His mane and tail were blonde, his cutie mark was a compass rose, and his face was twisted into an arrogant smirk as he strode over to them.
Shining Armor’s eyes widened. “Blueblood?! That was you?!”
“Indeed, my dear ninny, ‘twas I! Prince Blueblood!” He punctuated his statement by stopping in place and raising a hoof to his chest, pointing his nose skyward as if expecting to be showered with praise merely for giving them his name.
Willow settled for raising an eyebrow, glancing back at Shining Armor. “Prince?”
“He’s not a prince anymore,” scowled Shining Armor. “Celestia told me he lost his title in a duel, to Lex Legis of all ponies.”
Blueblood’s noble expression immediately soured. “Blame your sister for that, you dullard. It was her inability to overcome that degenerate brute that cost me my family’s title.”
He looked ready to expound on that grievance at length, but Willow – now recalling the nitwit whom Celestia had mentioned was responsible for Lex's ascension to royalty – wasn’t interested in whatever scene he felt like making. “Why were you down there?” she demanded, wanting to get that out of the way before anything else.
“Hmph.” Giving his mane a toss, Blueblood sank down into a seat opposite them. “Since my fall from grace, necessity has forced me to make strategic compromises as I strategize my return to the lofty heights which I had so unjustly stolen from me. To that end, I lending my considerable aid to the proprietors of this eatery in exchange-”
He didn’t have a chance to finish as their waiter suddenly reappeared, bringing their food out, only to pause in mid-step as he spotted Blueblood. Sighing, he put their meals in front of them before turning to the blond stallion. “BB, you better get back down there and finish up that inventory. You’re already on thin ice with the boss; he looked up that word you called him, a ‘fribble,’ and he’s pretty upset.”
Blueblood glowered at the waiter. “You tell that shabbaroon that I’m on my break! Now begone! We have matters of import to discuss!”
Rolling his eyes, the waiter shrugged and left, with Shining Armor chuckling as soon as the other pony was out of earshot. “So you’re working here, huh?”
“My current predicament is one that requires extraordinary measures to be taken,” answered Blueblood airily, his self-satisfied smile returning a moment later. “And indeed, it’s most fortuitous that I’ve down so. For now I’m positioned so solve your problems, and in doing so return to that most lofty of states in Equestrian society.”
“How so?” prompted Willow.
Blueblood flashed her a grin. “My current savings are just enough to provide for the half of the money that you require, and my knowledge of Equestria’s most affluent ponies is second to none. I should be able to easily acquire sufficient funds to cover the remaining portion of what you need.” His eyes shifted over to Shining Armor then. “Though obviously, I’ll need help regaining what I’ve lost in order to for that to be effective.”
The other stallion’s brows furrowed at that, shooting Willow a confused look before turning back to the former prince. “What exactly are you saying?”
Blueblood couldn’t have looked more smug if he’d tried.
“I understand that your wife recently officiated a marriage where a mare took two husbands…”