//------------------------------// // The Nimbus Sucker 9000 // Story: Ernest Saves Equestria // by Emerald Harp //------------------------------// “Twilight.  Ms. Twilight, can you hear me?  You have some guests.” The alicorn stirred beneath the sheets of her hospital bed.  She heard the familiar voice but did not wake.   The voice spoke again.  “Her horn has suffered severe trauma.  I was able to remedy and bind a lot of the smaller factures and splits in the bone, but I strongly recommend she stay here and rest.” “If only it were that simple,” said a much more familiar voice.  “I’d spare her this if I could, but her magic and organizational skills are second to none.  Doctor, I command you to wake her.” The doctor paused.  “So be it, but to wake her without trauma, I’ll need some time to prepare.” “I can help wake her up.  I’ve studied some healing and induced sleeping spells,” declared a new voice.   The alicorn heard the aura of magic gathering near her.   A third voice spoke.  “Save your magic, Sunny.  I got a better idea.” The comatose alicorn heard someone moving around in the room.  Moments later to her horror she heard the unmistakable sound of paper being ripped in half.  Twilight’s eyes shot open on their own accord.  She gazed worriedly around the room until she saw Ernest P. Worrell holding two pieces of parchment in two different hands.   “Eh, heh, heh, heh.  Librarians hate that,” Ernest stated sheepishly.  Twilight blinked, not believing her eyes.  She took in the recovery ward and saw other ponies in her room.  Princess Luna, released from her wooden prison.  She was battered, tired, and covered in cuts and bruises, but nonetheless she was here and fully restored to her dark glory.  Sunset Shimmer, shuffling nervously from hoof to hoof her attention focused everywhere but on Twilight.  And Spike, who was sitting on a small stool petting RImshot.  Before she could say anything, Doctor Brighthoof and Nurse Red Heart obscured her view.   They asked several questions, shown light in Twilight’s eyes, and took her temperature.  All the while they muttered about how dangerous the human was and how there were procedures for waking up a pony in a coma.  When the Dr. was done, Twilight asked her first questions.  “What happened?  Did we win?  We won right?  Of course we won, how else could Princess Luna be turned back to normal if we didn’t win? Are the foals in the basement okay?  Where’s Willie?” Princess Luna stepped forward.  “Patience, Princess Twilight.  All will be revealed.  In short, the fight is not yet won, but it is far from lost.  Just look out the window.” The lavender alicorn obeyed.  What she saw stunned her.  The sun was rising over Ponyville, revealing a host of Canterlot and Crystal Empire guards ponies.  Every warrior was armed with some kind of dairy product.  The sky was full of darting pegasi from every organization Twilight could think of.  Guards, Weather teams, Wonderbolts patrolled the heavens.  And off in the distance, she could see earth ponies and unicorns turning houses into little fortresses, stocking the impromptu strongpoints with milk.  The sight lightened her heart, and yet it was not what she wanted to see.   As if sensing Twilight’s thoughts Princess Luna continued, “I should inform you of what has transpired over the past several hours.  But needless to say, we would not be having this conversation if it weren’t for the supreme efforts of Mr. Ernest P. Worrell and Ms. Sunset Shimmer.” At this high praise from Luna, Sunset’s cheeks turned crimson beneath her yellow coat.  The unicorn still refused to meet Twilight’s gaze.  Meanwhile Ernest put his hands behind his back and looked down at the ground shyly.  The Troll Fighter was just as battered and worn as the Princess.  His clothes were in tatters and his skin sported several fresh burns.  “Ah, shucks.  You’re welcome ma’am.  But like you said, I couldn’t have done it without Sunny or Ms. Spitfire.  I definitely owe Spitfire a cake.”  Ernest thought for a moment.  “Or the Crusaders, or Pipsqueak, or Diamond Tiara, or Zecora, or Rimshot, and everyone else that helped.” The human’s comment put a small smile on the yellow unicorn’s face.  She looked up at Ernest and shook her head.  “I still can’t believe you’re alive and you did what you did.” Ernest stood up straight and put his hands over his blackened denim vest.  With a look of superiority, he declared, “I think it was General Grant at the battle of Waterloo that famously said, ‘You can question what my camel eats.  But you can’t question what my camel makes.’  Ya know what I mean?” Twilight gave the tall human a questioning look.  “So, what happened?” ******************************************************************************* Luna wiped the moisture out of her eyes.  She blinked and frantically looked around her airspace, her vision obscured by the curtain of rainwater she was hovering in.  Nothing.  The creature was hiding again.  The Princess focused her magic and took a deep breath.  She ignored the multitude of cuts and lacerations that covered her body.  Her magic could and did heal many of her ailments, but her power was set to a more pressing purpose.  In her mind’s eye she visualized her surroundings.  Like a bat mapping its position, she sent out a pulse of magic to her left, front, and center.  She waited and ignored the rain pelting her coat.  Seconds passed; nothing.  She considered turning herself 180 degrees and using the same technique to see if the monster was behind her.  Before she could send out a fresh pulse she received a reading.  It was the Tantabus; no other pony was in this mess with her.  She had ordered the Wonderbolts and all other pegasi not to join her in this hunt.  It was over 500 feet away and closing fast.  She tensed,  waiting for her familiar to get close.  She sent another pulse of magic.  Her familiar was 350 feet away.  Luna opened her eyes and tried to peer through the storm.  There!  She thought she saw the Tantabus, a black shadow against the dark gray clouds of the storm.   Her horn glowed as she whispered words of power and warding.  Just as she was about to cast her spells, lightning flashed before her face, followed immediately by the titanic boom of thunder.  For critical seconds, she was blind and deaf.  Reacting as fast as she could, Luna sent out a third pulse of magic.  Her breath caught in her throat when she realized the monster was right on top of her.  She had no time to throw up a hastily crafted magical barrier, so she did the only thing she could do.  She fled and dove straight down.  The Princess wasn’t quick enough.  She felt the monster’s wing-blades cut clean through a piece of her gilded horse-shoe and bite deep into her right rear hoof.  The alicorn bit down on her scream.  It was painful, but the Princess of the NIght had endured far worse.  With a snarl of rage Luna flapped her wings and banked back towards her enemy.  The Tantabus was fleeing back the way it had come.  Luna let loose a barrage of magic at the monster’s hindquarters.  The magic flew true but did not strike the Tantabus.  The attack dissolved and fizzled just before impact on the monster’s coat.  Luna swore, seeing her creation unscathed.  Using the break in the fight, Luna concentrated on healing her flayed hoof.  While her leg mended, she contemplated possible scenarios and plans.  The situation was not ideal.  She could not keep up this war in the skies for much longer.  Her battle with The Pony of Shadows had left her drained.  And now she was trapped in a prolonged engagement with her familiar with the trolls increasing in number by the minute.  This fight needed to end.  “Princess!” Luna swung her head towards the sound.  She almost didn’t hear it over the den of the storm.  Focusing her power she forced the clouds to part.  For a brief moment she saw a pegasus but was too far away to discern who it was.  The clouds reformed as fast as Luna drove them off.  Not for the first time she cursed her familiar and then herself for making it.  The alicorn arched her wings and flapped through the clouds to where the pegasus had been before she had lost sight of it.   She burst through the wall of clouds and turned to face the flyer who had been calling her. Spitfire took in the sight of her Princess in open-mouthed horror.  The alicorn was covered in cuts and bruises, and the Princess's hoof was dripping blood freely from a half-closed wound.  The sight shook the Wonderbolt to her core.     “What is your report, Commander?” asked the Princess.  The pegasus regained her bearings and came to attention.  “Ma’am, reinforcements from Canterlot and the Crystal Empire are arriving in the town bolstering our defenses.  Shining Armor has . . .”  “What of the trolls in the Everfree Forest?”  Luna asked, interrupting Wonderbolt. “No major movements, ma’am,” replied the Ace flyer with no hint of ire.  “We were getting reports of trolls flying through the air on fruit bat-like wings.  I can confirm these reports are accurate.  I personally took down two of their flyers myself,” the pony said, patting the bandoleer full of cartons of milk on her chest.  “There's a lot of them though.  We can’t get close to the Tree of Harmony.”  Luna nodded.  “The trolls are evolving.  Just like they did a thousand years ago.” Spitfire peered into the stormcloud.  “Ma’am, my flyers and I can go in there and . . .” “No!” shouted Luna.  “The Tantabus will tear any pegasus apart who enters its hunting ground.  I need you and yours to continue to keep an eye on the trolls and coordinate with our forces on the ground.”    Spitfire nodded.  “About that, ma’am.  Shining Armor has arrived with Zecora and two of your guards.  They’ve brought with them some civilians from the Crystal Empire.  One of them is a human.  They are requesting an audience if you’re not too busy up here.” The Princess blinked.  She looked at the cloud where the Tantabus was prowling, to her still bleeding hoof, and then back at Spitfire.  “Lead on, Commander.”   ******************************************************************************* “This is the most suicidal, most ridiculous, dumbest plan I’ve ever heard!”  the Wonderbolt leader yelled to the assembled ponies and human. Ernest leaned away from the pegasus’s wrath.  His reflexive nervous laugh bubbled out of his mouth.  “Eh, heh, heh, heh.  So is that a yes vote?” Spitfire shrugged.  “It’s not up to me.  I’m just saying that you have a deathwish.”   Nearly all the ponies who were in this impromptu war-council nodded their heads.  Morning Star was not one of them,  “The problem is none of the pegasi can form a cyclone large enough for long enough to get rid of that cloud before the Tantabus shoots lightning at them.  Unless a better idea is presented, I am in support of the human’s plan.”   Mayor Mare seated at the left hoof of Princess Luna cleared her throat loudly.  “Excuse me.  Why do we have to do anything about the Tantabus at all?  It seems perfectly happy sitting up there in its cloud.  Why not focus on getting the children back?” Before anyone could reply, an enormous bolt of lightning shot out from the cloud and struck a gazebo in the center of town.  The structure exploded and started a growing fire.  A blood curdling whinny echoed from the storm that was heard by all in the town.   The Mayor got up from her seat and bowed to the Princess.  “I humbly withdraw what I just said.”   The Princess nodded and watched her gather volunteer ponies to fight the fires and to make sure nopony was hurt.   Sunset Shimmer was the next to speak.  She got up from her seat and looked the alicorn in the eye.  “Princess Luna.  I don’t like this plan any more than anypony else does.  But in the short time I’ve known Ernest, I’ve learned one thing.  That if he says he can do something, he can do it.” Luna stoically cast a glance up at the growing domain of the Tantabus.  The pegasi up there were busting clouds as fast as they could, but the dark cumulus clouds were reforming faster than it could be destroyed.  “Shining Armor, what is the condition of Twilight Sparkle?” “She’s still undergoing surgery.  It will be at least another hour or two before the doctors will be done.”  Shining Armor sighed.  “Princess.  If we are going to move against the trolls, we need to do so now.  Our forces will never be as strong as they are at this moment.”     Princess Luna furrowed her brow in thought.  “If memory serves, the Crystal Heart nearly annihilated the trolls a millenia ago.  It should do so again.  When the threat from the Tantabus has been dealt with, I shall travel to the Empire and retrieve the Crystal Heart.” Shining Armor shook his head.  “Your Highness, the Crystal Heart protects the Empire from succumbing to the elements.  To remove the Heart would condemn the Empire to freeze.” Luna was about to reply when one of her lunar guards flew down to the assembly, gave a curt bow, and whispered something into the Princess's ear.   The alicorn’s mouth thinned.  “Thank you, Nightshade.  Return to your post.” The messenger bowed and took to the skies.   The Princess stood from her seat and looked down at the map of Ponyville spread out on a few milk crates.  Luna pointed to a section of the forest that bordered the southern end of the town.  “The trolls are amassing a strike force near Hydra Falls.”  Looking up at her most trusted soldier, she said, “Shining Armor, you shall lead the defense of the town as you see fit while the rest of us deal with the Tantabus.”   The white unicorn donned his helm.  “We shall meet them when they come out to play.” “Be careful.  The enemy is using armor that is near milk-proof.  The trolls have taken to stripping the birch trees of their bark and have fashioned protective equipment from our dairy weapons.” The unicorn nodded.  “We’ll take care of it.”  The Prince turned to Ernest and gave him a sad look like he was never going to see him again.  “Celestia’s speed, Worrell.” Ernest gave Shining Armor a puzzled look.  “Thanks.  But I don’t think Principal Celestia will let me drive her Porsche.  But it does go pretty fast.  I’d be pretty useful right now, for sure.” The white pony stared back at the human in confusion.  He was about to say something but thought better of it.   Luna watched her most experienced military leader go to rally the troops of both the Crystal Empire and Canterlot.  She turned her gaze fully on the Redneck.  “Mr. Worrell.” “You can call me Ernest, ma’am.” “Very well, Ernest.  What you are proposing is the most dangerous chore I can imagine.  Are you sure you wish to put yourself in danger like this?” The Redneck smiled confidently.  “Do not worry your pretty little head, Princess.  Before sunrise your sky will be as clear as the inside of my colon.  All I need is some tools, some mechanically inclined assistants, about a dozen go-fors, and some concoctions from Dr. Suess.”  The Princess blinked.  “Who?” “I  am the one he is referring to.  This name is starting to grow on me from out of the blue,” Zecora said with a hint of amusement. The Princess shrugged at this bit of news.  She turned her gaze to the heavens and said, “Commander Spitfire, for the coming battle with the Tantibus, I will need the support of all able-bodied pegasi not assigned to engaging the trolls.  Your force will have their person’s  magically enhanced by unicorns knowledgeable on how to resist lightning damage.” “Of course, ma’am.  The Tantibus won’t know what hit it,” the Wonderbolt said with relish. Luna pointed at the enormous cumulus.  “Your assignment will be two fold.  Firstly, I want your force to act as a diversion.  You will attempt to bust that cloud and draw the Tantibus away from Ernest.  Do not directly engage the Tantibus unless no alternative is given.” Spitfire didn’t hesitate when she said, “Consider it done.”   The Princess held up a hoof.  “But do not attack the cloud until Ernest has begun his phase of this operation.” Spitfire glanced at the human.  “Okay, what’s the other thing you want me to do?”   The alicorn gestured towards the Troll Fighter.  “Keep your eye on this one and catch him if he falls.” ******************************************************************************* Sunset Shimmer slowly made her way up to the attic of the hospital.  She was tired, enchanting so many pegasi with lightning resistance had taken its toll.  She followed a large cable that snaked its way from the basement generators.  Her ears heard the sound of industry before seeing it with her own eyes.  In her magical aura she carried a glass pitcher, a sealed metal can, and a set of nesting red solo cups.   A yellow-green liquid swirled and fizzed in the server.  Inside the attic, she saw Ernest and the Cutie Mark Crusaders busily at work on what looked like an oversized water heater.  A small foal dressed in a pirate costume put down his tool.  He looked up and waved at her.  She waved back and caught some of the conversation Ernest was having with the other little ponies. “And that’s when Rotnart put himself in between me and that charging troll and saved me from becoming a doll.” Ernest stopped what he was doing and looked at Apple Bloom in surprise.  “Is that right?” Sunset saw the other Crusaders nodding their heads in agreement. The Redneck returned to his labor.  “I never saw a troll do that back in Briarville.  Maybe once we get this Tantabus business done we can establish some sort of dialogue with some of the trolls who want to be less . . .” Ernest paused as he searched for the right word. “Trolley.  Ya know what I mean.  I think we should drop some pamphlets on them.  Maybe if we offer them some lactose free cider, they’ll . . .” At this point Sunset tuned out the Troll Fighter’s ranting.  She saw the little foal cross the floor with a piece of hardware that looked strangely familiar.  She glanced over to the corner of the room.  The unicorn stifled a terrified whinny when she saw the smashed and dismantled husk of Willey’s body.  She had to fight not to drop all the things Zecora had provided.   “Ahem.”   Sunset Shimmer looked behind her to find a small pink earth pony sporting a diamond tiara looking up at her with an annoyed expression.  “Oh, sorry.”  The shaken orange pony hastily got out of the way of the newcomers. The little filly glared at Sunset but then her gaze softened.  “It’s okay.  I’m just in a hurry, and this box is kind of heavy . . . and yucky.” “Do you need help with that?” asked Sunset. “No, thanks,” Diamond Tiara came up to the Crusaders and plopped down the box, her coat and mane smudged with grease.  “Here are the last of the vehicle’s parts.” “Just put them over there, please.”  Scootaloo didn’t even look up from her work when she pointed to another corner of the attic covered in truck parts.   The little earth pony did as she was told and mumbled about having a week long spa day when this was all over.  “Is there anything else I can do?” Scootaloo looked up and smiled warmly at the former bully.  “Naw, thanks for the help, Diamond Tiara.  We’ll call you if we need you.”   As soon as the little filly left, Sunset heard an enthusiastic scampering noise coming towards her. “Bark, bark.” Sunset looked down at Rimshot.  The beagle was wagging his tail happily at seeing the unicorn. As soon as Sunset reached down to pet the dog, Ernest looked up again from what he was doing.  The Redneck had a soldering gun in one hand and a thin stick of silver in the other.  “Oh, hi, Sunny.  How’s it g--- what’s wrong?” Sunset pointed to where Willey’s body lay.  “What happened to him?” Ernest put down his tools.  He got up and wiped his hand on a nearby rag.  “Willey was found like that down in the basement’s nursery.  He gave the trolls a good squirting though. He's a chip off the ol’ block known as Ernest P. Worrell, inventor extraordinaire.”   The orange unicorn frowned up at the Redneck.  “You’re using him for parts?” Troll Fighter One grimaced.  “I don’t like it either, Sunny.  It’s kind of like grave robbing.  Ya know what I mean?  Not that I’ve ever done that,” Ernest laughed nervously.  “But Willey’s parts and the pieces from Scootaloo’s rocket truck will help us out a lot on the Nimbus Sucker 9000 . . . We’re still working on the name.  I’ll build him another better body once this is all over.  He’ll like the next one better.  I was thinking his lower half would be a bulldozer and the upper half would be . . .” The pony held up a hoof.  “What do you mean?  Willey’s gone, right?” Ernest smiled and shook his head.  He pulled out a small black cube with a small access port built into it.  “This is Willey’s black box.  This is his brain, personality,  memory, and love for all things Celtic.  All we gotta do is pop this baby into his new body and he’s as right as rain.”   Sunset stared at the cube.  “You can do that?” Ernest tilted his head from side to side in a gesture that did not evoke confidence.  “Yeah.  But we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”  The human hesitated for a moment before continuing, “Hey, Sunny, could you do me a favor?” Before the unicorn could say yes or no, Ernest continued.  “I was wondering if you could keep Willey safe for me while I’m up on the roof.  What I’m doing isn’t exactly safe . . . ya know what I mean?  And I’d feel really bad if anything happened to him before I got the chance to fix him up right.”  Sunset felt her throat tighten as the reality of what Ernest was asking sank in.  She coughed and accepted the box with her magic.  “Sure, Ernest.”       Ernest smiled.  “Thanks, Sunny.  Now how’s it goin out there?  Did Zecora have the magic rubber?” “Uh, yeah.  Here you go.”  Sunset levitated the metal can up to where Ernest could read the label.  The human squinted at the small print.  “Uh, huh.  Uh, huh.  Fast drying.  Yep.  Uh, huh.  Never swallow.”  Ernest scoffed.  “As if anyone would be dumb enough to drink this stuff.”  Ernest turned and whistled over the din of turning wrenches and welding.  Four little heads looked up at him.  “Break time everybody.  The drinks are here.”   The Cutie Mark Crusaders gathered round as Ernest handed out the plastic cups.  After pouring the foals a generous portion of the fizzing substance, he raised his glass in salute.  “Here's to you, Cutie Mark Crusaders.  I couldn’t have done all this without ya.”  The fillies smiled up at the Redneck while at the same time eyeing and sniffing their strange-looking beverage.  “Does this stuff look familiar to you?” whispered Sweetie Belle. “It sure does.  It looks like Mellow Yellow,” answered Scootaloo.  “But I don’t think it’s supposed to fizz like this.”   Ernest turned to Pipsqueak and in an English accent said, “And to you, good sir.  Your know-how of wind tunnels and suction were a boon to this project.  You’ve done your Princess and country proud this day, old chap.” The little pirate beamed up at the human.  “Me old man was a vacuum sales-pony.  I picked up a thing or two from him.”   Ernest drank deeply from his cup while Pipsqueak talked.  The Crusaders, Sunset, and Rimshot watched to see the Troll Fighter’s reaction to the concoction. After the long pull, Ernest straightened and sighed.  “Oh yeah, that’s the stuff.”    “What is that?” asked Sunset.   “Mellow Yellow,” replied the human. The orange unicorn recoiled in horror.  “Ernest, that’s a very potent drug that should be taken in small doses.” “I knew it,” said Scootaloo. Before the Crusaders could get rid of their drinks Ernest raised his hands.  “Wait, wait.  This recipe is from my world.  It’s soda pop, it won’t turn you yellow . . . at least not after 10 gallons.  It’s good.  I drink it all the time. I did some pitchman work for Coke a few years ago.”  Ernest grinned.  “I was so good at selling the pop, the people at Coke showed me how to make the stuff.”  The human’s face turned serious, “Just don’t tell them I gave the recipe to Zecora.  Lawyers are expensive where I come from.”   Cautiously Pipsqueak brought the cup to his lips and sipped.  His eyes widened when the caffeine entered his bloodstream.  A fierce grin split his face.  “This stuff is bloody amazing.”   The Crusaders looked at each other and slowly drank from their glasses.   Sunset couldn’t help but smile at the reactions from the little ponies.  It was like watching foals try candy for the first time.  They drank, talked, and pranced about the room barely able to contain their new-found energy.     “Did you want some, Sunny?” The orange pony shook her head at the offered glass Ernest held before her muzzle and got back to business.  “How close are you to finishing?” Ernest sat down his glass next to the can of fast drying rubber.  “We’re just about done.  All we gotta do is button everything up here.”  Ernest gently kicked a steel plate with his foot.  “And then do some touch ups to the super vacuum and the lightning suit with Zecora’s fast drying rubber.” “Lightning suit?” asked Sunset. Ernest pointed to a nearby table.  On it was a mish-mash assortment of metals that had been hastily smashed, welded, and pressed together into something that looked like armor a human could use.  Sunset recognized even more pieces of Willey, parts from the cannibalized dodge pickup outside, and even dissected armor from a guard pony from Canterlot.   A feeling of dread bubbled in Sunset’s stomach.  “Ernest, how is that . . . that . . .”  Words failed her in describing the assortment of garbage on the table.   “How is that stuff going to protect you from the Tantabus?” Ernest grimaced.  “I know it looks pretty rough, but I think it should work.  Have I ever told you about that one time twenty years ago when my daddy went up on the roof of the house to fix the T.V. antenna in the middle of a thunderstorm?  He went up with nothing but the clothes on his back and a tinfoil hat and came back down just fine.  Now granted he kind of talked funny for the rest of his days after being struck a couple of dozen times, but he did it by gum.  But I’ll be going up with more protection then he ever had.  Once we’re ready, we’ll put the pieces together.”   None of what her friend said was very comforting to the orange unicorn.  There were too many shoulds, ifs, and unknowns.  The more she looked at what Ernest and his helpers had made in the hospital’s attic, the more she agreed with Spitfire.  This plan was suicidal and probably not going to work at all.   “So, what do you think Sunny?” asked Ernest. She looked up at the Redneck and noticed that the Crusaders had calmed down enough to listen in on the conversation.  Even Rimshot was waiting expectantly for her to say something.  “Uh . . . yeah.  Maybe.  Would you mind if I added some of my own . . . enhancements?” Ernest shrugged.  “Yeah, go ahead.”  The human turned back to his crew of fabricators.  “Well, gang, break’s over.  We gotta put everything together and daylight is burning.” “But it’s night time,” said the little pirate.   “I know,” replied Ernest. “We’re already behind.”   As the Crusaders and Sunset set about their appointed tasks, Ernest walked over to where he left his cup.  Without looking, he raised it to his lips, and drank.  It didn’t take long for him to realize that what he was drinking was not Mellow Yellow.  His eyes widened to a cartoonish level when he couldn’t open his mouth.  Sure enough, there in his hand was the can of Zecora’s fast drying rubber.  Ernest cast about the attic wildly until he found a pry bar at a nearby bench.  The Redneck as nonchalantly as possible walked over to the table and tried to slide the tool between his sealed lips without being too conspicuous.  After several failed attempts, he grabbed a hammer and tried the same thing.   While this was going on, Rimshot watched the human with a bored expression on his face.  The beagle thought about barking up a storm and getting one of the Equestrians to help his master.  He would have done that if he’d not seen his master’s shenanigans countless other times.  The dog was not worried; Ernest had done way dumber things.  For now he was content to sit back and watch the show.     The Troll Fighter rolled around on the floor with two flat blade screwdrivers in his mouth, prying for all he was worth.  Then his eyes met those of a pink filly wearing a diamond tiara.  The little pony stood on the stairs leading down into the hospital carrying a plate of hayburgers and punch.    Ernest slowly got up from his prone position on the ground and removed the screwdrivers from his mouth.  He beckoned the pony forward and made a gesture that meant, and what can I do for you? The little filly put down the plate and looked up at the filthy looking biped.  His shirt, vest, and lower jaw was covered in blackness.  Before the pony could ask what was going on, she spotted the can of liquid rubber sitting next to a plastic cup.  She looked at the can and back at Ernest.  “Did you drink that?”  Diamond Tiara pointed at the can of rubber.  She had to shout to be heard over the din of hammering and magic enchantment.   Ernest nodded his head.  A series of unintelligible mumbles and hand gestures followed. Before Diamond Tiara could get help or ask anymore questions the temperature in the room dropped by a few degrees.  The little filly had a pretty good hunch at what had caused the sudden coldness. She had enough encounters with Twilight Sparkle to know that a unicorn was about to teleport into the attic.   The pink earth pony had just enough time to turn around and see Princess Luna teleport into one of the few spaces in the attic clear of tables, wires, and other parts with an audible pop of air displacement.  The noise of industry ceased as the Crusaders and Sunset Shimmer stopped what they were doing, surprise written on their faces.  The alicorn looked around and locked eyes with the Troll Fighter.  “Ernest, the situation outside grows most dire.  Prince Shining Armor and his strike force were ambushed near Hydra Falls.  We fear Shining Armor may have been taken hostage.  The trolls are as cunning now as they were a thousand years ago.  We need to move against the Tantabus as soon as you are ready.  How fares your progress?” If Ernest hadn’t already been sweating from working so hard on the Nimbus Sucker 9000 and trying to pry his mouth open, he’d definitely would have been at that moment.  All eyes in the attic swung his way and waited for his answer.  He would have done his classic nervous laugh if his mouth wasn’t glued shut.   Rimshot barked and pawed at the human’s ankles.   Ernest looked down and saw that the beagle was holding a notepad and pencil in his mouth.   The Redneck patted the dog and took the writing implements.  He hurriedly scrawled on the notepad and held it up for Luna to see.  “We’ll be ready in thirty minutes, ma’am, or my name isn’t Ernest P. Worrell, Fabricator General of Ponyville General Hospital.”  Luna let out an exasperated noise.  “So be it.  Just hurry.”  She eyed the human and took in the black specks covering his face.  “Is something amiss, Ernest?  Why art thou not speaking to me?” Again all eyes looked to The Troll Fighter for an explanation.  He thought about writing something, but he couldn’t break away from Luna’s piercing gaze.  His hand wrote unintelligibly across the page. “I think he shocked himself.”  Luna blinked and looked down at Diamond Tirra.  “What?” “He got his face too close to some wires when he was neck deep in that thing he was working on.  I don’t know what happened.  I’ve been galloping up and down these stairs all night.  But not long ago I did see a lot of sparks, and the next thing I know, he’s lying on his face with specks of that black stuff all over him.  He hasn’t been able to talk since.” The Princess gave Ernest a worried look.  “Has an apothecary been up here to examine him?” “I don’t think so.  He and everypony else up here have been working non-stop this whole time.  When it happened, he just got back up and kept working.  Everypony knows that this machine needs to be up and running as soon as possible.”  The alicorn nodded and turned to Sunset Shimmer.  “I’ll send somepony up here immediately to check on Ernest.  In the meantime, see if you can locate what ails him.”  The Princess looked at Ernest and smiled.  “Thank you for your dedication, Mr. Worrell.  Equestria is in your debt.  Are you well enough to continue your labor here?” Ernest gave the pink filly a confused look but quickly broke it off to nod at Luna and salute. “Good.  Let Ms. Shimmer examine you and then get back to your work.  An apothecary will be with you shortly.  And do try and be more careful.  We’ll have need of you later.”    Moments later the Princess blinked out of the attic. Applebloom was the first to speak.  “What the hay was all that about?” Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes and pointed up at the can of liquid rubber.  “This genius glued his muzzle shut.” Sweetie Belle looked up at Ernest.  The human hung his head and nodded.  “I can’t say I’m surprised.” Scootaloo frowned at the former bully.  “But why did you lie to the Princess?  Don’t get me wrong, you made Ernest look pretty good back there, but you don’t owe him anything.” Diamond Tiara sighed.  “Because Silver Spoon did the same thing for me not that long ago.  And if anypony can get back at the trolls for what they did to Silver Spoon and my dad, I’m going to do all I can to help that pony . . . or whatever the heck this weird thing is.”  The pink earth pony pointed at Ernest.   The Crusaders looked at each other.  Finally it was Pipsqueak who said, “Eh, it’s a step in the right direction.”  The others nodded. Sunset meanwhile was examining Ernest’s mouth.  “Okay Ernest.  I’ve seen something like this a couple of years ago when Snails drank a few containers of glue in art class.  I think I can get the rubber out, but I’m not going to lie, it’s going to sting.” The human gave the pony a worried glance and scrawled something down on his notepad.  “Is it a shot?” “No, it’s not a shot.  But we need to hurry up before the doctor gets here and finds a wad of rubber in your mouth.” Ernest breathed a sigh of relief and began writing again.  “Do what you gotta do, Sunny.  Ernest P. Worrell does not shirk from duty or pain.  He . . . “ The Troll Fighter would have kept writing but the orange unicorn was asking him a question.  Her horn glowed with turquoise magic, “So have you asked Vice-Principal Luna out yet?” The question caught Ernest completely off guard, but before he could write or mumble anything through his non-functioning mouth, he felt the ball of rubber that was sealing his lips shut ripped out of his head. “WWWWHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA----------”  Ernent’s scream of pain was cut short by a silence spell from Sunset. A few minutes later when a doctor came up to the attic, he found a lot of gauze stuffed into the mouth of the human.  The excuse given for this was that he had bitten his tongue and cheek when he had been electrocuted.  In the end the Doctor shrugged, gave Ernest a couple of capsules of pain-killers, and went back down the stairs where he had come from.