//------------------------------//
// Chapter 76: Baseball Diamonds and Wedding Rings 
// Story: Pandemic: Starting Over 
// by Halira 
//------------------------------//

"What are those ponies doing, Auntie?" Shǔguāng asked as he pointed up at the sky from where we sat in the stands. 

I looked up at the team of pegasi flying above the stadium. "I don't know. Something to do with the weather, but I'm not sure what they are doing. The sky is clear, so it isn't like they are preventing rain."

"They are adjusting the humidity and air pressure," Lántiān said as she glanced up. She closed her eyes and fluffed her wings, feeling out the air. She then opened her eyes and pointed out to the field where an umpire was walking about. "You see that human? He is taking measurements and communicating by radio with the team up above, directing them towards their goal. I don't know the reason, but that is what they are doing."

Jess leaned forward in her seat and started talking excitedly. "Oh, oh, I know! It has to do with the way the baseball moves. Those factors can impact everything from how pitches are thrown to how far the ball travels after being hit by a bat. There's some exciting physics that—"

"Okay, there's your answer, Shǔguāng," I interrupted hastily. "Physics stuff with the ball. No need for all the details."

Jess leaned back, crossed her arms, and flattened her ears while pouting. Her mom rubbed her back and whispered to her. I caught little bits where Devon explained to her that most of us wouldn't be able to follow anything she said, and she would only confuse everyone. Robby leaned in close to his sister and offered to listen to her explanation which seemed to brighten her mood a tiny amount.

"Hey, Sunset, what do you call a sleeping dinosaur?" Dad asked. 

So it begins. I knew it was coming. There was no stopping it. I was prepared to face my maker. 

"I don't know, Dad. What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?" I asked with a smile.

"A dino-snore!" he replied with a cackle. Dear, God… they were as bad as ever!

My eye twitched slightly. "Good one, Dad."

Everyone under the age of twelve, human and pony alike, laughed uproariously, even Jess. I feared for the well-being of their generation. 

Dad was happy with his reception and continued. "What do you call a dinosaur who gets a busy signal on a phone call?"

"What?" Líng asked eagerly. 

"A dino-tone!" Dad shouted with a laugh. Was that even a joke? Who wrote these things?! The youths again gave him a round of laughter and commented among each other about how clever he was. I wanted to put cotton in my ears. 

"I do not understand American humor," Lántiān commented flatly to no one in particular. 

"Do you have any jokes from China?" Dad asked her. 

Lántiān smiled. "Yes, I can tell a joke or two. Here is one; the teacher was teaching a lesson and told all the students to mark the next topic with a star because it was very important. A student looked up at her and asked if he could mark it with a checkmark because an orangutan was too hard to draw."

Okay… that seriously lost something in translation. 

Lántiān must have realized her joke fell flat with all the confused looks she was getting. "Um… I shall try again. Here is a better one that uses American pop culture. What color is Spider-man?"

"Red and blue?" Dad replied in confusion. 

"No! He is white!" Lántiān replied with a chuckle.

"I think that joke might be racist," Paul said with a worried look around. 

Lántiān looked baffled that her jokes weren't working, even with her brothers. She looked at me with a frown. "Do I have permission to ask my brothers the same jokes in Mandarin, ma'am?"

I nodded. "Go ahead."

She looked at her brothers and repeated the first joke. Shǔguāng and Líng listened closely, then burst out laughing, hard. 

"Now I get it!" Shǔguāng laughed. 

"Me too!" Líng said with a high grin. I wondered if the translation spell was busted for me, because I still didn't get it. 

She repeated the Spider-man joke next, and this time I understood that joke. It wasn't a great joke, but it wasn't something racist like everyone originally thought. It was just another homophone joke; shì bái se in the question and shi bai se in the answer. It was also something that only worked in Mandarin. 

I suppose it was best to defend her. "She's not being racist. She just didn't think through the fact that word puns from Mandarin don't translate out to English. Do you have any jokes that don't require any knowledge of Mandarin, Lántiān?"

She thought about it for a few seconds then fluffed her wings again. "A husband and wife left their house to go to the store. The wife suddenly turned to go back home. I have left the gas on! We should go back, or a fire might start! The wife exclaimed. The husband shook his head. There won't be any fire. I just remembered I left the tub running and plugged!"

At least it translated well, but I wasn't sure how strong a joke it was. Maybe it needed a better delivery? I was unsure. Oh well, at least it was clean.

She got a few polite chuckles from the adults, who at least got the joke, even if it fell flat. She looked around, laid her ears flat, and looked at me. "How about you, ma'am? Do you have a good joke?"

"I can out comedy any of you, wannabes," I said smugly.

"Prove it," Dad said with a challenging grin. 

I cleared my throat. "What did Jess say after she walked into a bar?"

"My parents are going to kill me," Paul quipped. 

"Oops, I made a wrong turn?" Jess suggested. 

I shook my head. "She said ouch."

My dad started roaring with laughter. My mom shook her head. "You are as bad as your father!"

"What?!" I said in disbelief. "That was gold!"

"It was!" Dad laughed. He was at the point of tears. 

Jess looked back and forth between us. "I don't get it." Seriously? A super-genius couldn't understand my masterful joke? I wasn't going to explain it to her. Any joke you had to explain was a failure.

Number came pushing in and gently moved Líng aside from beside me while apologizing. She took his seat. 

I looked at her and then Líng. "That was rude."

"Sorry," she repeated to me. "Wanted to go over some things quickly before I head out. Wild just dropped a big bomb of new things to do on me. She decided she's getting married, and guess who has to start making the arrangements while serving as best mare too?"

I blinked. "Tell her congratulations for me. Who's the lucky stallion."

"Megan Rutledge's little brother, Alex. She's marrying into the Rutledge family," Number replied as if out of breath. "It's not really a shocker. She's been seeing him since not long after the Cataclysm, and he moved into her place about three months ago, so I'd been expecting this for a while. I even pressured her on just asking him, but he was the one that finally popped the question. Don't expect an invitation; you aren't on that good of terms with her still. She says she wants to keep the guest list small, just immediate family and a few friends."

Rosetta came pushing forward from the seats behind us and shoved poor Líng even further to the side. "My sister is getting married, and she told you before me?! And you're also telling Sunset before me too!"

Number gave the night pony mare a dirty look. "I was going to get to you next. Wild told me first because your phone is either off or dead." Rosetta lifted her leg to look at her phone while Number continued. "And, yes, you are invited. She wants you to be a bridesmaid—you, Megan, and Tattered Wing. Your brothers—minus your new youngest one who will, unfortunately, be unable to attend anyway, are going to be groomsmen, along with some of Alex's friends."

"She didn't want me to be maid of honor?" Rosetta pouted. 

"Do you want to be the one directing this circus?" Number snapped. "Charge up your phone and call her later. She's expecting your call, so she'll be up late, but give me some space right now."

Rosetta climbed back to her regular seat, and Líng, who had been crushed up against his sister, moved back towards us with a look of relief. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, stallions and mares, please welcome your division-leading Colorado Rockies!"

Number had to go silent while the crowd cheered as the home team entered the field. The announcer started saying more things, and we waited it out until he called for the crowd to stand for the national anthem.

I stood and got the foals' attention. "You need to stand. It is the respectful thing to do."

The colts all started standing up, but Lántiān kept sitting. 

"Stand up, filly," I hissed at her. 

She shook her head. "I'm still a Chinese citizen, ma'am. The government might not be a legitimate one that I will listen to or respect, and I may be a refugee far from home because of them, but I will wait for someone to heal my homeland. I do not show allegiance to any other nation."

Lord help me! It wasn't even the Pledge of Allegiance. Why did she have to pull this crap? I took some deep breaths. I wasn't going to get worked up about her being stubborn. If she wanted to be disrespectful, it wasn't impacting anything. 

When the anthem finished, we all sat down while the announcer started talking about each team as they prepared to start the first inning. It was indeed all humans on each team, although there were some pony umpires and some pony coaches. My guess was they were former players who weren't able to keep playing anymore after ETS, but weren't willing to leave the game they loved behind. 

Number leaned in next to me. "Anyway, the wiring and cameras for the house should be done by the time you get back home. They still have some work to do to get the cameras outside all up and running, but they should have that within a week. We are also bringing in a massive team of groundskeepers tomorrow to get the front in order, as well as crews to get those side buildings repaired and the fountains running. It will not be a one-day thing; it could take up to two to three weeks to fix everything outside, but the cameras should hopefully be operating outside long before since they're the first priority. It will be up to you to keep things orderly outside after they're done, but they'll do the hard part of getting it all in order."

"As long as the house is secure, that's what matters," I replied. "Any reports of barking?"

Number shook her head. "Nothing."

I scowled. "That's probably not a good sign."

Number nodded in agreement. "Could mean they know you aren't at home. Could also indicate that whatever causes the barking is something they don't feel comfortable doing in a crowded area; hence you got your little greeting at the mall instead."

"Oh well, once we have all the cameras up and these personal bodyguards arrive, they should have a hard time pulling anything," I said as I squinted to look out at the field. 

"It also means you should be that much more on guard until then," Number said firmly. "They're watching, and if they are going to do something more drastic, they know their window for pulling it off is getting smaller."

"I will," I replied, then lifted my head higher. "Heads up! Foul ball headed this way!"

It was heading directly at us. It came within a few feet of us in the air before I grabbed it with my magic and brought it down, passing it to the colts. "Here you go. A little souvenir for being here. Maybe we can get it signed afterward."

"We don't have to give it back?" Shǔguāng asked as he took the ball in his hooves and looked at it. 

"Nope. Any ball that goes out into the stands belongs to whoever caught it," I replied. 

"It's a weird ball. It's small and hard," Shǔguāng said as he continued feeling the ball with his hooves. 

"Let me see!" Líng cried out. 

Shǔguāng passed him the ball, and Líng started examining it the same way. He studied it a few seconds before Méng started getting fussy that he wasn't getting a turn. Líng shoved the ball into Méng's mouth—which didn't really fit, but he was able to somehow get a grip on it with his teeth. He blinked a few times and then laid down with the thing and started chewing on it. 

"Or we can skip the signing," I said as I warily watched Méng turn the ball into a chew toy. I hadn't known foals would do something like that. Then again, he was a toddler, and toddlers were known for putting random things in their mouths. It occurred to me then that those balls were covered in rawhide, and I felt a little ill at the thought of it. He wouldn't swallow any of it, but it was still kind of disgusting. 

"I need to get going. Work never stops," Number said as she gave me a light hug. "Take care of yourself, Sunset. I'm not sure when is the next time I'll be by. Remember, you can always call me if you need help."

Number left, and we sat watching the game. I took some time explaining the basic rules to the colts. I might not know all the more advanced rules, but I knew basic baseball rules. Unfortunately for us, through the first six innings, the two teams were engaged in a pitchers' duel. That meant there had been a few stray hits, but no runs as of yet. That also meant that it was very dull to watch since not much was happening, and the signs of boredom were setting in all around me. 

The first batter of the bottom of the seventh ending brought an end to the current dry stretch of no hits going the last two innings with a double. At that point, something interesting happened on the field. 

"Manager Jason Giambi has decided that he is going to try to push some extra offense on the basepaths and has signaled for Diamond Dealer to take Ortiz's place on at second!"

"A pony is coming out to play!" Líng said as he pointed down to the field. He was right. The manager had pulled the guy who just hit the double and replaced him on base with a pony, a pony in complete player's uniform with a baseball diamond with a literal diamond in the middle on his jersey instead of a number. I guess ponies could play baseball. They couldn't bat, pitch, or field, but they worked as substitute baserunners.

Dealer currently leads the league in stolen bases after the seventh inning with twenty-one so far this season. We can see Torrasco on the mound giving him nervous looks, and we know Torrasco is probably going to be sending a few warning throws to second to try to keep Dealer close to the base. This is a tight game, and Dealer is fast enough to make it home on just a midfield single. Torrasco cannot afford that with Bateman matching him throw for throw."

"What's going on, Auntie?" Shǔguāng asked. 

I pointed down to the earth pony on the field. "Remember how I told you that they score points when the runner gets back home? They switched out who is running with that pony because he's faster. They're hoping that he is fast enough to either run home on a light hit or if he is fast enough to run from base to base before they can catch him when the pitcher throws to the batter. That's called stealing a base."

"He's a thief?!" Líng exclaimed.

I rolled my eyes. "Stealing a base is just a baseball term. He isn't a thief. It's just part of the game."

"And Torrasco winds-up for the pitch and—the pitch is wild! Dealer is on the run! Arizona catcher Eckstrem has gone to get the ball, but Dealer has already rounded third base! Torrasco is trying to head him off at home! It's going to be close! Eckstrem throws to Torrasco, and—— Marley calls Diamond safe! Ladies and gentlemen, mares and stallions, Diamond Dealer just added two more diamond heists to his league-leading total and has put the Rockies on the board!"

Music started to blare as the crowd cheered, and the jumbotron over the back of the stadium showed an animated version of Diamond Dealer wearing a thief's mask, running on two legs while carrying a bunch of bases cupped under a foreleg like a human would under an arm. It was then displayed in large bold letters DIAMOND HEIST! 

"And that is probably it for Arizona ace Ruben Torrasco for tonight. An excellent pitching performance throughout the evening, allowing just five hits and one walk with an impressive eleven strikeouts through six innings. On another night, that might have secured him a victory, but that wild pitch did him in. A wild pitch with Dealer on base is always going to cost you. We will have a short break while Arizona manager Dave Martinez makes his pitching change.

The Rockies mascot, a giant purple triceratops named Dinger, came out to our seating section and started giving members of the audience fist bumps and hoof bumps. 

John turned and looked back at me from his seat. "This place brings back memories. My dad used to bring me out to games here when I was a kid. Still feels the same, even with the pony weather team and pony pinch-runner. Today has been a good day."

"Glad you enjoyed it," I said, feeling pleased with myself. 

By this time the lingering form of Dinger had finally reached us. The foals and kids seemed at a loss at what they were supposed to do when the mascot held out a paw for them to bump; the children actually shied away in fear. One foal had a very different reaction, because one foal looked at Dinger and saw a giant stuffed animal.

Qīng Yǔ jumped and latched herself to Dinger's outstretched arm; all four legs and her wings were around it in a death grip. Lántiān and I instantly went to work trying to separate the filly from the surprised dinosaur mascot. Dinger, for his part—or possibly her part, it was impossible to tell who was under the costume, didn't do anything to try to shake the little blue pegasus loose, maybe because they were afraid they'd hurt her and get the team sued. 

We weren't having much luck. Qīng Yǔ was practically glued to the dinosaur. Lántiān was trying to gently release her daughter's grip using her hooves and wings while I worked at her with my magic. Everyone else was laughing. 

Whoever was in charge of the camera for the jumbotron took notice of us because the entire ordeal ended up being put up on the big screen for every fan in the stadium, and likely the ones watching at home, to see. Laughter increased to deafening levels as they watched the filly who refused to let go of the mascot.

"Hey, Jim, does that unicorn trying to pry that filly loose from Dinger look like Sunset Blessing to you?"

"I believe it is, Bill. That's certainly something you don't see every day, and one for the highlight reels!"

Great, now everyone in the world knew I was here at the game. I could see the news stories in the morning. Sunset Blessing assaults sports mascot!

An employee came hurrying in with a plush Dinger toy and put it in the filly's field of view. Qīng Yǔ saw the toy and lurched from the arm onto the toy, getting caught in my magic. The entire crowd cheered and laughed at this as well. 

"Well, Jim, That's one way to get a stuffed animal. But really, don't try this at home, kids!"

I thanked the employee and promised to pay for the toy on our way out though they said it wasn’t needed; a gift for a new fan. Qīng Yǔ settled down between her mother's legs snuggling her new prize tightly gripped in her forelegs.

I sighed and looked around at the others, thinking about how our presence had just been broadcast. "I hate to cut our day short, but I think we may have drawn a little bit too much attention. I think we should beat the crowds and grab some ice cream on the way home."