Here I am again... in the darkness that's my home where nobody loves me... The only ponies who can comfort me here are my demons. That's why I can't get rid of them, it's like they are the only ones who can really help me...
I feel the tears roll down my cheeks as I remind myself of all the crap I bring to others. I repeatedly punch the wall in frustration as I let out a scream, slamming my head into the wall hard. I let out a slight painful whimper from the impact. I never let anybody see me like this, they'll just call me crazy and a drama queen… They don't understand my way of coping with these types of situations... I don't care about comfort, so I just throw myself to the floor as I sob into my hooves.
Suddenly, I felt a faint hoof gently stroking my mane, I instantly and instinctively knew it was my demon, Mensonge. Her cold touch gave me a slight small chill, but also some form of comfort, in some strange twisted way... I honestly don't know if I should be afraid of her anymore because of the things she does to me, but she's the only answer to my problems...the only cure for my pain... Sure the things she tells me are wrong, and there are better solutions, but hers are the only ones that really seem to be effective...
She walked in front of me, seating herself as she put a hoof on my chin staring at me with a creepy smile on her face.
"Another rough day?" she asks me as I simply nod my head in response. She continues to stroke my mane. "You know how to get rid of the pain Scripty, so why don't you?"
I let out a sigh. "You know why, it just causes more pain... and scars... just more trouble for others," I said.
I feel her move over to my shoulders as she gently rubs them, then grows more forced. "You know I know what's best for you, right?" I nodded. "Then why should you doubt me?
"I...don't know anymore...everyone keeps telling me-" I mutter softly but she shushes me with a hoof.
"Would you rather trust Ellie? Or Lotus? Would you trust they can give you the actual help that you need? Or would they just call the authorities like always?"
I hesitated for a moment as she continued rubbing my shoulders, causing me to grow physically exhausted. She slowly worked her way over to a sore spot, rubbing it hard. I let out a cry in pain as she rubbed it in circles, trying to get rid of the knot.
"You can't actually trust them, you can't trust anybody. So why listen to them?"
I began to weep softly as she continued rubbing my shoulders, pushing harder and harder until I felt my whole body felt limp. She finally stopped, letting me go causing me to fall to the floor, unable to keep my balance.
"See, now don't you feel better?"
I felt the pain slowly escape from my body as I nodded slowly and got back up. I looked at Mensonge, finding a knife in her hoof. I stared at it for a while, thinking.
"Then trust me, when I say this will help you."
I slowly reach for the knife as I stare at it for a moment, admiring the shiny sharp metal blade that creates such beautiful art. I nodded my head slowly as I placed it on my hoof.
I let out a blood-curdling scream as I press the blade as hard as I can against my hoof, forgetting how to breathe for a moment as I feel the shock choke me. I shut my eyes tight, trying to tolerate the burning pain as I lower the blade and then stare at the wound, covering it up so nobody will see it, and then pull the blanket over myself as I feel my body continue to shake.
I can't take the pain anymore, or the guilt. I can’t stand the panic attacks, the level of the stress is too much...Ponies always blame me for everything. Everyone is against me, and I'm bucking sick of it... I don't give a flying feather about life anymore, it's not like anybody cares about me... I don't really have a will to live anymore, so what's the point in living if I have no purpose anymore...
"They wouldn't care if you were gone, and even if they were, they'd get over it with time..." Mensonge said as I felt her behind me stroking my mane once more. "They will always hate you, judge you, lie to you, spread rumors about you."
I feel my body tremble more as I lay there weeping.
"They're not gonna stop, are they...?" I whimper as I curl up into a ball on my bed. I feel her hooves stroke me harder, knowing her answer.
"They never will, ever..." She chuckles softly. "But that's why you have me. I'm here to help and comfort you because nopony else can..." I feel her soft touch return as I start to become exhausted and I slowly drift off to sleep.
"Tomorrow is gonna be the same routine; wake up, go to work, get home, work on stuff, then go to bed, and repeat..." I think to myself as my eyes slowly close as I drift off to dreamland.
"As long as you have me, my dear, you are never alone..." she said as she pecks me on the cheek. "Sweet nightmares, Script Singer..."
I feel her leave my room as my body falls into a deep sleep, unable to wake up until tomorrow, until the hell starts all over again, until the pain grows even more unbearable, until all of it starts all over again, an endlessly repeating cycle...
This is my home. This is my life. This is my hell. This is my death...