I wake and shove my covers aside. Might as well get up today before I decide otherwise. At least this guest room bed is large enough that I can swing my feet off the bed. I pop my neck and look at the undrawn curtain to the balcony. Might as well see what the damage is.
I go up and wince in anticipation of bright light, but upon drawing the curtain I look out and see that it’s a few hours from sunset. I slept away that whole day? Well, thank goodness for small favors, I suppose. Really should fix my sleep schedule though. As much as the night is easier to deal with, now that I’m getting sleep again I need to use it responsibly. I have a job to get back to in a few days. Need to be there, awake and able.
Been a while since I cleaned up, might as well take advantage of this place having a private washroom. I walk in and... Admittedly the whitestone theme works a lot better for a fancy bathroom than every room and all the hallways in this entire castle.
Should probably give my clothes a wash while I’m at it. I figure out how to turn on the hot water, and start soaping and scrubbing at my clothes. It’s not as easy without a machine or a washing board but... use what you got. Might as well get started on myself as well. Since I don’t have to worry about anyone possibly needing to use it after me or any sort of water bill, there’s no reason not to take the chance to cover the full nine yards.
A bath might have been nicer than a shower now that I think of it, but it’s not really that important. All that’s left is washing my hair. I’ll probably need to shampoo six times to get it clean enough.
By the time I feel like I’ve shed a kilogram worth of dirt, and scrubbed my skin down to the dermis all over my entire body, I figure I’m as clean as I can be. I certainly feel neater than I have in... however long I’ve been here. Hate how dirty I get from going outside so often, but there’s nothing to do indoors most of the time.
I catch sight of a mirror and reflexively look away... I should probably get used to what I look like. Haven’t really seen myself without clothes in a while. Barely recognize this figure. I actually don’t look so bad. I guess doctors I’ve seen are right... If I spent more time being active and upright I’d get in shape quickly. Still feels weird, though. My legs and arms... even my stomach and chest don’t look like they belong to me, at least in the way I envision myself.
I turn away from the mirror and put my clothes back on. I even take some time to brush my hair, which is possible again now that it’s not suffused with grime. Hate how long it is, but at least I can try to shape it somewhat.
Hungry. Should see if there’s anything to eat. Hopefully dinner’s still available. Making my way down from the guest room/tower and through the castle to the dining hall, I see that there are still some of the regular guards in gold armor stationed about, so it seems the night shift hasn’t begun yet. They pay me little more mind than I do them and I continue on through the last of the large doorways
“You’re up early this evening.” I hear Celestia say as I walk in, and I see her already at the table.
I roll my eyes as I take the seat across from her. “What can I say? There’s so little to appreciate about the daytime, it may as well be spent sleeping.”
“I see. I’m sorry you feel that way.” She replies calmly, continuing to eat.
I look for something to eat myself, and as usual the table is laid out with all kinds of options. Then I realize I don’t have a place set for me. I sigh and get up to go check the attached kitchen. Inside are a couple ponies in appropriate clothing clearing up various pots and pans. One of them notices me and walks over. “Good evening. Is there something I can help you with?”
“I just need a plate and some utensils.” I explain.
“Ah, I apologize, we’re not used to anypony eating at this hour aside from the princesses, we didn’t anticipate you would dine with them.”
I wave a hand. “No problem. I just slept late is all.”
“We’ll set a place for you.” She nods to another pony and gestures to me, the other pony nodding and moving for a cupboard.
“I can just carry the dishes myself.” I say, feeling awkward about the level of service. “But if you want to do it for me...”
“It’s no trouble, Anthony. You’re a guest, so we should show our hospitality. We’re not here just to serve the princesses, after all. The same is true for all of us here.” The mare smiles up at me.
I sigh. “Well, I suppose if it’s only while I’m here. I don’t want you all to feel like your jobs aren’t appreciated...”
Her smile widens. “Of course. You aren’t the only guest we’ve had who wasn’t used to being told they didn’t have to move a hoof. We all know very well how important we are, you don’t need to worry about insulting us.”
I nod. “That’s good. Knowing how important you are to others. Anyways, I’m gonna go get some dinner.”
The mare nods and the other pony she signalled before comes back. “Your tableware has been arranged.” What? I.. didn’t even see them leave!
“Thanks...” I turn back to the dining hall and there’s a spot laid down for me at a seat beside Luna, who’s here as well now. I have to wonder if this is intentional, like the service is engaging in some form of shipping... Ah well, it changes nothing even if they are.
“‘Tis nice to see you this evening, Anthony.” Luna says fairly cherfully. I just smile and sit down. “I was thinking you might sleep later like last night.”
“Eh, well... you know.” I look about the table for something appetizing to put on my plate. “I woke up, so I’m awake.”
“You certainly seem more put together than yesterday.” Celestia says. “I can’t tell why, but you just look...”
“Cleaner? Neater?” I suggest. “Yeah, I spent an hour or so washing up.”
“It’s done you well.” Luna compliments, and Celestia nods silently. “It is promising to see you are not entirely consumed by all of your bad habits.” Seriously? I know she didn’t mean to insult me, but damn...
I see some kind of dish that appears potato based, so I scoop some onto my plate. Luna’s comment still stings a bit, even moments after. “Well, don’t be expecting miracles. I saw the offering of as much hot water and soap as I could need and took it. I’m not dirty and disheveled all the time because I enjoy it.”
“I was not meaning to imply that you did...” Luna says, her tone suggesting she realized her misspeaking.
“Yeah well, what you mean to say is irrelevant. The only thing that ever matters is what others interpret from what you said. But I know you meant no insult.” I say, gesturing with a hand to indicate my not caring. Celestia has a look on her face that seems like ‘worry’. I’m past caring what she thinks of me, so I’ll ignore it and change the subject. “So, anything interesting going on in the world of equine politics?”
“Not exactly.” Celestia says, her expression neutralizing again. “Though I have heard some discussions amongst my court that pertain to you.” I quirk an eyebrow in her direction as I continue searching the table for something else that looks appealing. “There are and have been debates on if you count as an alien.”
I blink. “Really? They have to debate on whether or not a human being counts as alien in comparison to a bunch of fuzzy quadrupeds?”
“Not that sort of alien.” Celestia clarifies. “As in, if you count as a citizen of Equestria. You are obviously foreign but I’ve always considered you as Equestrian, but I suppose unless you decide that you are...” She trails off.
I shrug. “At this point, I live in a town that is well within Equestrian borders. I have no real intention of moving to another country right now. I have legitimate employment with an income that I assume part of is devoted to tax contribution. I don’t even have any nationality from anywhere else on their maps they could point at, since I’m from another world.”
“Those are good points.” Celestia says, nodding. “So you consider yourself Equestrian?”
I stare back at her. “Absolutely not. I’m only so entrenched with this place because it’s where I showed up by chance in the first place. If I were anywhere else from the beginning, I’d likely make a living there. Where I’ve set roots is not relevant to inherited citizenship.”
Luna cocks an eyebrow. “But... just a moment ago you said-”
“I’m saying that I could be, but I’m not. I’m still me, after all. I’m keeping my options open, and I’m not going to declare citizenship anywhere unless I know what crap I’d have to deal with as a result. Let them argue, and have none of them be right.”
“That... will not go over very well.” Celestia says, a hint of warning in her voice.
“So? That’s their problem. I’m not going to make definitive decisions about my lifestyle just to appease other people’s petty squabbles. Heck, they have this argument when I’m not even around.” I keep looking about the table and I note a small fish platter. I haven’t had meat in a while, I should probably eat it. I cut a chunk off of the smallest fish there and move it to my plate.
“You are quite resolute in maintaining neutrality.” Luna notes. “Is it difficult to make decisions?”
I take a bite of the fish. Normally I’m not a fan of seafood but this is fine. I should probably answer her. “It’s not difficult to make decisions. Neutrality is my decision. It means I have options open. I’m not choosing anything now, and I will choose when doing so benefits me. I’m not going to lock myself into a situation before I know if it would have negative consequences.”
Luna chuckles, covering her mouth with one of her hooves. “Perhaps your ideology isn’t as contrasted with my sister’s as you believe.”
I spear another bit of fish on my fork, filling in the blanks in Luna's statement easily and turning to Celestia. “Ahh, so the deific arbiter likes keeping loopholes around to suit her needs. Not surprising. The only thing better than getting to write the law, is writing the law on a moment-by-moment basis.”
Celestia frowns slightly. “I do not write or rewrite the law to suit my momentary whims. I-”
“You clarify them.” I finish for her. “That’s what you were going to say, right? You make fuzzy laws, and then when you need an easy ‘out’ you restate the rules with a clearer definition.” I grin. “Because that’s not changing or rewriting the rules... it’s improving them, specifically for your benefit.” I get a laugh out of just saying that aloud.
“That is none of your business... I’ve saved countless lives by controlling the word of the law, and I don’t appreciate you acting like what I’m doing is wrong.” Celestia says, and I’m certain she looks just a touch angry.
“Of course not. It can’t be wrong, because you just decided it isn’t.” I laugh again. “It’s rather funny. See, if I wound up the god-king of an entire continent, that’s effectively the same thing I’d do.” I prop my cheek up on my knuckles as I lean my gaze back in Luna’s direction. “Perhaps you’re correct. Maybe Celestia and I aren’t so different at the end of it all.”
Celly curls her lip just ever so slightly, almost like an illusion. “Yet I feel more insulted by such a revelation, instead of being accepted.”
I shrug and resume eating, pausing to continue the dialogue. “Everyone hates seeing how much like myself they are. You’re no different. They all hate the fact that, for all my impulsiveness and bad character, they can relate to me on some level. It’s just another thing I do to make people mad.”
“Why do you enjoy making others upset, exactly?” Celestia asks, and Luna leans in, showing interest in my answer. I take a few more bites, the two of them still waiting in silence. I eye them and smirk as I swallow.
Once I think I’ve made them wait impatiently long enough, I set my fork down. “I enjoy it because it’s the one thing I can do with anyone. I’ve always made folks around me unhappy, whether I want to or not. I’m unhappy, and everyone else is unhappy. The problem is that I was unhappy, and unhappiness isn’t very nice to live with. Why make myself miserable from upsetting others when I could get bits of joy from it? I can’t change other people, but I can change myself, so I switched to schadenfreude. Simple as that.”
“Your morals are...” Celestia trails off, clearly trying to find an adjective. “Unique.”
I scrape aside the bare remainders of the food on my plate, giving a simple reply. “You’re welcome.”
“For what, exactly?” Celestia asks, now looking sort of pensive, as if I just made a mild threat. It feels good.
“For keeping your dinner from being quiet and uninteresting. Meals without conversation are boring as fuck.” I stand away from the table and pick up my plate to take back to the kitchen. I make eye contact with Celestia and smile. “Sleep well.” Swap to Luna. “Have a good evening.”
“How one can be so passively captivating with an utter lack of charm is beyond me...” I hear Luna sigh behind me. Once my dishes are taken care of I’ll probably go out to Canterlot again, try a different part of town to see what else there is to be found.
I’m about to bring my dirty dishes to a large sink in the kitchen, but a servant pony takes them from me, insisting that bringing the dishes to the kitchen myself is thoughtful enough of a gesture. Feels so strange... but whatever. If they’re happy, then I suppose it’s alright.
I start down the path that’s quickest from where I am to the front door, but... what else could I find in Canterlot? It’s not as late as it was last night, does that change my options?
“Anthony. I would like to speak with you.” I hear Luna behind me.
“Don’t you have court to attend?” I ask. “I’m not sure whatever you need from me is worth being late.”
“Anthony, stop.” She sounds tired. Not sleepy, just tired. Might as well abide, I suppose.
“Okay. What’s the matter? Besides the obvious, of course.” Luna approaches and I turn to face her.
“I know that you do not like my sister. I know she does not like you.” Luna sighs. “I cannot change that... but I wish I could.”
“Like I said before. Changing other people isn’t possible.” I put my hands in my pockets. “If it was, the world would be unlivable.”
Luna winces. “I am well aware. I simply wish the two of you were not so argumentative. My sister is the most important pony in my life, and you are very special to me as well. Whenever the two of you are near each other though, there is always something found to antagonize one another about. I just can’t understand why neither of you will try to get along. I... I am unsure how to describe it more aptly, but I become sickened by your arguments. I wish for you both to be content with one another, but you are so at odds that I cannot help but feel trapped in the middle.”
“You aren’t.” I say firmly. “My issues with Celestia have nothing to do with you, Luna. Neither your sister nor I are in place to demand you agree with either of us.”
Luna continues, looking sadly at the floor. “No, it is not a matter of me being used as part of the argument, but rather... I’m not involved at all. I remain standing to the side, watching my two favorite people bicker and belittle one another. I do not wish to pick a ‘side’ or for either of you to be wrong, I only... I want the two of you to not fight with each other over any little thing. I want us to be happy. All of us.”
I listen to her and consider her words. “Yeah, that’s basically what it’s like to be a kid with divorcing parents. I get that it sucks, I truly do. But then I grew up and looked at the situation from a different angle. For some people, they shouldn’t be around each other. They may seem compatible at first so you want them to be. The problem is that they aren’t compatible, and in most cases, staying separate is best for both of them.”
“That’s not... you are not needing to be a couple, I just want for you both to get along.” Luna says, a hint of pleading in her voice.
“It’s the same principle. Some people aren’t compatible. It takes both of us to agree to get along, and even then a simple agreement isn’t going to ease any friction, just make us keep quiet about the unsolvable issues. Besides, I’m not going to compromise unless it benefits me.”
“That is not how compromise works!” Luna almost shouts in exasperation.
“Then you understand the problem.” I say, hanging my head.
“I do not understand at all, and I refuse to believe the two of you are irreconcilable.” Luna says firmly, a stern look in her eyes. “I do not want to feel like I have to decide which of you I should trust or defend over the other. It is-”
“Not fair.” I finish her sentence. “It’s not fair. That’s what you were going to say, right? Well we already had a talk about ‘not fair’ already.” I move my hands out of my pockets to cross my arms. “I’m just as stubborn as she is, so if you really want to make something like that happen, you have your work cut out for you. I’m not going to say you shouldn’t try, you’ll try anyways. But just... at least understand that it may not be possible.”
Luna takes a deep breath. “I wish I could know you better, but I am still lost for what I need to ask. I always feel that if I only asked the right questions, I could learn what I need to know so that I would be able to connect us all.”
Wait a moment... now that I think of it, it sounds- no that’s crazy. Unless... “You want us to be a family?”
Luna blinks. “A family? Of course not! That is, perhaps the elements of one...” she trails off, but continues. “Does it seem selfish to you? That I desire for Celestia and yourself to get along, simply so that it eases myself?”
I take a deep breath. “You want others’ happiness for the sake of your happiness rather than theirs alone. Is that selfish? Good question, you should let me know if you find someone who can give a definitive and satisfactory answer.”
“You are so difficult sometimes.” Luna says sadly.
I shrug, putting my hands back in my pockets. “Talk with Celly about this. If she’s willing to bend a bit, I might be inclined to bend myself in the same direction... but as I said, I refuse to compromise without guarantee. At this point, I’m most concerned with myself and how things affect me. I’m sure that outlook is selfish, but I really don’t care. Nobody will be able to take another mile if I never give an inch. That goes quintuply so for those with more political and social power than I do, and even besides those points Celestia checks a majority of the boxes on my list of what kinds of people not to trust. If you do find a way to ‘fix’ her and myself to the point where you get the not-family you’re dreaming of, then congratulations. Heck, I’d be pretty darn thankful myself if that happened, but that’s not how it is right now.” I turn away from Luna. “If that’s really what you want, you’ll need to work quite hard for it.”
It’s silent for what feels like an eternity of empty seconds. I guess we’re done talking, then- “I intend to.” Luna states, a strong sense of determination in her voice. “I will learn what it takes, and I will make it happen. I still need you to be more open with me so that I can understand you, but if it means that the two of you will be civil and tolerant and... and... I shall do it.”
“Gods willing.” I say, shaking my head and walking away. “Good luck, though. Anyways, night is young and so am I. I’m gonna see if Canterlot can be more entertaining tonight than last.” Luna doesn’t stop me and I continue on towards the castle’s entrance and then the front gates
The city doesn’t look much different earlier in the evening, just brighter. Sun is creeping towards the horizon though, so I assume Celly is winding down for the night. Only problem is, what am I going to do? I could try that red-themed lounge from last night, see about having a better time than last... nah, didn’t really seem like the kind of place intended to enjoy alone.
I may as well go in a different direction than last time, get a different selection. After quite a while of walking, I seem to have found a less rich part of the city. Granted, it’s Canterlot so it still looks like a wealthy place, just not as much as others. Maybe something around here will be more my speed.
Huh, this area seems vaguely familiar, now that I think about it. That venue in particular. Like a club of some sort. Wait, is that the same place where I met Vinyl Scratch and her classy friend a while back? It certainly looks as I remember it. Maybe she’s around, that would be a decent way to spend an evening, with people I actually know.
As soon as I open the door, I hear the music. It’s... passable. It doesn’t really feel all that special. The scenery is similar to before, but someone else must be supplying the music, as it just isn’t quite like last time I was here. Similar to what Vinyl played but missing whatever it was I actually enjoyed. At least most of the ponies are enjoying it, there’s lots of motion from the crowd. I just... I’m not feeling it. The dim lighting is easy on the eyes but the music is naturally rather loud.
I walk around the edges of the main crowd where the general minglers are. I see some of them notice me, but they don’t bother me. Eventually I find a corner that the music isn’t fully reaching and look about. The lighting is decent enough to see stuff near me but not much farther, not that it’s a very large establishment.
“You feeling alright, buddy?” I hear a masculine voice say and I look down to see a pony coming up to me.
I shrug, but then figure that sort of motion might be too subtle to notice here in the shadow. “Eh, I’m fine.”
“Okay. I just thought it was a bit odd. Most folks don’t come to this place to sit in a corner by themselves is all.” He says, not sounding terribly concerned, just curious.
I lean my head back against the wall. “I guess I was expecting it to be a bit different. Not the music or people I expected to find here. Don’t have anywhere else to spend my night, though.”
“Heh, well nopony’s stopping ya.” the stallion comments. “Who were you expecting to see, though?”
“Vinyl Scratch. Met her last time I was here. Can’t recall what she said her stage name was, though. She was fun to hang out with. Thought I might catch her again tonight.” If he knows her at all, he might be able to tell me where to find her.
The stallion’s eyes go wide enough to be notable even in the atmosphere’s general dim lighting. “You... you know DJ-PON3? For real?”
I blink and then nod. “Oh yeah, that’s what her stage name was. But yeah, we hung out a couple times. She came out to perform for a bit of a celebration for me a while back, but I haven’t seen her since.”
“Oh my gosh, for real? That’s so cool!” The guy exclaims. “I didn’t think anypony really knew her.”
“Probably because if anyone knew that someone personally knew a popular celebrity, said one would never hear the end of it.” I posit, shifting in place a bit trying to find a more comfortable position.
“Well... maybe. I guess. But if I knew her I’d be telling everypony! She’s amazing!”
“I don’t judge people’s worth based on fame-by-proxy.” I sigh. “Being famous for fame alone isn’t really that big a deal anyways.”
“Right. Right.” He pauses. “So uh, what’s she like?” Before I can give any sort of reply, another pony comes up, followed by a third.
“Hey, isn’t that the hero guy?” I frown. I have a fucking name, you celebrity chasers...
“I think so. He says he knows DJ-PON3!”
“Wait, for real?! No way!” And now I’m annoyed. “I’ve only seen her here like four times!”
I fight back a sigh, and give up trying to get comfortable in this corner. “If you wanna chase after Vinyl, do that. Don’t go hounding me just because I know her, okay?”
Two of them pause but one of them replies. “Idunno, I’d rather know about you than her. I mean, she’s really cool and all, but...”
“What? She’s way cooler than this Anthony guy.” One interjects. I’d probably be a bit more upset by the comment if they didn’t actually get my name right. Still pretty irritated, though.
“Sure she’s cool, but she’s never saved any lives.” Comes my fan’s counter. “Seriously, that’s a big deal!”
I find it ironic how they’re debating over the importance of two people, one who isn’t even here and the other’s presence being completely ignored during said debate. I think it’s time I made my exit. I push away from the wall and head for the door.
“Where are you going?” one of them asks as I pass them.
“The one pony I came here to see clearly isn’t around, and this music is starting to get on my nerves. Whose groupies you are and why aren’t things that matter to me. I’m finding somewhere else to spend an evening.”
“No, wait! We uh, we didn’t mean to pester you or anything. We’re sorry!”
“I’m sure you are.” I respond without stopping my pace towards the exit.
“Yeah, see? He’s a jerk. DJ-PON3 isn’t mean at all!”
“He’s not mean, he’s leaving because you ticked him off! C’mon Anthony, they didn’t mean it, stick around!”
“What are the benefits if I do?” I question grumpily, starting to get far enough away that they’ve decided to follow a bit.
The stallion who was ‘backing me up’ trots up to my side. “Uh, well... I guess nothing... But maybe you could stay anyways? We just wanna know you a bit. None of the newspapers seem to know anything about you when they even bother bringing you up at all.”
“You’re a journalist?” I ask.
“No, but-”
I sigh, trying to figure out a way to appease this pony while also getting him off my back. “Okay, guy. You wanna know me? Find me later when I’m not already bored and angry. Ask questions then.”
“Alright!” He chippers up. “But where can I find you?”
“I live in Ponyville. Shouldn’t be hard to figure it out from there.” I’m probably going to regret giving him even that, but... Idunno, I guess having someone willing to hear me out and not have some kind of ulterior motive besides fandom could be nice. Just not now.
“Ponyville? Really? Why would you live there?”
I just give him a quick “Bye.” and make my way out the door. Unfortunately, I’ve drawn attention so now I have even more ponies following me. I step out of the club and look around. Hmm, dark alley halfway down that block. I could make that dash easily... but it’s a dark alley at just past one in the morning. If anything less-than-legal was going to happen tonight, all money’s on it going down right there and right now.
Wait, what am I worried about? They’re ponies. They probably don’t even know the proper definition of the word ‘criminal’. I stay at the door of the club for a few more seconds, I can hear a couple of ponies leaving the dance area... Go! I charge for the alley and I’ve already got my foot in the deeper shadow before any of the ponies make it out of the club. One quick long step and I’m gone around a corner in some pretty heavy darkness. That was easy, why’d I make a big deal of it? I need to stop overthinking things. Though, I’d risk under-thinking if I got too lax. Can’t have that; I’m already misunderstood as it is. I likely can’t afford to slip up any further, things will certainly get far more difficult.
I focus on making my trek through the alley, and as dark as it is, there’s no feeling of danger. Suppose I was mistaken when I judged the probability. Things look clear- what was that? “I saw you move. Might as well give it up.” I announce my attentiveness towards the direction in which I saw the motion. There’s a long silence of nothing moving and I sigh aloud. “Oh, come on. The longer you hide now, the dumber you look by pretending I didn’t see you.”
“...Fine. Darn it.” Two pony-shaped figures leave the alley walls and come up slowly. Partial dominance has been asserted. As they approach, one of them shifts around and pulls out a knife, the glint of shiny clean metal rather noticeable in the sparse moonlight that reaches us. “We’re still gonna rob you. Give us your money.”
I allow a few seconds for silence. “Really? You’re trying to shake me down? You’re fairly green at this, aren’t you? Haven’t you learned how to properly size up a target?”
“Hey, shut it!” The armed one shouts, her buddy reaching for her and shushing her. “Oh come on, I’m not that loud, and nopony can hear anything we say with that club right there.”
I sigh, and hold my head in a hand. “Ah yes, classical robbery etiquette: fighting amongst yourselves. I’ve heard it’s got a stunning success rate in the crime industry.”
“Okay, I’ve had enough.” The mare with the knife declares. “Give us whatever money you have, right now, or I’ll... I’ll... I’ll stab your eye!” Her partner mutters a disgusted ‘Ew’ too quiet for me to determine gender.
“Look, miss. I’m sure that threat is perfectly valid on folks like you, but the highest you could reach without magic is around, I’d say my crotch.” I pause and the armed mare makes a ruffling motion. “And if you think I’m gonna risk my junk on a couple of quarter-wit robbers, then you must think I’m really idiotic.” I pull the Bits I have in my pocket and toss them onto the ground in front of them, turning out my pocket. The Bits land on the ground and spread out making metallic clinking sounds, all three of them.
The ponies approach the coins and look at them. “Three Bits!?” the unarmed pony declares, finally revealing her gender as well. “Only three Bits? I thought you were loaded!”
I crick my head and sigh. “Seriously? I told you that you were bad at sizing up a target.”
“But... but you’re a hero, a celebrity! This is Canterlot; nopony’s here unless they’re rich or trying to leave!” The mare with the knife exclaims.
“I’m a celebrity, but I make a basic wage at a grocery store in Ponyville!” I inform sternly. “That’s what’s left of my last payday, I don’t have another shift until the day after tomorrow.”
The two obscured mares go quiet, then the unarmed one sighs. “I can’t believe it... how the heck is he poor?”
“Hey, I’m not poor!” I defend loudly. “I make more money than I need to survive on! Just because I don’t make a five-figure salary doesn’t mean I’m poor! I gave you warning that you shouldn’t rob me! Three Bits aren’t worth your time if you’re so bad at life that you need to steal from folks so directly!”
“We thought you were talking about how you have weird powers!” One said, her ally adding on. “And that you were just being a jerk!”
I throw my arms up in exasperation. “I’m always a jerk! Doesn’t make me a liar! So what, you just gonna take those Bits and get out of here, or you gonna let me keep ‘em?!”
The mare with the knife stomps a hoof in frustration and yells. “Why’d we have to find the one poor guy in all of Cant-”
There’s a rush of movement in the darkness and the armed mare is cut off as something impacts her and holds her down. I can see the shapes struggling but eventually I hear a heavy grunt and the sound of a thin piece of metal hitting stone rings from slightly further down the alley, seems she’s been disarmed.
“Weapon has been removed!” I hear the shape that got the first mare yell. Shortly after that, about six more figures appear as if they just fell from the sky. Said figures surround both me and the mares from both ends of the alley, and close in quickly without making a single noise. The one who disarmed the mare gets up and bolsters the pincer formation on that side before speaking. “What is going on here?” The male voice requests. He steps forward a bit and I can see the grayish-blue armor of Luna’s Night Guard. Perfect execution. All I had to do was rile the thieves up and escalate until we all yelled so loud we called the nearby police.
I grin as I put my hands in the air. “I was just leaving the club for the night, and tried to take a shortcut through this alley. Then these two mares assailed me with a knife, trying to rob me of the last three Bits I had.”
The Night Guards move with their formation, leading us out of the alley. The stallion who entered with a tackle speaks up. “This mare did have a knife.”
“Three Bits total found in the alleyway.” Another guard comments. “The club is also on this side of the alley, he’d have to have been going this way. His story checks out completely so far, ma’am.”
“We’ll take these mares to a safe area for questioning.” one of the female-sounding guards announces. “You two, give Anthony an escort to the barracks for now. We’ll want to keep him close in case we need a more thorough explanation.”
“Horseapples...” The disarmed mare curses, getting a push from the guards that had taken a position behind her.
“Yeesh, quite a mouth on her...” The Night Guard who’d taken my right side comments. We step out of the alley and back into direct moonlight, making the pegasi on either side of me much easier to see. “Anyways, sorry to trouble you, Anthony but-”
I wave it off. “No problem, I get it. Protocol and all that. I didn’t have anything else to do tonight anyways.” I shrug then I make a realization. “Hey, do you need to keep my money for evidence, or can I have it back?”
“Oh, yeah.” The pegasus to my left nods and hands up the coins to me. “We know you didn’t do anything wrong, we actually noticed something going down as we were passing by. We didn’t think it was a robbery at first though, given all the shouting. Then Slipstream heard what was being shouted about.”
I chuckle. “My timely heroes.” They give short laughs back. “Ya know, you two are pretty chill. I always thought the Night Guards were super serious.”
“Nah, not us. The batponies, especially the ones that get direct orders from Princess Luna, they can get pretty uptight. Nothing wrong with it, they just take it real seriously. Something about... the roots of their culture or something?” The pegasus on my right gives a one-hooved shrug in response as we continue walking.
“I don’t know that much about the batponies.” I admit. “I’ve been meaning to ask, but any time I see one, they’re on the job.”
“Well we have to take you back to the barracks anyways, there’s gonna be at least a couple there you might be able to ask.”
I nod. “Sure. You know, even for ponies in general you two are really...”
“Friendly?” The one on my left questionably finishes, smiling at me. The other one responds. “Of course we are. Our tasks in the force involve taking care of victims and injured.” He passes to his friend who continues. “It wouldn’t do much good to have a sourpuss look after scared ponies when you could hire some happy pegasus brothers instead.”
“You know, that makes a lot of sense...” I think out loud. “Some civil protectors whose primary purpose is to help reduce panic instead of just general policing. That’d make a pretty wholesome TV show; I’d be willing to see a season of that idea.”
“Tee-vee?” One of them asks, looking confused.
I shake my head. “Not important anymore.”
Not long after, we come upon the barracks which is notably different from the one directly on the castle grounds. This one is further into the city and has a bit more masonwork to help support the wooden frame. It’s also a bit bigger, seeming that there’s more purpose to this building than simply housing beds and armor.