//------------------------------// // The Fearsome Beast // Story: The Human Incident // by Boopy Doopy //------------------------------// Lyra Heartstrings was not feeling well. That wasn’t that she was sick; physically, she felt fine. However, emotionally, she felt down, almost depressed. She expected her book to sell… better, to say the least. Maybe a few thousand sales at least. Or at least a few hundred on the low end, seeing as what she wrote was more of a niche topic. But she’d just gotten her earnings report, and learned that she’s sold a grand total of… three books. Not three thousand, not three hundred, not even thirty. Just three. Three ponies in all of Equestria thought her book was worth buying. It should have done better! Heck, even The Adventures of the Mailmare had done better, and that couldn’t have possibly been anywhere near as good as learning about humans. What was the problem? “It’s alright, Lyra,” Bon Bon told the grumpy looking mare as the two of them sat in front of the park, the latter sitting oddly as usual, her back pressed against the bench in an uncomfortable position. “So it didn’t do well. Big deal. Lots of books don’t do well. You just have to try again next time.” “Humph,” her marefriend responded, flicking her mane out of her face. “Only three ponies bought it. Three. And you and I were two of them. How could it have possibly done so bad?” “Well, maybe it’s because-” “Don’t you say it,” Lyra interrupted. “I know they’re real. I know it. I just have to prove it.” She paused for a moment and turned away from her, continuing, “I know you don’t even believe me.” “I believe you,” she responded quickly. “I was only going to say that maybe it’s because nopony knows what that creature even is and has never heard of them.” “Well, they would if they bought the book…” She just couldn’t get over the fact that nopony bought her book, especially after all the work she went through to get her information. Sneaking into the Royal Library, walking through the Everfree forest to talk to that zebra, Zecora. Heck, she even went through the Great Cheese Incident and had to deal with those ravens! Sweet Celestia, those ravens… And yet, despite all of that, her book went largely unsold, and she didn’t know why. Was it too confusing? She had to admit, getting into learning about humans was difficult, but that’s what the book was for! Maybe it was too scary. She could imagine that learning about a creature who was taller than a yak and could level a forest in the blink of an eye was scary, but the book also taught what you should do if you saw one! Buying the book could save somepony’s life should one happen to appear! Not that she had ever seen one, but strange things happened in Ponyville all the time! There was a chance! “If it makes you feel better,” Bon Bon started sympathetically, using a hoof to rub the mare’s leg, “one pony bought it, so that’s one more pony who knows what those creatures are. And they’ll tell somepony, and that pony will tell somepony else, and before you know it, all of Equestria will be buying your book.” “You’re just saying that…” “I’m not. That’s what happened with my candy shop. At first, nopony went there, and now it’s busy practically every day. And also, I’m sure they enjoy it, the pony who bought your book. They wouldn’t buy it if they hated it.” “You really think so?” Lyra asked, looking back up at Bon Bon. “I know so,” she responded sweetly, leaning down to give her a kiss on the cheek. “I bet they’re reading it right now, and are glad they bought it.” “This book is horrible!” Twilight Sparkle thought to herself as she read through. Coming from anypony else, it might have been something to shrug off, but the studious alicorn herself saying a book was horrible? There was a better chance of Celestia dropping dead before Twilight said such a thing about a book. Not that it wasn’t an unfair statement to make as she read through Humans: A Guide to Equestria’s Most Mysterious Race. There were more than a few issues, the very first being the book’s setup. It looked more like a haphazard collection of notes than a book, and note taking was something Twilight took seriously. Notes should always be neat, tidy, and organized in her opinion, although this pony clearly disagreed. Some thoughts were ended and picked back up in other places, sometimes they were incomplete entirely. Factoids were sometimes added in the middle of long paragraphs about a different subject entirely, placed in a way that even a very careful reader like herself could miss. Some of the things in the book were just blatantly wrong (Princess Celestia clearly raised the sun each day. How could she possibly rotate all of Equus around to see it?). There wasn't even a table of contents to find information! It was a mish-mash of issues, and honestly, if it weren’t for Twilight’s attitude of reading books all the way through, she would have shelved it. The one thing she had to admit that it had going for it was that it was interesting. She certainly couldn’t say it was boring, that much was clear. Although despite the intrigue it brought, she didn’t appreciate how it treated itself as factual. She certainly would have remembered learning about a country filled with the strange creatures in her History of Equestria class if it were true, or at least a legend. And really, how could some creature read somepony’s mind? Not even Princess Luna with her knowledge of dreams could do that. She found herself wondering if the pony who wrote this, Lyra Heartstring the book said, truly believed what they wrote or if they just wanted to sell their book. Regardless though, they clearly needed a lesson or three in history and mythology, as well as a few in book writing and formatting. “Can you believe this, Spike?” she called from her spot in Golden Oaks Library, her wings outstretched as she sat at one of the tables. “Somepony really thought this was a marketable book. I’m surprised they were even able to get it published and sold in stores.” “Is that the hoo-man book you bought the other day?” the dragon asked as he came into the room. “Human, and yes, it is, although it clearly wasn’t a good investment. Just listen to this.” The alicorn cleared her throat and read, “‘Humans are the precursor race to ponies, and perhaps yaks as well, all having evolved from them. Because of this, we can infer that they have the ability to grant wishes, much like fae can.’ I mean, how can you even infer that? What is that claim based on? Not to mention, nopony even thinks fae exist! Can you believe this, Spike?” “Well, I mean, if they grant wishes, I would want to meet one. I even know what I would wish for…” he trailed off, hearts in his eyes at the thought of Rarity. “Forget it. They aren’t even real, and in the very small chance that they were, you wouldn’t want to wish for something because they might trick you, like genies are said to do in mythology.” “Well, a dragon can hope, can’t he?” Spike replied, Twilight sticking her tongue out at him in response. The two shared a laugh at that before Twilight turned back to the book to continue. She had to admit to herself, even despite the book’s flaws and mistruths, it was pretty interesting to imagine such a creature existing. If it did exist, there’d be so many tests she could run and notes she could take and lists she could make… just the thought of it made her excited. “Well, forget it,” the mare thought to herself. “As interesting as it would be if humans were real, this is clearly just Lyra’s fantasy. Once I finish this book, it’s going right on the shelf. I might also have to talk to her about responsible publishing because of the issues in here." On the shelf is where it stayed for several weeks after she finished reading it, the alicorn largely forgetting about it as she went about her day, day after day. It wasn’t until she saw the author out near the candy shop while walking through Ponyville that she remembered her mental note to speak to her about the book. “Lyra! Lyra Heartstrings!” Twilight called to the mare, quickly flying over and accidentally bumping into her, still getting used to her new wings. “Ow…” the pony mumbled as she rubbed her nose. “What are you- oh! Twilight! I mean- Princess Twilight! What are you… oh, um…” She quickly bowed to her awkwardly, flustered by her sudden appearance. “I keep telling ponies they don’t need to do that, Lyra,” Twilight explained embarrassedly. “Besides, I’ve known you forever. You don’t need to bow to me.” “Okay, but um… what brings you here?” “I wanted to talk to you about that book you wrote. The one about humans?” “Oh! You bought Humans: A Guide to Equestria’s Most Mysterious Race? What did you think of it? Was it good? Did you read the part about how-” “I read it all, Lyra,” Twilight interrupted, “and I have to say…” “She’s going to say it’s the greatest book she’s ever read!” Lyra thought happily, an eager smile plastered on her face. "She's going to tell all her friends, and then they'll tell their friends, and everypony will know humans are real!" “This book is terrible!” “Awww, thank yo- wait, what?” “I’m not going to even talk about how it’s structured, because far more concerning is the factual errors written in it. I mean, it said that those creatures lived all across Equestria and that we evolved from them! It’s completely ludicrous! Ponies could read that book and believe some of the statements in there are actually real! As an author, you have a responsibility to ponies to make sure they’re getting correct information when they read, or to label your work as fiction otherwise.” “W-what?” the mare asked confused. “Everything in there is true! I researched it all myself! All of it is one hundred percent real!” “I’ve been Celestia’s student for years, and I know that she doesn’t rotate the whole planet! I also know that she doesn’t keep a collection of human figurines like you say she does in the book. What you wrote is completely ridiculous, and it’s practically slander! I honestly can’t tell if you did this as a joke or if you really think all of what you wrote is true!”  “She definitely does do that! And humans did live in Equestria before! That’s why there aren’t that many forests anymore! Because humans destroyed them all before they evolved into ponies!” “Humans aren’t real!” Twilight countered. “They’re mentioned nowhere in any history book and they aren’t even in pony mythology!” “They’re in zebra mythology! And yaks! If they aren’t real, then why do we have doorknobs? They fit human hands better than ponies' hooves, like they were made for them!” “Doorknobs are shaped to fit earth ponies’ hoof grip, Lyra,” the purple mare explained. “It’s easier to grip a round object than it is a square or triangle object, regardless of whether you use hooves, wings, magic, or hands like dragons have.” “Even if that’s true, which it’s not, that doesn’t disprove the fact that humans are real,” Lyra argued. “They’re not! I would know if they existed! Do you know how many different books I’ve read about the history of Equestria and Equestrian mythology?” “Clearly not the right ones. I would tell you to try summoning a human, but I won’t just because they’re so dangerous, and you’d be unprepared for them.” “Oh, you mean that ridiculous “list” at the back of the book? And if they’re so dangerous, why put it in the book for everypony to see? That’s what I was saying about being irresponsible!” “It’s only dangerous if you’re somepony who doesn’t know what they’re doing because you didn’t read the book! You’d probably mess it up and hurt yourself summoning one!” “Why don’t we try summoning one then, since you’re such an expert? And then when nothing happens, you can make sure everypony knows that this book is fictional.” “We can try summoning one, as long as you’re not afraid of how dangerous it is.” “Humph. I’m not afraid,” Twilight told her haughtily. “It’s not like anything is gonna happen.” Archard was excited for the day. Every third Wednesday of the month was game day, where he and his friends played Ogres and Oubliettes, a ponified version of Dungeons and Dragons. It was a game based on the show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, one of Archard’s favorite shows. Although the show had recently ended, he and his friends still got together to play the game, and they always had a good time. They didn’t just play the game, either. They went all out, dressing up in costume while they played and occasionally going out to different areas of the country to play as well. They knew it was a stereotypical example of what a “brony” was considered to be, but they didn’t care. It was fun and they enjoyed it, even if they sometimes got weird looks. Today though, it was storming outside, which they expected and planned for. Their battle today was supposed to be fought in the rain (Archard has cast a rain spell in their last session), so it made it more realistic that there was thunder and lighting. It made the experience that much better, even if it meant getting a bit wet. “I cast Hyperus Trabem,” Archard called out from beneath his Star Swirl the Bearded cloak. As he said it, a flash of lightning shone in the distance, followed by a rumble of thunder as the rain pattered on his hat a bit harder than before, the storm starting to pick up. “The ogre is armed with a reflector shield and sends the attack back to you,” his friend, Michael, replied, the host of the game. “You’ve only a few seconds to get out of the way.” As though he and his friend, Troy, were really about to be hit by something, they dove out of the way and into the mud. “I want to try negotiating with it,” Troy got out before standing up. “Hey, ogre! We’ll give you a hundred bits if you let us through here!” “Someone roll for persuasion?” Archard pressed a button on his phone to roll a virtual die, and announced, “It’s um, nine!” “Make it three hundred bits, and the ogre will let you through.” “Alright, ogre, it’s your funeral. Come on, Archard, we’re going to cast Hyperus Trabem Duplex.” “No, you cast Hyperus Trabem, I’ll cast Fulmineum before that. It should cut right through his reflector, and then you’ll be able to take him down.” “It depends on how strong your Fulmineum is!” Mike called out. “We’re in a thunderstorm,” Archard called back. “Even if I roll a five or something, it should still be pretty dang strong, I think.” “This would be easier if Aaron and Lee were out here, but noooooo, they don’t wanna get a little wet… alright, let’s do this. Give me your phone so I can see your roll.” Lightning struck a bit closer to the trio as Archard threw his phone over to his friend. “The bulk of the storm is getting closer,” Mike said as the heavy rain quickly turned into a downpour. “You’re going to need to roll for accuracy too, since you might not be able to see the ogre through the rain.” “Whatever, I cast Fulmineum!” Archard announced, striking a pose with his arms as though he really were shooting the spell from his fingertips. “What’s the roll for power?” Mike asked as Troy pressed a button on his friend's phone. “Uhhh… natural twenty!” The clouds above Archard charged dangerously with electricity, causing his hair to start to stand up. “What about accuracy?” “It looks like… that’s natural twenty, too!” The next instant, a powerful strike of lightning hit Archard, causing his friends to gasp as he was sent off to somewhere else. “This is completely absurd,” Twilight mumbled to herself as she and Lyra stood in the Golden Oaks Library. The two were surrounded by an assortment of objects and things, namely a chicken running around leaving track marks in the floor, as well as an anchor that was covered in rust. There were other things as well, some Twilight guessed could have some magical use, like incense candles that lit up in the room and a pentagram drawn in chalk on the floor. Other things didn’t make any sense to her at all. I mean, what was the point of having an open jar of honey nearby and four stuffed animals sitting on a windowsill in the next room? The mare almost considered telling Lyra off, but she figured she might as well prove her wrong first. “I mean, what’s the point of whether or not we had a glass of water beforehoof?" Twilight asked. "It doesn’t make any sense at all.” “If you read the book, you’d know that humans are mostly water, so drinking water before we summon one will let it know we’re friendly.” “Oh, I’m sure. I’m also sure we’ll summon one using this ridiculous setup that has absolutely no basis in any thaumatology class.” “You’ll see, I promise. Just don’t scream when it shows up. That could make it angry. Now, do you have that net ready just in case it tries to escape?” “Yes, I do,” Twilight sighed, thinking to herself, “The things I do for some of these ponies. Sometimes it seems like everypony is crazy except for me.” “Okay, let’s... Wait! I almost forgot!” The mint-colored mane quickly ran off before coming back with a couple of aluminum foil hats, quickly placing one on Twilight’s head, causing her to scowl. “We’ll need these just in case it tries to read our minds. Now we’re ready.” “I’m sure we will,” Twilight remarked sarcastically. “I'm sure the creature will be so powerful that it'll be able to do things even Princess Celestia and Luna can't do. Can we get this over with so I can go back to telling you off?” “It’ll work, you’ll see.” With that, the unicorn picked up the trumpet next to her and put it to her lips, asking, “Are you sure you’re ready for this? Dealing with humans is pretty dangerous. Take it from me.” “Just do it,” Twilight responded, rolling her eyes as she huffed in annoyance. “Okay, if you say so. I hope you’re ready.” With that, Lyra blew a long horn blast of the trumpet, letting it sound for as long as she could, until she ran out of air in her lungs. She has her eyes closed as she did it, silently asking Celestia to let this work. She had to admit to herself that the process was very strange, and despite her research, she didn’t know if it would really work. She certainly hoped it would though, even despite how dangerous a human could be. She wanted to prove once and for all that they were real to Twilight, to Bon Bon, to ponykind, to herself. The two stood quietly in the room once the blast was finished, Twilight staring at the spot the creature was supposed to appear in with an almost bored, slightly scowling look, Lyra having an anxious expression on her face. Except for the chicken in the room running around and occasionally bawking, it was silent.  “Hey Twilight, Lyra,” Spike the dragon called out as he walked into the room, stopping in his tracks as he saw the strangeness of what was in it. “Uhhh… what’s going on in here?” he asked, trying to sound casual as the chicken ran past him, squawking furiously. “Well, Spike,” Twilight got out, the tone in her voice easy to hear, “Lyra here was just going to help me clean up the mess she made. Isn’t that right, Lyra?” “Well, just- just give it a minute,” the unicorn stammered. “It- the human could show up at any time! Maybe- maybe we did something wrong! Are you sure you drew the pentagram perfectly? Or maybe our chicken was supposed to be-” “No, stop. It didn’t work because humans aren’t real. Now help me clean up, and you should make sure that any of the ponies who bought that book know that it’s fiction.” Lyra frowned at that, mumbling, “It’s not like anypony bought the book anyway since nopony believes me…” And just as she said that, a bolt of lightning struck dead in the center of the pentagram, bringing a human with it in a flash of light. Archard felt like he was falling. Or maybe swimming. Weightless? He couldn’t really tell. There was nothing around him to tell him what was happening. No wind, no people, no color at all. It was pitch dark all around him. Or maybe completely white? It was hard to gauge as he floated in space, with nothing to see all around him. But what was he doing here anyway? Maybe he was dead? He was struck by lightning after all. “I guess I shouldn’t have cast Fulmineum after all. But what did Troy say? Two natural twenties in a row? I wonder what the odds of that were. Not very likely probably, and combined with being struck by lightning, it’s almost impossible. Guess I’m just lucky that way.” With that thought out of the way, he sat falling or floating in place, staring ahead at the blankness in front of him. He wasn’t afraid, he didn’t feel afraid at all, although he did wonder what he was doing here. Maybe he fell unconscious after being hit and was being taken to the hospital by his friends. Or, more grimly, maybe he really was dead, and this is where he was going to spend the rest of eternity, floating all alone in a colorless void. Rather dull, if you asked him. There were better ways to spend time. “If this is what it’s like to be dead, then being dead sucks,” he commented aloud. He didn’t know how long he floated. It could have been a few seconds, or a few centuries, but eventually, he looked up to see… something. He didn’t know what it was. A circle with a star in it? Painted on a wall it looked like? He didn’t know, but it was certainly interesting, seeing as it was the only thing there was to see in this void. And it looked like it was getting closer. A bit ominous, but not really too concerning… Until it started to approach faster, speeding up rapidly until he hit his head on the brown floor. He could tell it was the floor because gravity made his body flop against it at impact. At least though, he had his hat to protect him from the impact, as well as whatever dangers might await him now that he left the void. And danger is what he saw upon his arrival, a terrible beast carefully approaching him. He stood kept as still as a statue where he lay, hoping that the creature would lose interest in him, but doing that seemed to only make it more curious, and before long he was staring eye to eye with the beast. Archard could only hope and pray the thing was friendly. His prayers, however, went unanswered, and the next thing he knew, there was a loud screech filling his ears and a sharp beak painfully hitting the tip of his nose. “Ow! Get away from me, chicken!” he told the fearsome creature. It, in response, gave another squawk before pecking him again. “Shoo! Get out of here!” he demanded it, waving his arms and legs in an attempt to drive it off to annoy someone else. “See, Twilight?” Lyra cried at the thing sprawled on the floor as the feathered beast ran away. “I told you humans are real!”