Trust Once Lost

by Greenhorne


Bonus Content 4

**For those who skip the author notes, this is not canon**

My coat glistened with sweat, the afternoon heat was stifling, the humidity oppressive.

I want to melt between the cracks in the earth. I want to wake from this nightmare…

“Aren’t you going to accept my apology?” Diamond Tiara asked. 

“Please never speak to me again,” I warned. 

She huffed. 

“Wow, I thought maybe you were cool but-”

My blood turned to molten lava. I wanted to break her stupid face. In that moment, she was every bully I faced in my life.

“Fall down a well, Diamond Tiara.” I interrupted.

She smirked. 

The feeling in my chest like I was going to burst if I didn’t scream, the hairs of my coat standing on end, the accursed stinging in my eyes… and the painful spark that I felt from the tip to the base of my horn.

Sweetie Screamed. The others quickly followed suit. I was already on the move.

I couldn’t hear my own hoofsteps over the sound of my wrongly placed heart beating too fast. The landscape seemed to remain frozen in place as my small, frail body was pushed to its limits. 

Useless! 

My tiny, frail legs felt like leaden weights. My too-small lungs struggled to breathe. A searing pain shot through my forehead. The tree Diamond Tiara collide with remained too far away. I pushed forward. 

I tasted dirt. 

I had hardly needed to move like my life, or in this case, someone’s life depended on it. The rhythms for reaching and maintaining a rapid speed were far more complicated in this body. I spat a wad of crud out of my mouth before shakily getting to my hooves. I could still hear the cries and screams from behind me. 

I ignored my body’s complaints as I once more moved into a gallop. 

This was my fault.

The tree came into view. And so did diamond tiara. 

My coat stood on end. 

A large tree branch had skewered itself through her abdomen. My gaze hyperfocused upon the short, shallow movements of Diamond Tiara’s chest. It was an honest to god miracle that she was still alive, considering the force that was required to even launch her at such a distance. 

I sucked air into my lungs.

I can still fix this. Focus.

I breathed out. 

Her half-lidded eyes turn to look at me as I closely inspected the wound. The first and most important thing to remember when dealing with impaled objects was to not remove the impaled object. Contrary to pop culture and movies, removing objects without proper medical expertise could trigger external bleeding that can’t be stopped with external pressure. 

Focus. Breathe. I can fix this. 

A choked, painful gasp left Diamond Tiara’s lips as she started to hyperventilate. Her body began to thrash before I held her in place as best I could.

“Diamond, don’t move!” I shouted. “You will be ok! Just hold still and breathe.”

I couldn’t safely remove the branch without dealing irreparable damage to her. I also didn’t know how long it would take for help to arrive… but what could I do in the meantime? I can’t risk moving her, I can’t secure the branch-

I can’t do anything right. Why do I always screw up everything?

Diamond began to wail as her body shook upon the branch. I grimaced as I wrapped my limbs around her.


“Diamond, please! You have to stop!”

Blood began to pool inside her mouth and spill onto the earth below. I froze.

I couldn’t do anything to help her. 

Useless. Useless! USELESS! 

Another painful spark emitted from my horn before sputtering to the ground. 

No.

Diamond’s glassy eyes met mine. 

No.

Her chest deflated.
No!

“Diamond!”

“Enough.”

Everything stopped. 

My stomach churned at the sight of Princess Luna touching down in front of me. Even without her filly form, she looked… unbecoming of a princess. Dark rings hung under her tired teal eyes as she scanned her surroundings while her once vibrant and starry mane hung uselessly to her side, its colors deflated.

“You will not find atonement this way, little one,”  Luna whispered. “We have first hoof experience in this regard.”

“...But I deserve this.”

“Do you?”

I gave Luna a puzzled look. 

“My sister went to great strides after our banishment to bring an end to all barbaric punishments. This,” Luna gestured with a forehoof. “Is torture.”

“But I couldn’t save her!” I yelled. “I murdered a child!”  

“And I nearly murdered millions more.”

Luna looked out to the horizon with a thousand-yard stare. I remained silent. 

“In our eyes, the millennia of solitary We faced was not enough. We forced ourselves to relive that cruel and empty prison, to howl into the ceaseless black until our lungs gave out. We forced ourselves to stare at the vibrant garden of a world that We so carelessly took for granted. We forced ourselves to become unmade and remade again and again as the elements burned away any semblance of our darker self.”

The Tantabus.” I whispered to myself.

Luna turned to face me. 

“It was not until we allowed ourselves to let go of our guilt and forgive ourselves that we found peace.”

With a flash from her horn, the oppressive heat was gone and I sighed in relief. Snowflakes glittered in the rays of light. Blinking my stinging eyes, I was mesmerized by the sight of snow-covered peaks poking above the dense fog below us. I sighed before closing my eyes and slowing my breathing. 

“All wounds heal in time” Luna paused for a moment.“ even if they leave scars.”

Luna’s wing wrapped itself around me as she brought my tense body closer to herself.  This may have been a dream, the soft comfort Luna provided was welcome. I managed to make myself believe that everything was fine, if even just briefly. 


And then I felt bile rise to my throat. 

“Why?” 

“...Magic Surges are a random phenomenon that puzzles even our brightest minds. It can happen at any time and any place. For most foals, they merely disappear for a few hours and leave their parents worried sick. For others?” 

“It can cause irreparable harm. Our subjects have made great strides to curtail such events or minimize the damage whenever possible… but sometimes it is not enough.”

“Why are you telling me this?” I asked.

Luna’s ears folded to the side of her head as she kept her gaze outward. I was still not as well versed in pony body language, but I could feel the disgust oozing from every pore in her body. I could only imagine it was for me.

“...We have failed you, completely and utterly.”

“Luna- “

“No,” Luna interrupted, her tired dull eyes met mine. “We are just as much at fault for this. The signs were right in front of us but we did not heed them.”

“What signs?”

“During your stay at Ponyville General, the reports documented two separate cases of magic surges. The staff was… hesitant to label it as such, especially considering that surges are unheard of in foals your age.” Luna’s shoulders sagged slightly more with each word. 

“We were made aware of these anomalies, but we did not act upon them, ” Luna closed her eyes. “It was inevitable that you would surge again… this folly was of our own making.”

“Luna, please don’t blame yourself,” I pleaded. “I was being inherently dishonest from the beginning, if even just by omission. I could have- no, should have come clean with you… but I took advantage of your trust instead!”

“Green, you had every right to be afraid,” Luna shook her head. “Thou wert stolen from thy home, reason as thou wish, thou wert in mortal peril.”

Luna gave me a steady look. “Thy survival was the most immediate concern.”

I couldn’t find the right words to say. I knew that I could have been honest with Luna on that first night. I could have avoided all of this had I just trusted her… but I was afraid to trust anyone. Once bitten, twice shy after all. But, perhaps she did have a point? I was at the edge of my wits when I was wandering in the Everfree Forest. Damnit, I need to fix this. Luna is not at fault for this. 

“I could have tried- “

“To tell the truth? And who would have believed you?”

The staff at the hospital certainly didn’t. The elements, bar possibly Twilight, probably wouldn’t. Hell, I never believed any of my previous patients back on earth. 

“The knowledge of alternate realities and the mirrors are a state secret. No good has come from it, and it will remain so.”

“...Was there really nothing I could have done differently?” I muttered dejectedly. My body slumped as I dissolved into the feathery embrace to hide my shame. What have I achieved since I got stuck in this useless, defective body? Murder a defenseless child? Steal the innocence of a few more? Why couldn’t I save her? Why couldn’t I do anything right?

I felt my stomach drop. Would this happen again?

“Ssshhh…” The tip of Luna’s muzzle brushed against my head. And I cried. 


I did not know how much time had passed. An hour? Three? There wasn’t a clock in sight. It didn’t matter. 

Relax, breathe in. I… I can- 

Breathe out.

I can never undo what I’ve done. But... 

“What will happen to me?”

Luna stirred. 

“...The victims of a magic surge, or their families, are compensated by the crown. The foals are not liable for any damages inflicted due to the nature of said magics and the age. For you, however, considering your age and the high chance that the Rich Family will most likely hire the best legal attorney money can buy… at best you would face a suspended sentence.” 

Luna paused. Her eyes refused to meet mine.

“You may be sent to a treatment facility, Manehatten Correctional and Rehabilitation would be my first guess. You would be cared for and perhaps even learn to structure your magics.”

“I’m not going to be thrown into the dungeons?” I replied incredulously. 

“Do not joke about such matters.” I shivered under Luna’s scrutinizing gaze. “You will not enjoy your stay at the correctional facility, mark my words. Our prisons are meant for healing rather than punishment, but you will not be released until they deem you safe to rejoin society.” 

Images flashed before my eyes.
 
“No,” I replied. “What was it again?”

“I was asking how many days there are in a year.”

“Three hundred and sixty-five.” I answered.

“Not quite. Anypony else?” The teacher asked. “Yes, Diamond Tiara.”

“There are a thousand.” Her stuck up voice put my teeth on edge. “Even foals know that!”

The skin under my coat crawled. 

“Now you understand the predicament you face.”

“Is there nothing I can do? I- ”

I want to die. I can’t- I won’t go! I have to get out!

“Luna, there must be something you can do! I- I can’t-” I choked back a sob that bubbled from the bottom of my throat. “I don’t want to be locked away!”

But I deserve it. 

“...You can become my ward.”

Of course. 

This was the logical choice. I would learn to control my magic and maybe even become used to this body someday. I had no ill will towards Luna, and I am sure she would be an excellent teacher… so why was I hesitating? I can’t go home even if I wanted to, and besides-

I burnt any bridge I was trying to build in Ponyville, anyway, so why should I stay? Being in Ponyville has brought me nothing but pain and now this...this would be a brand new start.

“I- ”  I felt numb. 

“Thank you, Your Majesty,” I said softly. “I accept.”