Chapter Two
The Doctor just couldn’t decide. Should he sweep the area with his screwdriver and look for anything odd, anything wrong that might offer clues as to his situation? Should he ask around with the locals and see if anything…funny had happened lately? Perhaps whatever was causing any potential funniness had also caused him to arrive here. Or would it be best to read up on the history of Equestria and find out if they had any knowledge of who he presumed were their creators?
“Well, I’ll just have to do all of them!” He encouraged himself with similar sayings as he half-trotted, half-galloped towards Ponyville. He began to consider the situation. The world had only been conceived of in 2010, and yet the world around him felt much, much older than that. He was a good judge of such things. If the humans had done their plot-writing correctly, they would have given Equestria some kind of past, which would account for the apparent disconnect between an old civilization and the short span of two years the world had known. Was there any way the ponies could know of the bipeds that had dreamt them up? He doubted it, and sighed to himself. He hated having to be extra careful and it seemed that here, he would have to be.
“No mentioning humans! Or Time Lords! Or Earth, or hands, or feet, or…oh, my, this will be more difficult than I thought.” I really ought to find myself another companion, he mused silently.
When he was among the quaint buildings once more he pulled out his screwdriver (the process was hardly so immediate; he had to pull off some fancy neck-twisting) and sighed again. It would mean more delays, but he really did need to fix this problem.
Absentmindedly, he ambled into the market square once again, looking for a tailor’s shop. All of the buildings were brightly colored but only signs with pictures. He saw a garishly colored, tall building with a sign depicting confectionary and instinctively gave it a wide berth; it had Pinkie Pie written all over it. Even he was not ready for another bout of that crazy pink mare.
“Well howdy mister!” a cheerful voice to his left called out. “Ah ain’t see you around these parts before and ya look a mite lost. You lookin’ for somethin’ in this here town?”
The Doctor turned and saw two things. One was an orange mare with a rough blonde mane and tail tied back into ponytails, wearing…a Stetson! He grinned happily. His time with a Stetson had been short-lived (one of his friends had had a tendency to shoot hats she didn’t like), but he loved them all the same. And she looked nice enough; the smile on her freckled face was genuinely welcoming.
His gaze slid to the other thing: what her vendor’s stall advertised. A paroxysm of horror threatened to paralyze him. Apples. Red, green, golden delicious, dozens of vivid, healthy apples. Disgusting. Poisonous, in his opinion. One of his least favorite foods; being the first thing he had eaten after his regeneration, it had stuck unpleasantly in his memory. He wanted to turn and run but experience had taught him that that was rude. People didn’t like rudeness.
Putting on a brave face and gulping down his distaste, he walked over to her stall and forced himself to appear nonchalant. “Er, yes, that’s right, I am a bit lost. Totally new here, very disoriented, can’t find a thing. My name’s the Doctor.”
“Ahm Applejack! Pleasure to meet ya, uh…jes…Doctor? Doctor Who?”
“Oh, just the Doctor.” Really, that question was beginning to get old. No, not beginning. It was ancient. “Now, um, can you tell me if there any sort of tailor shop or clothing...thing here in Ponyville?”
“Sure thing, partner! Mah friend Rarity owns a fashion, uh...what does she call it, boutique.” Rarity. Huh boy. He was already having doubts. “Jus’ go down this street and make the first right you see. Big, frou-frou place, ya can’t miss it.”
“Great! Fantastic! You’re loads of help. Now if you’ll excuse me, Applejack, I need to see about a pocket for a screwdriver.” He turned and began to trot away hurriedly. Anything to get away from those apples.
“Ya sure ah can’t tempt ya with some of them here apples? Finest fruit in all of Equestria right here, and bucked fresh jes’ this mornin’.” The Doctor turned back; nope, her pleasantries and evil apples would never get him!
“Right, um, no thank you, I’m really more of a banana person,” he blurted out. Then he vanished among the townsponies, heaving a heavy sigh of relief as soon as he was away. He barely heard the country voice saying in an injured tone, “Well ah’ll be! Bananas over mah apples, ain’t that the funniest thang.” Recently his hatred of apples had developed into a small phobia. But if the world got word that the Doctor, the time-traveling guardian of the universe, had the smallest touch of Malusdomesticaphobia, he would never hear the end of it.
By the time he made that right and saw the frou-frou boutique, the memory of the apples was distant and he was cheerful once more. He halted and stared. Applejack was right; he never could have missed the place.
“Oh! Well, this must be it, mustn’t it?” The building had several tiers, each in a different color with a different kind of elegant design dancing across the storefront. Little banners, flags and the like topped the place off and the Doctor had a distinct feeling that he was going to have to extend his already-wide comfort zone just a bit farther. After a few seconds of deliberating on how exactly ponies opened doors, he raised a hoof and pushed the said portal open. He walked inside and the delicate tinkle of a shop bell followed.
Instantly a white unicorn came sauntering daintily down the staircase to his right. “Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where every garment is chic, unique, and magnifique! My name is Rarity, how may I help you?” she trilled in a voice with a hint of an accent similar to his.
He was never going to get used to seeing new ponies, was he? Slimly, crawling aliens, shape-shifting monsters and heaven knew what else were all in a day’s work, but these ponies…they were all so different, so unique! It was splendid! He almost said so out loud but checked himself and looked instead. Rarity’s spiraling tail and her perfectly curled mane, in a shade of royal purple that reminded him pleasantly of grapes, contrasted sharply with her pure white coat. Everypony seemed to have a mark and hers was three diamonds. A blue aura surrounded her horn and behind her floated several tools of sewing, also encased in such an aura. It appeared he was dealing with a very ladylike mare.
“Oh, fascinating, very fascinating!” He snapped back from his observations. “Oh! Yes! I am the Doctor, just the Doctor, new here in Ponyville, and I wanted to see about a, um, tailor job?”
“Welcome to Ponyville, darling! I assure you you’ve come to the right place for any sewing fix-up!” She gave a little laugh, but he could see just the smallest of frowns forming on her face. “Hhm…what exactly were you needing?”
“Well I’ve got this great little device, it’s called a sonic screwdriver, but I can’t get to it very easily.” He demonstrated getting it out. “So I was hoping this lovely establishment could provide me with a nice outer pocket. Where, I wonder? I suppose on the foreleg. Foreleg, that is the word, isn’t it? Right. Well. Can that be done?”
For a second her expression was a mask of confusion but Rarity quickly reassumed her professional manner. “Sonic…er…?” She gave herself a little shake and evidently decided to drop the matter. “Well of course that would be manageable, ehm…Doctor! But…” Her eyes slid over his attire and the glint in her eyes worried him. “Are you certain that’s all you really need? I could offer you a pick of any fabulous in-season fashion choices!” She gestured dramatically, pointing at a rack of pony clothing and at several clothed mannequins on display.
The Doctor frowned. “Well what’s wrong with this? It’s a bit worn, definitely, but it’s my trusty jacket!”
“Are you sure? I don’t mean to be rude, but if you’re looking to keep up with the latest styles, well…bowties are several seasons out, dear.” The alabaster unicorn battered her eyelashes and threw a pointed glance at her garments for sale.
He fixed her with his I-am-the-Doctor-so-don’t-mess-with-me glare. That look had made enemies tremble and good guys breathe a sigh of relief, for they were not on the receiving end of it. “Hey. I always have my bowtie. Bowties are cool.” An insult to his bowtie, that was on par with insulting the Tardis or sonic screwdriver!
“If you’re certain, then, darling…” She allowed just a hint of disappointment to creep into those rather large blue eyes before moving on. “Now, if you’ll just rear back for me, I can have that jacket off and fixed up just how you want it! It’ll only take a few minutes.”
He stood looking around, now clad only in his precious bowtie. Was she insinuating that his clothes were outdated, and therefore uncool? Of course he wasn’t uncool. He was the Doctor. He shook his head. Rarity crossed to a work table littered with measuring tapes, scissors, threads and drawings of outfits. A large red sewing machine sat gleaming on its surface. She set to work. Ponies with sewing machines! When would the fun end?
“Now, Doctor, I really must ask, where are you from? I hope you don’t mind my saying this, but you seem just a little out of sorts. And with that marvelous accent of yours, I simply have to know!”
He was a blink away from saying, “A galaxy far, far, away” when he realized that she an Equestrian, therefore a product of human imagination and a citizen of a world that shouldn’t be in existence. Not for him, at least. So he couldn’t very well tell her the truth. “Oh, I’m from a long way off. Outside of Equestria, even. I’m not used to the way things are done around here, but everyone is quite friendly. I do love it when people are friendly.”
“So little old Ponyville has gained a foreign traveler! How thrilling! Have you made anyone’s acquaintance yet?”
The recollections of his two newest acquaintances came with mixed feelings. “Two very nice mares, Pinkie Pie and Applejack I believe it was, but that’s all.”
“Two of my very best friends!”
Rather than continue the conversation in this vein, the Doctor chose to take an opportunity before they strayed into awkward territory. “Yes, um, there’s also something I do need to look into around here. Have you seen or experienced anything…odd here lately? Anything just slightly wrong, a pinch out of the ordinary, enough to make you do a double-take and wonder what’s off? Anything at all.”
“Whatever do you mean by odd, exactly?” She looked curiously around at him. “Are you some kind of…inspector?” With a bit of a horrified expression she looked around her beloved shop, probably searching for irregularities.
“Oh, you know, any old thing. Weird things in the atmosphere, maybe, perhaps any magical problems, little disturbances like that. As for being an inspector…” Well, it would make a nice premise. “…I’m….from the Department of Magical and Atmospheric Investigation! We just do little checkups around Equestria to make sure that all’s running as it should be. Nothing to worry about, promise.” Silently he congratulated himself on the name. Not too shabby in comparison with some of his other false identities, and he had his physic paper to back him up. It always helped to have a piece of paper reading whatever you wanted it to say.
“How intriguing! I’ve never heard of anything position such as that before. Well.” She “hmmed” as she sewed. “Well, my friend Fluttershy did mention that some of her animals were acting oddly; she lives near the Everfree forest and takes care of all sorts of creatures. Twilight said something about the stars being all wrong, but I assume that’s because she’s been tiring herself out with late night studies, poor thing, and she could easily be seeing things. Really, though, I’m not the best mare to ask about such things. I’m a girl of fashion, not of science.” Her soft little laughed played in the air again. Rarity smiled as she floated his garment over to him via magic. “Here you go, Doctor, it’s all finished up.”
He slipped back into the familiar old thing and a wide smile split his pony cheeks. “Oh, wonderful! Exactly what I needed.” he cried, slipping the screwdriver into the new pocket. Then he realized. Money. Why did he always have to forget money? So many planets and time periods, he never knew which currency was which anymore. He began searching his coat. What did ponies use to pay for things, anyway?
She picked up on the dilemma instantly. “Now, don’t you worry about a thing. It’s just a little sewing job, free of charge!” She tossed her mane grandly. “Take it as my welcome gift to Ponyville!”
He opened his mouth to reply. Apparently, she was now in full swing. “No, I won’t hear a word. I insist! And while I’m in the zone, Doctor dear, is there anything else you need?” Taking favors always made him feel at least some semblance of guilt. And he usually liked to go it alone and do things on his own. But there was one thing…
Rubbing a thoughtful hoof under his chin, he asked, “You wouldn’t happen to have any fezzes, would you?”
Ten minutes later, his head was graced with a red custom-made fez and he was feeling happier than ever since his arrival in Equestria. This time he wouldn’t let such a lovely article get shot off of his head. He stood in front of the fashionista’s tall shop mirror, admiring it.
“Oh, this. Is. Lovely! Thanks! It’s been so long since I have a fez, my friends didn’t like it when I wore one and really I don’t understand why, I think they’re cool.”
Rarity was studying her work with a mixture of doubt and pleasure. “I never thought I’d say this, but it does look quite fetching on a stallion such as yourself! Perhaps they could make a comeback…” She was staring at him with a worryingly intense sort of stare and he could practically see the gears whirring in her head. A gasp of discovery escaped her. “I...de...a!” He wouldn’t have been surprised if a light bulb had popped up over her head; but instead, she just giggled and pranced a bit on her marshmallow-white hooves.
“I’ve just had the most brilliant dash of inspiration! I usually don’t make stallion’s lines but oh, this is wonderful! A whole new line of menswear inspired by a bowtie and a fez, a mix of slightly whimsical and oh-so-dashing!” She squealed a little, forgetting her composure. “Oh, Doctor, you simply must let me use you as a model! You will, won’t you? Just wait here while I fetch some supplies,” she trilled as she rushed up the stairs.
The Doctor made a noise caught between a gasp and a groan. A model? Him? That would require standing still, and doing nothing, and hours of fashion! He shuddered, and without further ado, he turned tail and ran out the door. Once he was safely on the streets again, he was his grinning self once more. It was a rude thing to have done, but a Time Lord of nine hundred years was not going to stand for such an indignity.
Now he had two leads. Which one to try first? The stars being wrong sounded slightly more urgent than animals behaving strangely, but he could see a forest in the distance and it would easier to go after Fluttershy first knowing where she lived already. He trotted off in that direction, humming to himself and looking around, when a loud, shrill, frantic pony scream rent the pleasant hum of the marketplace chatter. It came from the direction of the trees.
Without a second thought, he tore in that direction. Ponies stared after the cloud of dust his thundering hooves left behind and wondered what gallant stallion was off to the rescue.
In less than a minute, the sound of anguished sobs reached his pony ears and he quickened his pace. He ran down a path that ambled lazily over several chattering brooks and through many a patch of brightly colored flowers, eventually nearing a cottage perched on a low, rolling knoll. The forest was its background.
The crying came from near a larger river that hugged the hillside and he pressed on, hoping dearly that nothing horrible had happened in such a pleasant place.
The sight that greeted his eyes nearly broke his heart. He was a tough Time Lord. Not much fazed him for long, very little could make him cry and even though he felt deeply he was always able to soldier on. But there was something about this weeping pegasus that tugged at his heartstrings. There, huddled by the waterside and shedding tears over the bodies of three lifeless bunnies, was a butter yellow pony with a mane and tail of soft pink.