//------------------------------// // "MeeEEeeEEeeEEowwww!" // Story: "OOOoooOOOoooOOOooo!!!" // by shortskirtsandexplosions //------------------------------// “Hooman.” I'm reclining on the sofa. I have my phone in one hand. A can of soda rests half-empty in the other. “Hooman...?” My thumb flicks across the smart device's screen. My banking account rest at an uncomfortably low number. I bite my bottom lip, feeling a slight pang of guilt over the latest splurge. At least I'm keeping my savings account at a steady sum. So long as that remains untouched... “HooOOooOOooOOoomannnn...!” I lower my phone and look at the floor. A black and white tuxedo cat looks up at me. Its eyes are glowing an unnaturally bright turquoise. “Feed me more treats, HooOOooOOooman!” the cat vocalizes. I barely hum in response. I hold my phone up again. The feline can be sensed stirring with awkward discomfort. “I mean it. I will... uhm... snuggle you less.” “Fluttershy, get out of my cat,” I pronounce in one exhale. “Awwwwww! But he feels so cute and whiskery!” “Out.” There is a melodic sigh of defeat. Yellow steam rises from my pet, topped off with a flowing pink mane. Within seconds, my cat shakes its head, licks itself, then pads off as if nothing has transpired. “Thank you,” I say as I sign out of my bank account. “Hrmfff...” Fluttershy levitates a few feet from my sofa, frowning in the middle of the living room. “You big meanie!” “Mmmhmmm.” I switch to Twitter. Someone is getting canceled for farting inconsiderately on SNL ten years ago. Syria's being bombed again. Grand Theft Auto Six still hasn't come out. “And why am I a meanie this time?” “Because you won't give him treats!” Fluttershy whines. “I thought you were supposed to be a loving owner!” “If I gave him treats all the time, they would stop being special occasions and would no longer qualify as treats.” I switch to Reddit. There's a Megathread about the Syria bombing; everyone is making Call of Duty Modern Warfare jokes for upvotes. “I want him to feel appreciated for the things he does right—or else he'll think I approve of any and all shenanigans.” “I believe the best way to take care of animals is constant positive reinforcement.” “Isn't that what I just described?” “No.” She floats over and nestles against the couch cushion beside me. “You're robbing him of the joys of living! Cat-living!” I exhale through the sudden chill that the horse-spirit has brought on. The vapors of my breath fog up Reddit, and I feel strangely relieved. “Tell me why I should take advice on cat-life from a bodiless paragon of pony-death?” “Hrmmmf!” She tilts her nose up and plops her flank down onto the couch with angry punctuation. “See what I mean? A big meanie—EEEP!” Her ghostly eyes bug as she sinks down through the couch. Ten seconds is spent dog-paddling through the depth of the furniture, and eventually her golden visage rises up once again. “Ahem... honestly—if I had my precious Angel and Elizabeak and the rest of my animal friends here, I would treat them with love and attention every single second of the day!” “Hey. I love my cat.” I place my phone away and lean casually to the side, gazing at the ghostly house-squatter. “I'm just not aiming to spoil him. He's not got long on this earth—after all—and I want it spent healthily.” “Well, I haven't... uhm... been long on your 'earth.' But from what I've seen, your animals could use all the treats they can get.” I nod, not responding right away. I think about what Fred Rogers would do. Or maybe Doomslayer. “Just what happened to all of your animal friends, anyways?” Fluttershy sighs. She hangs her head. “I don't know.” “Cuz it sure doesn't look like they followed you and your friends here.” “Mmmmm...” She whimpers. Her face hides behind a curtain of pink hair—which is rather redundant, seeing that the hair is translucent. Then again, all of Fluttershy is translucent. For a moment, I imagine seeing her heart, and I can only imagine it breaking. The air is chillier somehow. But not because of the haunting. Not this time. “Look...” I gesture as I speak. “If you wanna hang out with my cat, speak to my cat, love on my cat. That's fine. But please... don't possess it again. I know you're trying to level with me, but leave the feline out of it. You may not believe that I respect animals like you do, but at least you can show some nicer manners, no matter the intention. Hmmm?” She nods. “You're right...” “It's not that I'm 'right.' I'm just... more familiar with this plane of existence than you are.” I squint slightly. “Do I have to remind you about your irrational fear of my vacuum?” Fluttershy shudders, her immortal teeth chattering. “No.” She gulps. “You don't.” “You recovered from that complex, didn't you?” “Mmmm... more or less.” “What's it that you always say? 'Baby steps?'” “These hooves haven't touched anything solid since I left Equestria...” “You know what I mean. Just ease off on the cat thing. I promise you I'm treating him with utmost care. In the meantime, you can keep him company.” She lights up at this. The tiny spectre looks up at me with twinkling eyes. “You really mean it?” “Sure! Why not. You can even toss some tiny objects around for him to chase. He'll love the heck out of that.” “Oh... that s-sounds absolutely fun~” “Just don't hop inside him again, okay?” I point towards the far corners of the room. “I had him fixed ages ago, but I don't need you forcing him to spray out of fear.” “Oh! I would never!” “You have my whole-hearted trust.” “Hmmmm...” Fluttershy smiles warmly and sits back down on the couch once again. “...I think I just might get used to this place after all, human.” And she sinks straight through the furniture. “Eeep!”