Something About Sunset

by Krickis

3 – Something

⠀
It was a feeling that Twilight never thought she could get used to, and one that she never wanted to get used to. Even dressed for the ride, the wind cut through Twilight’s clothes, causing a chill that Twilight barely felt over the rush of endorphins.

No, it wasn’t the wind that held Twilight’s attention. It was the speed. The way the world flew past them, becoming a blur in front of her eyes. It was the sound. The roar of the motorcycle engine that drowned out the rest of the traffic around them.

And, most of all, it was Sunset. It was the way that for at least a little while, Twilight got to hold onto her tightly. It was the way their bodies pressed together as they sped down the city streets.

It was such a wonderful feeling, and even though it scared Twilight, it was something she revelled. Time and time again, she would gladly accept Sunset’s offer to ride on the motorcycle. She leaned her head against Sunset’s back, wishing she could do it without the helmet on.

Since the need for safety was more important than the awkwardness of Twilight’s closeness, she didn’t worry too much about it. That was made easier by the fact that Sunset didn’t react in any way. Or at least, not in any way to discourage it. Twilight swore that the tighter she held, the faster Sunset drove. Or maybe it was just that the world around them slowed down when Twilight was with Sunset, allowing them to speed through it.

Of course, the problem with speeding through things was that they reached their destination before long. Sunset pulled into the dirt parking lot of the nature park and turned off the engine. Twilight dismounted first, though she lingered close to Sunset, wishing to prolong the closeness just a little bit longer.

But then Sunset pulled off her helmet, her hair cascading down around her shoulders, and she smiled at Twilight. “Alright, Sparky?”

As she pulled off her own helmet, Twilight smiled as well. The bike ride was wonderful, even if she found she preferred the view once it was over. “Yeah, just a little unsteady.”

Sunset smirked and locked the bike. “Still not used to it?”

“No, but it’s fun.”

“Never would’ve thought you’d be the adrenaline junkie.”

“I am not an adrenaline junkie!”

Sunset laughed. “Yeah yeah, if you say so.”

Twilight pushed against Sunset, as much for the excuse to touch her as it was in response to the teasing. “Oh whatever, you’re the one who owns a motorcycle.”

Sunset shrugged. “Yeah, well, I never said I’m not an adrenaline junkie.”

They both laughed as they walked through the gap in the small wooden fence, ignoring the sign that said the park was closed. It was the type of thing Twilight would never do, not normally. But there was something about Sunset, something that made Twilight more okay with taking risks and bending rules.

There were few lights in the park, since it wasn’t meant to be open during the night. Like the bike ride, it was more than a little scary, although Twilight was well aware there was nothing dangerous in the park. Still, she walked close to Sunset, which made her feel a little more brave.

Again, Sunset didn’t react to the closeness. Twilight briefly wondered if she was also afraid and looking for comfort, then decided that wasn’t likely. She couldn’t imagine Sunset being afraid; more likely, she just knew Twilight was, and she was okay with sticking close to her.

Not that it mattered, of course. Twilight just enjoyed being so close to Sunset. She glanced between them, noticing Sunset’s hand dangling limply at her side. Not for the first time, Twilight wondered what would happen if she took hold of it.

But of course, she didn’t. Instead, she just walked along with Sunset as they talked about how work had gone for her. It was a normal, innocuous conversation, nothing special. But while Twilight always enjoyed any conversation with Sunset, this one took a backseat in her mind.

It seemed that she didn’t hide it as well as she thought she did, as Sunset soon asked, “So what’s got you so distracted?”

Twilight blushed. “Is it that obvious?”

Sunset just shrugged. “Well, you asked to come out here, so you had something on your mind. I’ve been keeping my eye out for any signs of what it might be.”

That was just like Sunset. Whatever Twilight did, Sunset could see right through her. “There is… something…”

Sunset nodded. “Right. And you brought me out here, so it’s something you want to talk about.”

“I… I guess so…”

Sunset stopped in her tracks and put a hand on Twilight’s shoulder. It wasn’t like it meant anything, just a friendly gesture. Still, with the thoughts that were going through Twilight’s mind, the touch made her blush.

Either Sunset didn’t notice, or she chose not to comment. “Come on, Sparky. It’s just us here, you can tell me.”

Telling Sunset was the hardest thing to do. And the use of that nickname, Sparky, didn’t make it any easier. Sunset was the only one who ever called Twilight that, and hearing it always caused her heart to beat just a little bit faster.

Still, she had to answer. She reached her hand up towards Sunset’s, then changed her mind at the last moment. Instead, she pulled her ponytail from behind her head and played with her hair. It wasn’t a normal habit of hers, but she’d lost her nerve to touch Sunset and had to do something with her hand.

“I… I talked to Fluttershy earlier.”

Sunset nodded. “Is this about the apartment?”

Twilight shook her head. “No, but it was while we were out. She, uhm, she said… Well, it sounds like she wouldn’t mind if I… if I, you know…”

Sunset waited a moment, then smirked. “Uh, no, I don’t know. What’d she say?”

Twilight forced herself to swallow, then glanced down at the ground as she talked. “Well, I think she’s okay if I, uhm, tried dating someone else.”

Sunset put her other hand on Twilight’s other shoulder. Although Twilight couldn’t see her face, she could hear the grin in her voice. “Twilight, that’s fantastic! So you can finally ask out Moon Dancer!”

“Y-yeah…” Twilight frowned. That was what she was supposed to be happy about. She was supposed to ask out Moon Dancer, which was, after all, what Fluttershy had suggested. And it was what Twilight wanted! Or at least, it was something she wanted.

It wasn’t the only thing, though. She took a deep breath. “But… I was thinking…”

Sunset chuckled, then let go of Twilight’s shoulders to instead put an arm around them, pulling Twilight in closer. “Come on, Sparky, getting cold feet?”

“No. Er, at least, I don’t think so. I haven’t, uhm, talked to Moon Dancer about that yet. And –”

“Yeah, I see what you wanted to talk to me for. Don’t worry, I’ll help you figure out just what to say.”

“No. Sunny, please.”

Sunset finally seemed to catch on that there was more to say. “Do you not want to anymore?”

“I do. Or, I think I do. But… I don’t know, things are so confusing, and… and there’s… someone else…”

“Oh.”

It was amazing. One word, two letters. Oh. Just oh. That’s all Sunset said, but it was all she had to say. Somehow, in that moment, Twilight knew Sunset understood immediately.

Neither of them said anything for a moment, then Sunset let go of Twilight and started walking. For once, Twilight couldn’t help but feel like Sunset wasn’t walking with her, she was walking away from her.

Still, Twilight followed. Not as closely as she wanted to. But she followed.

“So…” Sunset said after a minute or so of silence. “We’re talking about this then?”

“I…” Twilight was going to say she didn’t know what Sunset meant, but that was a lie. There was something between them, something unspoken. It was a mutual agreement that as long as they never talked about it, it was all okay. And now Twilight was breaking that agreement. “I guess we are.”

“Right. Well.” Sunset turned to look at Twilight. “I’m sorry. I… I think I’ve kind of given you the wrong idea.”

“Sunny?”

“I… Well, you know I like you, Twilight.” Twilight, not Sparky. “You’re one of my best friends. I mean, you kind of are my best friend. Don’t get me wrong, all our friends mean the world to me, but you know you’re special.”

Twilight nodded slowly.

“But… I mean, I’m just not looking for anything. I want to keep being your friend, but that’s all I’m really looking for.”

This time Twilight stopped walking. “You… you don’t…”

Sunset stopped in turn. “You know, I don’t mean anything by it. You’re amazing, Twi. And Fluttershy is so lucky to have you. Moon Dancer will be too. And… and I would be too, if I wanted that. I just…”

“Don’t,” Twilight finished.

“I’m sorry,” Sunset offered.

Twilight shook her head. She was so stupid. She really thought this thing went both ways? Sunset was just a friend, and Twilight was the only one who…

‘No.’ Twilight clenched her teeth. “You’re lying, Sunny.”

“I’m not –”

“Friends don’t act the way you do.” Twilight wasn’t sure where this was coming from. It wasn’t like her. But there was something about Sunset, something that made Twilight feel like she could fight.

Sunset took a deep breath. “I’m not lying.”

Twilight just glared at her.

Sunset held her gaze for a moment, then she fidgeted under the pressure. “But I’m not telling the whole truth. Fine. You got me. I like you, Twilight, a lot. As more than a friend. And if things were different… I would absolutely want to date you. So yeah, if that makes it better, then there. I feel the same way.”

Twilight took a step closer. “We can make something work now! Fluttershy, she’s finally coming around to me being with someone else! And she likes you, she’ll be okay with it!”

Sunset shook her head. “This isn’t about Fluttershy.”

Twilight furrowed her brow. “Then what? You want to be with me, and I… I want that too, Sunny… And now, we can.”

“It’s not that simple.” Sunset ran a hand through her hair. “Look… Twilight, I’m sorry. I really am. But there’s reasons why I can’t date you. Or anyone, not just you. You just… you don’t know what you’re signing up for.”

Twilight stepped closer, closing most of the distance between them. She ignored the way her breath caught in her chest as she forced the words out. “I’m signing up for you. I know you, Sunny…”

‘Just reach out for me. I’m right here, just put your arms around me and let me be yours…’

Instead, Sunset turned and walked away. Twilight deflated and felt the tears welling up, but she forced them down. Because it was all she could do, Twilight followed behind Sunset, keeping her distance.

“You know I’m not from this world,” Sunset said. It wasn’t a question, as it was something Twilight knew very well.

“I know. That doesn’t bother me.”

Sunset nodded. Twilight wished she could see her face. She desperately wanted to know what was on Sunset’s mind, but the back of her head was expressionless.

Her voice was just as flat as she spoke. “Equestria… I never appreciated it when I was there, you know? It took a long time, but… I miss it.”

“You… you want to go back?”

Did Sunset tense up at that question, or did Twilight imagine that? Either way, she didn’t answer directly. “I never thought I could go back. Never thought Celestia would let me. But then I met her with the other Twilight during that whole memory stone incident, and… and she wasn’t upset. She allowed me to go back, at least for a little while, and…”

If Sunset wasn’t going to do it, Twilight was. She ran ahead and looped her arm around Sunset’s. It was something she might do even if they hadn’t confessed their feelings, so she told herself that it was okay. Still, her heart raced as she did, and she blushed when Sunset turned to look at her.

Sunset’s face was unreadable, but she didn’t try to stop Twilight’s show of affection. She turned back to face forward. “You never know what you’ve got til it’s gone, Sparky.”

The return of the nickname emboldened Twilight. “So what about everything you’ll leave behind here? What about me? And all our friends? Are you ready to say goodbye to us?”

“No.” Sunset took a deep breath. “I never will be. But we’re graduating, and who knows what happens after that? Rarity’s looking into studying abroad, Rainbow’s got that sports scholarship upstate, Pinkie’s been talking about travelling for a year…”

“Fluttershy, Applejack, and I will be here,” Twilight reminded her. “I know there’s a lot of change, but –”

“You’re settling for a local college because of Fluttershy.” Sunset turned to face her. “And she’s not even going to college. You know you could get into school anywhere in the country – probably anywhere out of country too. Fluttershy could go with you.”

Twilight frowned at the sudden change of subject. “You sound like my parents. And what about Applejack? She can’t just take Sweet Apple Acres with her. And Fluttershy’s family is here, and so is mine. You’re not thinking this through either!”

Sunset just stared ahead.

“Do… do you want me gone that much?”

For a moment, Sunset remained silent. When she spoke, her words were slow and quiet. “If you’re gone, then this whole thing is so much easier…”

Twilight stopped in place, pulling on Sunset’s arm so she did the same. “Sunny…”

The look Sunset gave Twilight was one of tiredness. This decision had weighed on her, but she had finally made up her mind.

Twilight looked at the ground. “Okay. It’s okay, Sunny. You can go back to Equestria. We can still make it work, though. We have the journal, and the portal is right at CHS. Sure, it might be a little awkward to use it when we’ve graduated, but we’ll work things out.” She looked up and smiled. “We can still work things out, Sunny.”

“No, we can’t.” Sunset looked off to the side. When Twilight followed her gaze, she saw a bench on the side of the path. Sunset jerked her head towards it, so they walked over to it, arm in arm.

As the two of them sat down, Twilight kept hold of Sunset’s arm. She waited patiently for Sunset to speak.

“Have you ever thought about how perfectly the portal syncs up the two worlds?”

Twilight cocked her head to the side. “What do you mean?”

Sunset shook her head. “Right, you wouldn’t know. See, in Equestria, Celestia and Luna are immortal rulers of Equestria, and the other Twilight and all her friends – Fluttershy, Applejack, Rainbow, Pinkie, and Rarity – they were chosen by the Elements of Harmony. And then in this world, almost everything syncs up perfectly with Equestria. What were the odds that Luna and Celestia would be in charge of the school at the exact time that the Elements of Harmony were all together?”

Twilight nodded. “They’re not immortal, so the timeline wouldn’t sync up between the worlds twenty years ago. There wouldn’t be a Celestia and Luna in charge to mirror Equestria’s.”

“Exactly. And… the portal wouldn’t have come here.” Sunset turned to face Twilight. “The portal doesn’t connect this world to Equestria. It connects Equestria to the closest parallel dimension.”

“And that was here, but now…”

“Now the Elements of Harmony are splitting up. Rarity, Rainbow, and Pinkie are all looking into out of town options. We’re all graduating, but Celestia and Luna are going to stay at CHS. I’ve talked to the other Twilight about this a lot, and we theorize that the mirror is going to pick a new parallel dimension.”

Twilight’s heart sunk. “So if you go to Equestria…”

“I’ll be gone for good.”

“And the journal?”

“Probably won’t work once the worlds are desynced.”

Neither of them said anything. Both girls just sat and stared out into the distance, which didn’t amount to much, since it was too dark to see ahead of them well.

A life without Sunset. That’s what Twilight was faced with. Not just a life where Sunset wouldn’t date her, Twilight could accept that. But a life where Sunset wasn’t there at all for her.

It was too much. Twilight threw her arms around Sunset, who put her own arms up in shock. “Then don’t go! Just stay with us, we… we all love you, Sunset, we don’t want you to disappear!”

Slowly, Sunset lowered her arms and put them around Twilight. “I know. Trust me, I know. And I don’t want to leave you girls behind either, but… If I don’t go, I lose this chance forever.”

“And if you go, you lose this chance forever.” Twilight gestured around her. “You lose all of this, all that we can give you.”

“I know. Believe me, I know. But… I don’t feel at home here, Sparky. I never did. I don’t know if I’ll be happy in Equestria, but I know I don’t belong here.”

Twilight righted herself so she could look at Sunset. There was something about the look in her eyes, something Twilight had never noticed before. There was a deep pain there, something she kept hidden from everyone.

And Twilight knew. She knew that nothing she could say would stop Sunset, and that furthermore, it was selfish of her to try. She leaned back on Sunset. Not holding her like she had been before, but just leaning against her with one arm around her shoulder. They were closer than she normally would with her friends. That felt right though, because she wasn’t convinced she and Sunset could ever be just friends again. She wasn’t sure what they were, but she was pretty sure they were something.

“Sunny?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t forget me.”

Sunset gave Twilight a squeeze. “Never. And you’ll remember me when I’m gone, right?”

“I’ll always remember you.”

Sunset gingerly bent down and kissed Twilight on the top of the head, then she leaned her head against Twilight’s. “Ask out Moon Dancer. She’ll make you happy, Sparky.”

Twilight didn’t say anything.

“This is a good day. You and Fluttershy are one step closer to living together, and you can finally confess to Moon Dancer how you feel.”

Twilight took a deep breath.

“And hey, I can still help you figure out what to say to her. Together we can –”

“Sunny?”

“Yeah?”

“Can we just… sit like this for a while?”

For a second, Sunset didn’t reply. Twilight could tell she was still trying to use words to fix what they never could.

But eventually, she took a deep breath and said, “Okay. Whatever you need, Sparky.”

Twilight closed her eyes. She imagined falling asleep holding onto Sunset, something she’d imagined doing time and time again, but she knew she wouldn’t. She wasn’t feeling nearly at peace enough to fall asleep, on top of the fact that she was outside on a park bench.

Still, she was trying. She was trying to feel the sense of peace Sunset was capable of bringing to her life. Instead, she just felt… something. Some feeling she couldn’t name at the thought of losing Sunset.

Twilight breathed in her scent, determined to let the moment stretch itself for as long as it could. She wanted it to last forever, even as she knew it never would. She had Sunset for now, but for how long? There was no telling.

But she had Sunset for now. And after all, that was something.