//------------------------------//
// Chapter 68: Choice of Element 
// Story: Pandemic: Starting Over 
// by Halira 
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Security had arrived, and most of them were busy setting up equipment down in the basement while a few went around the house to see what would need to be done to get the surveillance system running—where to mount cameras, how to run wires, all that fun stuff that they knew how to do, and I didn't. It was a chore to keep my dad from following along with them to give helpful advice on how to do their jobs as if anyone doing wiring aside from him was suspect and incapable of doing the job right. Mom eventually got him to leave them alone, but it was work, even for her. 
 
Dinner was fried noodles with a selection of mixed vegetables because that was all the three very different mares—or two mares preparing and one watching from a safe distance— could collectively agree on. I was sure that Lántiān had been the primary contributor and likely argued her opinions loudly over her elders. I was confident because she could still be heard doing it when I had gone downstairs. There was a mild tension between the three at dinner. To put it more accurately, Lántiān spent time shooting glares at each of them; my mother made a show of ignoring the filly, and Rosetta maturely glared right back at the pony that was half her age like she was ready to brawl. 

So, a casual family dinner, all and all. 

I spent a little time developing an itinerary for tomorrow. Church was already on my list of things I wanted to do since I hadn't attended a service in some time, and even longer since I sat in attendance rather than preached a sermon. It was long overdue.

As per my agreement with Lántiān, the foals wouldn't be attending that, only me and the Youngs—minus the two Young children who we didn't trust to be able to sit through a service. This left the question of what everyone else would be doing at that time, with me just planning on just attending the service and spending at most thirty minutes before and after the service, that equaled up to a little less than two hours. Trixie informed me that Starlight would be present for the day, which made me feel better about having the majority of the group out of my sight for that period. 

I finally decided that I would give an olive branch to Rosetta and let her be in charge of taking everyone to the place I knew she would want to go to most, the museums. The two main museums were luckily literally right next to each other. There were going to be a lot of kids to deal with, double-digit numbers of kids in single-digit ages, but there should be enough adults to help keep them in line if the two-and-a-half teens going with them behaved as well—Lántiān and Robby counted as full teens, Jess only half counted.

After we met back up, we would have a short lunch, and the night ponies would go off to a hotel for a few hours to sleep. While they were doing that, I planned on taking us all to the Denver observatory. Jess could be bull-headed, but she had done me a great deal of service with smoothing things over with the Youngs, and going to the observatory was partially a gift to her as well as giving the foals more exposure to unfamiliar but educational things. 

We would leave from there and go to one of the nearby malls. Malls had made a surging comeback in recent years, especially in the west, since ponies seemed to prefer them to shopping online, and it allowed for all the highly specialized pony start-up businesses to have somewhere to set-up shop and get noticed, not to mention a slew of new human-owned ones. There was also a strong nostalgia push in their reopening. I intended to get plenty of shopping done so Wabash Manor could start to feel more like home for everyone. 

The shopping should continue long enough for the night ponies to wake up. We would all meet back up, have a nice dinner, and end the excursion with a trip to Coors Field to watch a baseball game. It would be an expensive day, but I wasn't the one paying for it. I didn't think Wild would have an issue with it, considering most of the family was hers as well, but if she screamed about the overall bill for the day—which I would be surprised if it hit five figures— I would accept it with grace. 

I had debated trying to fit in a trip to the waterpark, but there would be time for that another day. The foals would love it, Líng in particular, but there was only so much that could be fit into one day. Perhaps we could go the day after tomorrow, depending on if they were still wiring the house. It was a big house. I doubted they'd get it all done in one day, and I had a house full of people to entertain and keep from going stir-crazy.

Maybe a quick email to Wild to tell her why I was spending like a madmare would be in order. Wild was generous, but there was a difference between being generous and getting fleeced. I didn't want her to feel I was taking unfair advantage of her. 

After spending a great deal of time on the computer, booking tickets, writing a schedule, and hoping to God that the credit line didn't suddenly start saying it was declining, I was finished. A perfect plan for a perfect day away from home. It was a satisfying thing to see. 

"What are you grinning about?" Trixie asked curiously. "Is a magic trick video? Can I see?"

"I am grinning because everything in my schedule is set up and perfectly in place," I answered as I closed my laptop. 

She rolled her eyes. "Yeawk! Okay, Twilight Sparkle. Maybe I can find you a library to organize."

"You wouldn't want her to do that. Sunset's organization systems are… unique," Number said as she finished her food and set it aside. "Only Tonya could ever make heads or tails of what Sunset did, and even she couldn't always manage it."

"She forced me to get secretaries when I was head of SPEC," I admitted. "There is a method to my madness. I can't help you if you can't make sense of my organized chaos."

"Just don't teach the foals your filing system," Number said with a chuckle before taking a sip of her drink. 

Rosetta shoved her empty plate aside and looked at me. "We might as we'll get this over with. Are you ready for our talk? The one that is going to piss you off?"

"Watch the language. There are foals present," I scolded. I then sighed. "We might as well get it over with. I don't want it to ruin the day tomorrow. Make me mad now so that I can sleep it off."

"They aren't paying the adults a lick of attention," Rosetta remarked. Her ears then flattened. "Still… I want to go somewhere private."

I lit my horn and started gathering up empty plates into a stack. "We can go to the kitchen and discuss whatever it is while doing the dishes. I assume your dishwashing isn't as bad as your cooking."

"Considerably better," Rosetta replied in a flat tone. 

She followed me into the kitchen and sat patiently as I filled up the sink with soapy water. 

"Get on with it," I said. "Whatever it is won't get any easier, making me wait."

Rosetta squared up her shoulders and gave a small flap of her wings. She still didn't immediately speak, instead taking a few deep breaths. It was enough to make me start to worry. 

"I'm sure you are aware, but Phobia has never really been the same since… since her run-in with my ex," Rosetta said in slow, measured tones. "She still gets startled easily—as in goes into a panic startled. She is especially nervous around males. The only one that can touch her without permission is Alfie, and I can't help worrying if she'll get jumpy about even him when he gets older and larger."

I shut the water off and sat down. My mood was definitely wrecked, but not because of any anger at Rosetta. The person I was angry at was long dead. "What she went through is a very traumatic event for anyone. She might be a big impressive Dreamwarden, but even a Dreamwarden can be traumatized by what happened to her. I had hoped she was getting better. It's been eight years."

Rosetta shook her head. "She is better at hiding it. It is just as bad as before. You would think that a pony of her specific talent wouldn't be crippled by fear, but it seems the only one she can't help is herself. It isn't there when she's sleeping, but she isn't the same pony when sleeping. I think you can understand what I'm talking about. I've spoken with Arbiter, and I can say with confidence that is not the Tonya I knew."

I wanted to object that, of course, it was my wife, but that was one lie I couldn't manage. Tonya might be in there, but there was so much more than Tonya in there.

"I'm assuming she has been seeing therapists?" I asked. 

Rosetta nodded. "Yes. Psychic Calm has spent a great deal of time with her, as well as a few human therapists who specialize in victims of rape and sexual abuse. She has her moments. There are times she surprises me, and I walk into our bedroom, and she is immediately on me, ready to have sex. Those are wonderful moments, but they're few and far between. It can be months of abstinence between us at a time. I never try to initiate intercourse with her myself. She has to be in the mood, and only she knows when that is."

I wasn't sure I liked where this was going. "And that isn't working for you, is it? Are you planning on leaving my daughter?" I didn't put any judgment in my voice. Regardless of what quarrels Rosetta and I had, I never doubted for a moment she loved Phobia. I also understood what it was like to feel unfulfilled in a marriage, even to someone you love. 

She shook her head. "No, but our relationship is going to… evolve… I guess is the best way of saying it. We decided that it would be best if we opened the marriage up to being polyamorous—not polygamous; just in case you jump to that conclusion."

My brow furrowed. "She's giving you permission to sleep around."

Rosette flattened her ears and glared at me. "Technically, yes. It also is not only me who has permission to engage in different relationships, even though we're going to remain a married couple who love one another."

"You just said she isn't normally interested in sex, so it seems one-sided to me," I huffed. 

"Romance doesn't require sex," Rosetta said sagely. "I'm well aware of that fact. Phobia and I still romance one another, and Phobia can do the most romantic things sometimes that put me all aflutter." She chewed on her lip. "I'm also poignantly aware there is someone that has feelings for Phobia, and given that Phobia shows trust in her only matched by her trust in me...I see where she could possibly have a secondary romantic relationship, even if there is never any sex."

"That lard-ball, Crystal?" I asked. 

Rosetta shook her head. "No… close, though. Want to try a second guess?"

My eyebrows shot up. "That Equestrian-turned-human that is in the other room??"

That earned a nod. "Tempest cares very deeply for Phobia and all the foals. I'd be jealous, but I see the love there, even when she is being a hardass. She hasn't attempted to pursue any romantic intent with Phobia, nor do I know if she ever will, but you can tell there's something there when you spend enough time with both of them. I'm not even mad. It is just something that has developed over time, and I get no sense Tempest wants to replace me."

"Night ponies are usually hyper-aggressive when it comes to defending their territory with mates," I said, trying to process how I felt about this.

"Only when we feel that someone might try to steal them away from us," Rosetta replied. "I trust in Phobia's love for me, just like she trusts in mine for her. If it comes to it, I'll share… just I keep sole possession of the title of Phobia's wife." She took a deep breath. "As for me, I haven't seen anyone as of yet. We have been talking about this since before the Cataclysm. Then that happened, and everything got kinda shoved to the side. I decided I'm going to have my tubes tied. I don't want to have to explain to the foals how they ended up with a new brother or sister… or brothers or sisters the way twins run on my side of the family."

I stared at the floor. "Why are you telling me about this?"

"Because I'm sure there will inevitably be rumors and tabloid gossip at some point. I would rather you knew the truth, straight from us. Phobia told me I needed to tell you. She would say something herself, but Phobia has a hard time talking about these kinds of things. Talking to her very traditional-minded mother about it can't make it any easier. I've been dreading this talk."

Crying sounds started, and I looked up at my daughter-in-law as she wiped tears from her eyes. This didn't seem to help as she just broke down into more sobbing. 

"I- I love h-her so much," Rosetta blubbered. "She...she and our foals are my world. It hur...it hurts so much to consider that she isn't… isn't good enough… on her own. It feels like… it feels like I'm betraying her… even after we talked about this and decided on it as a couple. She says she wants me to be h-h-happy, and she knows how much I'm feeling neglected when it comes to sex. I just… I feel so guilty for feeling this way. She didn't fail me. I failed her by not being satisfied."

I was still at a loss at what I was supposed to be feeling. The compassion, empathy, and kindness in me understood what Rosetta was feeling, and it was hard listening to her cry and suffer like this. At the same time, she was saying my daughter wasn't good enough for her, and as a mother, that elicited rage. I was stuck, frozen between being a devoted mother loyal to her daughter and a mare that understood all too well how it felt to be in a marriage that wasn't meeting her needs. 

Rosetta sniffled loudly. "I tried going to Yinyu. I tried asking her to just get rid of my sexual desire altogether. That damn bitch told me no! I thought she was supposed to help ponies like me, but she claimed that wasn't helping. What the fuck does she know?!"

She then laid down on the floor, covered her head with a wing, and just let it all out. I watched as this normally snide, nasty mare was reduced to sobbing like a foal. It was after a few seconds of watching that one side of me finally won out over the other. 

I walked over to her and laid down beside her, then carefully wrapped a leg over her. 

"You have not betrayed my daughter," I whispered. "You have given your life to her. You even tried to change your very being for her. It is okay to say you have needs and they aren't being met, even if it isn't anyone's fault that they aren't. Even after making this realization, you didn't just leave Phobia. The two of you sat down and talked about it and made a decision together. I know my daughter, and I know she loves you as much as you do her, and I know it must break her heart to see you unhappy, as much as it breaks our hearts to see her cringing back in fear. You've been very strong for her, but you have to care for yourself too, even if what you need might feel selfish. You've never forced her to conform to your needs, and always respected her. You have nothing to be ashamed of."

She didn't respond. However, she did turn and lift her wing just enough so she could lay her head against me as she continued to cry. I stayed where I was and just let her have her time. This was still difficult; one side of my psyche had won out, but the other wasn't gone, but I had to make a choice, and I chose to be kind. It was the right thing to do, even if it was hard.