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// Fake Laugher 
// Story: Fallen 
// by Rated Ponystar 
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Special Thanks to Shadowsaint007 and Alphamon_Ouryuken for helping pre-read this chapter




***


There was always something about Pinkie Pie that was just… different about her compared to other ponies. And I don't mean the strange reality-breaking ways she often did or her Pinkie Sense that allowed her to sense things before they happen. It was how she viewed the world and behaved. It was unique but also scary. She could say something about yourself that you didn't know while also acting spontaneously in her emotions at the flick of a wrist. It was clear that she had mental issues. There were times when her "Pinkamena" personality was outright depressing, mean, and withdrawn to all until she managed to snap back into Pinkie Pie. I might have been a trained medic, but I was no doctor, nor was I an expert in the field of psychology. But it was clear that Pinkie had always had some kind of bipolar or personality trait that caused her to be so different. 

Most of the time, it didn't really cause any kind of problems. Pinkie Pie was funny, cheerful, and did everything she could to make ponies smile which made her smile in return. So there was no reason she supported this war or at least one that I could think of. I knew, deep in my heart, she didn't support what we were doing. Because the first time the girls and I saw the Newfoals, Pinkie Pie said something that made me start to question everything seriously.

"Why are they not smiling right?"

It was very similar to the quote she said about the smiles at Starlight's Our Town cult. Pinkie Pie knew smiles. She knew when ponies were happy or not. The Newfoals were smiling, but it was not of their own free will. Something was making them smile, and when the truth came out, I learned why. They were forced to do so. They were programmed to do so. 

And if I figured that out, then Pinkie Pie had to have known as well. Which always made me question one thing. Why didn't she side with me? Why did she do nothing but continue to follow Celestia?"

"Hellloooooo, Equestria to Fluttershy," Pinkie Pie said, knocking on my head before I pushed her away. "Were you talking to yourself? I do that all the time too! Only it's not just me but a bunch of other mes talking as well! How many do you have?" 

"Why are you here, Pinkie Pie?" I asked with my tone teetering to the edge of outright sorrow. I was still reeling from the fact that I had learned what had to be the biggest horrifying thing that has ever happened in our nation's history. Celestia left everyone in our world to die. Not only was she trying to commit genocide on humanity, but she performed it on all the races of our old world as well. I will not deny that dragons, griffins, changelings, and a few other races scared me. But to let them all die? Including their young? No, no creature deserved such a fate. 

"Well, Princess Celestia and Twilight want me to convince you to use your Element to help us end the war so we can stop all this silly fighting and get back to normal, but I also wanted to see an old friend!" Pinkie Pie happily said as she pulled out a pink frosted cake with a candle on it. "Sorry, it's not a birthday cake. I've missed like three of those, I think for you, but it's still yummy and delicious! Have a bite!"

"...Pinkie, stop," I said, closing my eyes and turning away. "I'm not happy… or hungry… in fact, I think I'm going to be sick again."

"Y-Yeah, Twilight said something about that. She looked kinda worried too and went to go talk to Princess Celestia about something," Pinkie said with a nervous laugh. "I think they were arguing at first, but then there was this flash of light from what we saw at the door, and everything seemed to be normal again. Twilight and Princess Celestia were just talking like usual, so I guess they must have patched things up."

This got my attention, and I looked up at Pinkie with both shock and horror. Knocking the cake on the floor, I grabbed her shoulders and looked at her straight in the eye. "Did you hear what they were arguing about?! Was it about the moon and sun and the state of our world back home?!"

"I don't know." Pinkie Pie said, shrugging. "The princess put up some kind of spell that stopped us from listening in just as the yelling started. We asked Twilight what she was arguing about, but she said she couldn't remember and told us to just ignore it."

That motherfucking cunt of a whore.

I fell back on my bed and cursed the day Celestia was even born. Memory spell. It had to be. On her own apprentice, who she loved like a daughter. This finally confirmed in my head. Celestia knew what happened to our world and was keeping it under wraps. Was it out of shame or necessity? Or did it even matter anymore? Even she wouldn't be able to defend herself from her own subjects if the entire nation knew what she had done...what she lead us to do on the day we left our dimension for this one.

We were told it would be a mission of enlightenment and salvation. To help a broken race find the light of friendship. Instead, we left with death in our wake and destruction when we arrived. Our entire race's history and philosophy was supposed to be one of peace and harmony. Now the blood of billions was on our hooves and souls. 

If all of Equestria knew what had happened, Celestia would be overthrown in seconds. Nobody but the most rigid core of believers or zealots would believe in her lies or even not give a damn about the truth. If Twilight had her memory erased, or modified in some way by Celestia, then she didn't know as well. Did Princess Luna know? Or Cadence? Not to mention I had no idea why Celestia wanted to leave our home dimension in the first place. Equestria was the top superpower of the world and had survived against threats from numerous dangers. It had to be something that not even the Elements of Harmony could fight against. 

"Hey, you okay?" Pinkie Pie asked with genuine concern. 

I looked up at her before shaking my head. "No, I… I just don't feel well…" I wanted to tell her the truth, but what was the point? Either she wouldn't believe me, or Celestia would just wipe her memory like she did Twilights. Maybe she talked to all of them after they talked to me just to hear about their progress? No doubt she suspected I knew the truth now, but why didn't she have me killed yet? Too many questions and not enough answers.

"W-Well, anyway!" Pinkie Pie smiled and sat down next to me. "Let's catch up on each other! I mean, it's been so long since we talked!"

"That's because I've been fighting on the other side of this war, Pinkie," I said, glaring at her. "A war that I've had to fight on my own because I was the only one who realized what was going on or was the only one brave enough out of the five of us to challenge this madness that Celestia had started."

"W-Well, you just made a mistake!" Pinkie Pie gave a nervous laugh and smiled back at me. "N-Now that you're home, all you need to do is just fix your mistake, and everything will go back to normal."

"Normal?" I asked in disbelief. "Pinkie Pie, I committed treason. I'm never going to see the light of day again, even if I do help you girls with this crazy plan of yours. All of the girls hate me in one form or another. Humanity isn't going to stop trying to get back at Equestria for all the things that have happened to them. Billions of humans and ponies, including those we personally knew, are dead and never coming back. Nothing is going to go back to normal." 

Slowly I saw Pinkie's hair start to deflate, but not to the complete downward levels when she was really depressed. "That's not true! The Princess said it would and-"

"Pinkie, stop lying." I finally say before I get up and stare at her. "Not to me… but to yourself."

She's quiet as I stare at her a bit more and then ask a single question that I've wanted to ask her for a long time. "You hate the war, don't you? You know what we're doing is wrong. I saw it in your eyes a long time ago, and I cannot believe you would side with this. Because the Pinkie that I know? The one who wants to make the world smile? She would never approve of any of the things we've done. Not the deaths, the jailing, the mobs, and chaos. You would never approve of the ESS or the potion that makes other people pretend to be happy. You would never approve of forcing others to act in a manner that they disagreed with. Laughter is about making people feel happy in various ways. Supporting this just isn't you!" I got into her face just as her hair became more and more straight while her once bright pinkie coat started going darker. "So tell me, Pinkie Pie… do you support this war?"

There was a long silence between the two of us, and then I saw it—something in Pinkie's eyes that made even my rage-filled heart stop in stunned silence.

I saw the eyes of a broken pony who had been shattered beyond belief.

"No…" Pinkie Pie whispered as a single tear fell down her cheek despite keeping her eyes wide open. "I don't. This isn't… this isn't funny… it's never been funny… Fluttershy…" She closed her eyes and looked down. "I haven't really felt happy in years."

"Pinkie…" I whispered, but she held her hoof out.

"It's just easier to pretend it's not happening," Pinkie Pie mutters, shaking her head. "I don't listen to it. Don't think of it. I just ignore anything about the war or ponies I knew disappearing for who knows what. I don't think about the ways my friends have changed into such bitter and mean ponies. All I want… all I just want is to go back to those days when we were eating cupcakes and laughing at some prank Rainbow Dash pulled. Or seeing Rarity showcase her newest dress. Or picking apples with Applejack. Or helping you overcome some silly fear you had. Or just go on another adventure with Twilight and Spike." 

Covering her face, my old friend silently wept. "I want to go back to those summer days when we were all happy…."

For the first time, I felt nothing but sympathy for one of my friends who had come through that prison door. I slowly wrapped my arms around Pinkie Pie and held her close to my heart while letting her weep. If what Pinkie Pie was saying was true, did she have the doubts long before I did? How long had she been hiding this pain from the world? Did anyone in her family or friends know of this side of her?

"Then why?" I ask, getting her to stare at me. "Why didn't you say something when I… when I said I was defecting? Why didn't you join me if you knew it was wrong?"

"…because I didn't want to lose my best friends," Pinkie Pie whispered, shaking her head. "I didn't want to lose my home. I didn't want to lose my family. I knew what we were doing was wrong, Fluttershy, but I keep thinking… if I just ignore it… just pretend it's not happening. Do nothing to help or hinder the war… I'll be okay. Everything will be okay, and we can all be happy again when it's over."

"Pinkie, that's just naive," I say with a heavy sigh. "Doing nothing in the face of something wrong is almost as bad as doing that wrong action! I get that you were scared! Pony feathers, I was scared out of my wits when I did it, but I had to do it! I couldn't live with myself! How can you just sit there and do nothing?!"

"Because I don't want to be hurt," Pinkie Pie whispered, hugging herself. "You may think I'm selfish, and I know I am, but I didn't want to lose everything I've had in my life. I need my friends and family, Fluttershy. I need them so bad. Even if they're doing something wrong, I cannot just go against them. I thought if I just had those who were so important to me close by, I could ignore all of the bad stuff and focus on the good stuff...and then you left, and everything changed."

"I had to leave, Pinkie," I answered, shaking my head. "It wasn't easy to lose everything for the right reason, but I found others to become close to. Lyra. Derpy. Martin. Flash. So many humans and ponies that I came to care about. Discord was always there for me. If you had come with me… they could have been your friends too. I would have still been your friend."

But she didn't. Was it because of fear? Did she just decide to stay with the most friends she had? I don't know. I don't think she even knows. I get why she did it, but closing your ears and eyes to the world around you to pretend nothing terrible was happening was just as bad as doing the evil actions yourself.

She got up and started pacing around. "The others refused to speak your name. They burned everything that reminded them of you. I had to publicly denounce you and curse you while Twilight allowed a kill-on-site order for you. We didn't hang out anymore, and everything became about the war. I had to focus on making the ponies happy, but it was hard to do so when everypony was crying because of a dead relative or fearing the ESS. So I had to pretend that certain ponies or events just didn't exist. That they weren't 'dead, they were just on vacation. That you weren't a 'traitor,' just someone who was lost and confused. It was so much easier..." Pinkie then glared at me. "Why couldn't you just stay and pretend as I did?! Why couldn't you just ignore it?!"

"What makes you think I didn't?" I shouted back, snarling. "I ignored it too. The doubts. The fears. The hatred. I just did my best to hide away and let the world burn so long as it didn't get me, but then I saw… I saw my name, my image, being used to encourage war. Encourage the outright destruction of a species and its culture. At that moment, I realized I couldn't hide anymore. I couldn't ignore this injustice. I did it because I knew that I would regret it if I let it continue and did nothing. Maybe not then. Maybe not now. But someday I would, and I would never live with myself when I did."

I took a deep breath and sighed. "The humans have a saying, Pinkie, that "Evil wins when good people do nothing". We both hate what's going on, and we see this madness for what it is, Pinkie. Only you just continue to ignore it out of fear and a vain hope that everything will be sunshine and rainbows if you act like a good little pony. So you pretend to laugh and act happy. In truth, Pinkie Pie, you're not laughing deep inside. You are crying, but you refuse to do anything to stop it. And deep down, I pity you. But ask me this one question. If you were to do it all over again, would you? Would you pretend to ignore it all with your head in the sand, or would you join me in rebelling for what was right?"

Pinkie Pie just lowered her head and turned around before making her way to the door. She opened it before sighing and turning to me with a sad smile. "You really would have liked that cake."

She then closed the door, and I knew her answer right then and there. Leaving me not with anger, for once, but with disappointment. 

***

I had just started getting to sleep when my door opened again. I groaned and wondered why Applejack was trying now all of the time to talk to me. I mean, it was clear that she was the only one left to try and convince me to use my element. Unless she was going to beat me into doing it.

I got up, but when I turned to see who it was, I was stunned. "S-Spike?"

"Fluttershy..." Spike whispered as he rushed over and hugged me. I gasped before I slowly wrapped my arms around his warm, scaled body. "I'm... I'm so sorry..."