//------------------------------// // Being a Lumberjack // Story: Twilight Tries... // by Peni Parker //------------------------------// Come on, Starlight. Don’t you think this is a bit much? . . Yes, I know what I agreed to, but do I really have to wear all of this? I mean, the suspenders are too tight, the boots are really heavy, and this plaid flannel shirt really clashes with my coat. Oh sweet Celestia. Rarity’s fashion sense is starting to rub off on me. . . Ugh. All right, fine. If it’s that important to you then I’ll wear them. . Oops, camera’s already recording. Ahem. Hi, everypony, and welcome to another episode of Twilight Tries! In today’s episode, I’m going to try…being a lumberjack! Whoo, yeah! I am excited to do this episode! So much so, in fact, that why don’t we just cut out the usual small talk and get right down to it, hmm?! Yeah, I think that sounds like a great idea! So let’s get going! . . *SIGH* Okay, okay, Starlight. I’ll do it like normal. *DEEP BREATH* Sorry about that, everypony. I didn’t mean to make it seem like I don’t enjoy talking with all of you before the episode actually gets underway. I do enjoy it, it’s just that, well, today’s episode isn’t one that I’m doing of my own volition. Heck, it wasn’t even my idea to do this episode. I should probably start from the beginning. See, all of this started the other day when Starlight and I were playing cards together in the castle when neither of us had much going on. At first our game was just friendly; no bets or stakes or anything like that. But after we played a few hooves Starlight said she wanted to make things more interesting and asked if we could start betting on each hoof using chips. And when I say chips, I mean potato chips. We’d gotten some snacks from the kitchen not long after we’d started playing. Since betting on potato chips seemed harmless enough I agreed to Starlight’s request and our friendly game now had some stakes to it. Very mild stakes, mind you, but stakes none-the-less. Anywhoo, after only a few hooves I really racked up an impressive chip count, and Starlight said that she wanted to raise our stakes to betting with our castle chores. Now since I was on a hot-streak I agreed without hesitation in the hopes of getting out of having to do a few of my chores for a week. And as luck would have it, my hot-streak continued! Oh I tell ya, you should’ve seen Starlight’s face when I laid down that straight and she got stuck with basement cleaning duty. I was really glad to offload that one on her. . . Yeah, yeah, I’m getting to what happened next, Starlight. So after that Starlight wanted to up the stakes again, only this time she wanted to bet on one hoof. And she wanted to bet a request; a request by the winner to the loser for anything they wanted, within reason of course. And, once again, since I was on a hot-streak I agreed without hesitation and, well, I think you can guess how that hoof went for me. I lost. And when I did Starlight told me that what she wanted was for me to do an episode of my vlog where I tried being a lumberjack. Now don’t ask me why that was what she wanted me to do because I have absolutely no clue. The best I can figure is that she thinks it’ll be funny to have me record myself trying to do something so labor-intensive. I swear, that unicorn has the most bizarre sense of humor out of any pony I know. And I know Pinkie Pie. Oh, and apparently I have to wear this incredibly uncomfortable lumberjack outfit as part of the deal too. . . Starlight, the lack of a trapper hat has no effect on how comfortable the rest of the ensemble is. Also, are you just going to stand over there and watch me the whole time? . . What the - What are you doing here, Trixie?! . . Of course Starlight told you about this and you came to watch too. Fine, just…both of you watch quietly, okay? . . Thank you. Oh I am so ready to get this over with. Welp, I might as well go meet some of the other lumberjack ponies and find out what this job entails. And who knows, maybe I can become friends with one of them so that this whole experience can at least have a silver-lining to it. . Oo, that stallion over there looks like a pretty experienced lumberjack. I mean he certainly seems rugged enough to be one. . Hello there, I’m Twilight Sparkle and I’ll be joining your lumberjack crew today. What’s your name? . . Python? Well it’s nice to meet you, Python. . . Oh, I’m here because I, um…am looking to expand my understanding of what it means to be a lumberjack! Yeah, that’s it. Because it’s, um, such an interesting profession and I wanted to learn more about it by getting some first-hoof experience with it alongside actual lumberjack ponies! So, um, could you maybe be so kind as to share with me some of the things you do as a lumberjack? . . You cut down trees and have buttered scones for tea? Huh, I didn’t know buttered scones and teas were part of the lumberjack experience. . . You also…put on mare’s clothing and…hang around in bars? Um, okay then. You know what, I think I see somepony I know over there so I’m just going to go say hello to them. It was nice meeting you, Python! . Okay, that was not something I’d ever expected to hear from a lumberjack. And I have the feeling that not all lumberjacks have buttered scones for tea or go to bars in mare’s clothing, only Python. Which is fine, there’s nothing wrong with a stallion doing that, but just…wow. . . Oh really. Well then tell me, Sunburst; just how many transvestite lumberjacks do you know? Wait, Sunburst?! What are you doing here? . . Et tu, Sunburst? Okay, well, I’m going to go over there now so you three can just stay right where you are and have you’re little – oof! Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! I wasn’t paying any attention to where I was going and I didn’t see you – Oh my. He’s kind of cute. Um, so, yeah, s-sorry about that, um… . . Timber? Timber Spruce? Well, sorry, Timber. By the way it’s, um, nice to meet you. I’m Twily Sparkle. I mean Twilight Sparkle! Hehe. . . Oh, I’m here because… Why am I here again? Oh, right. I’m here because I lost a bet and now I have to record myself being a lumberjack for my vlog. . . Yeah, I have no idea why that’s what she wanted me to do. She’s weird. . . Yes I know you’re standing right over there, Starlight! But anyways, Timber, could you, um, maybe help me with getting the hang of being a lumberjack? I’m pretty new to this and the last stallion I asked, um…wasn’t much help. . . Great! I mean, that sounds great. Thank you. Where should we start? . . Chopping logs? Okay. So I just use this axe here and – whoa! T-That’s heavy. . . Oh no, that’s fine. You don’t need to – Aaaand he’s helping me hold the axe. Yay! . . Okay, on three. One, two, three! . I did it! I did some lumberjacking! Wait, can you use lumberjack as a verb? Eh, who cares. Thanks for the help, Timber. It was…nice. *FWEET* Huh? What does that whistle mean? . . Buttered scones and tea break? Huh, I guess buttered scones and tea really are part of the lumberjack experience. . . Y-Yeah, I’ll be along in a second, Timber. I just need to do something real quick for my vlog first. . Well, this has certainly turned out better than I’d expected. I get to have some buttered scones and I seem to have made a new friend. I think I’m going to have to thank Starlight later for making me do this. And speaking of Starlight, I just realized something about my deal with her; she didn’t specify how long I had to record myself being a lumberjack. So with that little loophole now known I think I’m going to stop this episode here, because if I needed help with just chopping a log I don’t think I want to record myself trying to cut down a tree or anything like that. So as always thanks for watching, everypony, and I’ll see you next time on Twilight Tries! Now where did Timber go? TIMBER!