“You want me to get in that thing?”
“You were brought here in one.”
“I was unconscious.”
“I can arrange that, if you want.”
“Touch me, and I’ll break you,” Thomas threatened, eyeing the unicorn wearily.
“Chariots are perfectly safe, we even brought the large one so you can sit comfortably.”
“I don’t give a shit how safe it looks, I’m not getting in that thing.”
Shining Armor rolled his eyes under his helmet. He couldn’t understand what the problem was. Nopony had fallen out of a pegasus-pulled chariot in centuries, they were deliberately designed to make such a thing impossible. “What do you want, to be strapped on?” he asked snappishly, getting tired of the man’s attitude.
“No!” Thomas grumbled as he strapped his helmet on. “Last thing I want is to be tied to the fucking thing...” He stuck his hands in his pocket and sighed. “Fine,” came the slightly muffled reply, “let’s get this over with.”
He stepped onto the chariot as though it would fall apart and sat down slowly. The chariot was different to the ones normally used to transport V.I.Ps, as it lacked any sort of paintwork and was easily five ponies long. It was a dull grey, the unpolished metal rough in places, giving the impression that it was only half-finished. This was further supported by the lack of rivets in places, though they were more for show than for any structural integrity. After all, every chariot, even this incomplete one, had layer upon layer of enchantments poured into it to ensure that not even the demons sealed in Tartarus could do lasting damage.
Not that any of this would have done anything to allay the Courier’s concerns. It was his firm belief that man had never really been meant to fly, and that the Boomers were completely insane. Not that he would actually say that anywhere they might hear, they did have enough munitions to level Vegas. Twice.
The three other unicorns seemed to glance at each other. “What’s his problem?” asked the one with the blue horn, his voice muffled by the helmet he wore.
“No idea,” replied the red-horned one replied.
“Probably just afraid of heights,” the third one chipped in, her soft, silky voice completely at odds with her current appearance. The stallions couldn’t help but look at her, the voice wouldn’t have been out of place at a fashion show. Or a dress club. Not that either of them would say that, Shadow Dancer was one of the more dangerous unicorns in the Guard.
“Probably never flown, either,” she continued. “I’m pretty sure you were worse, weren’t you Lance?”
The first unicorn shifted. “So I passed out,” he muttered. “At least I didn’t throw up everywhere.”
“You promised not to bring that up!” the other stallion said angrily, hitting him with a hoof. The resulting clang drew the attention of the captain.
“Firebolt, Frost Lance, Shadow Dancer, get on,” he ordered. “We’re leaving.”
The unicorns got into the chariot, giving Thomas a wide berth. Whether it was out of respect, fear or disdain was a complete mystery.
As the four lightly-armoured pegasi pulling the chariot took to the air, their cargo following weightlessly behind them, the Courier tightened his grip on it. He was glad that he had a full helmet, it hid the expression of complete terror he had. The last time he’d had an expression that was even remotely similar was when he’d ran into a swarm of cazadores with nothing more than a caravan shotgun. But, as he’d be happy to admit, it had absolutely nothing on what he was going through right at that moment.
Twenty minutes in, and he had loosened his death grip on the chariot slightly. He was about to begin praying for a distraction when, mercifully enough, one came.
“First time flying?” a confident female voice asked. He turned to see one of the armoured ponies looking at him. The mark covering her flanks was strange, a great big stylized eye. What it meant was a mystery to him.
“Yeah,” he muttered in response, refusing to look at the countryside that whipped past at frightening speeds. “How can you stand this?”
“Years of practice,” she replied. “I’m Shadow Dancer. You’re this ‘Courier’ I’ve heard so much about.”
“No, that’s the other human walking around,” he snarked. “So, a woman?”
“Great, you’re one of those sexist jerks,” she growled. The term he had used wasn’t one she was familiar with, but she was smart enough to take an educated guess.
“No, I knew a woman who walked around with a pneumatic gauntlet.” The memories helped ease the Courier’s tension. “And the scariest woman I know is a colonel. Crazy, bloodthirsty bitch, too,” he muttered.
“Really,” Shadow said flatly.
“Veronica once punched someone so hard, the force tore his arm out of his socket. That was messy,” he said with a chuckle. “And then there was the time I gave her that Ballistic Fist.” He laughed again as he pulled a magazine for his SMG out of his duster and started loading it. “That was the best thing ever.”
So, I ended up spending the whole ride there talking with that Shadow Dancer. She was nice. Okay, one more joke like that, I will punch you. No I don’t care, there’s enough security here to hold off a platoon of troopers.
Anyway, things went quietly enough. Just a few hours spent sitting in that thing. Then things went to hell in a handbasket.
Thomas pulled his carbine off his back and looked around. There was a red blip amongst the green on his HUD, but he couldn’t see what was making it appear. “Where the fuck are you?” he growled.
Firebolt and Frost Lance glanced at each other through their helmets. “Great, he’s gone crazy.”
“What are you talking about?” Shadow Dancer asked, looking at him with worry.
“There’s something hostile around - DUCK!” he suddenly screamed. The mare did just that as he fired a shot where her head had been. Before any of the ponies could ask just what he had been thinking, a Changeling with a new hole in its head careened into the chariot, making it shake. “Take that, you sneaky fuck,” the Courier muttered triumphantly.
“How did you know it was there?” Shining asked as he disposed of the corpse, throwing it over the side.
In response, Thomas tapped his Pip-Boy. “Doesn’t usually let me see someone who’s invisible, though,” he muttered. “Oh fuck!” he suddenly exclaimed. Without any warning he picked up his SMG and started firing it. At first, the bursts seemed to be completely random, but each one connected with a Changeling, shattering their invisibility as the bullets impacted.
“Contact!” Shining Armor yelled as his horn began to glow.
“They’re everywhere!” one of the other stallions yelled.
“Stay frosty,” the other stallion said, chuckling to himself.
“Now is not the time for jokes, Lance,” Shadow hissed.
“Fuck, they’re bullet-proof!” Thomas dropped his now-empty SMG and picked his carbine back up. He pulled the magazine out and briefly checked the rounds within before snapping it back into the rifle.
“Captain, is the shield ready?” Frost Lance asked calmly, smiting a Changeling with a blast of solid ice.
“I don’t know how much longer we can last!” Firebolt screamed, spraying bright red fire everywhere.
Without warning, the chariot and the ponies pulling it were enveloped in a purple bubble. Any Changelings caught within were dealt with in short order. Shining glanced at the pegasi and saw that they had all sustained minor injuries. “You okay up there?” he called out.
“A bit scratched, sir, but we’ll get you there!” one of them yelled back.
“ETA, ten minutes!” another one yelled.
“All right, you heard him, ten minutes to get ready,” Shining said as he turned back to the Knights. Before he could get any response, Thomas hastily ripped his helmet off and pulled a small bottle from one of the many pockets secreted in his duster. As the ponies watched he unscrewed the lid from it and shook a number of small pellets into his hand. “What are you doing?”
“This shield is slowly killing me,” he replied as he crunched the two Rad-X pills. “This should slow things down.” All the while, his Pip-Boy ticked.
The short battle had done wonders to calm the Courier down, and he could now stand to look over the side of the chariot. “What is this, the Mojave?” he asked quietly. It did indeed resemble the harsh desert he knew as home, though it somehow managed to be even more devoid of life than a place that was a wasteland with a capital ‘W’.
“Okay, the moment we touch ground, things will get messy,” Shining Armor said to the Knights. “Get ready to fight.”
“What the hay were we thinking?” Firebolt muttered under his breath. “Just walking into the Changeling Hive, it’s suicide.”
“Firebolt, you’re my brother and all, but keep that up, and I will buck you into next week,” Frost Lance threatened, keeping his voice completely civil and calm. “We have the captain, and him,” he gestured at Thomas. “You saw what he did against those Night Guards.”
“I’m glad he’s on our side,” Shadow Dancer added as the chariot came to a stop, hovering a foot above the ground. The shield disappeared and the occupants jumped out. As soon as they were clear, the pegasi flapped their wings and disappeared from sight in mere moments.
“Er, sir?” Firebolt asked, looking around nervously. “Just how are we getting out? We’re not walking back to Canterlot, are we?”
Before he could receive an answer, Thomas fired a shot into the air. A Changeling fell out of the sky, landing with a heavy thud next to him. “I swear, these fuckers are everywhere,” he commented before putting his boot through its skull.
“Let’s move,” Shining ordered, ignoring the other soldier’s concerns and the freshest corpse.
The entrance to the Hive, a great crater several dozen feet wide, wasn’t hidden. After all, it had to be an instantly recognizable landmark in an otherwise featureless desert. They had landed on the northern edge, where there was a slope that could be easily walked down, even on two legs.
Shining Armor led the group, Firebolt right behind him. Thomas was in the middle, his rifle allowing him to cover whoever needed it in an instant. On his tail was Frost Lance, and at the end of the procession was Shadow Dancer.
The walls, floor and even ceiling of the cave were filled with giant holes, easily large enough for a pony to crawl through. As they entered the cave, they saw that there were no guards. This struck the entire group as odd. “Maybe there’s no-one home?” Firebolt said, nervously hopeful.
As if on cue, two dozen Changelings started to crawl out of the holes. “You idiot,” Lance muttered. “You just had to open your mouth.”
“Where the fuck did they come from?” the Courier asked, looking down the scope of his rifle.
Shadow Dancer didn’t contribute to the conversation, instead simply focusing her magic.
Under his helmet, Shining Armor smirked. His horn lit up and, half a second later, a pair of magical shields appeared and slammed two of the Changelings together, completely destroying them.
As the mass of squished insectoid equine fell to the floor, Frost Lance and Firebolt lashed out simultaneously, painting the room they occupied with stone-melting heat and arctic frost, killing most of the other Changelings through the sheer overkill of their spells.
Shadow Dancer stared the last Changeling down, her horn still glowing. Without warning, part of its shadow reached up, grabbed its chin and slammed it into the ground. Before the crack of shattering chitin could even be registered, more of the shadow extended out, forming itself into a spike which then impaled its owner. There was a few moments of silence.
“Did... did we just do that?” Firebolt asked, looking around at the scene of destruction.
“I know the new armour is meant to amplify our magic, but...” Frost Lance’s calm demeanour had evaporated, replaced with shock.
“Woah,” Shadow added, summing everything up beautifully. “I meant to just knock that one out. Where’d that spike come from?”
Thomas hadn’t even managed to get a shot off, and he gawked at the massacre he found around him. “What the fuck was that!?” he exclaimed.
After that, the group was left largely alone, though they occasionally ran into a lone Changeling here and there that failed to get out of their way in time. Each use of magic sent the Courier’s Pip-Boy ticking dangerously. By the time they’d made it to their destination, he was at close to three hundred rads and was feeling the effects. “Fuck,” he muttered, leaning against a wall as he took deep breaths.
The ponies ignored his discomfort and pressed on, approaching a great cavern that wasn’t natural in any way. Within were a dozen seemingly-armoured Changelings, and a much taller one sitting on a throne. “Chrysalis...” Shining Armor growled.
As the metal-clad ponies entered, the warrior Changelings snapped to attention and stared their counterparts down. “So,” the Changeling sitting on the throne said threateningly, the cavern’s acoustics making the words echo, “you have the gall to trespass on MY lands, enter MY home and murder MY children.” She rose and stomped towards them, her guard at her side. “You have forced my hoof,” she growled as her horn glowed.
Without warning, one of her guards fell with a crack like thunder. As it staggered to its hooves, bleeding green ichor from the wound, all present in the room looked around. “What was that!?” Chrysalis screamed.
“The last thing you’ll never see,” Thomas replied, his voice bouncing off the wall so many times it made locating him impossible.
“So, the red-eyed demon can turn invisible,” she sneered. “That won’t save you!”
In an instant, the twelve warrior-caste Changelings were engulfed in green flames. Where they had stood, there were now a dozen Knights, each of them perfect copies of the unicorns that had invaded their home.
“Stick together!” Shining Armor ordered. “Don’t let them separate you!”
From there, things devolved into an ugly brawl. Spells were thrown without any concern for who they hit, hooves flailed about wildly, armour was scratched and dented. Thomas couldn’t risk firing into the mass of metal for fear of hitting the ponies. Chrysalis didn’t get involved, instead trying to find the invisible assailant.
“We are masters of stealth and infiltration!” she declared loudly to the room, ignoring the melee. “Do not think you can hide!”
“I don’t need to,” came the reply. Chrysalis ducked as the Displacer Glove travelled where her head had been moments earlier before lashing out with a kick. She smiled when she felt it connect and break something.
“Fuck!” Thomas exclaimed as he pushed himself back onto his feet, pulling the broken Stealth-Boy off his arm. The wind was knocked out of him as something smacked into his chest, sending him flying. As he lay on the ground, momentarily stunned, he was dimly aware that his geiger counter was ticking.
“I expected more of a challenge,” the Changeling queen said as she approached him, the disappointment clear in her voice. “Quite pathetic.”
Thomas forced himself up and turned to face her. One of the lenses of his helmet had shattered from the force of the impact, and he winced as he brought himself to his full height. “You’ve obviously never met me,” he replied. “I don’t go down easy.” His hand shot to his holster and, in less than a second, his Sequoia was pointed at the queen and fired.
A green bubble formed around her, stopping the hand-loaded rifle round dead. “That’s my shield spell!” came a yell from the brutal fight as the barrier disappeared.
“I did a lot more than feed from you!” Chrysalis proudly yelled back, glancing at the source. She looked back at the Courier, only for something to slam into her barrel with titanic force. She felt her carapace crack as she was knocked into the sky. Her insectoid wings begun to flutter, stabilizing her. She came to a stop, hovering sixty feet away and out of reach of the Courier, his arm still outstretched from the punch.
“Get back down here, bitch!” he yelled angrily.
Before she could respond, two bodies came rocketing out of the sixteen-strong free-for-all. The two smouldering metal-clad ponies quickly disappeared in a flash of green flames, leaving a pair of Changelings that had been burnt to a crisp. They skidded to halt underneath the queen. “No!” she screamed. From her terrified, dismayed expression, it was like their deaths was causing her physical pain.
Author’s Notes (Wow this one is long)
Dress clubs, the pony equivalent of strip clubs. Because clothed ponies manage to be even sexier than naked ponies. I have no idea why.
Shadow Dancer is based off an older OC of mine, Shadow Figment. Same colours and cutie mark, though the original Shadow was an incredibly snarky mega-bitch. God I loved her.
And yes, Changelings are immune to some small arms fire. After all, a carapace is essentially natural body armour. It’s only logical. Bugs crunch when you squash them.
Oh, and as for how four ponies and a man who is slowly poisoned by magic are capable of being such powerhouses against a whole swarm of shapeshifting emotion-eaters? Conversion of Ninjutsu, though I prefer the term “Inverse Law of Ninjas”.
Also, longest chapter yet! Yay!